A collection of classic crosstalk lines that seem funny but actually make sense (40 items)

Part 1 of classic cross talk lines that look funny but actually make sense

1. I can make the ugly look beautiful.

2. Run to the station, clamp the train on the teeth, and bolt the other end to the locomotive. When he drives, you turn your head and get off. Bad governance. Go ahead, nothing can be done. The wire is fastened, and the other end is fastened to the locomotive. Woo... The train has started. When I turn around here, boom! The tooth is down?

3. If you can’t talk about the treasure game, what is it called at home? This is called secret gambling.

4. It’s not easy to hit. Just hit it a little and listen to it. (Start to hit the board) Ta-de-ling-ta, ling-ling-ta, ta-de-ling

5. Because I have More than ten years of bragging history. Much worse, I have more than 30 years of bragging experience

6. Really?

7. Ha! He was snarky with me! You think I don’t dare to stew you. If our family had a pot, I would have stewed you long ago.

8. Just wait a moment, let alone girl, how do I look at others?

9. I advise you not to indulge in wine, sex, wealth, food, drink, whoring or gambling. If you have nothing to do, just go to the cross talk conference and listen to two cross talk sessions to relax your mind.

10. There is also a selection of Guo Degang’s cross talk here. Is there an instruction manual for secretly draining oil? Hidden secret to drain oil? Do you forget about the money after you make it? Oh oh oh, then there is no cross talk selection for Guo Degang. Three Kingdoms, Water Margin, Harry Potter, Hidden Secrets and Paiyou.

11. I am puzzled, some of our actors are all cool. His singing was not good enough, and he had too many words to remember. He sang nonsense on stage, and some people even handed him flower baskets. With his cool tune, he could receive more than forty flower baskets. I worked so hard, and I couldn’t even Not even a wreath.

12. They all say that I am very good looking.

13. When we say we are close buddies, we are not close buddies. If we argue, we will divide the family. The brother is like a jackal and the brother is like a tiger. The brother turns against him and adds three points.

14. The physical education teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt in my class again will be punished by making her stand on her head.

15. The audience is less likely to pick fights. Using the "Dashou" brand lactation agent, the milk flow is like water from the Yangtze River, and the child is breastfeeding

16. Talk about your plans. You plan to be unhappy for a month and buy a pair of shoes. For size 41 shoes, you want a pair of size 39 shoes. Just go out and sneak away, right? The second and third rings don't work anymore. Qinghe Shahe Changping County South Port Qinglong Bridge Kangzhuangzi Huailai County.

17. If you can’t sleep tonight, go out for a walk. Second Ring Road, Third Ring Road, Fourth Ring Road, Fifth Ring Road and Sixth Ring Road. Walk to Kaifeng and back again. This is one night.

18. "It is said that Guo Degang took advantage of the army, He Yunwei, Cao Yunjin, Pan Yunxia, ??Zhang Yunlei..." Oh, none of these apprentices weighed more than ninety pounds.

19. When the passerby saw the big man being so rude, he said, "Ask someone else." The big man was very angry and said to the passerby: "You are so stingy and a terrible person." /p>

20. It rained twice this week, one for 3 days and one for 4 days. Part 2 of classic cross talk lines that seem funny but actually make sense

21. Kai Sanmai, oh my god, it’s so exciting!

22. Look at this "there are musical instruments", laymen have never seen it, have you seen it? (Take out the bamboo board) Take it out and ask you to open your eyes. Can you see something? This is famous, can you name it?

23. I admire myself so much that sometimes I kowtow to myself when I look in the mirror!

24. When he poops while riding on his neck, I wipe down the dry ones and wipe up the loose ones. But he rides on the neck and brings out dysentery!

25. My apprentice is a wandering horse, observing monuments, observing flocks of sheep, asking questions and answering ten questions, and answering questions fluently. He knows everything, knows everything. He is truly an elf of all things and a hero of mankind!

