Looking for cross talk lines for shaking briquettes

Mr. Ma Sanli's stand-up comedy "Shaking Briquettes"

It's a joke.

Someone has asked me: "Opening a Porridge Factory" in your cross talk, just now... As mentioned earlier, you are a Mashan person, you said you are from the Loess Ma family in northern Beijing, right? How does it start?

I said: Yes, that’s it, the work is like this, the Loess Horse family.

(Imitation question) How come Wang Fengshan, who is so flattering, says that your family sells loess? Is there such a saying?

I said: Yes, he said that our family sells loess. I said that we are not selling loess, but that our family takes advantage of the loess.

(Imitating the question) Where can I buy loess? Isn't this sentence...this compliment...inappropriate?

I said: OK, you are right to raise this opinion. It was indeed inappropriate at the time and now. In fact, there were people selling loess in the past, but that’s not the case. I said it’s because you are young and you are too young to catch up, ah, you don’t know. In recent years, there has been no one selling loess. In the past, there were people selling loess in Beijing. To burn coal in winter, use briquettes and shake them, ah. Our coal burning in Beijing is different from that in Tianjin, ah. We from Beijing, when we wanted to buy coal, he was Lian Mo'er, so he would bring some coal together. You buy it, buy twenty kilograms of coal, buy thirty kilograms of coal, both minced coal and lumps, anyway, they are delivered to you. There was a car coming to your courtyard. It was the same way inside. There were not many floors at that time. They were all small courtyards. There were big courtyards, small courtyards, and small bamboo courtyards. There were three or two rooms, four or five rooms. Yes, there are a lot of them in large courtyards. Just go there for you. There are lumps and bits in the coal. That piece, of course, pick it out, and this piece, how to burn it? If you want to make briquettes, you must add loess. If you don't add loess, it will not stick, it will fall apart, and it will not be briquettes. . Our Beijing is like this, but Tianjin is not. In Tianjin, if you want a piece of coal, he will give you a piece of coal. If you want coal briquettes, he will shake them for you. He only has workers. In his coal factory, he has shakers of briquettes. We don’t have it in Beijing, we don’t have majors...shaking coal...No, we have them in Beijing, we have majors, they have them in Tianjin. ~Shake briquettes~Shake briquettes~(want) loess~Sell loess~We don’t have it here in Beijing, but in Tianjin. Tianjin doesn’t sell loess because they have briquettes. They sell you briquettes, but we in Beijing sell you briquettes. If you don’t add briquettes, you have to add loess. If you don’t add loess, you can’t make briquettes. That's it. That's why he said in a flattering tone, "Oh, your family sells loess." Why are you selling loess? To be sure, there are carts and carts of people pulling them from outside the city to the city. It’s just a small wooden cart. It’s not that far away. There is loess outside Xizhimen, not now. Now you go out of Xizhimen, which city gate you go out of, where can you find loess? This is already a gray road, isn't it? It's all asphalt. At that time, when you went out, there would be dirt everywhere you went out. But when you were living at home, who could go out and get dirt? With this alone, if you have the strength, you can make some money, and you don’t need any capital. Anyway, a small car will be enough. Go outside the city, hey, get a cart of loess, pull it up, "~I want loess~ buy it Loess~" Everyone wanted it, so he said: "Come on, come on, come on, come on." It's not much...it's not much money, maybe twenty or thirty cents. If it's not enough for a dime, then get a cart and put this loess over there. Waiting for the coal to be bought, it has been delivered. The coal factory will give you this, lumps of coal, and coal dust. They will also pour it all over the ground for you, so you can pick out the lumps of coal. As for the loess, mix it with the coal powder and briquettes. As for the briquettes, you have to be willing to work. When it comes to the work, you can do it yourself and make the briquettes. Generally speaking, you have to find someone else to do this. He only has this line of work, walking in alleys, and so on. There are those who shake briquettes, there are those who sell loess, and there is also this "~Shake briquettes~Shake briquettes~Shake briquettes~" Isn't it hard work? Anyway, shake out two hundred kilograms of briquettes. , anyway, it’s only a dime, maybe dozens of bucks even if it’s less than a dime. At that time, it cost a lot of copper, “~shake the briquettes~shake the briquettes~” and walk around the alleys.

But as for these two couples, there is a young couple who want to use these briquettes at home, so they also bought coal. A couple, the woman is in her thirties and the man is under forty.

There is a lot of coal dust and coal lumps. Use a fork to pull out all the coal lumps. The coal dust is left. When buying loess, they are all poured together. Put them aside. Hey, mix them. Add water to make a ball, ball it up, shake it, take a bamboo basket, a big bamboo basket, a big sieve, and shake it there. Who shakes it? Who does this? They are a couple, the man is a lazy guy, the woman is beautiful but doesn't like to do anything.

(Imitating male) "What should I do? Huh? Are you always leaving it like this? It will rain heavily in two days, and even the coal particles in the loess belt will be washed away. What should I do? Hurry up and do it."

The daughter-in-law said: "Who did it? Who did this? I just dyed my nails so long, my nails just grew out, I made briquettes? I shook briquettes? You can do it."

(Male impersonation) "Me? Me...my business...I don't even do this job..."

He has his own (turning) axle shop, (turning) axle shop The shop is about spinning the rolling pin and the table legs. He hires a man to spin them, but he doesn't do it. He just throws his hands away. Hey, the shopkeeper doesn't do anything. What should I do? That’s it.

(Imitate male) “Don’t worry about it, just wait, he (the briquette shaker) has to come anyway, listen up, there are briquette shakers, please He called in. Just wait..."

