Funny classical Chinese

1. Looking for a funny version of classical Chinese

Chirp again chirp, Mulan flies a plane, what kind of plane is she flying? Boeing 747! I asked my daughter what she was thinking about and what she was remembering. She was also thinking about it. She had no money to buy an airplane. Last night I saw a military post saying that bombers were needed. There were twelve airplanes and I couldn’t afford them. My father didn’t have much money, and Mulan didn’t have much money. Gold and silver, I am willing to buy steel and build airplanes from now on. Buy blueprints in the east market, screws in the west market, glass in the south market, and iron sheets in the north market. Once I leave my mother-in-law, I will stay in the old hangar at night, and I will not hear my mother-in-law calling for a girl. But I heard the iron scraping against each other. I left the hangar in the morning and went to the military camp at dusk. I didn't hear my mother-in-law calling for a girl, but I heard the general yelling hahaha. After flying the plane for thousands of miles, it didn't pass the mountain. The heat spread through the wings and the sun shone on the glass. The general was frightened to death, and the spirit of the warrior had flown. He flew into the emperor, who was lying on the hospital bed. He was rewarded with twelve slaps in the face. The Khan asked what he wanted, but Mulan did not want to enter the cell; she was willing to drive 747 and fly back to her hometown. . When the father and mother heard that their daughter was coming, they raised their machine guns; when the sister heard that my sister was coming, they raised their pistols; when the younger brother heard that his sister was coming, he sharpened his knife to the mentally retarded person. Open the door of my plane, enter my cabin, take off my combat robe, and change into Put on a flight suit, load more hand grenades, and set up a machine gun for the outside. When they go out to plant bombs, relatives and friends are all frightened: after twelve years of separation, Mulan has become rampant. The madman stamps on the ground, the idiot's eyes are closed, the two of them walk side by side, who can say that I Abnormal? Chirp after chirp, I want to eat KFC.

I don’t hear the sound of saliva, but I hear the woman sighing. Ask her what she is thinking about, and ask her what she is remembering.

A woman thinks about hamburgers, and a woman thinks about chicken wings. I saw chicken coupons last night, there was a big sale on the holiday.

There are twelve chicken coupons, and each one has chicken wings. My grandfather has no older children, and Mulan has no eldest brother. I would like to go to KFC and eat for my grandfather from now on.

Buy burgers in the east store, drinks in the west store, chicken wings in the south store, and French fries in the north store. I bid farewell to my parents in the morning and stayed by the Yellow River in the evening. I didn't hear my parents calling for girls, but I could smell the fragrance of hamburgers.

But after leaving the Yellow River, I arrived at the top of the Black Mountain at dusk. I didn’t hear the mother-in-law’s voice calling for the girl, but I could smell the fragrance of chicken wings and their chirping. Thousands of miles across the Great Wall, Mount Everest is like flying.

The bank gave away gold coins, and the emperor gave out sweaters. The hen dies every year, and Mulan returns every ten years.

Returning to see Confucius, Confucius was sitting in heaven. Twelve chicken coupons can buy hundreds of baskets of chickens.

Confucius asked her what she wanted. Mulan did not want to be an angel, but she wanted to fly thousands of miles away and send her son back to her hometown. When the mother-in-law heard that her daughter was coming, she went out to help the general; when the sister heard that the sister was coming, she wanted to eat KFC; when the little brother heard that the sister was coming, she sharpened her knife and got ready to eat.

Open my pot in the East Pavilion, take my spoon in the West Pavilion, take off my war robe, put on my dinner towel, pick up the bowls and chopsticks in front of the window, and eat in front of the mirror. When I went out to see my companions, they were all frightened: they had been together for twelve years, but they didn't know Mulan was so greedy.

