A hilarious joke.

Funny jokes, funny jokes, are still very common in our lives and are useful to everyone. In fact, sometimes a simple joke in life can bring me great relief. Here are some funny jokes.

Funny joke 1 1. Why do you remind me that money is not everything? I'm not that greedy. I just want money, but I don't expect it to do everything.

Second, I went to practice driving yesterday. The coach told me that there was a puddle in front of me. I don't know what happened to my brain at that time. I actually lifted my feet with my hands on the steering wheel.

Third, some people seem to be smooth sailing, that is, you don't know what they have experienced behind them. When you get to know them, you will find that they have experienced nothing but good luck.

Fourth, the wallet of the rich is like a flower, which makes people smile every time they open it. Poor people's wallets are like onions, which make people cry every time they open them!

I used to be a very emotional person, but now I have lost my feelings, only to find that I am just a very heavy person.

6. How did your parents stop you from puppy love? Classmate A: "No money." Classmate B: "Turn over the phone." Classmate C: "Gave me this face."

7. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you know me in the future, I promise you will hit me.

Eight, go to the new company for an interview. Interviewer: Are you organized? Me: absolutely no problem! I once organized a general strike in my last company!

9. "What would you do if your boyfriend fell into a cesspit and needed artificial respiration to get him out?" "Even the cesspit can fall into the silly man still take him? Hurry and poke it with a stick. "

Ten, others fall in love by looks, by routines, by spending money. And I'm much simpler, just turning a blind eye to each other.

Eleven, riding a roller coaster in Happy Valley, someone else's girlfriend: "Ah, it's horrible." Girlfriend: "Oh, I'll go!"

12. A man asked his girlfriend: What will happen to you if I die? Woman: Of course, shopping and eating with girlfriends are all kinds of hi! What if I die? M: Just like you, I go shopping and eat with your best friend.

There are three things that young people can't touch nowadays: idolization, staying up late and the glory of the king. The more you contact them, the more interesting it is to be single.

Fourteen, the stories in fairy tales are deceptive, and the troubles in reality are not only free, but also guaranteed.

Fifteen, in high school, because it was too hot in summer, I would put a book under my ass. If I think the book under my ass is hot, I'll change it. The idiot in the back table said to me: Do you have eyes on your ass? After reading a book, change it.

Sixteen, "when I think my wallet is really poor, I have never seen much money in my life." "When your mirror is poor, you have never seen anyone in your life."

Seventeen, others stay in bed because they have money, and they can sleep as late as they want. I stay in bed because I have no money, so I can save a meal.

Eighteen, girls can perceive more colors than boys 150, so most girls dare not walk at night. Therefore, the reason why boys dare to walk at night is not because they are brave, but because they are blind.

19. What should I do if the news of the suspected object is slow? I'll be back soon.

Twenty, people say you are young and like a student, not because you look small, but because you are dressed in dirt.

2 1. The feet of two girls in the dormitory stink more than anyone else. A girl said, if I take off my shoes, you all have to run. Another girl said, if I take off my shoes, none of you will run. ...

There are many swindlers in the street now, so be careful when you go out in the future. Today, a person in the street kept saying that it was hot to death. I followed him for three blocks, but he didn't die.

23. What do you mean, don't hesitate to die? Is to be angry 10 thousand times a day, but still don't give up.

24. When I was a child, my father taught me to use chopsticks. After a long time, he hit me. Now that I have grown up, I instruct my father to use his mobile phone. He didn't study long, but he beat me up. Love is so unreasonable!

A funny joke 2 1. The desert will be spectacular because of the wild dance of flying sand; The sea will be vigorous because of the rolling of huge waves; Life will be brilliant because of setbacks.

2. In summer, I went to deliver something to my customer, and as a result, my customer's big brother slipped and missed it. I subconsciously squatted down and picked it up. I heard it once. The crotch was opened, and my balls leaked out because I didn't wear underwear, and I passed out. . . . . .

The best friend is the kind of interesting and reliable person. Because interesting people often have no bottom line, and reliable people are mostly a little boring, so we need to take into account complementarity.

Unfortunately, there are not many people who are both interesting and reliable, so friends can only be divided into two types: interesting people who can talk and laugh together, but they are difficult to be reliable when something happens; Reliable, I can often help you when I have something, but I don't have much chance to play crazy together.

4. Real leisure is beyond the mind; The real busyness is forgetting yourself at work. The real retirement is a natural low-key when dealing with the world; The real progress is to take responsibility in doing things. True silence is the silence in life; The real move is to resolutely move forward on the world road; True memory is the treasure mark in your mind; The real forgetting is that nothing is left in the smile.

5. My parents are not at home. Let me supervise my sister's homework. Watching her play with her mobile phone, I asked: How can I tell my parents about this state? Without looking up, she said, "Say it with a clear conscience."

