What are the suffocating funny chat records?

1, the boss just came in and slammed the document on my desk: "The document you made, the moving picture inside, will not move when printed!" How! Come back! "What should I do? It's really hard to go to work safely.

I heard that you were ill and didn't come to work yesterday. What's wrong with you? " "I ... I have inflammation." "oh? What inflammation? " "Procrastination ..."

You must give me a raise! A man told his boss that three companies are looking for me now. Is it? The boss asked him, which three companies are looking for you Power companies, telephone companies and gas companies.

4. A man and an actress are shooting a scene in bed. Because they were so involved, the wooden bed for acting was crushed. Two people were injured, and the actor blamed the sitting audience and said, how can such a bed be a human thing? The audience sitting said: I just know. Next time, just pay attention.

Gao Feixia, a graduate of a famous university in China, applied for a job in a well-known company and had a speculative conversation with the interviewer. I was about to get up after the interview, and I found a piece of garbage beside the table, so I quietly picked it up. In retrospect, the ambitious man felt that he was about to be hired. But in the end, he lost. HR explained: "After the interview, you actually took away our manager's tea eggs. Our company doesn't need such gold-worshipping employees. "

6. A colleague is a heavy smoker, but never buys cigarettes. Today, my manager saw my second-rate colleague rubbing cigarettes with me again. He said angrily: Third-class smokers have cigarettes and no fire, second-class smokers have fire and no smoke, you TM are first-class smokers, and you only smoke when you go out every day …

7. I hate being asked if I can work overtime during the interview. If I work overtime, it will damage my health. I need hundreds of thousands of dollars for a new kidney. I have diabetes and must take insulin for life. I have spinal disease, lying down and watching TV every day, gastroptosis, migraine ... are you responsible? Will you reimburse me? You will only leave me soon ... the more I think about it, the angrier I get! Then he answered the interviewer angrily and said, "I don't care about working overtime."

8. Colleagues are typical henpecked and have no right to speak at home. I said, "It's enough to find such an overbearing wife." Colleague: "No way, bear with it." I asked, "When will she shut up and let you go?" My colleague smiled and said, "When I cut vegetables."

9. In the online shopping consultation, "Dear, what can I do for you?" "Do you want to change clothes with my Tieguanyin?" "Dear, I am customer service. I can't afford Tieguanyin to help my boss sell clothes! "

10, have dinner with colleagues in the evening. He is 28 years old and still unmarried. I asked, why don't you marry a wife? He said: women haven't played enough, play for a few more years. I advised him: your wife is being played now. If you get married one year earlier, your wife will be fooled by others for one year less.