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Funny jokes that make people laugh

Students, our topic today is to repeat antonyms. The teacher says something, you follow up, OK!

Teacher: The weather is very good today

Student: The weather will be bad tomorrow

Teacher: I ate fish heads yesterday

Student: You Eat turtle butt today

Teacher: Wrong

Student: Correct

Teacher: I said it was wrong

Student: You said it is correct

Teacher: You idiot

Student: I am a genius

Teacher: Stand up for me

Student: I will sit down for you

Teacher: The teacher asked you to stand up, do you hear it?

Student: The teacher asked me to sit down, and I heard it!

Teacher: Do you dare not listen to the teacher

Student: I dare not listen to the teacher

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know what I didn’t say now?

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose

Student: That teacher, you know I didn’t do it on purpose

Teacher: You are not old enough No small ones

Student: I have small ones and big ones

Teacher: You don’t learn well at such a young age

Student: I learn badly only when I am so old

Teacher: I don’t want to talk about you anymore

Student: You want to talk about me again

Teacher: Stop it for me

Student: I’ll continue for you

Teacher: I’m afraid of you, can you please stop?

Student: I’m not afraid of you, can you continue?

Teacher: The practice of antonyms ends here

Student: The practice of synonyms begins now

Teacher: Are you finished?

Student: I am endless

Teacher: You are uneducated

Student: I am educated

Teacher: Do you look like an educated person?

Student: Don’t I look like an uneducated person?

Teacher: Depressed

Student: Happy

Teacher: I am going to be mad at you

Student: You are going to be mad I'm so angry

Teacher: Can you just stop talking

Student: Can I just shut up

Teacher: Go ahead, this lesson I won’t go on, I’ll leave.

Student: Let me stop. This lesson still needs to be taught. Come on.

An old woman and a young woman had a quarrel. The reason was probably that the young woman refused to give up her seat. The old woman then got angry and scolded the young woman for having no tutor. The old woman acted like an elder:

Old man: "Don't you have any elderly people in your family?"

Young man: "My old man has a car! He doesn't even have to wait for the commute to get off work if he wants to take the bus."

Old man: "We have contributed I have been in society for more than half my life, how can you be so inconsiderate of the elderly?"

Nen: "I am still contributing to society in dire straits, working 10 hours of work and standing for 10 hours, how can you be so inconsiderate of the younger generation? "You have no children or grandchildren?"

Old: "Without us building society, how can your generation live comfortably?"

Nen: "Not now." Our generation pays taxes, how can you get a free bus pass? ”

The old man came up with a trick: “I don’t care, I’m having trouble breathing now, I’m uncomfortable, please let me sit down!”

At this time, someone else could no longer bear it and asked the old man to sit down. The old man refused and vowed to embarrass ** to the death

** made the final counterattack: "Okay, okay, don't get off. I'll call 120 for you so you don't die suddenly! I hate people like you who jump in line to get on the bus.

When you get on the bus, you pretend to be Jackie Chan. ! ”

The whole car’s thoughts were expressed immediately. . . . . . . . . . .

Three rabbits pooped on the grass.

The first rabbit pulled a round one. The second rabbit's poop was also round, and the third rabbit's poop was square.

Why is this?

It is pinched by hand.

A: Do you have "A Brief History of Time"? B: Crazy, I don’t pick up shit even if I have time!

1. One day, the teacher was scolded by her husband and was very unhappy. During class, she walked into the classroom and her classmates stood up to say hello to her. Everyone said: "Good morning, teacher!" The teacher was very angry. He said, "Am I not good in the afternoon?" The students said, "Good afternoon, teacher!" The teacher said, "What does it mean in total?" "Teacher, I am good in the morning, afternoon and evening!" the students said.

2. An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese are exploring in the jungle. As a result, they were all captured by the cannibal tribe. But the tribal chief said: "I am in a good mood today and I will not eat you, but you will all have to suffer a hundred blows, but before you get a blow, you can have a wish come true."

The first to suffer is the United States. people. He said: "Before I hit the board, put a cushion on my butt." After putting it on, the boards fell like raindrops. At first, 70 boards were okay, but after 70 boards, the cushion was smashed, and then the boards were bloody... After the beating... , the United States walked away touching its butt.

After seeing this, the Japanese asked for 10 mattresses. After 1, 2, 3...100 beatings, the Japanese stood up, patted their butts, and said they were fine; then they boasted about their ability to imitate and recreate, and wanted to sit back and watch the Chinese show.