6. Mom: Why doesn't your father come back? Daughter: Oh, by the way, he said he would stay with a woman tonight and told me in the morning that he wouldn't come back at night. It is said that he still has a special relationship with that woman. My father took care of her when she was unwell. Mom: (burning with anger) What? Daughter: Well, my grandmother caught a cold!

7. People who can stand loneliness must be thoughtful. People who can smile often must have brains. People who can stand loneliness must have ideals. People who can bend and stretch moderately must have a will. People who can see through the world must be wise. People who can handle things calmly must have a plan. People who can have both must have emotional intelligence.

8. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They are eating watermelon. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it. . . . . . The face I lost at that time has not been found yet.

9. When we were young, we all grew up, so we were naive and happy. When you grow up, there is nothing to grow up, you will be long-minded and live very tired.

10, what is an excellent team? Someone pulls you in front and pushes you behind, even if you are a pig, you can't leave!

1 1. Being single for a long time will really cause an accident. Eating out today, the proprietress has been urging her daughter to find someone. I think her daughter is pretty, and I think I'm going to make a scene in the future. I've been thinking about it, but when I checked out, I shouted "Mom, check out!" " "

12 One day, my son smiled and asked me, "Dad, when you were in love with my mother, who took the initiative to chase after whom?" I quoted the classics and said, "Baby, do you know the story of Waiting for the Rabbit?" The son nodded and answered yes. I said, "I'm in love with your mother. At that time, I was a tree and your mother was a rabbit. This time, you understand who is actively chasing who! " "The son nodded as if aware of something. Suddenly, he frowned and asked me anxiously, "but the rabbit was finally got by a farmer." Aren't you my dear father? "

3 1. Give the old man a hand when he falls. Master Kangxi said: You are one of us. If you see someone fall, help them! If he is sorry to you, don't be afraid, Laojiu will buy you off, Old Eight will protect you, and Thirteen will give you courage. It doesn't matter if you lose the lawsuit. Old ten and old fourteen will help you beat him. If not, Lao Si will copy their home.

The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

3. A: "My wife and I had a big fight last night, and all the dishes at home were thrown out of the balcony by her. Result. . . "B:" What was the result? " A: "The building where I live this morning was surrounded by a group of scientists who specialize in flying saucers."

Marry me, I will flush your toilet with oil, bathe you with Pepsi, and take you to work with Boeing. Promise me?

There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that a big pig will fall from the sky, but unfortunately I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. So many people watch you fly!

6. The septic tank in front of my house is leaking, and my door is blocked, so I have to jump over.

I tried to be handsome today, and the result was a run-up. As a result, I tripped, stuck my face in the dung water and threw up all the way home.

People who want to be handsome can't afford to get hurt!

7. Last time I went to buy steamed buns, I was particularly hesitant! Consider buying food buns or meat buns. !

The boss asked me, and I blurted out, "Four smelly buns!"

8. A friend asked how old Simpson was, and Simpson replied, Forty.

Ten years later, my friend asked how old Simpson was, and Simpson replied, forty. The man feels strange: how is it possible? Ten years ago, you said you were forty years old.

Simpton replied: A gentleman will never change his words because of time. Ask me again in 20 years, and I will say the same thing.

9. There is a girl who is so ugly that even an old maid can't get married.

Finally, she thought of a way, if only she could be taken away by traffickers and sold to others as a daughter-in-law. So she walks in the most dangerous street every night, and wherever she hears that a woman is missing, she goes.

Many things happen, and happiness has really come! ! ! Two kidnappers, covering her head, put her in the car and kidnapped her. During the transportation, she was immersed in happiness and joy, and cooperated with the kidnappers very much. When she arrived at the kidnapper's stronghold, two kidnappers pulled her to the leader, happy to get some jobs! ! As soon as the leader pulled open her mask, the leader froze! ! I couldn't speak for a long time. Bang-bang-just slap them and shout: you are ruining my reputation. How can you let me mix in the underworld and send it back to me quickly? So, the leader personally sent her back to the kidnapping site with two kidnappers.

10, a person is hungry, go to the biscuit shop to buy biscuits to eat.

One is not full, and the other is still not full. I ate seven biscuits before I was full.

After eating the seventh biscuit, the man regretted it: Well, I knew the seventh biscuit would be full, so why should I eat the first six?

15, a man saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, saying it might be poop.

I touched it with my hand and licked it in my mouth. I said, "It's really poop, but I didn't step on it!" " "

1 1. Today, I spent 150 yuan to cut a very abstract avatar. After returning to the dormitory, I was strongly criticized by several roommates!

At this time, a classmate who was silent for a long time concluded: "This hairstyle is very cost-effective! I only spent 150 yuan and cut my hair for 250 yuan. "

12, Mary's two faces were burned red and swollen. The friend asked, "What's the matter with you?"

"When a guy called, I was ironing clothes and I put the iron on my left face."

"Then why did you burn your right face?"

"That guy made another call."