Who can tell me a new funny joke, a new one?

Topic: Besides, student: A train passes by, besides, besides. ......

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to pay the bill, he said to the master, "You give it to me."

Go buy two bamboo poles. "

When touts heard that the "bamboo pole" with Shandong accent was "pig liver", they quickly agreed and ran away.

Go to the butcher shop and say to the shopkeeper, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pork liver. You are a clever man.

You should know it! "

The shopkeeper is a clever man. He understood as soon as he heard it. He immediately cut two pieces of pig liver as gifts.

There are a pair of pig ears.

After leaving the butcher's shop, the owner thought, "The owner told me to buy pork liver. This pig ear, of course. "

This is mine ... "So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, to the magistrate of a county.

"Come back and report, Grandpa," he said. "I bought pig liver!"

The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " "

Hearing this, the touts frighten forward, hurriedly replied:

"Ears … ears … here … in my … pocket!"

Do what you see.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but he couldn't just pay the rent.

I have to give him a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year.

When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, paid the rent and told the landlord about the lease for next year.

However, he looked at the sky with empty hands and said, "There are no three kinds of fields in this field."

Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. basic concept

After eating the chicken, he immediately changed his mouth and said, "Who will I give it to if I don't give it to Zhang San?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!"

The landlord replied: "that sentence was nonsense just now, and now it is' seeing'."

Machine (chicken) making. "

There is a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to fly before.

I used to send a telegram to the manager, fearing that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement: "Seize the opportunity."

No? "The manager received the telegram and thought it was an" opportunity "to clinch a deal. He immediately called back:" You can take it.

Multiply "

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager took a plane with insufficient level.

The provisions of the plane will not be reimbursed, and the plane ticket fee will not be reimbursed. The salesman killed the manager and came back.

Electricity, the manager was dumbfounded.

Geographical name correlation

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more cheerful.

For form.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is."

I come from Myanmar, so I am shy. "Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone and stayed for a drink.

Then he said, "I'm from Yangon."

The headmaster is angry.

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the term, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management.

It thunders He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong;

As an officer, I won't do it! "

Respondent: amber rose-Flower Exploration 1 1 Grade 1 1-5 10:27.

Loquat and pipa

Someone sent loquat to a county magistrate, but he mistyped it as pipa on the gift list. The county magistrate smiled; Loquat is not a pipa. I just hate my poor literacy! A guest replied,' If the pipa can bear fruit, all the pipes in the city will blossom. Loquat and pipa

Someone sent loquat to a county magistrate, but he mistyped it as pipa on the gift list. The county magistrate smiled; Loquat is not a pipa. I just hate my poor literacy! A guest replied,' If the pipa can bear fruit, all the pipes in the city will blossom. Loquat and pipa

Someone sent loquat to a county magistrate, but he mistyped it as pipa on the gift list. The county magistrate smiled; Loquat is not a pipa. I just hate my poor literacy! A guest replied,' If the pipa can bear fruit, all the pipes in the city will blossom. '

Classic-five boys smoking

Five boys were taught to talk about smoking one by one by the snitch teacher:

The first boy truthfully admitted being beaten; Back to the dormitory, said:

Dude: I want it all, so don't admit it when you want it.

[Scene 1]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy A: No. ..

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy A naturally stretched out two fingers and took it. ...........

[Scene 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy b: no.

Teacher: No? Well, French fries, please.

Boy B is holding French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: Don't you want some ketchup?

B accidentally got too much, and immediately played it with two fingers-

Teacher: No? The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call your parents ...............

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: no.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries.

Because of the first two examples, the boy C carefully finished the French fries with sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy C picked up French fries and put them on his ear. ..................

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: No. ..

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate the French fries with trepidation and put them in his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy was so busy that he took French fries out of his pocket and threw them on the ground, stomping on them. ......................

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy just took the French fries,

The teacher said: Don't invite me to dinner.

The boy was so busy that he handed the chips in his hand and then took out a lighter. ................

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

The boy ate French fries with trepidation and put them in his upper pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

The boy has sweated his palms and bowed his head and said, hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

The boy took the French fries out of his pocket: it's safe, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet …

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Teacher: You really don't smoke? Ok, let's have a French fries.

Boy: It's natural to take away the French fries and eat them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: [Get carried away] Greater China. . . . .

Scene n:

Teacher: French fries, please!

Boy: No thanks.

One day, the devil took the princess away, and the princess kept screaming.

Devil: You can scream loudly. No one will come to save you.

Princess: Broken throat, broken throat.

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you.

