Zhang ailing's articles

"Whispering in the middle of the night, the moon falls like a golden basin." What I said at that time was not a confidant but also a confidant, right? I don't

I'm going to pretend that what I'm going to say here is a solemn secret, but this article is urged by the editor.

It was written in a hurry, so it was a bit hasty. What I write is always there without thinking, but

This is part of the subconscious background. Think of it as a night when the moon falls like a golden basin and someone is cutting catkins.

I'll tell you what I heard!

This morning, the landlord sent someone to measure the length of the hot water pipe in the apartment, probably to dismantle it and sell it. I stand in the way.

I can't help feeling that people nowadays are full of obscene ideas, and they only care about the present. This is troubled times.

People in troubled times muddle along and have no real home. However, I have eternal feelings for the menstruation family.

Go to sleep. My aunt lived with my mother for many years. Although she moved several times, my mother was not in Shanghai during these times, leaving me alone.

Aunt, my home has always been a delicate and complete system for me, so I can't let it be slightly damaged in any case. The day before yesterday I

If you break a piece of glass on the table, you still have to compensate 600 yuan. And I happened to be broke these two days, but I was still in a hurry.

Go to the carpenter. I don't know why I have a special tendency to drop things recently. (cups, plates and spoons never count, occasionally.

My aunt began to smash the teacup, and I always said happily, "It's my aunt's turn to smash it!" " ") I was in a hurry to collect it on the balcony last time.

Clothes, push the glass door open, put the lamp on the knee on the door, and bang, a piece of glass powder broke, only falling on the knee.

I scraped my skin a little, but I bled, splashed it on my feet, and painted it with mercuric chloride, which went all the way down the blood.

It's like taking a knife from Wang Wu. Show it to my aunt. She bent down and took a quick look. Knowing it's not fatal, she just

I asked about the glass with concern, and I made another piece.

Because the home itself is very good and complete now, I just bump into things in it, but really

Our home should be suitable. As I grow up, I will think of my hometown.

The first home is in Tianjin. I was born in Shanghai and moved to the north when I was two years old. I have been to Beijing, too, only remember.

Being carried around by servants, she grabbed the soft skin on her neck with her hands-the skin on her neck was getting lower and lower as she got older.

Sagging; When the agent handed it to her, he gradually felt different. I had a bad temper when I was a child. When I was impatient, I caught her.

Blood on the face. Her surname is He and her name is He Gan. I don't know where the dialect is, but what do we call aunt? what

Gan is very similar to the popular pen names: He Ruo, He Zhi and He Xin.

There is a play by Bernard Shaw: The Broken Heart House, which my father bought at the beginning. There is his English inscription in the blank:

Tianjin, north of China.

1926.32 Road 6 1.

Timothy chang.

I have always felt that it is almost a tedious thing to leave a surname and indicate the year, month and address, but this is a recent thing.

I found a few lines in this book, but I like it very much, because there is a breath of late spring, like our home in Tianjin.

There was a swing in the yard, a tall girl with a scar on her forehead, and later I made it "Scar Yaya".

Once on the swing, I reached the highest point and suddenly turned over. There are chickens in the backyard. At noon in summer, I wear a red pick on a white background.

Purple sand coat, red pants, sitting on a stone bench, drinking a bowl of light green, astringent and slightly sweet Liuyisan, reading a mystery novel.

Chinese book, sing it out, "puppy, take a step and take a bite." The answer is scissors. There is also an anthology of children's songs, which

There is a poem that describes the ideal seclusion life of half village and half Guo, and only remembers one sentence: "Peach and walnut don't seem to take long."

You sound like a child.

There is a bluestone anvil in the corner of the courtyard, and there is an ambitious servant girl who knows this well and often dips in water with a brush.

Practice writing big characters on it. This man is thin and handsome. He told me the romance of the Three Kingdoms. I like him and took a picture of him.

An inexplicable name is "Mao Wu". Mao Wu's two younger brothers are called "25 cents" and "35 cents". Wool's wife

Short for "Wool Bride" or "Maoniang". Mao Niang was born with a red oval face and big watery eyes, full of "Li Meng"

You and your daughter pretend to be men's champions ",is a very lovely but calculating woman." Scar ya ya later married San Mao, which is very

Be bullied by Mao Niang. Of course, I didn't understand this at that time, only knowing that they were a lovely family. They are from Nanjing because

I have always had a bright and full feeling about the small family in Nanjing, which is not in line with the facts. After a long time, they left our house.

