Who has adult jokes?

One day, I was criticizing my 6-year-old daughter because she didn't do her homework well.

The lady came in: "Open this bottle cap!" " "

I clapped my hands on purpose and said, "I have to take care of the small ones and the big ones." Fortunately, there are only two women at home. "

The lady said angrily, "I am not idle when I go home every day. I earn more money than you!" " ! "

I felt guilty and said helplessly, "consider it as the money you bought me a free meal at home."

The lady said unreasonably, "It is better to buy a better one."

The daughter interrupted loudly: "yes, mom, you can't buy anything discounted in the future!" " "

2. Wash your ass all night

Dad: The water is too hot. Bring me some cold water.

Mom: It's very comfortable to wash and iron like this.

Dad: The question is whether it can be washed.

After a long time, mom just didn't have cold water. Hey, hey

Dad: You wait for me. Next time you do pot washing, don't use a basin. I'll help you burn the wood to see if you are comfortable. ...

No matter who calls me, as long as my father is by my side, he is like a boyfriend.

He would say: bold fanatic

I pretended not to hear my father's words, so I would come and join in the fun, grab my mobile phone and say:

"Let me chat, let me follow this young man younger, and try to cheat him ..."

……

4. One day at dinner, my mother asked my brother who he slept with.

The younger brother said, my sister sleeps with my father and I sleep with you.

But the problem is that there is an electric blanket on dad's bed, and mom is afraid of the cold. There is nothing in my bed.

Mom won't do it, but my brother makes trouble.

Haha, I can't help it. I said to my mother with a bad smile: Mom, I robbed your husband again, hehe.

Mom: You give it back to my husband ... (It's still a long time)

On the crowded subway car during commuting time, a timid pervert got up his courage and touched the girl next to him. After several stops, when he was about to get off the bus, the girl kicked him hard. He was ashamed and said shyly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." The girl said angrily, "Sir, don't do what you can't finish."

6. A nurse with a full chest and a good face said to the doctor, "Please go and see that patient quickly. I just took his pulse, jumping 120 every minute, and his eyes are still staring at me. " The doctor said unhurriedly, "You cover his eyes with gauze first, and then measure them."

7. M: "You take it off first, and I'll take it off when you're finished." Woman: "I take it off slowly. You'd better take it off first." Man: "That's it! Save some time and let's take it off together. " Woman: "How dare you?" Man: "It doesn't matter, it's all our own." Woman: "That was fast! Stuff it all in, look out! Don't get your clothes dirty! " Man: "well ... it's much more convenient with this dehydrator."

Hearing that foreign orchestras are coming to perform, Xiao Wang decided to take his five-year-old son to experience classical music. The soprano singer and the band performed music passionately under the command, but the son asked Xiao Wang inexplicably, "Dad, why does the old man always scare the actress with a stick?" Wang Wei smiled and said, "This is not a scare. The old man is the conductor of the band. " Son: "Why did the actress shout so loudly without being scared?"

On their wedding night, Xiao Wang said to his wife, "I don't want anything else from you. Be an economist in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a slut in the bedroom. Please write it down and stick it on the back of the door. " Xiao Wang's wife may have a bad memory. The next day, the note that Xiao Wang saw behind the door said, "Be a lady in the kitchen, a slut in the living room and an economist in the bedroom."

10. Men and women are fooling around, but the husband went home early. The man was frightened when the doorbell rang.

But the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous." Then she took out a bag of rubbish from the kitchen and walked to the door.

"Honey, before you come in, take this bag of garbage out and throw it away."

The man left safely. On his way home, he thought, What a clever woman!

Walking to the door, the man rang the doorbell, the wife opened the door and handed out a bag of garbage …

(I hope so, O(∩_∩)O Thank you)