A joke that amuses girls.

Jokes to amuse girls (50 selected jokes)

Girls are emotional and easily influenced by emotions. Therefore, if we can amuse her with humorous chat skills in the chat, it will be of great help to improve her goodwill. The following is a joke I used to amuse girls. I hope you like them.

Joke 1 1 "I went to see a doctor yesterday."

"oh! What did the doctor say? "

"The doctor said, have you seen enough? ! "

2. The young man asked the Zen master, "I worked hard, but I didn't achieve anything in my career. What should I do? "

The Zen master said, "90 degrees is very hot, but can such a water temperature make the water boil?"

The young man hesitated and said, "I grew up in Lhasa."

Xiaohong said to Xiaoming, "You got me pregnant, and you should be responsible!"

Xiao Ming exclaimed, "Kissing has nothing to do with having children?"

Xiaohong: "Of course! If you don't believe me, go back and ask mom and dad if they are biological! "

4. Girlfriend has poor aesthetic taste in buying clothes. She thinks beautiful clothes are actually ugly.

Because of this, I broke my heart and mouth, and finally wanted to speak. If she had good taste, she wouldn't like me.

A friend planted some garlic seedlings in the dormitory, saying it was to add some greenery to the dormitory. He worked hard for two weeks.

When I was cooking noodles yesterday, I thought it tasted bad, so I pinched two and put them in a bowl.

As a result, when he came back, he cried and insisted that I pay for it.

As for it? I had no choice but to give him the cabbage I had raised for two months.

Jokes tease girls 2 1, Chu and Han contend, Xiang Yu is besieged. In the camp, he thought about drinking and lamented, "Pulling mountains makes the world angry, but if it is unfavorable, it will not die. What can I do without dying? "

Lyrics desolate and sad, courtier Yu Ji saw her beloved overlord's lamentation that he was flustered because he loved his children deeply, drew his sword and danced, gently singing: "Seventeen-year-old Yu Ji recalled childhood ..."

Er Kang dare not sleep alone. Every time Wei Zi comes back to her house, he can't sleep at night. Once Wei Zi went back, only to find that she didn't hear the news that Er Kang couldn't sleep.

She was puzzled and asked Erkang, "How can you fall asleep this time?"

Sang Kang said shyly, "I'm not afraid to sleep alone. Yongqi is a quilt. I am not afraid. "

3. One day, Nezha met the Monkey King and defiantly said to him, "Yaoyao asked if you dare?"

The Monkey King was shocked: "Love me like you said?"

4. Dayu didn't enter the house for three times, and his wife sang about him at home every day. "Dayu missed those years, and he missed those years of love!"

5, Huang Rong poisoning, itchy all over. Although Hong Qigong could not detoxify, he still used internal force to relieve itching and delay the attack, so that Guo Jing had enough time to ask for help.

Seeing that Huang Rong was in stable condition, Qigong pulled Guo Jing aside and whispered to him, "Although I just held back an itch, but ..."

Guo Jing took the words hesitantly and sang: "Green ... green grass is more fragrant because of you?"

Joke for girls 3 1, I sang lonely sandbar, so cold that I was out of tune, the first sentence was ok, and the last two sentences were miserable. I used to sing "Grandpa" night after night. My grandfather in the sky must be very warm when he hears it.

2. Chatting with a big brother in the hospital at noon. He was called mentally retarded at night, and now he doubts his IQ.

I just dialed 10086, and the customer service girl asked me what I needed. I said to her, "Nothing, just to pay a New Year call to you." I heard the customer service girl almost cry, and then gave me her phone number.

4.o said to Q: Look, brother, we have only been in the bureau for a few years, and our waists are thick and our stomachs are round. Only you and I know what we have done, but don't let people hold on to you, or we will both be finished. On the surface, I was naked and had nothing. I thought it was zero.

5. Tofu mother came to the kindergarten to pick up the children. The teacher asked, Mrs. Tofu, do you like hot pot? Mother Tofu: I like it very much! Teacher: Great! ..... When playing hide-and-seek in the afternoon, your children hid in the refrigerator.

6. A cockroach passed by you that day. You greet it and say, "Xiao Qiang, where are you going?" Xiao Qiang was dumbfounded, looked at you in surprise, and then said to you, "Pig head, how do you know my screen name?" You also want to know why even Xiao Qiang knows you are a pig. I'm watching. I feel guilty. I told him. Is it shameful to let others know that you are a pig? Why can't Xiao Qiang know?

7. Feng Gong: "Audience friends, I miss you so much. Did you add me to Weibo? " Jiang Kun: "The times have developed and science and technology have advanced. Hey, I recently used a new gadget called Weibo. " Huang Hong: "The Internet is so popular that everyone wears a scarf. If you find a college lover, don't tell your wife. " Guo: "Wife, I really didn't add her Weibo first!

8.Q said to Q: Stand up straight and don't get down. Q said to q: it's too rigid, easy to fold and difficult to confuse.