I opened a grocery store, and the maid took my brother and me to run the business. I tried to buy some inferior colored thermos bottles and ate tea and candy in the glass jar upstairs, but I still felt full. However, their store ended up.

Under this erosion, the situation is extremely embarrassing. Mao Wu's mother also blames her two daughters-in-law for not having grandchildren for her. Who did Mao Niang secretly complain about?

Teach two couples to sleep in the same room, although there are curtains on the bed.

The maid who led my brother was called "Zhang Qian", with little feet wrapped. She is clever and superior everywhere. Take my Forrest Gump,

Because I brought a girl, I felt guilty and let her do everything. I can't stand her preference for boys, often.

Often quarreling with her, she said, "You have such a temper that you have to live in an exclusive village! I hope you will marry a distant brother in the future.

I don't want you back! She can predict my future fate from the position of the fingers holding chopsticks and say, "Chopsticks are held."

The near marries the far. "I quickly moved my finger to the top of chopsticks and said," How far is it? " She said, "far away.

Of course, I'm far away. "I was so angry that I couldn't speak. Zhang Qian reminded me of the issue of equality between men and women long ago, and I have to make up my mind.

John, be sure to hit my brother.

My brother is really disappointing. He had to eat it because he was ill. So he is greedy and cries when he sees someone moving his mouth.

A man opened his mouth to show him what was inside. Sick in bed, clamoring for pine nut candy-pine nuts are so pink that they are so confusing.

Rock candy crumbs-people fed him coptis juice in sugar, which made him stop thinking. He cried and stuffed his fist into his mouth completely.

Go in. You still want it. So they put coptis juice on their fists again. He sucked his fist and cried even harder.

Pine nut candy is packed in a small porcelain jar with golden ears. There is a yellow and red flat peach porcelain jar next to it, which contains prickly heat powder. afternoon

The sun shines on the old white dresser. Once Zhang Yu bought a persimmon and put it in the drawer, because it was too raw, first

Put it there. I go to shoot the drawer every two days, and I gradually wonder if Changyu has forgotten its existence, but I can't ask her.

Because of a strange self-esteem. After a long time, persimmon will rot into a cell of water. I'm very sorry, so I remember.

My mother didn't exist in my old home, and I didn't feel any defects, because she was long gone. have

When she was young, I remember the maid carrying me to her bed every morning. It was a copper bed, and I climbed up the green checkered quilt.

I don't know what to say after reciting Tang poems with her. She is always unhappy when she wakes up, but she will be happy after playing with me for a long time.

I began to recognize Chinese characters because I was worried about the bed. After recognizing two words every afternoon, you can eat two mung bean cakes.

Later, my father married my aunt outside, and he wanted to take me to a small mansion to play. He carried me to the back door, and when I got there,

I refused to leave, so I pulled the door desperately and kicked it around. He hit me a few times in anger and finally hugged me. reach

I ate a lot of sugar easily over there. There is mahogany furniture and a carved round table with mica stone heart in the small mansion.

It's good for my aunt to elaborate on the silver plate with high feet.

My mother went abroad with my aunt. On the day of boarding the boat, she fell on the bamboo bed and wept bitterly. There is a cigarette pinned to the green skirt.

A small movie that glows. The servant came several times to urge the time, but she didn't seem to hear it. They dare not speak.

Push me forward and tell me to say, "Aunt, it's getting late." I was adopted to another room, so I called it uncle.

Uncle and aunt. ) She ignored me and just cried. She slept there, like the sea reflected on the glass of the hut, green snowflakes,

However, the ocean has endless ups and downs and sadness.

I stood in front of the bamboo bed and looked at her, a little at a loss. They didn't teach me anything else. Fortunately, the servant took me

Took it.

My parents moved in after my mother went. The home is very lively, there are often banquets, and the police are called. I hid in the curtains.

Peeking behind my back, I pay special attention to two 16-and 17-year-old girls sitting on a sofa with bangs and wearing the same clothes.