26. All this goes on, I can sing for several days!

27. The lock can be opened with a poke of noodles, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small area.

28. People use milk to bathe~~~After I arrived at the dairy factory, I just said, "Bah, Bah," and I said this casually for a short cross talk. Oh, those cows were crying when I was moved. ~~~My eyes are full of milk~~~Wow~~~~It’s amazing...

29. What are you thinking about? You are so beautiful that you still want to be your son for the rest of your life? I go out to make money, and if you leave home to eat, you are considered a copycat. Just for a moment! Maybe it only takes three to five minutes to learn it. Once you know it, you can turn around and earn your money. From now on, the two of you have nothing to do with each other.

30. Look at other people, those who drive and those who buy high-rise buildings, look at you, you have nothing, the ground under your feet is shaking, the water around you is flowing, your hands are shaking, and in your heart Tears are flowing.

31. This fire burned for three days and three nights. All the fire brigade in the city went there, but he couldn’t put it out.

32. Did you catch it and deal with it? What's going on? If I can understand it, why should I watch it? Read English newspapers.

33. Taiping lyrics. Alas, the lyrics of Taiping sound very simple at first glance. One sentence after another, but it is not easy to sing.

34. This is because you are ignorant and ignorant. While my apprentice is free now, if you have any difficult questions, you can quickly ask him for advice. Later my apprentice goes to slap him, and you won't be able to find him anywhere.

35. Let me tell you, our family is a bragging shop.

36. What paragraphs do you know and which ones do I not know?

37. Isn’t this the same thing! So how can these two be considered the Four Great Classics? Look at this intelligence, have you seen it? The two of them talked about the four great classics in a daze. Why did you think you were caught? How fresh, how many are there? ! The four great classics! Then there are Three Kingdoms, Water Margin, Hidden Secret Paiyou, and Harry Potter. Why do you have to put the secret oil in it? There are no weight loss products here. Who said it was for weight loss? They drain oil! You really didn't take other people's money for free.

38. If you see a shadow in front of you, don’t be afraid, it’s because there is sunshine behind you.

39. Wait a moment, is there Guo Degang in "The Analects"? "The Analects", there is this sentence in the book "The Analects of Confucius Gongye Chang" written by Confucius: I have never seen a strong person. How to say it? Kong Shengren said, unfortunately, I have never met Guo Degang. Does that mean you are dead in front of Saint Kong?

40. How many years have I had?

Ma Ji’s cross talk lines

Training the disciples

A: Where is the performance here?

B: Ah, let’s perform here.

A: I heard that all crosstalk actors are knowledgeable?

B: No, no. Crosstalk actors have never studied for a few days in the past. They mostly communicate their feelings orally and only have a little knowledge of memorizing questions.

A: So, you are much worse than me. Compared with me, you are just a drop in the bucket.

B: There aren’t any of us left either. So you are knowledgeable?

A: Of course. I am omniscient and omniscient. There is nothing I don’t know about ancient and modern times, Chinese and foreign schools of thought, literature, history, medicine and horoscopes.

B: I see, you don’t know the same thing!

A: What don’t I know?

B: You don’t know “shame”!

A: You praise me.

B: Why praise me! You stare and talk nonsense, what knowledge do you have?

A: I tell you that you don’t understand my knowledge. Your education is too low, your knowledge is too little, your experience is too shallow, and your level is too low. You didn't understand what I said, which not only wasted my precious time, but also made you embarrassed and dumbfounded in public. Talking about knowledge with you is not like playing the piano to an ox?

B: What you said is so damaging! Today, I have to learn a lot about your knowledge.

A: If you really want to ask for advice, there is no need for me to teach you my studies in person, it is enough for my little apprentice to give you some pointers!

B: Do you still have an apprentice?

A: Nonsense, think back when Confucius and Confucius had three thousand disciples, let alone me.

B: Who am I?

A: Do you understand what I mean?

