My son, less than 4 years old, called strangers "ugly" on the subway.

One day, I took my children to school by subway. I sat in my seat. The child is standing in the middle of the carriage. The carriage is not crowded. Pizza was playing alone, and then I mumbled something. I didn't understand it then. After a while, he mumbled again, still in a low voice. Because I listened attentively this time, as if he said "ugly" and looked at a man sitting opposite me with headphones. But my instinctive intuition is that I don't believe that my innocent and kind child under the age of 4 will say "ugly" to a stranger, and no one has ever said the word to him at home. At this time, it happened that the man wearing headphones got off with a straight face. He shouldn't have heard me. I quickly pulled the child to my side and asked, "What did you just say?" The pizza replied, "He is ugly".

Have you ever met a moment when the most innocent child in your eyes said something vicious?

What would you do? Yelling and scolding loudly Be reasonable? Or pretend nothing happened?

The way I handled it at that time was to pull him aside after getting out of the subway and tell him seriously: "Ugliness is not a good word, which is very impolite to others, and others will be sad after hearing it." Don't do this again. "

Although I dare not say that my handling method is completely correct now, there was a voice in my heart that warned me at that time:

1, don't apply adult thinking to children, children may just overhear imitation, don't make a fuss;

2. Don't irritate children because adults feel embarrassed. The best way is to downplay them.

3. Tell children right and wrong, and make clear the rules. It won't happen again

Afterwards, I felt that my handling method was basically correct. I didn't turn a blind eye to the child's sudden "bad words", but chose a place with few people and kept a low profile. As parents, we should first understand why children "speak ill" and then think about solutions.

What is the reason behind children's swearing?

1, curse sensitive period

Psychologists analyze that children will usher in a sensitive period of curse at about 3 years old. In fact, it is not surprising that children only discover the power of language, and like to use powerful language to test and develop their own strength and observe others' reactions. For example, children at this stage will like to say "smelly mother" and "beat you to death". Children will not insult or insult others in this way as we adults think. For them, this is just a process of language learning, and children are testing the role of language.

Step 2 simply imitate

Just like the pizza says "ugly", ugliness is completely the language of children. I analyzed afterwards that pizza may have been overheard while playing with children in kindergarten. Not only in kindergarten, but also in daily life or watching cartoons, children like to imitate the language of adults or cartoon characters. In fact, they imitate the output without understanding the true meaning of the words.

3. Improper use of words

Another reason why children "speak bad words" is that their vocabulary is poor and they can't find accurate expressions when they speak, which leads to improper language expression.

How to spend the sensitive period of children's curse?

1, creating a civilized environment

Why would a child say such a thing? Did you hear it from home, from cartoons, or from other places?

First of all, to create a family environment with civilized language, adults in the family must not swear in front of children, otherwise it is no wonder that children will follow suit.

Secondly, due to lax censorship, some cartoons are full of foul language, such as Bears Come and Go, among which "Fuck you", "Dead" and "Idiot" are words with high frequency.

2, dilute the child's uncivilized language.

If a child says bad words or rude words, parents should keep a calm mind and never get emotional. Children sometimes test the power of language to see how the other person will react after speaking. If parents are emotional, children will find pleasure in it, and then repeat and strengthen this behavior and language.

3. Tell your child how the other person feels and cultivate empathy.

For example, if a child says "smelly mother" or "killed you", you should directly tell your child how you feel when you hear this sentence, so that he can understand your mood at this time, and take the opportunity to cultivate the child's empathy ability and help him get through the "Ren Durmai" of interpersonal communication in adulthood.

Step 4 apologize in time

Even if the child is unintentional, ask the child to apologize in time and bear the consequences for his actions. Knowing how to take the consequences for your words and deeds since childhood, you can become a person who dares to take responsibility and does not shirk responsibility when you grow up.

Step 5 find replacement words

If the child's improper use of words is due to poor vocabulary, parents can guide the child to use some other words instead and correct the child's mistakes in using words.

In the process of educating children, it is most important for parents to maintain a good attitude. Being a parent who is not anxious or impatient and cultivating a healthy and open-minded child is what education should look like!