Who has a joke? Give some. Be funny! thank you

Hillbilly: Hello. Miss, how much is the steamed bread? Attendant: Touch. 100! Mountain Man: What's next? Attendant: Next 200! Mountain man: I am dizzy! No way! ? What about jiaozi? Attendant: Sleep, 400. Mountain Man: A bowl of 400? ! Attendant: No, one night in 800 yuan. Mountain man: I'll pour it! So expensive! Why does a bowl cost 800? Attendant: All night, it's the same price, big brother. Sandman: What if I don't take it with me? Attendant: Take it out 1000 Mountain Man: I am X! Is Shenzhen too fucking expensive? Jiaozi is more expensive to take out. That day in the car, a beautiful girl suddenly shouted to a gentle white guy: "rogue!" " Maybe this young man is dishonest. The young man looked very wronged and immediately retorted. The two sides began to quarrel. Later, I heard the girl scold: "You are a big rascal. You've been a gangster since you were a child. Don't forget to look back when your mother gives birth to you. " After listening to it, the passengers were silent for a while, and then burst into laughter. Colleagues shook their heads and said that swearing can be so ugly for the first time. This is really a curse, and no one can beat him. After being scolded, the young man could not say a word with his mouth open. It's really amazing. This curse is really an eternal curse. It's probably unprecedented. It is said that there is really no more vicious and harmful swearing than this. I think that young man should shut up. At this moment, I suddenly heard the young man say loudly, "You are the big rascal! You are still in your mother's belly, just visit your father three times a day! ! ! "Hearing this, everyone laughed like a mountain, and the conductor couldn't hold it any longer. The driver had a rest before starting. 1. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head? Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself. 3. A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly went home. The man jumped out of the window and walked in the street without clothes on. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers. One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it! The teacher wanted to make sure that all the girls in the class were here after work, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" The teacher said, "I know I want you to go!" " "6. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 7. One day, a fly mother and son had lunch together. The son asked the mother fly, "Why do we eat shit every day?" The mother fly said angrily,' Don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it is hot! ! 8. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman, come here: What happened? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived. 9. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull. 10. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "1 1. White rabbit Q B ran after Big Wolf, and Big Wolf was indignant and pursued him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon? 12. Do you have a TV? Now hurry to see the central Zhao Benshan killed, the police blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 1 disappeared, 1 cheated! 13. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round? 14. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit! 15. The miser was on a business trip. He was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on a piece of paper: I spit in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too! 16. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University! 17. Someone rode into the street, crossed an intersection and spread his arms. The traffic police exclaimed after seeing it: "Good palm!" Someone waved happily and replied, "Comrades have worked hard! ""18. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots! 19. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to transform ... 20. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier. 1. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang. He is dead. On the day of the funeral. His family shouted, "Cool ... Cool. Passers-by are puzzled. Asked, "what do you like? The family cried:' Great ... awesome! ! One day, father, mother and son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of sea chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener! Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." "turtle dad:" my son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back quickly! " Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! " So, the turtle son set foot on the road home. Time flies in ............... Time flies. Twenty years have passed, but the turtle son hasn't appeared yet. Mother turtle: "wife ... do you want to have dinner first?" I'm so hungry, I said ... "Turtle dad:" No! We promised our son! Ok ... wait for him for five years, or let him go! " It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start. He took out the pie and was about to eat it ... suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree ... turtle son: "damn it!" I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated! 3. A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a park bench in love, and the woman suddenly wanted to fart. Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it? Men are willing to listen So, under the cover of "goo goo" birdsong, the woman happily farted. W: Does it sound like a cuckoo? Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it! The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry and scolded: * * If I don't come back, I will die! At this time, there was a snail's voice outside the door: you said that Lao Tzu would not go! 5. Xiaoming: "Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?" A person who just learned a foreign language was walking in the street this day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man quickly said, "I'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely, "I'm sorry, too. Hearing this, the man quickly said, "I'm sorry, too." "The man said helplessly," I'm sorry. "7. A letter from the Tang Priest to the Monkey King Dear Wukong, I wrote this letter slowly, because I know you can't read it fast! It rained twice this week, the first time for 4 days, and the second time for 3 days! Did you have a good time in Huaguoshan? I had a terrible time in heaven. Because there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall off. Do you feel bitter? Our beef noodles here are delicious. Let's go to the restaurant in West Street for hot pot when you come another day! Your Guanyin sister is going to have a baby, so I don't know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt for the time being, because I don't know whether it will be a boy or a girl! Did you receive the clothes I sent you? I was afraid of being overweight when I was ready to post it, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket! It's very late to write here. Come and play with me sometime. Remember not to drink more water, or it will be very uncomfortable if you can't pee here! P.S. wants to send you money, but the envelope is stuck! 8. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. 9. This ant One day, an ant was sunbathing, and suddenly it saw an elephant coming slowly. It got up and straightened its front legs. The rabbit next to you is busy asking what you are doing. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him. 10. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried, why are you so stupid? You will die if you cut so hard! Father Earthworm said weakly: ... Suddenly want to play football 1 1. One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother nervously shouted outside the house: Son ... what are you doing ... You still can't get out when the fire broke out ... Son replied: I was wearing socks ... Mother said, what socks did you wear when the fire broke out ... Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out ... Mother nervously shouted, Son, what the hell are you doing? Come out ~ I'm on fire, and I'm still inside ... My son said that I'm going to take off my socks ... 12. A man went fishing by the river, first wearing a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ so he had to change earthworms ~ and no fish took the bait at the same time ~ ~ He took out 65438 in a rage and bought it himself. ! ! 13. The Weaver Girl went down to the world to take a bath and got to know the Cowherd, and performed a love story that made the gods cry. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, so we have to take a bath outside ... 14. Xiaoming went back to the classroom after going to the toilet and told the teacher: there are many ants in the toilet ... The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say? Xiaoming looked blank ... and then said that the ant didn't say anything ... 15. Son: Mom, I failed the math exam today. Mother: What's the matter? Is there a problem? Son: The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. Mother: That's right. Then what? Son: Then the teacher asked me 3*2=? Mother: Isn't it the same? Son: That's what I said ... 16. A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is not good. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: You strangle me, so scary! ~ 17. dung beetles and Mozzie fall in love for the first time. Dung beetles: What do you do? Mosquito: Nurse, give me an injection. Dung beetles grabbed the mosquito's hand and wept bitterly: Fate, I'm a doctor, too. 18. Someone was eating, and there was no beef in the beef Lamian Noodles, so he pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef Lamian Noodles? The boss said flatly, don't take it too seriously. You still expect a wife who eats old woman's cake? 19. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right! 20. A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Why is my dear so kind to me? Hey, hey, the cat said with a smile, you'll know when you get fat. . 2 1. Friends go climbing together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted to the beautiful mountains and rivers: motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law