No... there are few, there are few people doing that, there are many people selling loess, there are few people shaking briquettes, just wait, it's so easy to wait. Wait, that family wants it, and when that family comes, it won’t come easily. This daughter-in-law has to stand at the door and wait every day... Beautiful! Although he is in his thirties, he dresses up... and likes to wear rouge. Think about it, he also likes to have long nails, and wishes he could have very long nails... This guy, think about it, he looks... ah, then , can it not be beautiful? Beautifully accurate. Ouch, he is so tidy, with his hair combed in a bun, well-dressed, and his face powdered... This is not the kind of person who works! He kept his nails very long and stood at the door, standing outside the door with the door frame underneath, picking his teeth and looking around. Selling orders and letting people look at me, I am also well-dressed, good-looking, in my thirties, standing there. Why? Just wait for that one to come over, shake the briquettes, shake the briquettes, wait for this kind of worker, sir, I can’t wait! I can’t wait for two days

(Imitate man) “What should I do?! It’s going to rain! Our coal dust is all covered under the bed...”

（ Imitation female) "You just don't care, you don't care, I have an idea. Aren't you not going to do it? I don't want to do it either. You go to work. Aren't you not going? Aren't you going to go to the cabinet? There's nothing on the cabinet. Go, you, go over to the Youyan Store and stay there.”

Youyan Store is now called, but later it was called a grocery store. In the past, we in Beijing called it the Youyan Store, but now it is called the Youyan Store. Call it a grocery store or a grocery store.

(Female imitation) "Just wait there at the oil and salt store. If you hear me sneeze, just come over. If I don't sneeze, don't tell me." Come here~"

(Imitate man) "Hey! Okay! "

Young man, go over to the oil and salt shop, the small grocery store, let's get some wine. I sat there. I know the shopkeeper of the oil and salt shop. Let’s chat. My beautiful daughter-in-law is standing at the door, waiting... but she still won't come. There is no one. Where to live? Gongxian'er Hutong, this Gongxian'er Hutong, this, as the name suggests, this Gongxian'er Hutong has more people coming and going than other places. Whoever goes to Gongbei'er place should take a long way around, this Gongxian'er Hutong It's a little closer. There is a small business owner, about 20 years old. They are nearby. They live here while walking through Chuangongxianer Alley. They stand here and take a look. Hey, there is a young man coming over. He looks young and strong. Fifteen or sixteen years old, I must be strong,

(Imitate female) "Hey~Hey~ Come in~ Come in~ There is no one at home, I am the only one~ Come in~"

This young man is looking at... a very beautiful person. I don't recognize him. Let him come in... ah...

(Imitate female) "Come in~ It's okay~ Come in~ Come in~"

< p>The young man followed him in. When he came in, she opened the door and locked the street door. There was a locking ring in this house, and it had a ring on it.

As soon as I came in, I didn’t say much,

(Imitating a woman) “Ah sneeze~ah sneeze~”

Sneeze, this sneeze, man, do it right Guo'er came out of the grocery store of Youyan Store,

(Imitating a man) "Hey! Open the door!"

Dang, Dang, kick the door,

( Impersonating a man) "Go away!

(Imitating a woman rushing to the young man) "Hey~ our men are here~"

When the young man saw...

< p> (Imitate young man) "You asked me to come in, you invited me in... You invited me..."

(Imitated female) "Hey~ our man, he is awesome, he sees life He's going to use the knife~ What should I do~ Where are you hiding... Hey~ I remembered, you, don't hide, look at that loess, that coal dust, you are pretending to be a briquette, he will come , came in and asked who you were, I said the briquette shaker, he took something, came back and left after a while, he couldn’t touch it, he asked, I said I found it ~ found it~”

< p> (Imitating the young man) "Okay...don't let him use the knife!" ~"

Afraid.

(Imitating the young man) "Okay...where? "

(Imitating female) "Well, isn't it in the backcourt? Why don't we pour it all together? There is a basket there, you shake it, ah~ Stand in the bright courtyard, shake it..." < /p>

Open the door

(Imitate man) “Hey, found it? Coming?

(Female imitation) "Aren't you coming? Why don't I spend a lot of money? I found him in an alley." You're welcome, I'm just sitting on the counter..."

(Imitating a man) "Oh, you're good, young man, what can you do? Okay! I'll sit here and take a look! Look at this young man, he’s really capable...Give me a stool..."

Don’t leave, just sit there. This young man can’t wait to finish his things and leave...

(Imitating a man charging at a young man) “Don’t be idle! What to do! "

Can you bear more than two hundred kilograms of coal dust? Your body is dirty, your face... even your ears are black, your ears are black, everything is black... Look. That’s almost it.

(Imitate man) “Hey! I'll go get some wine. I'll come back later and continue watching. I like to see the young man working neatly! "

Going out... The man just went out, and the young man rubbed his eyes... He couldn't open his eyes, pointed at the nia2 girl, pointed at her... and ran away quickly, Don't go to work, go home, go to the bathhouse, wash up. The couple are so beautiful when they come back!

"There is nothing left." Flowers~More than two hundred kilograms of briquettes are here~Okay~”

Later, the next day, the wife was so happy that she was standing at the door, unable to stay still, she was so wild. She is a beautiful woman. She is standing at the door again, dressed very beautifully, and she is still standing in Gongxianer Alley. The next day, this young man goes to work. , walking here again, take a look.

(Imitate female) "Hey~Hey~Hey~Come in~It's just me~"

This young man—— < /p>

“Hey~ it’s so fast~ is it all done? ! ”