Tell a few jokes that really make people laugh!

1, two children are talking: A says: Our whole family likes animals very much, my mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits. B said: What about your father? A said: I like foxes. I want to jump off the building and go to the ninth floor to catch my breath. I want to struggle to the seventh floor and leave my last words. I want to be disabled to the sixth floor. I want to be hospitalized to the fourth floor. I want to cheat insurance. I want to go to the third floor. It's just scary. I want to try my courage to go to the first floor. I have nine lives ... Please wait underground. 3. The teacher's golden sentence Chinese teacher: "Copy the text 20 times, don't do it in class, hand it in before class. English teacher: "if you don't finish your homework, you're finished." "(If you can't finish your homework, you are finished. ) Math teacher: "Counting doesn't have to be accurate, the most important thing is to be fast and efficient. Math teacher: "The condition of elevation angle of 90 degrees: 1. There is a man downstairs, 2. There are beautiful women upstairs and three. A beautiful woman should wear a skirt. " China history teacher: "Don't ask if it's difficult, just think it's easy." Pure math teacher: "He is him, you are you, it doesn't matter ak!" " It doesn't matter if he is him or you are you! ) Economics teacher: "Be a star when you have time and become an elite in the future." Science teacher: "Even if the answer is right, the expression is not good, and there is no score." The vice principal will speak in advance: "Did you have breakfast tomorrow morning? Do you eat bread? However, there is a package that cannot be eaten, that is, the top package. " Correctional officer: "Two rows, two rows. Class teacher: I can't use Powerpoint because I have no right to order. " The classmate asked, "What page are we on, sir?" Mr. A: "I think. A couple was caught by a savage and wanted to eat them. Through intercession, the barbarian decided to let them eat each other's shit and let them go. In order to survive, the couple have to eat shit from each other. On the way back, the woman began to cry. The man asked her why she was crying, and the woman said, "You don't love me." The man said, "No, I don't love you. Why is this happening? "The woman said," If you loved me, you wouldn't play so much! "5. A man took a friend to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to her grandmother, thank you for the peanuts, and her grandmother replied, Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough ... 6. Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Really sold out? "He asked in disappointment." Sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. "The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" "That's what I did ..." Poor monkey Nini went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Nini felt sick and ran to ask the administrator ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? ... the administrator explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... and he was killed. Look at your ass and make sure you can pull it out before you dare to eat ... 8. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. 9. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 10, once the bell rang and everyone had to go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 1 1. Once upon a time, Americans went to Russia for sightseeing. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 12, I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! Funny sentences and comments series: Monday, February 30th, sunny. It is not good to have no sunshine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad. Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown. 1. Title: While ... Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it? 2. Title: One of the children wrote: My left foot is injured. Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede? 3. Topic: After a while, the children wrote: After work, dad went home one after another. Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have? 4. Topic: The sad child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is very sad. Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder. 5. Title: Again ... Again ... Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin. Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond? 6. Topic: Watching children write: What are you reading? I haven't seen it. Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it. 7. title: prosperous children write: prosperous confession. Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series! 8. title: delicious children write: delicious fart. Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible. 9. Topic: Naive children write: It's really hot today. Teacher's comment: You are so naive. 10. Title: Sure enough, some children wrote: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water. Teacher's comment: The word is 1 1. Title: ... Children write: Goodbye, sir! Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth. 12. Title: In addition, the children wrote: A train passed by, in addition, the teacher commented: I will forget it if I die. Cold joke series: 1, Q: What is the most handsome key on the keyboard? F4 2, Q: Xiaoming did his summer homework by himself. The next day, he hung up. Why? A: I can't live because of my homework. 3. Q: Uncle McDonald's head, guess a country. A: Myanmar (without electricity) 4. Q: Which two English letters are the most difficult to teach? A: C, E, because EC is difficult to teach. 5. Q: The surname of football is Zhu and that of basketball is Lan. What's that last name? A: The surname is Christmas, because it is Christmas Day and Christmas Day. 6. Q: A monster invaded the earth. What shall we do? A: Sing the March (Superman theme song lyrics: this March, hit the monster and run away ~) 7. Q: Why is there Tokyo, Nanjing and Beijing in this world but there is no Xijing? A: Because the western classics gave Tang Sanzang 8. Q: What kind of haircut products does Di Yun hate most? A: Meiyuan won the lottery because Meiyuan won the lottery. Q: Amin and Ashan robbed the bank. They ran away, but the police didn't chase Amin when chasing fruit. Why? A: Because the Himalayas (at least La 'a Mountain) is 10, Q: What animal tears eels? A: Snakes, because Youseman (snakes tear eels).