The male rabbit has a three-petal mouth, and the female rabbit has blurred eyes. Two rabbits are eating next to each other, how can they tell whether I am hungry or not? Accumulate after accumulating, if you don’t know, you don’t know; you’re good enough in the test, but you don’t know the questions; you don’t know when you go to class, and you mess up in many ways; you learn the same knowledge on your own, but even if you ignore it, you will accumulate knowledge; you are born as a Chinese, and you die as a Chinese soul ; If you want me to learn English, it is impossible; if I am not qualified in English, it shows my character; if I am not qualified in mathematics, the teacher is fully responsible; if I am not qualified in Chinese, there is nothing I can do; if I do well in the exam, it all depends on doing well in isolation; in the exam, It’s not good, I don’t know how to do things in isolation; I feel even more worried when I go back to school every day, and the teacher talks nonsense; I feel like sleepwalking, and I am criticized again and again for no reason; there are so many homeworks that it feels like revenge, and doing things wildly feels like fishing for money; Returning to school is a left-behind thing, and you are being punished every day; all your homework is copied, and the first one is not handed in; returning to school waits for the end of school, and drinks Coke after school; when the clock is clocked, everyone flies, and the day after day hehehehehehehe, the beautiful girl is Get on the plane; I don't hear the dialing sound, but I hear the woman sighing. Ask the girl what she is thinking about, ask her what she is remembering; the girl has nothing to think about, and the woman has nothing to remember.

I went online last night and was really shocked by what I encountered. I received twelve letters from my sister, all of whom invited me to meet offline. The pretty girl was already married and had adopted someone else's surname; she used the Internet for her own entertainment and to make new friends.

The east version is about leisure and leisure, the west version is about autobiography; I go south to express my heartfelt songs, and I go north to chat. The net rises in the morning, and the net rises at dusk; I don't hear the husband calling his wife, but I hear the constant calls of insects.

As soon as I left the chat room, I went to the quit chat board again; I didn’t hear the cries of insects, but I saw invitation posts flying all over the sky. When I go off the Internet to see my husband, he bursts into tears; I am addicted to the Internet and owe hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Ask a girl where she wants to go, and she will confess her love to her parents; borrow money to travel a thousand miles, and go to an appointment to tell her heartfelt feelings. When the father-in-law heard that his daughter was coming, he hid in all directions; when the elder sister heard that the younger sister was coming, she quickly locked the doors and windows; when the younger brother heard that the younger sister was coming, he hurriedly climbed up the east wall.

Open my old door and move your Arhat bed; pry into my old cupboard and search your password box.

Count the money at the window and go to the airport immediately.

The dinosaur is also shy, and the pretty girl is also arrogant. They all chat online, and An can tell who I am. 2. Funny adaptation of ancient Chinese prose

Riding on the red dust concubine laughs, lychee runs towards me

Ghost knocks on the door in the middle of the night, and pedestrians want to die on the road

Luoyang relatives and friends If asked, just say that I have gone to the United States

Don't worry about the future without friends, there is no grass anywhere in the world

I will love you in life and death as a great man

I advise you to drink a glass of wine, there is no old friend on the road to Huangquan

I chased the peacock as it flew southeast

He looked up to the sky and laughed and went out, (he came back dejectedly)

The Hu people did not dare to go south to herd horses, so they had to go north to fight against the Japanese

Hibiscus emerged from the clear water, and the silver spear was washed with green blood

The solitary smoke in the desert was straight, but it bent when the wind blew

Picked some, don’t forget to help us add the best 3. Funny classical Chinese essays

The butcher started his business but he couldn’t damage the hill of Kuifu.

Today there is a vast area of ??water with a radius of seven miles. In this city, trees with an inch diameter can be used to form dips, islets, kennels, and rocks. However, the servants of the bodyguard can't stand their filthy behavior. The loyal people are frozen thousands of miles away, and the snow is drifting thousands of miles away. The butcher Gai is looking at the beauty in the scene all day long, and the more he looks at it, the more he becomes fascinated.

