A joke that can make people laugh until they are full! Urgent! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

1. A rich man is looking for a servant, and the topic of the interview is to go to the toilet.

The first few came out without washing their hands.

So the rich sent them away.

Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man kept him.

But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why.

The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

2. The headmaster of a middle school faces a problem. Older female students in the school begin to wear lipstick. When they apply lipstick in the bathroom, they will print their lips on the mirror and leave lip prints. He thought of a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls wearing lipstick and asked them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. When the girls arrived at the bathroom at 2 o'clock, they found the headmaster and supervisor already waiting there. The headmaster explained the problem to them and asked the supervisor to clean the bathroom mirror every night. He thinks the girls don't understand the seriousness of the problem, so he wants them to see for themselves how difficult it is to clean the mirror. Then the supervisor began to demonstrate. The warden took out a long-handled brush from the box, dipped it in some water in the nearest toilet, and then went to the mirror to start scrubbing.

After that, no one left lip prints on the mirror.

There are two conditions for a woman to get married and make friends.

1. Be handsome.

2. Have a car

The computer went to help her search the results of ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ chess.

The woman refused to accept the search results and entered them again.

1. There is a beautiful house.

2. There is a lot of money

The computer went to help her find the bank again.

The woman is still not disappointed, continue to input conditions.

1 should be cool.

Feel safe again.

Results The search results are ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Altman

The woman is still not disappointed, continue to input conditions.

1. Be handsome.

2. Have a car

3. Have a beautiful house

4. There is a lot of money

5 keep calm.

6 and feel safe.

The computer went to help her search again ~ ~ ~ ~ Altman played chess in the bank.

Teacher: Xiao Ming, make a sentence with the word "Sure enough". Xiaoming: Eat fruit first, then drink soda … "Teacher:" No, no, you can't separate the word "fruit" from "nature"! "Xiao Ming:" Don't worry, teacher, I'm not finished yet. The whole sentence is-eat fruit first, then drink soda, it really has diarrhea. "

Mr. judge, some people call me hippo. Can I sue him for malicious slander? Of course. When did he call you a hippo? A year ago. What? A year ago, how did you think of suing today? Judge, I didn't know what a hippo looked like until yesterday.

6. The beautiful giraffe married the handsome monkey.

A year later, the giraffe suddenly filed for divorce: "I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again!" "

The monkey was furious: "Leave! I'm fucking fed up with you! You have to climb a tree to kiss your mouth! "

7. Dilemma: I want to fart in a crowded elevator.

Lucky: everyone else got off the elevator before the fart came out.

Happy: I am alone in the elevator, and it is easy to fart.

Regret: It stinks, even I can't stand it.

Shame: Someone got on the elevator before the smell dissipated.

Pain: There was only myself and another person in the elevator, and that person farted very smelly.

Depressed: The man who farted pretended that nothing had happened.

Loneliness: the farting person got off the elevator first and endured the fart smell alone.

Grievance: The fart smell hasn't dissipated yet, and someone got on the elevator.

Yu Fen: The child who got on the elevator with his mother pointed at me and said, Mom, he farted.

Crazy: Mom tells her children that there are always unconscious times.

Eight. A bear took off the beehive in the tree, but he couldn't eat the honey in it. The bear put the honeycomb in the water and tried to squeeze out the honey. Who knows, honey didn't come out, but all the bees came out. A swarm of bees chased bears everywhere.

The fox on the side laughed: "Look at your bear, you still want to make honey!" "

9. A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The stall owner was annoyed and said seriously, Sister, even if you give counterfeit money, it's at least stamps. Your money is actually a painting! Even if you take ten thousand steps back, you can forget the painting. You can draw ten pieces or five pieces, right? You also draw a set of seven! Let's say seven dollars. Seven dollars. Let's not talk about it. At least paint in color, even with a pencil ~! Forget it, I can't stand it ~! Black and white is black and white! You can't draw with toilet paper! It feels terrible. Even the toilet paper, I recognize it! But you also have to trim the edges with scissors. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Well, I don't want to say raw edges, but you can also tear a rectangle! This triangle is so unreasonable ~!

Let me tell you a story with Tenuto. The beginning is horrible, the middle is tangled, and the ending is tragic.

I met Sister Furong, fell in love with Sister Furong, and married Sister Furong.

1 1. You let me spend April Fool's Day, and I'll let you spend Tomb-Sweeping Day.

12. The patient felt unwell and went to see a doctor: "Doctor, I feel very uncomfortable." The doctor said, "Never mind, I'll examine you." After the examination, the doctor said gloomily, "I'm sorry, you are very ill." I can't treat you. You can only live for ten years ... "The patient was anxious:" What? Ten years? Ten months? Ten days? The doctor said softly, "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five." ..."

Thirteen. One night, the driver picked up a woman with long hair and white clothes. After walking for a while, the driver took a casual look in the rearview mirror and found that the woman was gone! ! ! The driver slammed on the brakes and looked back. As a result, the woman was sitting in the back seat, and the driver thought he might be dazzled. After another walk, the driver found that the woman had disappeared from the rearview mirror. The driver slammed on the brakes again and turned to see that the woman was still sitting in the back seat ... After repeated several times, the driver saw in the rearview mirror that the woman's face was covered with blood and her hair was messy. The driver shouted in fear, only to hear the woman say, "Hello! Brother, do I have a grudge against you? Why do you always slam on the brakes when I come down to tie my shoelaces? ! ! "

Fourteen. One day two illiterate people were chatting on QQ.

You're howling!

You howl! Where are you?

I surf the internet. What about you?

MM: I'm also in Wang Bali.

Where are you from?

I'm from the ghost state. What about you?

I come from a cave.

Do you like men or women?

Gabby: Of course it's hard for me to have a baby. You must be a girl, right?

Yes

Are you moldy?

MM: Not bad. People say I am unhappy. Are you old?

Gabby: Not bad. Many people say that I am a big loser.

Really? Let's sympathize with each other, shall we?

& ltCLK & gt； Good duck, what's the number of your lean chicken? & lt/CLK & gt；

MM: Don't use lean chicken. Thin chicken is so expensive. Do you have qq?

Gabby: Yes.

What's your number?

GG: * * * * * * * * you are so cute, I really want to rape you.

MM: Take your time. Even though they are far apart, there are chickens in the eggs.