Those years, our first love

01

I joined the Ben4 band and bought my first concert ticket. It was my favorite when I was young, Asia’s leading baritone, Mr. Huang Pinguan.

When my wife was paying for my tickets, she asked me on WeChat with a surprised look on her face, "Don't you like Jingru Leehom's Mayday the most? Where did this title come from?"

Yes! When did this title come out and occupy a place in my heart? I was stunned for a while, scratching the hair on my head, feeling at a loss like a child who couldn't solve the problem.

A cold wind blew outside the window, and it seemed to blow away the dust deep in the corners of my heart, causing long-standing memories to ripple like ripples on the surface of a lake, layer upon layer, in circles. Deep and shallow...

02

On the third day of the Lunar New Year that year, I was 14 years old. I came from the third treasure island of my motherland to the prosperous big city of Shanghai, and met the most important things in my life. The first girl who makes me happy and sad, who makes me obsessed and sad in the true sense.

Yes, you should know that girls in that sense have a name that is either unforgettable or forgotten, called first love.

Generally speaking, when it comes to first love, men’s current girlfriends start to mention it. Then, the immature man is beaming and talking eloquently, while the mature man talks about other things and brushes them off. On the contrary, the immature current girlfriend likes to inquire deeply and become hysterical, while the mature woman will just laugh it off. If immature people form a couple, they will definitely have a big quarrel and hate each other. Those who are mature may soon achieve enlightenment and grow old together.

First love is such a strange existence. Maybe most of us had it before entering the siege city, but it is more likely that everyone did not have it after entering the siege city. Over time, it becomes submerged in the trivialities and pretentiousness of life, buried in the past that can never be returned, or in the poetry and distance that can never be traveled to.

03

Unfortunately and fortunately, I was also that immature.

When I first entered college, when I was drunk with my friends, first love became one of the most talked about topics among us.

In short, almost everyone's first love is a peerless beauty, with phoenix eyes, peach lips and willow-leaf eyebrows, long legs that are bulging forward and backward, and her body is fragrant and flies like a butterfly. He has a photographic memory in literature and is self-taught without a teacher. He is one of the top three in the grade and is proud of himself in the world. In martial arts, he can dance gracefully on the palm of his hand. He can play music, chess, calligraphy and painting, poetry and song, is eloquent, and is proficient in eighteen kinds of musical instruments.

Everyone’s first love seems to be the perfect work of the Creator, as if they were an immortal descended to earth, and they can only watch it from a distance but not play with it. They all seem to have been the happiest person in the world. Man, perhaps, indeed is.

Later on, there are always parents who look down on others, there are always teachers who beat the ducks, there are always cynical rich second generations, and there are always righteous reasons for failing in the college entrance examination. , and the goddess-like first love is gradually drifting away.

So we cried bitterly, then we lamented, so we sang loudly, then we laughed and cursed, then we were walking dead, then we were uninhibited, so we finally got back up and broke our heads again and again. Stumbling in the blood flow, wandering forward, hanging on for breath.

04

I don’t know what first love meant to us at that time? If you just give yourself a reason to get drunk, maybe most girls won't believe it. At that time, we probably didn't know why every time we mentioned our first love, we had to get drunk before we were willing to let each other go.

Strictly speaking, my first love should only be regarded as my unrequited love. Her name is Yang, Yang Guo, Yang Gongru’s Yang. She is one year older than me, sitting in the front row of me. She has shoulder-length short hair, parted in the middle, capable and beautiful.

Looking back, at that time, I was insecure because I left my hometown to study, and I desperately longed for the feeling of being taken care of. As a Libra with the air sign, she naturally became my sister. The perfect choice for obsession.

It’s just that I didn’t understand it at that time. I thought it was love, and that was just what I thought.

There was no earth-shattering, sea-breaking, or passionate drama between me and my first love. We just sat in the back row of her and went through half of junior high school together. Listen to the Muji she likes to listen to, read the anime novels she likes to read, accompany her all the way to the small bookstore at the entrance of the alley, and watch her read quietly, or read quietly with her.

Then the time was quiet, and then we ushered in the high school entrance examination, and then we went our separate ways.

05

Many people ask me why every story I write has a happy ending.

In the Love Letter series, Chen Mo lost Liu Xiaoxiao but met his childhood friend Yang Xiaoting.

In the Ye Wei Young series, dealer Zhou Ru bids farewell to her scumbag boyfriend Tang Yufeng and falls in love with handsome second-generation rich man Yang Zhuo. Qin Yun, a young lady, married a good man Zhen Long after her divorce.

In the article You Ruo Wonderful, the heroine Qiqi even domineeringly wins over the hero Lin who is engaged to another girl, and travels to get married.

In the scumbag routine, the heroine Zhen Xinyi bid farewell to the "warm boy" Song Ye and fell in love with the scumbag "Wei Wushuang".

Because they are just stories, because I have seen too many separations between life and death. If possible, I hope all love stories have a happy and beautiful ending.

And reality is always cruel and ruthless, just like my first love.

06

It took me a year and a half to reveal all the shortcomings of a 14- or 5-year-old boy, such as being too ambitious, self-aggrandizing, naive, and naive. Stubbornness and so on.

My so-called love, in her eyes, is just a kind of immature dependence.

So, before the high school entrance examination, on that rainy day, she said goodbye to me and never saw me again. So, starting from the high school entrance examination, we really never met again.

Looking back now, why did I, who was poor, useless, and untalented, insist on being favored by the other party? This is simply a big joke. Even I would never fall in love with such a naive and ridiculous self, let alone others. So I burst into tears while typing down these words.

But are these emotions of mine really not love?

If not, why would I like to go home alone in the rain?

If not, why don’t I laugh heartlessly anymore?

If not, why do I miss the bookstore at the entrance of the alley?

If not, why am I used to listening to music in the middle of the night and staying up all night?

If not, why do I like MUJI products more than Guangliang products?

If not, why do I like her, get used to her habits, and finally live like her?

It is unfortunate and fortunate that I finally learned to mature.

07

First love is no longer synonymous with a girl.

She should be an attitude towards life that we have had.

An attitude of being able to do whatever it takes because of love!

An attitude that dares to say "no" to all authority for her sake!

An attitude that can regard money as dung and regard fame and fortune as floating clouds because of love!

An attitude that is willing to rebirth oneself, perfect oneself, and bloom for her!

First love is the beautiful memory that each of us once had, the confusion and restlessness that each of us must go through, and the youthful years that each of us has painted like a poem!

There is no need to hide anything because she is no longer here. There is no need to deliberately remember anything, because she will always be there.

This is my first love.

This is our first love. A first love that has long since become one with us.

08

"Pinguan! Don't you think I look a lot like you? When I was in junior high school, my classmates all called me Xiaopinguan! My husband and I sang Wu Yin Liangpin’s song debuted!” I smiled and sent a reply via WeChat.

Outside the window, the wind is gentle and the clouds are calm.