Cai Kangyong: Congratulations to those who didn't send friends.

Cai Kangyong, a famous host in Taiwan Province Province, China, was once asked: "Why do you think people are less and less fond of making friends now?"

He replied: "If we look at our circle of friends, we will know that we have suppressed ourselves a lot in order to create a window for others to see."

As for those who often can't make friends, he said, "I would rather believe that they spend most of their energy dealing with real life, and I will also congratulate them on finding the center of gravity in life."

Because they unveiled the mask of their circle of friends, they no longer showed off their sense of superiority in their circle of friends, and no longer regarded their circle of friends as a' trash can' for their negative emotions, but regarded their immediate life as a real stage.

For most people, the circle of friends is actually a well-known gathering place for friends. When we started to try to create what we wanted them to see in the circle of friends, the mask was put on.

Compared with real life, most people gradually care more about their position in the circle of friends and who they are in the eyes of others.

They learned camouflage in the circle of friends, showed high-quality life taste, showed rich amateur activities, and even a strong social circle.

At three o'clock in the morning, Miss Zhang made a circle of friends lying in bed, "Girl, you have worked overtime to this point, please work hard for yourself", and accompanied by a night view taken during overtime, but in fact she had already gone home two hours ago.

At 6: 30 in the morning, Miss Li quickly took out her mobile phone, typed in a mint punch card, drew the page from beginning to end, and finished punching in 10 second, and forwarded the message to her circle of friends, "Day 100, the harder you work, the luckier you are!"

At eight o'clock in the evening, Anna walked on the treadmill in the gym for 10 minutes, posed in front of the mirror in the gym for 15 minutes, retouched the picture for 30 minutes, and sent a message to the circle of friends, "I feel really comfortable after sweating." In fact, this is the only time Anna has come to the gym this month.

However, my friend, you are dazzling in the circle of friends, but in real life, you are still stumbling and struggling. Others see you in the circle of friends, shuttling through high-rise buildings and wandering in various social circles. However, only you know how miserable you are in the middle of the night.

Tao Te Ching says, "All five colors are blind; Five tones are not deaf; The five flavors are refreshing. " Just want to tell us that the superior life deliberately created by friends circle is gradually blinding your senses and eroding your feelings.

And those who really work hard and really want to change themselves have been working hard in secret. I will not shout slogans, never set up so-called flags in my circle of friends, but practice my plan step by step and make myself a better person in a down-to-earth way. Because they know that anyone can shout slogans, and only if they really work hard will they not hit themselves in the face.

In today's increasingly popular circle of friends, showing off houses and cars, showing off children and husbands, showing off circles and relationships, and showing off achievements and achievements seems to have become an irreplaceable "sense of ceremony" in many people's lives.

Director bernardo bertolucci said, "People think you are happy, which is more satisfying than happiness itself. This is vanity. " It is true that vain people tend to show off more and lack more.

And truly outstanding people are low-key and indifferent.

As a famous mouth of CCTV, Bai is actually very low-key in life, let alone making friends. He doesn't even use WeChat.

He once explained on a program why he didn't use WeChat.

He said, "I think more and more people in China will consider leaving WeChat and their circle of friends for a while in the future. A circle of friends tells you how others live, but you don't even understand how you live. Is it useful to care about how others are doing? An important feature of people now is that they know more and more, but how to live more wonderfully is less and less. "

Bai's words reflect a truth: people who rely on their friends to express themselves are actually showing their sharpness; People who always compare themselves with others actually have an empty life.

In fact, Bai is not the only one who thinks "no WeChat, no circle of friends". Many celebrities have made comments on "Don't WeChat" in public.

China was the first basketball player to enter the NBA, and now Wang, the head coach of CBA Bayi Nanchang Team, is a guest on Beijing Sports Station "Everyday Sports". In the recording of the program, he publicly criticized the basketball players for "not training well and having fun with their mobile phones".

Undoubtedly, excellent people are always pragmatic. They know what real ownership is and what accidental illusion is. They don't need the outside world to gain a sense of existence, the flattery of others to gain a sense of security, to prove or show off anything to anyone, or to listen to others' boasting.

They are strong in heart, can face everything calmly and calmly, and are very clear about what they should and should not do. External interference and evaluation can't have any influence on them.

When people get to this point, why should they "expose" themselves through their circle of friends?

Many people have the experience that brushing a circle of friends in the early morning is more terrible than the advertising screen of WeChat merchants, and it is to see a full screen of negative emotional quotations.

Before, there was a popular word on the Internet called "garbage man", which refers to those who are full of garbage emotions and negative energy. They are irritable, unfriendly, and like to complain. They vent their negative emotions to people around them like garbage when they encounter things that don't meet their wishes.

They all say "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you", and I believe no one likes being with people full of negative energy.

Some people think that the circle of friends is a private domain, and they can post whatever they want, but in the end they will understand that it is meaningless. The most fake word in the world is "empathy". Expressing negative emotions in a circle of friends will only make people who care about you worry unnecessarily, and people who hate you will only read jokes.

Iqiyi's self-made debate online variety "Qi Yu Shuo" had such a debate: Do you want to vent negative emotions in your circle of friends?

As a mentor, Cai Kangyong holds the opposite view that negative emotions should not be vented in the circle of friends. His exposition of * * * is divided into three levels:

1, friends can be grouped, but interpersonal relationships have changed. People who are in close relationship at the moment may not be the closest friends in the future. The sweet screenshots at the beginning may later become each other's weapons.

2. Any kind of emotion pays attention to "reciprocity", so do negative emotions. The more you spread it, the more negative effects you get.

3. Treating negative emotions is not to suppress or vent, but to settle down. Only by figuring out where it comes from can we know where it is going.

Cai Kangyong's exposition shows that venting emotions in the circle of friends, first of all, is to treat the symptoms rather than the root cause, which will only make you more and more angry invisibly.

Of course, everyone will inevitably have a bad mood. The key is that some people choose to vent freely, and some people are good at managing their bad emotions, turning them into a kind of strength, triggering their own thinking, enriching their thoughts and making their will stronger.

Mark Boal Ryan, a professor at Emory University in the United States, once said: One of the signs of a person's maturity is to understand that 99% of what happens to him every day is meaningless to others.

Too much venting junk emotions in the circle of friends, transmitting negative energy and affecting others' emotions is nothing more than lowering one's emotional intelligence, reducing one's communication and destroying one's social interaction.

Therefore, a truly mature and cultured person will not choose to vent negative emotions in the circle of friends, and will not collapse in the circle of friends.

20 16 has a data showing that a user enters a circle of friends about 30~40 times a day on average.

This is a very dangerous signal for Zhang Xiaolong, the father of WeChat. He stressed: "I personally don't want users to waste too much time on WeChat. From the company's point of view, WeChat always hopes that users can use WeChat reasonably, and there is life outside WeChat. "

The so-called "Tao Te Ching" has a cloud: "A gentleman is thick but not thin; Actually not in China. " Just want to tell us, don't miss vanity, live really, really.

So for millions of users, WeChat is just a communication tool, and the circle of friends is just an open function in this tool. Life is our real stage.

Therefore, people who really love life will not be trapped by friends, but will be busy and full in reality. For them, real work and life are far better than virtual circle of friends.

They love life. They never feel that the years are quiet in their circle of friends, but let themselves really fall in love with this kind of fireworks.