Chongqing jokes by Chongqing Yanzi

The "Chongqing Yan Zi'er" joke comes from Wu Wenbo's audio tape.

Side A

Set up the Dragon Gate Formation, which refers to Chongqing, Chongqing is a mountain city, and the mountain city is Chongqing.

Chongqing is so beautiful. If you don’t believe it, please go up to the Liangjiang Pavilion in Eling Park and look far away - Chongqing is like a huge warship, with Chaotianmen as its bow and the Liberation Monument as its bow. It is its mast, the rugged and winding asphalt road, and its decks one after another; the mountain city, with its hard-working and brave mountain city people acting as its sailors and crew, has withstood the knife of the wind and the sword of the waves without breaking anchor. , keep moving forward, now facing the red sun in the east, moving forward——, moving forward——, moving forward bravely——!

Chongqing is beautiful. Some people say: Chongqing is such a city. It has high mountains and uneven roads. It has two rivers under its feet, and it doesn’t recognize people.

Outlanders also say that our Chongqing: the upper half of the city, the lower half of the city, people walking up and down, climbing up and down, and there are bumps and bumps, and there is no place in Chongqing that is three feet flat.

People who say this actually don’t understand our city of Chongqing, and what they say is indeed a bit inferior; in our city of Chongqing, there is no "ping" on any of the three banks of Chongqing, North and South. Look, there is Nanping on the south bank, Yangjiaping and Chenjiaping on Jiulongpo, and Huangjueping on the outside. The pings in Shapingba are interesting, the dam is the ping, and the ping is the dam; so there are Caiyuanba and Jiaochangba in Yuzhong District , Liziba, if we must say that Shizhong District only has a dam and no flats, then the large flats were allocated to Yuzhong District, and there will definitely be "pings" in Lexia. Originally, there seemed to be no "ping" in Jiangbei, but one of my friends in Jiangbei got angry and stepped on it, creating a "taping".

The city of Chongqing is beautiful with mountains and rivers, and the Chongqing dialect is precise and comfortable. Chongqing people speak a lot of dialects, and they invent dialects very quickly, so fast that sometimes even Chongqing people can’t understand Chongqing dialect. Hey, not long ago, my classmate Zhang Erwa came back from Xinjiang to visit relatives. He hadn’t been back for more than ten years. That day, he went to play in his eldest brother’s house. Hehe, when he walked in, he saw that only his sister-in-law was in the house. , looking like he was vomiting thickly, Zhang Erwa said: "Hey, sister-in-law, how are you!"

"Okay, you are fine, just normal diarrhea."

When Zhang Erwa heard this, she thought it was a bit ridiculous, "It's just average. What does diarrhea mean?"

Then he asked again: "Hey, brother, how do you feel?"

"That big brother of yours is very good at brushing your teeth! During the day, the lights are shining outside, and at night, he goes to beat people to death again and again, until they are bruised and bruised. I got out of class after being hit with a few wrenches, and all the bullets I had brought with me were washed away. Hey, I Rui (son) said a few words to him when he came back, and he even twisted me. Feiye, Feisha has Pishe, I am the only one who can fight with him!"

When Zhang Erwa heard this, he didn't understand anything, so he bit him slowly (er) slowly (er)! , Slowly (er) slowly (er) guess, "Brother, you brush your toothbrush (er) very well, are you very particular about it? You use your toothbrush (er) to rinse your mouth all day long; during the day, the headlight (er) is shining outside, Which lamp should be lit during the day? To kill a dead man at night, maybe the eldest brother has been transferred to work in the crematorium. One after another, huh..., maybe he turned the dead man over and over for disinfection. , where are the other people? Just use the wrench to hit the joints of the son of man; yeah, yeah, but the eldest brother still has bullets with him when he goes to work, and he still needs to use the bullets to clean up his innocence. When he came back, he said, "What did the sister-in-law bring to explode?"

Zhang Erwa, the more he thought about it, the more he didn't understand. , I listened to him tell what happened. "Oh, Erwa, do you know that your elder sister-in-law said that all these are Yanzi (er), and they are all the latest Yanzi (er) in Chongqing. It means that your eldest brother loves to play mahjong, ah, he often suffers Lose, I lost money. I quarreled with your sister-in-law when I came back, and the two of them quarreled so much that they were about to get divorced.

"

When Zhang Erwa heard this, he said, "Hey, hey, let me ask you, what is "whitewashing"? ”

“Hey, wash it all in vain, it means there is nothing to worry about. Washing means cleaning, looting, and washing it clean; white, white means nothing can happen: for example, the boat capsized, and everyone was involved. When goods sink to the head of the river, it is called laundering; when there is a flood, houses are washed away, and crops are drowned, it is called laundering; when doing business, losing money and getting money on credit is also called laundering; of course, when playing mahjong, all the shots are taken, and all is lost. Losing money is also called laundering. ”

When Zhang Erwa heard this, she said, “Oh, that makes sense. Hey, what does ‘pull it off’ mean?” ”

“Hey, this idiom mainly refers to the breakdown of relationships between people, ah, it also specifically refers to the complete breakdown of love relationships and marriage relationships. Speaking of this breakdown, this breakdown of relationship, ha, if we follow the words of the northerners, they would call it ‘It’s over, it’s over, it’s over’; at worst, they can only say ‘It’s over’. In fact, being pulled down is not that powerful. If you fall down, stand up again and it will stop! In Chongqing dialect, it's domineering, "pull a bang", hey, hey, bang, explode, blow up, kill him, he's dead but he can still stand up and shovel, eh. "When Zhang Erwa heard this, she quickly said, "Yes, yes, yes, Chongqing Yanzi (son) is indeed comfortable and domineering, eh. ”