Jade clothes and trousers, snow-white snuggling, like a natural pair.

My aunt didn't like my brother, so she gave me a hand and took me to the dance in Zhilin every night. I sit.

At the dinner table, the white cream on the cake in front of me was as high as my eyebrows, but I ate it all, in that reddish evening.

Gradually doze off, as usual, until three or four o'clock, carrying the servant's back home.

My brother and I have a gentleman at home. This is a private school system. One day, I read very late and wandered around the window at night.

I only remembered it after reading "The King is Obsessed with Things" and changed it to "The King loves smoked fish". At that time, I often worked for

I can't recite all the troubles I wrote, probably because I cried on the morning of the first day of the New Year, so I cried for a whole year. -I'm in the first day ahead of schedule.

Tell my grandma to wake me up at dawn and watch them welcome the new year. Who knows that they are afraid that I will stay up late and work hard, so let me sleep more and wake up.

The firecrackers had been set off when they came. I think all the excitement is over. I have no shares. I lay in bed, crying and crying, and refused to get up. Finally, I was pulled up and sat on a small cane chair. I still cry when others put on new shoes for me-even if I put on new shoes, I can't catch up.

My aunt lives in a big dark and messy room downstairs. I seldom go in and stand in front of my father's smoke kang to recite. Auntie Milk

Milk can also read, so he taught one of his nephews to read Fish Swimming in the Pond and suddenly gave him a beating. His face often

It is so swollen that I can't open my eyes. She also hit my father and hit him on the head with a spittoon. So someone in the family stood up and spoke,

Force her to walk. Sitting on the windowsill upstairs, I saw two couch carts slowly coming out of the gate, both of which she took away the silverware.

Jia's servants all said, "Great!"

When I was eight years old, I came to Shanghai. I sailed between black water and green water, as if it were really black and green.

Although I have never seen the praise of the sea in the book, I also have a feeling of happiness. I slept in the cabin and watched it many times.

In The Journey to the West and The Journey to the West, there are only mountains and red-hot dust.

When I arrived in Shanghai and sat in the carriage, I was both angry and happy. Blue butterflies are flying on my pink sweater and pants.

We live in a small Shikumen house. Red oil board wall. For me, it is also a tense and extremely red happiness.

However, at that time, my father injected too much morphine, which was very close to death. He sat alone on the balcony with a chair on his head.

A wet towel, looking straight at it, hung with thick and white rain before the delay, like a medium-gluten rope. It's raining hard, I can't hear clearly.

He mumbled something, and I was scared.

The maid told me that I should be happy that my mother would come back. On the day my mother came back, I clamored to wear the clothes that I thought were the most fashionable.

Little red fur coat, but she saw my first sentence and said, "Why did you dress her in such a small dress?" I'll do it soon

Everything is different with new clothes. Father regretted it and was sent to the hospital. We moved to a garden house,

There are dogs, flowers and fairy tales, and suddenly there are many rich relatives and friends at home. My mother and a fat aunt

And I sat on the piano stool and imitated the love performance in the movie. I sat on the ground watching, laughing, on the wolf skin plate.

Scroll up and down.

I wrote a letter to a playmate in Tianjin, describing our new house, writing three pieces of stationery and drawing a pattern. Didn't get it

Reply-that vulgar boast, someone should hate it? I think everything in my family is the pinnacle of beauty. blue

The chair covers of the old rose red carpet don't really match, but I like them, and I like England, too.

Because three buildings in Britain remind me of the little red house under the blue sky, while France is slightly rainy blue, like bathroom tiles.

My mother told me that it often rains in England and it is sunny in France, but I can't correct most of mine.

First impression.

My mother also told me that red is the most taboo in the background of painting, and the background should be seen from a far place with a red back.

Mr. Jing always feels close at hand. But the bedroom wall between my brother and me is orange with no distance, which I chose.

And I also like to draw red walls when I draw little people, which is warm and close.

Besides drawing, I can also play the piano and learn English. Only at this time in my life can I have the demeanor of a foreign lady.

In addition, it is full of strong sadness. I saw a flower in a book and listened to my mother's history, which made me cry.

