A joke that broke up in discord.

1, Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "

2. The first time a person sells popsicles in the market, he is embarrassed to sell them. A man next to him was shouting "selling popsicles", so he had to shout "me too."

The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "You only take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things?"

4. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "

Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

6. Two drunks were driving wildly. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

7. A customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop and pointed to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, saying, "I was standing on the street corner yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth!"

8. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

9. Japanese, Americans and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. Americans drank a very important drink, but the Japanese ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! Spit out your drink!

10, there is an orangutan in the zoo, which is extremely ugly. One day I went to see it and I threw up. You went to see it, and the gorilla vomited ... I was bored. Why is the difference between people so big?

1 1. A farmer went to a car sales center and saw him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." That company's Mercedes is only 600! " "

1. A gentleman went to test his driver's license. During the oral examination, the examiner asked, "You saw a dog and a man in front of the car. Did you run over the dog or the man?"

Without thinking, the gentleman replied, "Of course, he ran over the dog."

The examiner shook his head and said, "Come back next time."

The gentleman is not convinced: "I don't run over dogs, do I run over people?"

The examiner reprimanded loudly: "You should brake."

2. The class is undergoing vision training.

A clever recruit was called out by the monitor to count the diggers in the distant wilderness. Those people looked small, but the recruits answered without hesitation: 16 soldiers and a sergeant, sir.

Correct, but how did you know there was a sergeant there?

He doesn't work, sir.

Step 3: errands

"Who likes music, take three steps forward!" The monitor gave the order.

Six soldiers came out.

"Good. Now please take this piano to the conference hall on the third floor."

6. Zhang San and Li Si are both doormen. Zhang San is on duty at noon, and Li Si eats. Zhang San suddenly said, wait a minute, I have diarrhea! Li Si answered: Then pull it quickly, and I can eat it when I finish.

7. Husband: "Why did you give that beggar so much money at once? He is pretending to be blind! "

Wife: "Didn't you hear him say to me,' Beautiful and kind lady ...'"

Husband: "It seems that he is really blind!" " "

8. Several scientists are having a meeting together. Someone asked, 1 1 times 1 1 how much is it? American scientists can't wait to put out their feet. China scientists immediately answered 12 1. American scientists immediately severely criticized: How can mathematics be fooled? Science is a very serious topic. Then I took out my calculator and pressed it for a long time. It really is 12 1. I can't help wondering: damn, you are really accurate.

9. A boy is chasing a girl, but the girl is not interested in him and tells him the truth repeatedly, but the boy

But still stubborn.

One day, the girl couldn't resist it, and suddenly turned back under the repeated entanglement of the boy, and said angrily:

"What do you like about me? Can't I change it? "

10, shake all kinds ~

The teacher said, "Let's call it a day ..."

Wake up ~

Attach a few disgusting jokes.

have airsickness

Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

suffer from famine

An old farmer introduced the 60-year famine to the younger generation and said, "How bitter it was then! We all have nothing to eat, and we never want to throw out the booger we dug up ... "

Haste makes waste

An unknown man came to the toilet and squatted at the door. What should I do if I find no paper after defecation? He saw a water pipe in front of the door and thought, handle it with your hands and wash your hands. He wiped off the dirt with his right hand and turned on the tap with his left hand, but there was no water in the pipe at all. He became angry from embarrassment and slapped the tap hard with his right hand. The water didn't come out, but the severe pain made him put his hand into his mouth. It's the right hand

1, a man saw a store having a big sale and went in. What can I do for you? "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. What can I do for you? "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

2. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma replied, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Are they really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was like this ... "