Urgent! Ask a joke about soldiers.

Company commander Gao asked the soldiers to keep a training diary every day and hand it in for review.

Wu Ban's diary reads like this.

"Get up, brush your teeth, wash your face, have breakfast, train, have lunch, train, have dinner, brush your teeth, wash your face and sleep."

After the diary was reviewed and returned, Wu Ban found that Gao Lianchang only wrote a comment: Didn't you go to the toilet all day?

2. One day, monitor Shi and vice monitor Wu He went shopping together.

When they came to the door of a shop, the shopkeeper asked the monitor, "What do you want?"

The monitor Shi said, "A bag of peanuts." The boss moved the ladder, climbed to the top of the shelf, took a bag of peanuts, walked down and handed it to him.

The boss asked Wu Ban's assistant again, "What do you want to buy?"

Deputy Wu Ban also asked for a bag of peanuts, so the boss complained why he didn't say so earlier, but he moved the ladder and climbed to the top of the shelf to get it. The boss stood on the ladder and took a bag of peanuts. He quickly asked Xu Sanduo, "Do you want a bag of peanuts, too?" Xu Sanduo said, "No", so the boss took a bag of peanuts. ...

The boss gave peanuts to Wu Ban's assistant. He put away the ladder and asked Xu Sanduo, "What do you want?"

Xu Sanduo said, "I want two bags of peanuts."

In order to please Gao Lianchang, Vice Class Wu brought him green corn from the countryside.

The next day, before the training began, Wu, the vice monitor, went to find Gao, the company commander, who was eating corn. Wu, the deputy class, came and said politely, "You work hard every day and spend your money." The representative of Wu Ban said, "It's nothing. In rural areas, these corn are all for pigs. " .

4. Monitor Shi: Congratulations, Xiao Wu! You finally made up with your girlfriend. I saw you chopping wood together in harmony yesterday.

Representative Wu Ban: Oh, old friend, that's our distribution of furniture.

One day, Jiang Mumu suddenly had a toothache, so the monitor took Jiang Mumu to the hospital for tooth extraction. On the way home, the monitor asked Jiang Mumu if his teeth still hurt. Jiang Mumu replied, I don't know if I left my tooth at the dentist's.

6. Soldier: "Thirst … Thirst …"

Old seven: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a merlin nearby, which may arrive in a moment. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-61:"boss! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Old Seven: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

7. The company commander went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He has no choice but to change the earthworm ~ and no fish has been hooked for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water to curse:

"*-%#% what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

8. "I can't see things too far away," Jiang Mumu said to Class Five.

"Come with me, please," the deputy class took Jiang Mumu outside and asked, pointing to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

"the sun." Jiang Mumu replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

9. Xu Sanduo: "There are such boring people in the world ..."

Monitor Shi: "Why do you say that?"

Xu Sanduo: "A man started fishing at eight o'clock in the morning and didn't catch a fish until four o'clock in the afternoon. Are you bored? "

Monitor Shi: "It's really boring, but how do you know?"

Xu Sanduo: "Because I saw him leave from the beginning."

10. One day, Lao Qi supervised the battle and caught a deserter, so he flew into a rage and wrote a note to shoot him after the battle was announced. Who knows that the word "death" can't be written, so I decided to play the army stick instead, but I can't write the word "stick". Finally, he said to the deserter, "Go ahead, it's cheaper for you today!" "

1. Cai Cheng said to Jiang Mumu: dig and plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?

Jiang Mumu was very excited: Yes, I saw you.

2. In a war, Lao Qi went to the front to boost morale. Xu in front of his report to the old seven, "the company commander! There is a sniper in the stone pile 20 meters ahead, but his marksmanship is poor. He fired a lot of shots these days, but none of them hit anyone! " Old seven was very angry and said, "Since we found the sniper, why not kill him?" Xu said, "company commander! Are you out of your mind? Do you want them to change it to a more accurate one? "

3.6 1 fell ill and went to the hospital. The doctor said that he had a very rare disease and had to be isolated in the room. Nobody can touch him. From now on, he can only eat a special kind of pancake.

The patient asked the doctor, "Will that pancake have special effects on my illness?"

The doctor said, "No, I let you eat pancakes because you can only stuff them under the door of your isolation room."

4.56 1 and Shi Jin rented a house off campus. During the summer vacation, Shi went to the field for an internship today, and 6 1 still lived in his room. Shi came back from his internship today and found his room dirty. Obviously, he hasn't cleaned for weeks, so he came for a general cleaning. At 6 1 in the evening, I came back and asked, "Why is the dust on the table gone?" ? Remember the phone number on it ... "

When Lao Bai went to the laboratory, the nurse pointed to the card in front and said, "Non-undergraduate personnel are not allowed to enter!" " Lao Bai was furious and scolded, "I just want a urine test. I want a fucking undergraduate diploma!" ! ! "

6. The seventh company of the Art Festival is going to dance a horrible group dance-it needs such drastic and difficult movements as squatting quickly and lifting legs high. As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days. Some people were black and blue, some people pulled muscles ... Jiang Mumu's right leg was badly injured, and he didn't listen! I go to class on the third floor today. Oh, my God, Jiang Mumu just lifted his right leg step by step. The most irritating thing is that while walking, I listened to two girls whispering behind me: "Schools in big cities are more formal, but in our hometown, polio patients can't go to school at all!" ! "

7. Wu Ban, the deputy, taught Xu Sanduo how to fight unarmed, and finally took the gun from the enemy to kill him. Then he asked Xu Sanduo, "What should you do if you meet an enemy of a migrant worker while patrolling?" Xu Sanduo thought for a moment and said, "I'm going to throw away the gun quickly so that he can't get it to kill me."

8. One day, Gan, Lao Bai, Ma Xiaoshuai and he took a day off to play in the city, but they didn't come back when they did exercises the next morning. Old seven is very annoyed. After seven o'clock, Gan Xian came back. "I'm very sorry, company commander." He explained to Old Seven, "My watch was slow, so I rented a car to catch the train. But the car broke down on the way, so I had to go to the village to buy a horse. Who thought the horse was dead again? I ran for more than ten miles before I came back. " Old seven is suspicious of what he said. Then, Lao Bai and Ma Xiaoshuai came back one after another, all on the pretext of missing the train and renting a car to buy a horse. Old Seven was about to attack when Xu Sanduo arrived last. "I missed the train, so I rented a car ..." "Shut up!" Old July 1 grabbed him and growled, "Do you dare to say that the car broke down again?" "no!" More than three company commanders gasped. "The car is not broken, but there are so many broken cars and dead horses on the road that the car can't pass!"

9. In the recruit company, 561 is instructing the recruits to practice dance steps.

Wu Liuyi: On my command, everyone lift their left feet. Xu Sanduo raised his right foot in a panic, which happened to be a pair with the left foot raised by the person next to him. Wu Liuyi saw it from the side and said angrily, That idiot has lifted both his feet.

I ordered Xu Sanduo to send an important document to the post office. In order to hurry, let him go by bike in July. After a while, I saw Xu Sanduo running to the post office by bike in July, and I couldn't help but be furious: "What are you doing?" "You ordered me to go by bike, captain," Xu Sanduo replied, "but I can't ride."

1 1. The company commander asked 61:"561,tell me, what is the motherland?"

"Report to the company commander, the motherland is my mother!" 56 1 Quick answer.

"Yes, you answered very well." The company commander said with satisfaction.

"Private Xu Sanduo, what do you say? What is the motherland? " The company commander then asked Xu Sanduo.

"Report to the company commander, the motherland is the mother of 56 1!"