My mother saw it and said to my brother, "Look, Aunt Wan didn't cry because she couldn't eat sugar!" " I was praised, very high.

Xing, my tears are dry, so I'm sorry.

Lao She's Erma is being published in Novel Monthly. Magazines arrive every month, and my mother sits on the toilet.

Look, I'm leaning against the door frame while laughing and watching. So up to now, I still like Two Horses, although I am old.

Except for the divorce and the train, they are much better than two horses.

After his father cured his illness, he went back on his word, refused to pay the living expenses, and asked his mother to post money to force her to pay back the money.

No, she can't leave if she wants to. They quarreled so fiercely that the frightened servant pulled the child out and told us to be good and mind our own business. My brother and I rode a tricycle quietly on the balcony, and no one kept silent.

On the balcony in late spring, there are green bamboo curtains and sunshine everywhere.

Parents finally agreed to divorce. My aunt and dad never agreed, so they moved away with my mother.

Father moved to a house in an alley. Father never pays attention to "food, clothing, housing and transportation", but only pays attention to "doing".

Only willing to spend some money on the car. ) I agreed to their divorce, although no one discussed it with me.

My heart naturally adjusted, because the red and blue family could not maintain it. Fortunately, the treaty stipulates that I can visit my mother often. When I first saw the tile bathtub and gas stove lying on the ground in her apartment, I was very happy and comforted.

Soon my mother went to France and I was studying at school. She came to see me, and I didn't say goodbye.

She seems happy, too. Things can go smoothly without any trouble, but I know she is here.

There I thought, "The next generation is cruel!" When she left school, I was separated by tall pine trees on campus.

Looking at the closed red iron gate from a distance, I was still very moved, but I gradually realized the necessity of tears in this case, so I lost my eyes.

Tears come, sobbing loudly in the cold wind and crying to yourself.

Mother is gone, but menstruation's house smells like a mother, with a slim jigsaw table, soft colors, and.

Lovely people who I don't quite understand come and go. The best I know, both spiritually and materially.

It's all here. Therefore, for me, spiritual goodness and material goodness have always been one and the same.

As young people think, the opposition between spirit and flesh is always in conflict and requires painful sacrifice.

On the other hand, there is my father's home, where I despise everything, opium, and teach my brother the theory of Emperor Gaozu.

Zhang Hui's novel "The Old Man" leads a lazy and dusty life. Like a victim of Zoroastrianism, I forcibly divided the world into two parts.

Half, light and darkness, good and evil, god and evil. My father's side is definitely not good, although sometimes I

Like it, too. I like the fog of opium, like the foggy sunshine, and like the tabloids scattered in the room (until now, piles of tabloids)

Or give me a feeling of going home), reading tabloids and chatting with my father about jokes between relatives-I know he is silent.

Loneliness, he likes when I am lonely. It's always afternoon in my father's room, and I feel heavy after sitting for a long time.

Sink.

On the one hand, I have a broad plan to go to university in England after graduating from high school. Once, I

If you want to learn to draw cartoons, try to introduce the style of Chinese painting to America. I want to be more conspicuous than Lin Yutang. I want to wear it.

The most chic clothes, travel around the world, own a house in Shanghai, and live a neat life.

However, a real thing happened. My father is getting married. My aunt was the first to tell me the news,

On a small balcony on a summer night. I cried because I read too many novels about stepmother, and I never thought it would be me.

My treat. I only have an urgent feeling that this can't happen under any circumstances. If that woman is right in front of you, v.

On the iron railing, I will definitely push her off the balcony and finish it.

My stepmother also smokes opium. Soon after we got married, we moved into an old villa in the early years of the Republic of China, which was our own.

I was born in that house. There are too many memories of our family in the house, like overlapping photos.

Fragments, the whole air is a little fuzzy. Where there is the sun, people doze off, and dark places have the coolness of ancient tombs. house

The blue-black heart is sober and has its own world of different buildings. You can see the sun on the edge of the dark border.

Under the light, you can hear the bell of the tram and the cloth shop on sale blowing "Don't cry Susan" over and over again, in that sunshine.

Only lethargy.