B: I understand.

A: What do I mean?

B: That’s the person who was shot!

A: I am me.

B: Yes, you are the one who will be killed!

A: How do you talk?

B: Confucius had three thousand disciples, the most outstanding of whom were the seventy-two great sages.

A: Confucius’s disciples were all “sage” (virtuous) people, but my disciples are not so salty.

B: What’s the matter?

A: It has only been marinated for a few days.

B: Duck eggs!

A: I have a most proud apprentice who is young and capable. I have taught him all my knowledge.

B: What abilities do you have as an apprentice?

A: My apprentice is a person who knows astronomy, observes geography, and understands people and people. Understand the yin and yang, know the Eight Diagrams, know the six lines, know the Dunjia, strategize, win a victory thousands of miles away, and decide three parts of the world before leaving the hut.

B: Is this your apprentice?

A: This is Zhuge Liang.

B: Why are you mentioning Zhuge Liang?

A: If I don’t mention Zhuge Liang, my apprentice’s ability will not be revealed.

B: What abilities does your apprentice have?

A: My apprentice is a wandering horse who observes monuments, recognizes flocks of sheep, answers questions 10 times, and answers fluently. He knows everything and knows everything. He is truly an elf of all things and a hero of mankind!

B: I don’t think he is a hero of mankind!

A: He is...

B: The garlic from the vegetable market.

A: Garlic!

B: Let’s do it this way. If your apprentice is really capable, invite him out and I’ll meet him.

A: Oh, do you plan to learn some skills and gain some knowledge from my apprentice?

B: Ah, please bring him out and I’ll talk to him.

A: Okay then. (Looking around) Hey, you were slapping me here just now!

Person B: I’m not very capable in this way of playing!

A: (Shouting to the side curtain) Awkward! awkward! ......

B: Wait. Who are you looking for?

A: Find my apprentice.

B: Your apprentice’s name is...

A: Awkward.

B: Oh, you are looking for trouble!

A: Awkward, awkward...

(C responds from the side screen: "Hey--" he makes a long sound and stands on the ground, his pen is straight and his eyes are dull. Bow (front, back, left, right, four bows)

B: What is your apprentice doing?

A: This is master. I teach well, and my apprentice is polite in dealing with others.

B: That was just now...

A: I performed a Western gift imported from a foreign country.

B: This is not a Western gift!

A: Look at this...

B: The calf bows to all directions.

A: This is because you are ignorant and ignorant. While my apprentice is free now, if you have any difficult questions, you can quickly ask him for advice. Later my apprentice goes to slap him, and you won't be able to find him anywhere.

B: I have to hurry up. (Looks at C carefully) How can he be learned with this appearance?

A: People should not be judged by their appearance. You look pretty good, why didn't you export it for the panda?

B: Hi, should I ask him?

A: Ask.

B: I always see this kid throwing away his hair. Bragging crosstalk lines

B: Hello, all the audience members

A: Hello, friends

B: Who are you?

A: You don’t even know me, but I am the world’s bragging Olympic all-around champion

B: Just you? Everyone looked at him with an inch nail.

A: Don’t look at me as a young person, I am young and mature

B: I am mature too early

A: I am only 11 years old Go to college

B: You are far behind. I became a professor when I was 10 years old

A: I became a scientist when I was 9 years old

B : I made nuclear weapons when I was 8 years old

A: I got married when I was 7 years old, and now my son has graduated from elementary school.

B: Huh?

A: Feel free to brag, there is no tax on bragging

B: I’m going to say that to you, I already have freckles when I’m 5 years old

A: Me I have forehead wrinkles at the age of 4

B: I have a hunchback since I was 3 years old

A: I lost my teeth when I was two years old

B: I was one year old Your hair has turned white

A: Oops, he took up the number of one year old

B: You have no age

A: No age Better than you

B: What’s wrong?

A: I retired before I was born

B: I retired before I was born?

