2020 Ren Lei Non-mainstream Classic Funny Quotations

1, it rains in the middle of the night, clouds in the middle of the night, and shouting in the middle of the night is even more scary.

If the sky gives me brilliance, I will be crazier than the sky.

3. People and dogs are different when they spend all kinds of red flowers.

Don't swear to me that I am afraid that you will be struck by lightning.

5. You play with your customization and I play with my formatting.

6, bow down by courage, look up at strength.

7. I am a mute, and I usually speak in disguise.

8. Women conquer men with stockings, and men conquer banks with stockings.

9. Low-key people In the real world, low-key guys are the most attractive.

10, the doctor told me to do photosynthesis and not to stay up late.

1 1. I said to keep a low profile. But you have to give me applause and scream.

12, one heart can only hold one person. If you hold two people, you are not alone.

13, minimum goal: Nongfu Spring has a little field.

14, drive Audi, wear Dior, and eat Oreo if you have nothing to do.

15, clear water, no fish, invincible.

16, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

17, San Xiao, actually there is nothing wrong. The mistake is that it can't stand the temptation.

18, the woman is China Merchants Bank and the man is China Construction Bank.

19, no matter how powerful Tang Priest is, it's just a monkey trick.

20. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, but those who are afraid of debt are really poor.

2 1, you are not a cactus, why are you so strong?

22. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but being mean.

23. Don't challenge my sister's skill with the speed of playing video.

24, the average boy is generally proud, and the average girl is inclined.

25, don't be obsessed with your brother, sister-in-law is the legend.

26. I am just a game, but you are fascinated.

27. Sorry, Miss, I'm not handsome. But not every woman has a chance.

God is fair because he is unfair to everyone.

29. My life is not determined by heaven, and heaven will destroy me.

3 1, the humble surface, covers up the inner abnormality.

32. It's not that I'm obsessed with legends, but that they are so beautiful.

Non-mainstream classic funny sentences

I won't bend over when money falls from the sky, because even pies won't fall from the sky, let alone money.

Buy me 10 cigarettes, why don't you go to a nightclub?

Getting married on August 8, 2008 is a good idea.

It is better to lie in bed and sleep while watching TV.

Give me a fulcrum, and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.

If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I'll resign. I'll give him two Chinese coins and kill him before I resign.

I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

In Egypt, a man can have four wives, which is very tiring. China is better.

You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable!

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch-resistance is pain, not resistance is still pain!

Don't mess with me, or I will let you die rhythmically.

It doesn't matter that you can't get every apology.

I will come to you in my next life, because you are the stupidest person besides me.

I'll miss you after you leave. Why don't you leave?

I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

A woman's wardrobe is like a harem, with countless beautiful women and only a few who like it.

Success is 10% talent plus 10% not being distracted by the internet.

You will be bored if you go out to play.

Smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

I donated a month's living expenses for fighting in Taiwan Province Province, a year's living expenses for fighting in the United States and a fucking life for fighting in Japan.

Is the departure of the stool the pursuit of the toilet or the failure to retain the ass?

You can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the tears I dropped on the keyboard.

You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

Women often miss men so much; Men are often fickle with women.

Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are different.

A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard and all you get is a fart.

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card.

Don't look back, I only love your back.

There may be several women who don't eat, and none who are not jealous.

Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have the desire to climb up constantly in comparison.

I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

Women often miss men so much; Men are often fickle with women.

Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are different.

A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard and all you get is a fart.

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card.

Occasionally, living silently will feel great, and living silently will feel miserable.

When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

Men fantasize about me and I fantasize about heaven.

When I was dizzy, I finally understood what love was.

Grandpa was handed down from his grandson.

God, you let summer and winter share a room, right? Give birth to this damn weather!

Vulnerabilities and patches Qi Fei, blue screen * * * crash!

A temporary impulse, a crisis for future generations

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

In fact, I am a genius, just jealous of talents!

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

2020 non-mainstream funny quotations

1, reform and opening up, my weight is rubbing on the ground.

2. Look at yourself. Really better than garbage.

3. If you don't want to live, die. If you can't die, you live.

4. If the daughter-in-law is gone, she can find it again. Mom, there is only one.

5. In this era, Wukong pursues leopard fashion and sexy.

6, count the money until the hand cramps, sleep until you wake up naturally.

7. If you test a lie with a lie, you will get a lie.

8, boring mother, boring crying: boring to death …

9. Want to make a phone call. Open the phone book. But I don't know who to call.

10, once was once, now is now.

1 1. It doesn't matter what you say, what matters is who said it.

12, because I insist, I am not afraid of regret.

13, the deaf heard the dumb say that the blind had seen a ghost.

14, who cares about me except 10086?

15, the so-called' believe' is to' bet' whether your wife believes your lies.

16, it's cold and the air conditioner is on. I really enjoy sleeping.

17, those who always say others are pretending to be forced, you are not even pretending to be forced.

18, the third party is not the later one, but the one who doesn't love deeply.

19, believe me, I am very low-key, Xixi, why am I so cute?

20. Wow, is the system unhappy? Say something nice and try again.

2 1, hey, show me. Call yourself fat and out of breath.

22. Sister, it's not that I don't write about my mood, but that I'm not in the mood.

You don't have to say anything, I know everything. You want to say I'm beautiful,

24. I would rather get drunk and make him uncomfortable than let him not drink.

25. I am the only one who abandoned you, and you ignored me.

I really don't want to say that you are looking forward to the scene of the accident.