I live on campus and seldom go home. At home, although I saw my brother and the old "What's the matter?" , this is very

Uneven, but because it is really rare to come back, it is also perfunctory. My father is very proud of my composition.

I was encouraged to learn to write poetry. A * * * wrote three four lines, the second chanted "Summer Rain", and two lines were closely linked by Mr. Jing.

Therefore, I also feel very good: "The sound is like uncovering drums to promote flowers, and Yu He opens the first branch." The third song about Mulan is so indecent that I have no interest in learning it any more.

When I graduated from middle school, my mother returned to China. Although I don't think my attitude has changed significantly, my father has.

Yes For him, this is unbearable. Over the years, I followed him, being fed and educated, but my heart was on that side. I

Make things very bad, and let him study abroad by giving a speech, which is a very bad speech.

He lost his temper and said that I was provoked by others. My stepmother scolded her on the spot and said, "Your mother has to interfere after divorce.

About your family. Since you can't put it here, why don't you come back? But I borrowed it late, and I have to be an aunt when I come back! "

When the Shanghai war happened, my business was temporarily put on hold. Because our home is close to Suzhou Creek, we can't sleep at night when we hear gunfire.

So I stayed with my mother for two weeks. On the day I came back, my stepmother asked me, "Why didn't you say it in front of me when you left?"

A sound? "I said I told my father. She said, "Oh, I told my father! Where else have you seen me? "

She slapped me, and I instinctively wanted to fight back, but two old ladies came and grabbed me. My stepmother has come all the way.

Yelling and running upstairs: "She hit me! She hit me!

"At this moment, everything becomes very clear. In a dark restaurant with shutters, the meal has already started.

The table, the goldfish bowl without goldfish, and the orange-red fish algae were carefully described on the white porcelain jar. My father is kicking slippers and paddling.

Rushed downstairs, grabbed me, punched and kicked me, and shouted, "You still hit people! You hit someone, I'll hit you! I have to kill you today.

But! "I feel my head tilted to one side and to the other, countless times, and my ears are deaf. I sat on the ground,

Lying underground, he grabbed my hair and kicked me. Was finally taken away. I always knew in my heart that I remembered my mother.

Dear words: "If he hits you, don't fight back, otherwise, it will always be your fault." So I don't want to resist.

He went upstairs. I stood up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I looked at my injuries and red fingerprints on my face, ready to report them immediately.

Go to the patrol room Walking to the gate, he was stopped by the policeman who was guarding the door and said, "The door is locked, and the key is in the master's place." I

Try to make some noise and kick the door in an attempt to attract the attention of the police outside the iron gate, but no, it is not easy to make some noise. I

When I got home, my father lost his temper again and hit me on the head with a big vase. The vase was a little crooked and flew all over the room.

Broken porcelain. After he left, why did he cry and say to me, "How did you get this?" I just feel full at this time.

A cavity injustice, burst into tears, holding her crying for a long time. However, her heart is my fault, because she loves me and she

I am timid, afraid that I have sinned against my father and suffer all my life; Fear hardened her. I'm alone in the room downstairs.

I cried all day in the empty room and slept on the mahogany kang at night.

The next day, menstruation came to intercede. My stepmother saw it and sneered, "Are you here to catch opium?" Before she says anything.

My father jumped out of the cigarette shop and hit his aunt. He went to the hospital and didn't report to the arrest room because

It's a disgrace to our family. "

My father threatened to shoot me with a pistol. I was temporarily imprisoned in an empty room, and the house where I was born suddenly

However, it has become strange, like a pink wall in the moonlight, which is one-sided and crazy.

Beverly Nichols has a poem about madness: "The moonlight sleeps in your heart."

Reading it reminds me of the blue moonlight on our floor, which is quiet and murderous.

I also know that my father will never kill me, but in a few years, when I am released.

It wasn't me when I came. I am many years older in a few weeks. I clung to the wood on the balcony.

The railing seems to squeeze water out of the wood. Overhead is a brilliant blue sky. At that time, there was a sound in the sky because it was full.

God's plane. I hope a bomb falls in our house and dies with them. Me too. Why are you afraid of me running away?

Repeatedly told: "Never walk out of this door! I can't come back when I go out. " However, I still want to take off a lot.

