500 words English jokes

The preacher was angry because one of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. ?

One Sunday, when the man sitting in the front row snored, the priest decided to teach him a lesson? Sleep while preaching. So, he asked parliament in a low voice

ation。 "Everyone who wants to go to heaven, please stand up." Everyone got up except the snorer. Whispering "really? Sit down, "the priest shouted at the top of his voice." All those who want to be with the devil, please stand up. " ?

The sleepy man woke up with a start, jumped up and saw the priest standing there angrily? "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it seems that it's just you and me? One for it. "

A sleepy person

The priest was very angry because someone always dozed off during his sermon. One Sunday, just as the man sitting in the front row was dozing off again, the priest decided to educate him well and let him not sleep during the sermon. So he whispered to his followers, "Anyone who wants to go to heaven, please stand up." Everyone stood up-except the one who dozed off, of course. After whispering please sit down, the priest shouted, "Please stand up if you want to go to hell!" " "Bulldozer was awakened by this sudden cry and stood up. Seeing the priest standing high on the altar, he looked at him angrily. ? Oh, sir, I don't know what we are choosing, but it seems that only you and I are candidates.

It was at the tea party at five o'clock. A young man came to the hostess and apologized for being late.

"It's very kind of you to come, Mr. Jones. Where is your brother?"

"You know our office is very busy, and only one person can come, so we toss a coin to decide."

"How nice! Also very creative! You won? "

"No," the young man said absently, "I lost."

At five o'clock, while having tea, a young man apologized to his hostess for being late.

"It's very kind of you to come, Mr. Jones. Where is your brother? "

"You know our office is very busy and only one can come, so we flip a coin to decide who will come."

"That's interesting! Still so original! So you won? "

"No," the young man said absently, "I lost."

Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. One of her students told her that a bird has built its nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What bird?" My sister asked.

"I don't see any birds, madam, only a bird's nest," the child replied.

"Then, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Well, madam, it's like your hair."

Bird's nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once, a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" My sister asked her.

"Teacher, I don't see any birds, only a bird's nest." The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, just like your hair."

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" The young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue!"

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" A young snake asked its mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because his ears are in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

Bite your tongue. "

A good boy.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

drink

One day, a father and his little son came home. At this age, boys are interested in all kinds of things and always ask questions. Now, he asked, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are two policemen standing there. If I think two policemen are four, then I am drunk. "

"But, Dad," said the boy, "there is only one policeman!"

Drunk

One day, the father came home with his youngest son. The child is at the age of being interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look, there are two policemen standing there. If I see that they are four, then I am drunk. " "But, Dad," said the child, "there is only one policeman there!"

drink

One day, a father and his little son came home. At this age, boys are interested in all kinds of things and always ask questions. Now, he asked, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are two policemen standing there. If I think two policemen are four, then I am drunk. "

"But, Dad," said the boy, "there is only one policeman!"

Drunk

One day, the father came home with his youngest son. The child is at the age of being interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look, there are two policemen standing there. If I see that they are four, then I am drunk. " "But, Dad," said the child, "there is only one policeman there!"