27. Altman counts a ball, and Pig Bajie is the cutest.

28. If you earn money, don't use it to wipe your ass.

29. Talented people who read at night look forward to female ghosts, and single old men look forward to aunts;

30. Neodymium people can't really care about men, so he will be like a mad dog.

3 1, watch that conversation every day. The corners of the mouth unconsciously rise.

32. Are you a Pacific policeman? That's a pretty big tube.

2020 shocking SMS classic funny quotations

◆ Have you tried the beautiful woman who attended the class together to take out her mobile phone and dial? Then the tutor's phone rang, and the beauty said, "Husband, I'm hungry. Go and eat! " I hung up the phone, and the tutor who answered the phone in the aisle went back to the classroom and announced the morning class. What the hell is this?

Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a real princess. One night, a princess came to stay. In order to test its authenticity, the prince put a pea on the bed, and then spread twelve mattresses and twenty duvets. Asked how she slept the next day, the princess scolded: Nima, the mattress is so high that I didn't climb it all night.

◆ Half of the students in Hua Zheng are catching the other half, half of the students in Fudan are acquiring and merging the other half, half of the students in Caida are checking the accounts made by the other half, half of the students in Tongji are supervising the buildings built by the other half, half of the students in Jiaotong University are writing programs in shanzhai, half of the students in China Normal University are tutoring the other half's children, and half of the students in Shanghai Normal University are doing the other half's daughter Michel Platini…… ...

◆ After screening interviews, there is only one man and one woman left on the list of summer interns, and only one can be admitted. I asked my male colleague sadly, "Do you think we should have a boy or a girl?"

◆ How many people turn on their computers, log in, listen to music and enter blogs or spaces over and over again, never knowing what they are turning over.

A girl in the dormitory is usually an idiot. Once, this sister drank water with a cup, and then watched the whole glass of water spill on her. Everyone wants to know what happened to her. She calmly said: nothing, I forgot to open my mouth when drinking water.

If you ask the mirror now, who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It's time for the magic mirror to say: Are you asking about plastic surgery? A: No cosmetic surgery. Q: Do you mean with or without makeup? A: There is no chemical reaction. Q: Are you asking about transsexuals or purebred women? A: Forget it, I don't want to ask.

Business plan: open a restaurant, named Cangmang, specializing in all kinds of duck stuffing. The streets and alleys echoed with advertising songs: the boundless duck stuffing is my love.

I bumped into my daughter in the nearby red light district last night and was shocked on the spot. "You're embarrassing yourself! You can't do this if you want to make money! " She yelled at me.

Confucius' understanding of the college entrance examination: both study and examination are at the right time, aren't they? Isn't it a pleasure to be notified by fate from afar? I don't mind being rejected by others. Aren't you a gentleman?

◆ When I was a child, I scratched a thank-you note and didn't throw it away. I had to scrape off the words thank you for your patronage before I was willing to let it go, just like too many things later.

◆ In the railway station square, a girl seems to be answering someone's phone to say that I am so humble? While talking, I also made a beautiful hair, and an uncle next to me said that you can't do this, and it will be conspicuous when you lift your skirt!

◆ Charging the mobile phone in the train bathroom, people are leaning against the wall in a daze, and the mobile phone is connected with wires and put in their pockets. A little boy who came to the toilet turned to his mother and said, look, the robot is charging!

◆ In the research institute, a department wanted to buy a refrigerator to store test samples, so it reported to the superior, and the result was not approved.

After seeing it, Yang Gong, an old worker in Corey, suggested to the section chief: "Try replacing the refrigerator with an artificial intelligence thermostat."

The section chief complied, and a few days later, the report was approved: "Agree".

One day, the tiger in the forest said shyly to the horse, Brother Ma, I am pregnant. Please give our child a name! Ma pondered for a while and said, my surname is Ma, so our children should be called sloppy!

◆ Holmes and Watson are camping in a tent on the hillside! In the evening, Holmes woke up and woke Watson with his elbow: Watson, look! What is in the sky? Watson: A bright moon! Holmes: What does this mean? Watson thought for a moment, then said, well, the moonlight is good, there are no stars, and it should be cloudy tomorrow! Sherlock Holmes: Idiot! Our tent was stolen! Bao Zheng: Don't take it personally. The tent is still there! It's me.

◆ Take shota to the iron gate. The door was closed and high, and shota couldn't climb it, but after seeing him thinking, he fell on the ground, and the originally thin board just passed through the gap between the door and the ground. The ground was covered with dust, and he struggled and kept changing his posture. Almost, almost ... finally passed! He cheered, it's good to be young! I couldn't help cheering in my heart, then took out the key and opened the iron gate.

◆ A male classmate posted a status: "My brother's smile is not Baidu", and the next comment: "Well, you are suitable for sogou." Complete works of humorous jokes

Guest: "boss, my mobile phone is broken. I just bought it for three months." Please guarantee it for me. " When I picked up the phone, I saw that the phone case was missing. So I said, "Look at your mobile phone. Human problems are not covered by the warranty. " Guest: "I didn't do it artificially." Me: "Isn't it artificial that the mobile phone fell like this?" Guest: "It's really not man-made. I put my mobile phone on the balcony and was kicked downstairs by my cat. "

◆ A Northeastern who traveled to England suddenly shouted in the street: "Hey, look, isn't that girl a' haha porter'? What's her name? What's her name? ..... pony, damn it! ! Anyway, I can't remember ... "The girl turned around when she heard this:" Really? "