It is sincerely appropriate to cut down bamboos and take the road to visit the country and miss the hometown. It is not appropriate to open the door to listen to the saints and criticize the mistakes of others in order to block the road of loyalty and admonishment. In the palace and in the mansion, everything is full of stinking oil and bad sauce, and they are row after row.

If there is an adulterer or a loyal person, it is advisable to show off his or her tail and bare breasts to show His Majesty's displeasure. The ministers in charge, Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, and Zhang Fangping, are all beasts with huge leaps and bounds. Therefore, the simple butchers seem to be enjoying themselves with tourists.

If you are ignorant of the matter of reading and consult it, you will be able to read "Click" to the fourth drum without getting tired. General Qian Zhi's donkey was very fond of singing and knew a lot about military affairs. He tried to use it in the past. The butcher said that "the two sides are fighting, and they almost want to go first." Therefore, Zhongyong was elected as the prefect.

Those who foolishly think that discussing war matters will be able to make their banners rumble, their paths chaotic, and they will be unable to win if they attack them in a circle. The feet in front of you are confused, and the eyes in the distance are confused. This is why the early Han Dynasty was in ruins and prosperous;

When the butcher was here, every time he and I held our knives and stared at each other, we would always sigh that I couldn't ejaculate. Taihang, Wangwu, the son of the neighboring Jingcheng clan, the god of snakes, this minister who knows the Zhenliang death festival, I hope your majesty will trust him, and the overthrow of the Han Dynasty will be achieved in vain.

I am a pure Han who has no idea about it. He is a man with two millet grains and works hard in the north of the hidden land. He spends his whole life wandering around and leaning against the dangers. He does not seek to learn and reach people in Chu. The butcher did not think that the minister was fierce and chivalrous, but looked around him. He visited the minister three times in the Poshan Temple. He was so grateful that he allowed the butcher to live in the Qing Dynasty and not stay for a long time.

After the value was overturned, at the end of the period, I was ordered to be between the two stocks. When you come, you will be useless. The butcher knew that his minister stopped his cup and threw chopsticks, unable to eat, so when he was about to die, he sent him a piece of wood an inch in diameter.

Since being appointed, I have held the yellow on my left and the blue on my right. I only know how to bend my bow and shoot at the big eagle. I am afraid that the entrustment will not work and I will hurt the late emperor's youthful madness, so I brush Zhang Suiyang with my sleeve and play with it in fear. Incessantly. Now that the South China Sea has been settled, the military revolution is not weak, and there is not a lot of rice and millet. The reward is to lead the three armies, and the people under his command for 800 miles are burned, and those who go forward are mixed.

The reason why this minister repays the butcher's duty is to ride the wind back. As for the losers singing on the road and the travelers resting in the trees, then Yu Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping are all in charge.

May your majesty make people haggard for the sake of Iraq. If it doesn't work, kill him and bring him to the butcher's knife.

If there are no novelists to comment on, then Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping will be blamed for their slowness. Your Majesty will also entertain guests at a banquet, cut their throats, and drain their flesh.

I am so grateful that I should stay away now. I stretch out my sleeves and arms, fighting with each other, almost wanting to leave first.