Devil: Speak of the devil.

Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me to do?

Demon: Wow, I saw a ghost.

Ghost: *! Someone found out.

*: Ghost, you can see me.

Oh, my God.

God: Who called me?

Who: Nobody called you.

Nobody: I didn't? Play dumb.

Garlic: Who is pretending to be me?

Who: Me again? You're looking for trouble

Trouble: who wants to see me?

Which one: looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here.

Many people: I just arrived ... who are you?

Which one: I'm not who.

Who: He's not me.

Princess: Is everyone here to save me?

Everyone: I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun.

Lively: What am I looking at?

God: It's none of my business. Let's go first.

Devil: You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? I am a demon.

How did Wang play?

Go on: Why don't you be a good devil and play with me?

Princess: If no one plays the devil, I can go.

Nobody: If I play the devil, how can I let you go?

How come: I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement.

Lively: What am I doing?

What: You want to fuck me? rascal

How dare you: I didn't.

Me: What's it to me?

Demon: *! I'm going crazy. ...

*: Why did you call me! ...

Crazy: What do you want me to do?

You want me to: I know nothing!

I know nothing: I don't know!

I don't know: here I am! Is someone calling me?

Someone: I didn't call you!

I didn't: Who called him?

Who: Wrong ... I didn't. ...

I didn't: I didn't wronged you. ...

You: I dare you.

I dare you: who says I dare not! ?

Who: Please ... I didn't say anything.

I have nothing: what do you want me to say?

I'm nothing: you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?

My long-lost brother: Gao ... My name is very long ... I will be called.

ah ...

Who: ... I want to leave this troublesome place as soon as possible

True or false: So this is my territory. ...

I am nothing &; No: Stop arguing. We're talking. ...

Leave us alone: I won't talk. ...

I didn't: I didn't speak! ...

I am nothing:-_-\ \ "... Let's go out and talk. ...

Go: I'm sorry ... (wriggling)

I have nothing: it's none of your business ... leaving ... (two brothers go out angrily)

None of your business: whoops ... why did you kick me out? ...

Why: I don't want to kick you out ... Be obedient ... Don't cry.

I didn't: Oh ... What does it have to do with me?

None of my business: what? Did anyone call me?

Someone: Who wants to call you? ...

Who: I really have to go ... T.T.

Go: I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v * (\ \ "who \ \" folds)

It's none of your business: aren't you my cousin?

It's none of my business: cousin ... long time no see. ...

Long time: I'm not here. ...

Devil: Are you finished?

Endless: he doesn't have me.

You: I don't have him.

Me: Who said that?

Who: What should I do?

Really? Do you want to fuck me?

You: I won't fuck him.

Me: Who said I wouldn't?

Who: Wrong! I didn't say ...

Say: What am I doing?

Really? You two are shameless!

You two: I want it! I want it!

Face: Who wants me?

Who: I don't want it.

Demon: Hurry up, or I'll kick people out.

Somebody else: Kick me out? Looking for k

Kathy: Who wants to see me?

Who: aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again!

He: Don't blame me.

Me: Who wants me?

Who: I finally caught one. Kill it. ............

One: Don't arrest me.

Me: I've had enough, too. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!

Who: Look at my eighteen hands!

Me: Look at my nine yin bones and claws!

Eighteen palms of the dragon: what do I want to see?

Jiuyin Bai Gujing: What do I have to see?

What's there to see: Brother, I finally found you!

Interesting: Brother, let's talk outside.

Devil: Oh, my God! This is an engagement party. ...

From then on, the devil really got schizophrenia ...

There is a family named Pan, and the elders in the family passed away.

At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The obituary says this:

Filial piety: Pangenko

Filial piety: Chi family

Filial piety granddaughter: Pan Liangci

Filial piety: Pan Daoshi

But this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard.

When he called the roll according to the obituary, anyone who literally had three points of water or left the capital missed it.

So I read it to him like this: "Be filial, turn over ... and fight with ..."

Hearing this, the filial piety man felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault.

Then he said, "Filial piety, too ... is ..."

Hearing this, the filial daughter-in-law said, "I want to turn it over, too?" So the filial daughter-in-law also turned a somersault.

Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn it over twice. 」

Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thought that her parents had turned over, so I turned over! So I turned two somersaults.

At this time, Sun Xiao thought to herself, "Dad, mom turned once each, and my sister turned twice.

How many times do I have to go through it? I started to get nervous when I thought about it: "What should I do? 」

I saw the old man slit his throat and read aloud:

"Filial piety sun ... turn to ... go to hell ..."