Prison Break Plan, three musketeers and Du Ji Shane Qiu Ji come to mind together. What I remember best is a friend of Zhang Qiugu's in "Kyubi no Youko Tortoise". A lover made a rope out of a bed sheet and stretched out of the window. I don't have

Windows facing the street can only climb over the wall from the garden. There is a goose shed against the wall to step on, but it is deeper when people are quiet.

Wait, what if I disturb two geese and wake them up?

There are big white geese in the garden, sucking foxes, chasing people and pecking people. The only tree is the tall magnolia with huge flowers.

Like a dirty white handkerchief and waste paper, it is forgotten there, and big white flowers bloom at the end of the year. This has never happened before.

Invite discouraged flowers.

I am planning my way out. I had severe dysentery and almost died. Father didn't call a doctor for me, and he didn't have any medicine.

I was sick for half a year, lying in bed looking at the pale blue sky in autumn and winter, and the opposite gatehouse provoked the antlers of gray stone, and there were two under it.

Pai Xiaoshi Bodhisattva-I don't know which dynasty and generation it is now-was born in this house dimly, and also dimly.

Die here? He died and was buried in the garden.

However, when I think like this, I always try my best to listen to the switch of the gate, and the police take it out.

The rusty door stinks, and then there is a loud noise and the iron gate is opened. I heard this voice in my sleep, too. There was a door.

A cinder road, the creak of sand under your feet. Even because I was sick in bed, they were unguarded and could slip away quietly.

Going out?

Once I can walk on the wall, I'm ready to run away. First, I asked two patrolmen what it was like to change shifts.

Time, in the dead of winter night, I leaned over the window and saw clearly with a telescope that there was no one on the dark road, and I touched the wall step by step.

When I got to the iron gate, I pulled out the bolt, opened the door, put the telescope on the milk box, and dodged out, really standing on the sidewalk.

Got it! There is no wind, but it is lonely and cold around the lunar calendar. I only see a piece of cold ash under the street lamp, but it is so amiable.

This world! I hurried along the street, every step on the ground was a loud kiss. I am not far from home.

The local government negotiated the price with a rickshaw puller-I'm glad I didn't forget how to bargain. This is crazy!

You could be arrested at any moment. Time passed, and I found that thrilling and funny.

Later, I learned that he gan was very tired because he was suspected of conspiring with me. My stepmother shared all my things.

I painted people just because I thought I was dead. This is the end of my family.

I fled to my mother's house. My brother followed me that summer and brought a basketball shoe wrapped in a newspaper. He said no.

Went back. My mother explained to him that her financial strength can only afford one person's education, so she can't take him in.

He cried, and I cried beside him. Later, he went back with those basketball shoes.

Why did you secretly take out some toys from my childhood as a souvenir? Among them, there is a white ivory bone.

Green ostrich hair folding fan, because it is very old, it will lose its hair and fly all over the sky, making people cough and choke tears. Think back to my experience so far.

I had a similar feeling the day my brother came.

I'm cramming for London University. Accustomed to being alone at my father's house, I suddenly want to learn to be a man, and I am in a dilemma.

"Lady", it's hard. At the same time, I can see that my mother has sacrificed a lot for me and has been doubting me.

Are these sacrifices worth it? I doubt it, too. I often wander alone on the balcony of my apartment in Spain.

The style white wall cuts out flat strips and blocks in the blue sky, and my face is facing the scorching sun. I feel like I'm standing naked.

At the end of the world, minors who are judged to be as confused as everything have fallen into excessive boasting and inferiority.

At this point, the mother's home is no longer soft.

I was admitted to the university, but because of the war, I couldn't go to England and went to Hong Kong instead. Three years later, because of the war, I have no books.

Go back to Shanghai after reading. My home in the apartment is still there. Although I don't believe it absolutely, I still

It is worth cherishing. Now I'm living in an old dream, dreaming a new dream in an old dream.

At this point, the wind blowing on my back is a little cold, so I decided to close the glass door and watch the yellow moon in Mao Mao on the balcony.

There were drums at night in ancient times, but now there are bangzi selling wonton. For thousands of years, countless people's dreams have been decided: "Tuo, Tuo,

Tuo, Tuo "-lovely and sad years!