The Chinese slowly lay down and said leisurely: "Here, put the Japanese on my bed."...

3. An old man took a bus because of otitis media. *Car to the hospital. On the way, a young man was next to the old man. He smelled a strange smell and cursed: "Why do your ears smell so bad, old man?" The old man said: "Because he heard dirty words."

4. I haven't received it for a long time. Your message makes me feel very distressed. I thought about dying. I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over the building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles, but I didn't die. You can just treat me to a meal to satisfy me.

5. In a quiet self-study class, a student said to the teacher: "Teacher, I am going to fart."

The teacher said: "Please use civilized language."

The student thought for a while and said: "I'm sorry, teacher, my butt wants to burp."

Homophone joke A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to give a report: Rabbits , shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! Translation: Comrades and fellow villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, it's a meeting now! After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, sausages and pickles, please! Translation: Now let’s ask the mayor to speak! The mayor said: Rabbits, the dog has eaten today’s meal, everyone is a big bastard! Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, everyone should have a big bowl! If you don't want melon, I'll pick up dog poop and lick it for you. Translation: Don't talk, let me tell you a story

The new director of the lunatic asylum walked up to a patient and asked him why he entered the lunatic asylum.

"Doctor, this is it. I married a widow who had an adult daughter. My father married her daughter, so my wife became her father-in-law's mother-in-law, and her daughter became my step-mother. Daughter and stepmother. The stepmother gave birth to a son who became my brother and my wife's grandson. I also had a son who became his grandfather's brother-in-law and his own uncle's uncle. When he mentioned his grandson, he said he was his brother-in-law. My son called his sister his grandmother. I now think that I am my mother’s father and my grandson’s brother. My wife is her son-in-law’s daughter and her grandson’s. Sister. Now I don't know if I am my own grandfather, my brother's father, or my son's nephew, because my son is my father's brother-in-law, and that's why I'm here. Peace at home."

Teacher Helen asked during the Chinese class: "Give me freedom or let me die. Who said this? Students who know, please raise your hands." There was silence in the classroom. There was no sound, no one raised their hands. Teacher Helen was quite disappointed. At this time, a fat little classmate answered in very unskilled English: "It was told by Bartrick Henry in 1775." "Yes, students, the one answering now is the Japanese classmate.

You Americans who were born and raised cannot answer, but your Japanese classmates from a foreign country can answer correctly. How sad and lamentable this is! "At this time, an extraordinary cry came from the last few rows of the classroom: "Kill the Japanese!" Teacher Helen heard the cry and shouted angrily: "Who?" Who said this? After a moment of silence, an American classmate stood up confidently and said: "In 1945, President Truman said it!" ”

●The exam is over

Wang You’s final exam results were not satisfactory. So he sent a telegram to his brother, asking his father to be mentally prepared.

Soon my brother Call back: "Father is ready, now please be mentally prepared."

●Do one good deed a day

The teacher asked the two students: "Have you done one good deed a day today?" ?"

The two students answered in unison: "Yes!"

The teacher asked: "What did you do?"

Students: "We Help an old lady cross the road."

Teacher: "Well, that's great, but why do we need two people to help an old lady cross the road?"

Student: " Because the old lady didn’t want to cross the street.”

●Everyone has an explanation

A student asked the teacher for advice: “What is the difference between hitting someone and being hit?”

History teacher: The person who hits is the aggressor, and the person being hit is the victim.

English teacher: Hitting someone is active, being hit is passive.

Physics teacher: Hitting someone is exerting force, being hit is resistance.

Dean: Each student will receive a major offense.

●

Teacher: Did you do all this homework yourself?

Student: No, dad did it for me.

Teacher: Go back and tell your father that he will also have to make up classes on Sunday.

●Self-comfort

I heard:

The homework may not be handed in

If it is handed in, it may not be written by yourself

If you write, you may not be able to do it

If you can do it, you may not be able to take the exam

If you take the exam, you may not be able to pass it

If you pass it, you may not be able to pass it Can graduate

After graduation, you may not be able to find a job

If you find a job, you may not be able to find a wife

If you marry a wife, you may not be able to find one Giving birth to a child

If you give birth to a child, it is not necessarily your own

Oh my God! Why do you hand in your homework? !

Then I won’t hand in my homework.

School has started! !