4. Who can give me some funny ancient poems

*When Bernard Shaw was young, he liked to ride a bicycle. Once he broke his leg when he fell. His female classmate took good care of him. Bernard Shaw was worried that he would not be strong-willed and would ask for help. The female classmate proposed to him, so he decided to run away. However, he accidentally fell from the stairs to the bottom of the stairs and broke both of his legs. As expected, he asked her if she would marry him. When the female classmate nodded, George Bernard Shaw fainted. In the past, a woman said to Somerset Maugham: I have been with a man for a long time, but I am not sure whether I have fallen in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: Only One way to test whether you really fall in love with him is whether you are willing to brush your teeth with his toothbrush* Someone asked Alexandre Dumas: Why can you calmly enter your old age? He retorted with great disapproval: It took me all my life to live until today.* Fang Xuanling, a famous prime minister in the Tang Dynasty, once fell seriously ill when he was not an official. He said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, you Don't be a widow, marry again. Mrs. Lu went to the room and dug out an eye to show that she would never change her virginity. Later, Fang Xuanling recovered from her illness and rose to the position of prime minister. She always respected his wife very much. *Female novelist Agatha Christie's husband is an archaeologist. Once, a friend asked him at a gathering: How would you feel if an imaginative woman like you married a man who plays with antiquities? The detective novelist said: An archaeologist is the most ideal husband. You think, the older something is, the more he likes it. * Voltaire visited Britain in 1727 and found that the British hated France very much. A group of British people shouted at him: Kill him, hang this Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I am French. Is it not enough to punish me because I am not British? The British laughed loudly and sent him back to his apartment safely. 5. Parody of ancient texts: What do you gain when you make everyone laugh?

Napoleon said: "There is only one step between respectability and ridiculousness."

Those who were originally regarded as the highest by Chinese people of all generations The "respectable" nature of articles that express emotions, nature, reason, truth, goodness and beauty has become "respectable but distant". And precisely because of its "respectability", ridiculing it, deconstructing it, subverting it, and turning it into a "ridiculous" object, in order to show one's non-mainstream and post-modernity, has undoubtedly given some people a cultural advantage. * Satisfaction, in addition to satisfaction, I also compiled a book to show it, euphemistically saying that through this "you can discover the loveliness of classical Chinese", it is a kind of "emotional communication".

The so-called "most evil comedy in history" is just a cover for booksellers to attract customers. The complexity of information dissemination on the Internet determines that it is a communication media that is mixed with sand and sand. Most people are wary of this, and Once the power of capital is used to allow network information to flow back to traditional communication channels, the power of "spoof" will undoubtedly be greatly enhanced. Of course, it’s not the publishers who are making sense.

"Chu Shi Biao", which expresses Zhuge Liang's utmost loyalty, begins with "The late emperor was halfway through his business, but the middle path collapsed. Today, Yizhou is exhausted, and this is the time when the survival of this sincerity is in danger."

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In the vernacular translation of "Underworld Confessions Edition", it is interpreted as "Your father came out to fool around and died halfway; now the territory is divided into three parts, Yizhou seems like we can't protect it. In this world "Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang both became confused. The text is also full of Zhuge Liang's scolding and lessons for his successor. This kind of translation can make people discover that "classical Chinese has such amazing beauty of words and rhythm." ? A spoof of ancient prose, using the old bottle of classic articles to put new wine of popular taste into it, is not an outrageous beauty in the ordinary sense. In the context of the proliferation of vulgar culture, it has become a true portrayal without salt.

Such "funny" text cannot be expected to make classical Chinese "go on with a smile". It will only make people worry that "bad money drives out good money" in the cultural field and dissolves the dignity and value of traditional culture. . There is a jingle that says students are "first afraid of classical Chinese, secondly afraid of writing compositions, and thirdly afraid of Zhou Shuren". Lu Xun's works have been deleted from the textbooks. However, as the most "three fears", classical Chinese has not been reduced, so it has become The object of ridicule.

Perhaps this is the "mass basis" for the prank on classical Chinese. If it is only regarded as a kind of psychological catharsis, there may still be some rationality. 6. What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese?

In an extremely cold place in the north, a woman was sitting on a wall to urinate. Her urine was frozen before she was drowned, and her vagina was caked on the rocks.

Call your husband to come and give him a mouthful.

A man with shortsightedness and a beard will not melt when he touches it, even his breath will freeze into ice, and his beard and hair will freeze together and will not dissolve.

He ordered his boy to chisel it open and said: "Look carefully and see that the hair is connected to the straight seams and the whiskers are connected to the horizontal seams." The two brothers went to bathe in the river together. The brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and it couldn't be pulled off. The brother held a knife and wanted to cut it. The brother said: "Look at the knife carefully! The one with two eyes is a snake head; the one with one eye is a snake." .

