Who can give me some funny jokes?

1. The couple are talking about the romance of the Three Kingdoms. The wife said, "Cao Cao led an army of 8 10000 ..."

Hearing this, the husband immediately corrected and said, "No, they are 830,000 men."

The wife said, "It's 8 10000."

The husband said, "It is 830,000."

They couldn't argue, so they just went to get the book. The husband went to the kang to get a book, stepped on the sleeping child on the bed and the child began to cry. The wife said, "Shit, I trampled the baby to death!" " "

The husband listened and said impatiently, "Twenty thousand people told you it was gone, and you still care about this one and a half."

In the evening, my husband told me that he bought a lottery ticket of 1000.

I said discontentedly that he lost his home, and my husband said with a smile, "The fortune teller said two days ago that I was lucky these days, and I will definitely win the grand prize this time."

After that, he sat on the sofa, sipping tea leisurely, and said to himself, "After winning 5 million yuan, buy a four-bedroom apartment first, and then replace all the home appliances with new ones. Also, buy high-end fashion and cosmetics for your wife. Who will make us rich? "

I went to fill the rice bowl with a wry smile, and accidentally, my rice bowl fell to the ground and broke. At this moment, I heard my husband shout, "Don't throw things in a hurry, we haven't won the lottery yet."

There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which reads: "No trampling on the lawn, and offenders will be fined one yuan."

A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before and asked the service staff in the park, "Why is the fine reduced?" Didn't you need to pay a fine of five yuan before? "

Attendant: "Nobody stepped on five pieces."

4. Father: "Whenever a guest comes, I ask you to take a cigarette, and you have to listen to me."

Son: "I don't know what you mean."

Father: "that is to say, if a guest comes in the future, I say' bring a cigarette' and you really take it;" I said,' Have a cigarette' and don't come back when you leave. "