At the wedding ceremony, the bride refused her mother-in-law’s “establishing family rules” and was scolded by her husband. How did the bride respond?

As a new daughter-in-law, have you ever been "set up by rules" by your husband's family after marrying into your husband's family? Is this rule reasonable, or is your husband's family trying to "establish authority" over you? Your choice is to "take a step back to open up the world" or to choose to safeguard your legitimate rights and interests.

Why are you being “set the rules”? Most mothers-in-law will say: The state has national laws, and the family has family rules. "Establishing rules" is a wise move so that everyone can get along better in the future and avoid future conflicts due to different opinions.

If the so-called "setting the rules" becomes a one-way request from the mother-in-law to her daughter-in-law, and the requested daughter-in-law can only be forced to accept it without the right to refute, then it is not "setting the rules" but the mother-in-law. It's just a declaration of sovereignty and "establishment of authority" to the daughter-in-law.

Before Xiaoxue’s marriage, her mother-in-law and other relatives “set the rules” for Xiaoxue, and her daughter-in-law responded adamantly: Why don’t you change her daughter-in-law!

Also because of the "rule-setting" incident before marriage, Xiaoxue and her mother-in-law now get along really well, and there is basically no conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Xiaoxue became a "model daughter-in-law" among her relatives, and her mother-in-law became the envy of her seven aunts and eight aunts.

01

Before the wedding, Xiaoxue and her mother-in-law were not close, and her mother-in-law never had the chance. Therefore, the day before the wedding, her mother-in-law contacted a large number of relatives to "set rules" for her daughter-in-law. .

On the same day, Xiaoxue went to the wedding room to put away some newly bought small odds and ends. Her mother-in-law called and said that she would bring someone over to help her sort it out. After her mother-in-law arrived, she chatted for a while and everyone went about their business. It wasn't until after lunch and sitting in the living room to rest that Xiaoxue finally realized that her mother-in-law and others' visit was probably more than just lip service.

While chatting, Xiaoxue occasionally chatted with them. At this time, her husband’s aunt took her and said solemnly: “According to our custom, when serving tea at the wedding, the daughter-in-law must kneel down to her mother-in-law. Serving tea and kowtow will bring blessings to the younger generation."

02

This made Xiaoxue, who had always insisted on "reasonably fighting for three points", very angry because of this incident. Before that happened, Xiaoxue, her husband, and mother-in-law had already reached the level of consciousness and would not kneel down when serving tea. Therefore, her mother-in-law failed to "establish rules" for her. Instead, she united with her relatives to put pressure on her and force her to comply.

Since the other party was an elder and it was the first time they met, it would be too unreasonable to lose her temper directly, and she could not make her mother-in-law stand down in front of others, but she was by no means the one to swallow her anger, so she smiled. , took my aunt's hand and said:

"My grandpa is 94 this year and grandma is 91. They will all come to the wedding tomorrow. If you want to kowtow to them next time according to your rules, I will definitely If you don't stop me, I can't delay your accumulation of blessings."

03

As Xiaoxue said this, she observed the expressions of the elders to see what her mother-in-law was about to say. She took the lead and continued: "

As for kneeling down in front of my mother-in-law at the wedding, we had agreed not to kneel down. You see, my mother-in-law hasn't spoken yet today. You are so anxious to ask me to kneel down. Kneel down, I don’t know if it’s your intention or my mother-in-law’s idea?

If it’s your own decision, tomorrow is my wedding, so just treat your words as nonsense and don’t take it seriously. I think tomorrow’s marriage can be postponed temporarily. I’m not in a hurry to get married. I’ll talk to him for another two years, or you can find a daughter-in-law who is willing to kneel down. I don’t have any objections.”

Then, everyone. You look at me and I look at you, no one dares to speak anymore.

04

After her marriage, Xiaoxue was rumored by her husband’s relatives to have a bad temper. When her husband’s aunt, who was known to be unreasonable, heard this, she said that she I don’t believe it anymore. This new daughter-in-law came in so arrogantly and shouted that she must “set rules” for Xiaoxue.

While celebrating the Spring Festival that year, my aunt told Xiaoxue that she would take her husband’s grandma home to serve her. She also said that as a younger generation, she had the obligation to support the elderly.

Xiaoxue sneered, and said in front of her mother-in-law, her husband's uncle's family, and her husband's grandma: "Should I say you are ignorant or not? You should read and study before you want to embarrass others. As a daughter, you don’t support your mother, so you let me, a granddaughter-in-law, support your husband’s grandma? Besides, you still have brothers. Even if your brothers are gone, don’t you still have you? Didn’t grandma support you when you were a child? People stabbed her in the back, saying that you don’t support the elderly.”

Since then, no one has shouted to “set rules” for Xiaoxue.

05

On the second day of the wedding, Xiaoxue had a detailed discussion with her mother-in-law. She hoped that her mother-in-law would stop thinking about "setting rules" and the two of them could get along well. When they get along well, the husband's life will be easier and he can pay more attention to his work.

If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have conflicts all day long, the husband will be caught in the middle and suffer the anger, and he will not be able to do his best at work. He will not be in a good mood when he goes home. If things go on for a long time, he will inevitably have physical problems. She spoke sincerely, and her mother-in-law was convinced by her.

Normally, Xiaoxue never feels bad when she spends money for her mother-in-law. She has a sweet mouth and makes her mother-in-law very happy. Her mother-in-law treats her very well and often says that she has an extra daughter.

Even her aunt, who had been criticized by Xiaoxue, praised her a lot, and even said that she wanted to look like Xiaoxue to find a daughter-in-law.

As women, we should really learn from Xiaoxue’s attitude of saying “no” resolutely when faced with one-way “setting up rules” by her husband’s family.

As for Xiaoxue's behavior, although her words were a bit inappropriate, they were more reasonable and well-founded. At the moment, the elders may think that she is too harsh. After careful consideration, they will also feel that what Xiaoxue said is indeed reasonable. What's more, it was the elders who started the trouble in the first place, and Xiaoxue was just forced to fight back. The most important thing is that Xiaoxue made her husband's family understand that she is not a woman who can be manipulated by others.

Let’s go back to “setting rules”, that is, “setting family rules”.

The establishment of a new family and the formation of a marriage generally involve the participation of six main individuals, the couple and their parents. 6 people will have 6 different attitudes towards doing things, which means there will be 6 different "family rules".

Therefore, it is necessary to establish a "family rule" that everyone agrees with, but it is indeed difficult to satisfy the "family rules" of 6 people at the same time, and disagreements can easily arise.

So the best way is for the couple to separate from their original families, and then establish a new "family rules" based on their respective original families, which will apply to your small family. .

In addition, there is indeed a need to "set up rules" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law does have a great impact on the marriage, especially those who must meet frequently, so it is better to "set up rules" sooner rather than later. .

But this "setting of rules" must be approved by both parties. It cannot only follow the preferences of one party, nor can the mother-in-law establish it privately without the knowledge of the daughter-in-law, and then "read it out to the daughter-in-law" ".

My mother-in-law has also been a daughter-in-law for many years. If your mother-in-law did not "set rules" for you back then, you should not embarrass your daughter-in-law at this time; if your mother-in-law "sets rules" for you ", then we should not treat our daughter-in-law like this. This is the so-called "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you".