Tell some humorous stories to your girlfriend.

1. One person scolds another person: "I really want to spit a bubble in your face!" When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "sweetheart!" " The patient smiled and said, "Little baby." The headmaster and the English teacher visited a middle school in France. The headmaster spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated. Principal: "Teachers and students!" English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!" Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" English teacher-_-! Thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!" Principal: "Good morning!" English teacher: ... = = "Khan 4 Xiaoming has a new hairstyle. When he came to school the next day, his classmates all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away. Xiaoming, who will have an exam tomorrow, is watching TV at night. Xiaoming's mother asked anxiously, Have you read all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it. Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb. This kind of joke usually tells your girlfriend that you are bored, but she still laughs her head off. An elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~ ~ ~ 7 One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned to look, and a man was chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. Desperate, the woman knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever, just don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? And now you're chasing me. "8. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The whole audience was silent and creepy! ! ! Leng ~ ~ 9 A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want? "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale. "This man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this shop to buy cat food. " Give me two boxes of cat food. ""We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat. "It's the same shop assistant. The man dawdled with her for a long time and finally had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman: "What can I do for you?" "Just put your hand in. The salesman put his hand in: "What is this?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. "In the 10 music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune. Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music? "Xiaohua:" Yes "Xiaoming:" Do you know what the teacher is playing? " Xiaohua: "Piano. 1 1 The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" "Boss:" Oh, sorry, not that much. " "I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left in frustration. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have one hundred steamed buns? "Boss:" Sorry, I haven't. "I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left in frustration again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have one hundred steamed buns? "The boss said happily," Yes, yes, we have one hundred steamed buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll buy two! ""When telling jokes to your girlfriend, add some little tricks, such as jumping like a rabbit, and the funny voices of different roles will definitely make her happy and be called "boss!" The boss looked up. She is a charming woman, and perfume permeates the whole shop at once. "Thirty boxes of ordinary sets." She chewed gum and threw some money on the counter. The boss looked at her. "For 300 yuan, you only have 200 yuan." She disdained: "# #, don't give me that. I'm a wholesaler. Do you know the price?" You can earn forty dollars for these boxes, that's all. "Since the other party is an expert and there is nothing to say, the boss asked her," How long will it take you to use so much? "She took out the mirror to make up her makeup, a little proud:" In the past two months, I have had the most guests. " The boss sighed, "You really work hard." She was unhappy: "How can you talk? In other words. " The boss exclaimed, "You are so dedicated." She nodded with satisfaction. The boss picked up two hundred-dollar bills and looked at them. One of them had no watermark and handed it to her: "This one is fake." She cried, "Fake? Shit, it's * * * again. " Zhao Ji * * * "Boss!" The boss looked up. She is a charming woman, and perfume permeates the whole shop at once. "Thirty boxes of ordinary sets. "She chewed gum and threw some money on the counter. The boss looked at her. For 300, you only have 200. "She is very disdainful:" # #, don't give me this, I am a wholesaler, do you know the price? "You can earn 40 dollars for these boxes, that's all." Since the other party is an expert and there is nothing to say, the boss asked her, "How long will it take you to use so much?" She took out the mirror to make up her makeup, a little proud: "In two months, I had the most guests." The boss sighed, "You really work hard." She didn't want to: "How can you talk? In other words. " The boss exclaimed, "You are so dedicated." She nodded with satisfaction. The boss picked up two hundred-dollar bills and looked at them. One of them had no watermark and handed it to her: "This one is fake." She cried, "fake? Shit, it's * * * again. " A woman redder than a red diamond fell in love with a man redder than a yellow diamond. Finally, a mistress who is greener than a green diamond came and gave birth to a son called a member. QQ brother and QQ sister are going on a date. Brother QQ arrived first, waiting for sister QQ there. I looked left and right, but I didn't see QQ sister. I looked left and right, but there was still no one. Later, QQ sister came and pointed to QQ brother and asked him, do you think you landed, soy sauce?