A: Did you complete the task ahead of schedule?

B: Is that true?

A: There is a dairy factory. The cows are in a mood and can no longer produce milk. Oops, the cows can’t produce milk. Breastfeeding will reduce production. What will happen to the income? How to explain to the leader? The factory director was extremely anxious: Hello, is this the Transportation Department? Hurry up and get the helicopter and pick up that little Wu who is talking about cross talk

B: Why are we picking you up?

A: After I arrived at the dairy factory, I just said this casually for a short period of cross talk, oh, oh, oh, those cows were crying when I was moved - all the tears came out of their eyes. Milk - wow - amazing

B: What's wrong?

A: There is too much milk flowing, so we are starting to prevent floods.

B: Hey, is milk being used to prevent floods?

A: People all bathe with milk

B: What’s this? There is a domestic duck farm. The ducks don’t lay eggs. The owner of the farm is very anxious: Hey, Xiao Wang, I This duck can't lay eggs, come here and help! I said that the cross talk was hard, and my little mouth was like a machine gun. I was sweating profusely when I said it. These ducks were finally moved - the ducks thought to themselves, oops, we haven't laid eggs in more than two years, and people come all the way. Let's talk about cross talk. If you don't lay eggs again, you are not enough. This time, not only do you have to lay eggs, but you also have to lay a high-quality egg. After thinking about it, the duck flopped down on the ground and listened to the squeaking and squeaking

A: How is it

B: Two camels came out

A: Huh? The duck got off the camel? You are really good at bragging,

B: Aren’t you awesome?

A: Then you are still not as good as me. My cross talk can cure diseases

B: What disease can it cure?

A: Last time, there was an old lady who had been paralyzed in bed for more than eighty years.

B: Eighty--more than eighty years? This is too suspenseful, right?

A: All Chinese and Western doctors were invited, but they still couldn’t be cured.

B: Isn’t this dangerous?

A: Finally, he invited me over again

B: I picked you up

A: After entering the door, I bowed to the old lady first. Bow

B: Oh, that’s quite polite

A: Then I yelled at the old lady, blah blah blah, and said such a short cross talk. After listening to the cross talk, the old lady said, Throwing the cane...

B: How is it?

A: I went to Beijing to participate in the 2008 Olympic Games

B: Look at his bragging

A: Haha, that’s awesome! I have an heirloom recipe for bragging.

B: What’s the use of the ancestral secret recipe? I can blow the square ones into round ones, can you?

A: I can blow the short ones into long ones.

B: I can make the ugly look beautiful.

A: I can turn a man into a woman.

B: I am taller than you

A: I am a bit hunchbacked, but actually I am taller than you

B: I grow a foot a day

p>

A: I grew ten feet overnight

B: I am as tall as Mount Everest

A: Mount Everest is half a head shorter than me

B: My head is in the sky, my feet are on the ground, I can reach out and catch a big plane!

A: My upper lip is touching the sky and my lower lip is touching the ground!

B: What about your face?

A: Those who brag are shameless! Stand-up comedy lines

Hello, classmates, my name is **, and today I will tell you a stand-up comedy routine.

Crosstalk is a language art that focuses on speaking, learning, teasing and singing;

Say, I am the best at it, let’s start with an idiom solitaire. "Single-minded, high-spirited, hard-working, strong words, weak words, poor mountains and harsh waters, deep and hot waters, hot and ardent, upward every day, from heaven to earth, for as long as the earth and forever, for a long time, for a long time, for a long time, for three parts, for a long time, we will be reunited, and the whole family will be happy."