A slave girl accidentally farted in front of her master. The master was so angry that he wanted to scold her. When he saw that her buttocks were very white, he got angry without realizing it. Tomorrow, the master will be in the study. Suddenly he hears a knock on the door.

When asked why, he replied: "I just farted again." Some people who have never been close to women in their lives don't know what it is like to have sex.

When I asked someone about it, they said, "It's just like an eye raised up." This person takes it to heart.

One day, the prostitution suddenly broke out. I didn’t know where the brothel was, so I ran into the street. I saw a sign with several eyes painted on it. I accidentally put it sideways, thinking that it must be a prostitute’s house. When he came inside to explain his purpose, the doctor was furious and scolded him to chase him away.

The man said: "It's not a brothel, how can we put so many things outside?" He is good at divination and also loves humor.

A pregnant man or woman came to ask. After the divination was completed, he held his hands in his hands and congratulated him and said, "It's a man with an egg inside." The woman was very happy and said that she was undoubtedly pregnant.

It was time to give birth, but it was a daughter. Because of this, the fortune teller said: "Only men have eggs, and only women can hold them. If there is something to hold the eggs, why is it not a woman?" The husband and wife were about to have an affair, but because of the obstruction, the two sons were sleeping soundly beside each other.

Let each call out to test it. The two sons did not respond to each other, knowing that they wanted to do this.

When there are heavy clouds and rain, his mother is so happy that she almost dies. One son suddenly laughed, and the mother was ashamed and scolded him.

Another son said: "If you beat her well, if you beat her well, your mother will not cry after she dies, but will laugh instead." An unmarried girl secretly asked her sister-in-law, "Are you happy with this?" The sister-in-law said: "What a pleasure it is to make arrangements for the couple as a courtesy to Duke Zhou."

When my daughter returned to Ning after she got married, when she saw her sister-in-law, she laughed and scolded her: "What a liar." On the bride's first night, the groom is not very good at it and puts his penis in without moving.

Female *** said: "Oh, that's not good, it hurts"! The husband said: "Take it out"? The woman said: "Oh no, it hurts!" The husband said: "It feels bloated and painful when it goes in, and it feels empty and painful when it comes out. What do you want?" The woman said, "You can take it in and take it out." A woman was lying awake during the day, and a man put an eggplant into the female's body. When the woman woke up and saw the eggplant inside, she realized that she had been deceived, and she kept cursing her.

The neighbor lady said: "This is very ugly. Madam, please save your words." The woman said: "That's not what you said. If you don't scold me if you stuff the eggplants this time, then the winter melons and gourds will come all at once."

There was a married girl from a rich family and a poor boy. The husband's family was afraid that the girl would not be able to get married, so they led a group of people to snatch the bride and accidentally carried her aunt on her back. The female family member shouted urgently: "It's time to rush!" The aunt said on her back: "It's not bad, it's not bad! Come closer, don't believe he is trying to coax you."

On the wedding night, send off the wedding banquet . The next day, the chef checked the table and found no candy hat.

After asking around, the newcomer burst into laughter. Xi Niang was standing by and asked, "What are you laughing at?" The woman replied, "No wonder a man's tongue was so sweet last night."

A man encountered two boats, held his hand outside the window sill, and was pinched With one finger, he blamed his wife. His wife was horrified and told him, "If you encounter two ships from now on, remember not to urinate."

Dong Yong practiced filial piety, and God ordered a fairy to marry him. All the fairies saw him off and said: "Go down below. If there are any filial piety people, be sure to send a letter."

A woman complained to the official: "When I went to draw water from the well, someone came from behind. "It's obscene." The official said, "Why didn't you stand up at that time?" He replied, "If you stand up, your ears may come out." Asked her husband: "Are you going in?" He said: "Go in."

The woman then frowned and said: "Well, I feel a little pain.".