9. A good gay friend recently wanted to rob because of lack of money, but he didn't have stockings at home and couldn't afford equipment, so I took out a mask and put it on him thoughtfully!

10. A cat caught a mouse and was about to bite. The mouse begged, Brother, if you let me go, I will tell you a big secret. The cat asked, What's the secret? The mouse said: I found that your wife had an abnormal relationship with a cat. If you let me go, I will tell you who he is. The cat bit the mouse angrily and said, How dare you lie to me? I've been divorced for a year.

Jokes for girls 4 1. One day in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

2. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

3. Xiaoming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."

4. Tell a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch ..."

Someone can't help asking, "What's next?"

Continue to tell the story: "Below? No ... "

A person who just learned a foreign language was walking in the street that day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man quickly said "I'm sorry", and the foreigner politely said "I'm sorry too". The man quickly said "I'm sorry for three", and the foreigner was puzzled and asked "What are you sorry for?" The man reluctantly said "I'm sorry for five."

6. The Tang Priest's letter to the Monkey King.

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter slowly, because I know you can't read fast!

It rained twice this week, the first time for 4 days, and the second time for 3 days!

Did you have a good time in Huaguoshan? I had a terrible time in heaven. Because there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall off. Do you feel bitter?

Our beef noodles here are delicious. Let's go to the restaurant in West Street for hot pot when you come another day!

Your Guanyin sister is going to have a baby, so I don't know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt for the time being, because I don't know whether it will be a boy or a girl!

Did you receive the clothes I sent you? I was afraid of being overweight when I was ready to post it, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket!

It's very late to write here. Come and play with me sometime. Remember not to drink more water, or it will be very uncomfortable if you can't pee here!

P.S. wants to send you money, but the envelope is stuck!

Xiaoming's uncle is very strict with him. Xiaoming is afraid of his uncle. On the contrary, his aunt and cousin MengMeng spoil him very much. One day, his uncle teased him, "Xiao Ming, will you treat me to a big meal when you have money?"

"no!"

"Then who do you invite?"

"Aunt and MengMeng, please!"

My uncle couldn't help singing "How many towers are misty and rainy".

.

8. Someone went to Shanghai on business and lost a dollar in the street. The policeman said, "We will definitely help you find it." The man went again a month later, and he lost his money. The street was dug up to build roads, and he couldn't help sighing that "Shanghai is the truth."

9. One day, an ant was sunbathing when he suddenly saw an elephant coming slowly. He got up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to you is busy asking what you are doing. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him."

10, the earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football.

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally accepted a big project to build a 30-meter chimney, with a construction period of two months and a cost of 300,000 yuan, but it needed funds. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

On one day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it."

Father Tortoise: "Good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back quickly! "

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...

Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "wife ... do you want to have dinner first?" I'm so hungry, I said ... "

Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Ok ... wait for him for five years, or let him go! "

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated!

6. Xiaoming is a junior, but he still doesn't have a girlfriend.

Egged on by his dormitory buddies, he decided to go after a girl he had long admired.

One day, he saw the girl walking alone on the playground and followed her. Xiao Ming is very anxious because he doesn't know how to speak.

Seeing the girl getting farther and farther away from him, he had to pick up something from the ground, bite the bullet and catch up and say, "Beauty, did you drop this paper?"

7. A boyfriend and girlfriend fell in love on a park bench. The woman suddenly wants to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it?

Men are really willing to listen.

So, under the cover of "goo goo" birdsong, the woman happily farted.

W: Does it sound like a cuckoo?

Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it!

8. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours later. The snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise scolded anxiously: I will die if I don't come back! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: besides, I'm not going!

9. Someone keeps a pig and hates it, but it's useless for the pig to know the way home. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It roared, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!" "

10, the elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants they built climbed onto the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

Funny jokes for girls 6 1. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Make the lunch box blue.

2. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese character "cup" beside the wooden character?

China people: Isn't there a word "no" next to the word "cup"? In other words, it is not made of wood.

One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the grassland front to boost morale. ...

The guild leader asked: What's the situation?

Report to the member archers: report to the head! There is a Bezos archer beside the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since we have found the enemy archer, why not kill him?

The archer said: Report to the team leader! No, don't you want them to exchange it for a more accurate one?

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place once, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. After a short walk, I may come to the soldiers and say, "Oh … there are plums to eat … Oh …"

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello?

because ..

Because they are not familiar with each other! Ha ha laugh

8. The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic: "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

9. In the tortoise-rabbit race, the rabbit quickly ran to the front.

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly and said to him, come up, I'll carry you.

Then the snail came up.

After a while, the tortoise saw an ant again. Say to him: You come up, too.

So the ants came up.

When the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said hello to him.

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

10, bad news: a pilot fell off the plane.

Good news: He brought a parachute.

Bad news: the parachute is broken.

Good news: There is a haystack below.

Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.

Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.

Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.

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