Let’s play the song “Doing morning exercises after dusk, seeing a mouse catching a cat, a dog eating grass, and a horse growing horns. I was so scared that I ran all over the street. I ate milk, drank bread, and carried my schoolbag on my back. You said it was upside down or not?" If this is not enough, let me talk about a new paragraph called "kaiziji", which is to recite the new characters I learned together and start "opening one, three, five, seventy-nine, two, four, six, eighty, clap my hands, first the cat looks for Xiaobai" Rabbits, two brothers watering trees, looking down and bending over, eating grass to grow fat, marking the direction and running for the future, driving hooves on an expedition to reclaim the wasteland, legless tadpoles practicing breaststroke, toads stretching out their tongues and scurrying in lines, restraining the naughtiness. , always want to jump without formality, behave smartly and don’t laugh at stupidity, work skillfully and hard after school, fulfill your responsibilities and love service, be exposed to all walks of life, don’t be discouraged in dealing with problems, be lazy, suspicious and accumulate regrets, welcome the golden show forever, yellow The golden corn stacks are rowing, the rice scythes are shining during the autumn harvest, the master is wiping his feathers, the chapters are wrapped in ink on the scroll, the fruit juice is dull and shallow, and the joy of swimming in the sea of ??wisdom is full of happiness!

Dou Hexue has been interspersed in the above performances, and it is time to sing next, starting with a popular song, "The first snow in 2002" by Dao Lang came later than usual. The No. 2 bus parked on the eighth floor took away the last falling yellow leaves.

The first snow in 2002 came later than usual, and you were like a flying bird. The flying butterfly sways in the snowy season. You are like a flying butterfly, swaying in the snowy season." Let’s play the theme song of the familiar children’s song "Nezha" again,

"Let’s talk about a myth, let’s talk about a family, this couple, gave birth to a strange baby... I want to ask what his name is, Nezha, Nezha, little Nezha." You want to ask me what my name is?

My performance is over. I wish everyone a happy new year, thank you!

Asking for directions

In life, the most important thing is to be humble and prudent. No matter what you do, you must be humble. You will do something yourself. Don’t show off in front of that person. Show off to others what is there? What's there to show off? So, if you are humble in front of others, you will definitely not suffer.

I am from Shandong. I usually speak in our Shandong dialect. I have a fellow countryman who is also a pretty good person. He just likes to show off his ability and know how to do whatever he encounters. more than others. It was a joke when I went on a business trip to Tianjin a few days ago.

Why is he making a joke? Before he went to Tianjin, he learned a few words of Tianjin dialect. When he arrived in Tianjin, he showed off. One morning, he was wondering about Goubuli eating steamed buns. He knew that the steamed buns were delicious but he had never eaten them before, so he planned to try them. However, he didn’t know where Goubuli was. He had to ask around. At this time, by A young man came in front, so he went up to him and asked him how to get out of here. When he asked, he remembered the Tianjin dialect, and he opened his mouth and said: "Excuse me, how can I get to the Goubuli bun shop?" (Tianjin dialect) When this person heard this, Tianjin people didn't know Goubuli. reason? He was looking for fun with me, so I pointed to the north and said, "It's in the north." (Tianjin dialect) This person is also sincere and went to the north, but after walking for a while, it feels wrong? Why don't you even see a store? Let's ask more.

There happened to be an old lady basking in the sun sitting in front of her. She walked over and said, "You're tired, how can I get to this Goubuli steamed stuffed bun shop?" (Tianjin dialect) When the old lady heard this, she said, "What?" Don’t Tianjin people know that Goubuli? Where are you kidding me? I also made a mistake and pointed to the north: "It's in the north." When this person heard it, he was right. Let's go north. I don't know how long we have been walking. Anyway, the sky was a little dark. This person Why hasn’t Xunsi arrived yet? At this time, an old farmer who resisted the hoe came up from the front. This old farmer hurried forward to greet him. He opened his mouth and spoke in Shandong dialect without using Tianjin dialect: "Uncle, how can Goubuli leave?" The old farmer was amused and said: " "Young man, it's not easy for you to reach this point in Goubuli, Tianjin. This is the Miyun Reservoir." Well, he went the wrong way. Sports meeting

A: The audience loves the actors very much.

B: Alas, that’s right.

A: Look, the audience gave us warm applause before we even got on stage.

B: Yes, yes.

A: Everyone is very familiar with me, they all know me, right?

B: You!

A: Do you know me?

B: Forgive me for my blindness, I didn’t recognize it.

A: Why are you so blind? You're taking a closer look.

B: Sorry, I didn’t recognize it.

A: I am a famous athlete! My classmates at school all know me!

B: Oh! You are an athlete! I didn't see that.

A: I am a very famous campus athlete. If you don’t believe me, look at me. I’m dizzy or not. I’m still moving after I’m dizzy.

B: This movement is just a word, don’t break it apart.

A: I like to exercise when I have nothing to do. I can do any kind of exercise.

B: Then what do you know?

A: Let’s talk about how to get out first!

B: Ah——?

A: What are football, basketball, table tennis, shot put, baseball, bowling, tennis, water polo, hockey, badminton, rugby, and golf. Let me tell you this, as long as it’s a ball, I can practice.

B: Oh! As long as it’s a ball you can practice.

A: Alas! right.

B: Can you also practice the dung ball rolled by the dung beetle?

A: Go down. Are you being honest?

B: Didn’t you say that you can practice with a ball?

A: I mean you can practice with a sports ball!

B: Oh - that’s what happened!

A: This is a ball game!

B: What are you good at in track and field?

A: There are many strengths!

B: Please tell me.

A: Like 60 meters, 100 meters, 200, 400. 800 meters, 1000 meters, 5000 meters, marathon, 42 kilometers, I can do it all.

B: Ha! ——There are so many strengths!

A: I once appeared in front of a big shot and brought honor to our school!

B: Oh——? Who have you appeared in front of?

A: Do you know about (nei) Maradona?

B: I know this very well! A saint in the history of Argentine football! Known as the King of Football——!

A: I just showed up in front of Maradona!

B: This is incredible——! How did you show your face in front of him?

A: Once, he visited our school to see how our school’s football career was developing.

B: Oh!

A: This day coincides with the sports meeting of our school.

B: What a coincidence.

A: Our class is having a football match with another class!

B: Yes——!

A: Lao Ma, look at how fast I dribble the ball and shoot!

B: How fast can you break through with the ball?

A: That speed, 9 seconds 87, as fast as Johnson——!

B: Well, you’ve also taken stimulants!

A: When I saw my playing style, I sighed——!

B: What did he say?

A: Ouch——! Principal of your school, what a wonderful student you should be, what a wonderful student you should be, what a wonderful and unique student you should be! ! !

B: Okay, come up and hit the three heads first.

A: In my opinion, the beauty of football is not only inferior to me, but even Pele of Brazil can only compare to it.

B: Better than the two world champions.

A: Our principal must be humble with him!

B: Oh! So what did your principal say?

A: How dare you? This student doesn’t dare to compete with you, but how dare he compete with the world champion Pele?

B: His principal is quite bitter!

A: Otherwise, it seems to me that not only Pele and I cannot compare with him, but also the British football genius Best plays in the same way as this student.

B: Okay, the more you talk about it, the better it gets!

A: Principal of your school, can you let me meet this student?

B: Oh! Want to see you.

A: The principal said it was no problem and found someone to go down and call me up——! I heard that Maradona wanted to meet me, so I had to prepare quickly——!

B: Yes, you need to prepare. This is a big shot!

A: I went up to the rostrum. When Maradona saw me, he was amazed again!

B: Why are you amazed again?

A: Oh, I just saw that your football skills are very superb. I didn’t expect you to be so good in other sports.

B: What’s going on?

A: Me! At that time, I was shooting basketball with my right hand, volleyball with my left hand on tiptoe, kicking a football under my feet, and holding a table tennis ball on my head!

B: Oh. Are you going to meet Maradona?

A: No, I sell sports equipment!

B: Hi——!