Ask 10 top jokes.

1, 4-year-old Xiaohong especially likes to watch Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf. Looking at it, Xiaohong asked her father: Why is Grey Wolf's hat patched? Her father said: because he is too poor.

As a result, Xiaohong said calmly: You are talking nonsense. The wolf has such a big wolf castle! Must have money! The house price is so high now! . . . . . . .

2. After school, Xiaoming went to a shop and said to his assistant aunt, "Auntie, I want to buy a bottle of anti-frosting."

Aunt asked curiously, "Little friend, why did you buy anti-Zou cream at an early age?"

Obviously said: "I didn't take the exam today. I am afraid that my father will hit me when I go home. "

3, gild the lily (the teacher asked the students to make sentences with "gild the lily". Lingling wrote: "I found that the letters S and Y taught by the teacher were written as $ and RMB by the uncle and aunt of the bank, which was gilding the lily."

(Lingling makes sentences)

Sad-the ditch in front of my house is very sad.

If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

(Calling Dad) On the morning of the weekend, Xiao Ai's father was still sleeping, but his good friend Lao Li came. Little Ai's mother quickly said to the three-year-old little Ai, "Quick, call Dad!" " "Xiao Ai looked at his mother, hesitated for a moment, walked up to Lao Li and timidly let out a cry," Dad. "

Naive-it's really hot today, and it's a good day for swimming.

Relax, everything I do starts with simple things.

Special-the teacher told us not to write special words.

Ten points-my sister only got ten points in the math exam. What a pity!

The teacher was speechless.

Lingling asked her father, "Dad, which is bigger, 20 or/kloc-0?" Dad said, "Of course it's 20." Lingling: "Then I got the 20th place. Isn't it better than 1? "

5, someone surnamed Zhu, management unit computer room. Someone once called his cell phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

During the earthquake, four old ladies were playing mahjong in a tall building in Chengdu. One of them said, "Why do I feel the building shaking?" "Another old lady stood up and looked out of the window." It's okay, it's okay. Come on, play cards Other buildings are shaking. "

7. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink the soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. -

But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. -

She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! "

8. When I was in college, the whole dormitory was a large local area network, and people often played CS together. As we all know, CS is a game between police and bandits. Anyone in the local area network can join under any name. There was an awesome man named Xiao er, who was very accurate in shooting and quick in action, and beat his opponent badly. Subtitles are constantly displayed in the game:

Xiao er killed XXX with a pistol.

Xiao er stabbed XXX with a knife.

……

As a result, someone on the other side got angry and changed his name to "his father" to join the game.

A gunshot, subtitles:

Xiao Er shot S's father with a sniper.

Many players read it, were inspired and changed their names. Subtitles keep appearing:

Xiao er stabbed his grandfather to death with a knife.

Xiao er blew up his aunt and grandmother.

Xiao er killed s with a pistol and killed his second uncle.

……

The whole single-door tragedy

Suddenly, the second classmate disappeared.

The master was humiliated and ran away.

Another newcomer, "Your Dad", joined in.

Then the subtitles appeared:

Your father killed his second uncle,

Your father killed his aunt s. ...

9, (1),' happiness' means that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman beats little monsters.

(2) The' generation gap' means that I asked my dad what he thought of the' Chrysanthemum Table' and he said that he had never drunk it.

(3) Narcissism means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me.

(4),' speechless' means that the judge asked: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

(5)' Despair' means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one:' There are worse things in the world.

Really? ! Eat the second' shit! Yes!

(6) Crash is when an old lady walks into KFC and says to the waiter, I want a KFC.

A McDonald's and a hamburger.

10,

When I have money, I will buy two BMWs, one to clear the way in front, one to protect the driver behind, and I will ride a bike in the middle!

When I have money, I will send you two short messages, asking you to save one and delete another.

When I get rich! ! ! Buy1300 million bicycles and give one to everyone in China. I take the bus to see who dares to squeeze me! ! !

When I have money, I will buy two notebooks, one for games and one for QQ.

When I have money, I will buy two planes, one to fly during the day and the other to fly at night.

When I have money, I will build two swimming pools, one for washing my hair and the other for washing my feet.

When I have money, I will make a mask every day, one on my face and one on my ass.

When I am rich, I will be a beggar and hire 100 beggars to throw money at my bowl.

When I have money, I will build two private villas, one for people and the other for pigs.

When I have money, I will buy all the brand-name cosmetics, and I will still use Dabao without waiting for the shelf life.

When I have money, I will hit people in the street and slap them to 100. Hum, see who doesn't call me, and I'll take money to kill him.

When I am rich, I will marry another wife, and one will earn money for the other.

When I have money, I will go to the mobile building to buy Unicom cards every day!

When I have money, I will buy 500 motorcycles, hire 500 drivers and let them follow me when I go out. One minute I'll line up as a bull, and the next I'll line up as a B.

When I get rich, I'll hire two nannies, one for me and one for her.

When I get rich, my wife will marry two, one for a day. One night.

When I have money, I will build two toilets. I want to go to the men's room. I want to go to the ladies room.

When I get rich, I'll hire hundreds of people. It's okay. I will be divided into two groups. Half to save money for me, and half to withdraw money for me. Let the bank only serve me. It's hard for you to line up.

When I have money, I will buy two pairs of underwear like Superman, one inside and the other outside.

When I have money, I will park three cars side by side at the red light at every intersection. I will stop there every day so that others can't get through. I will pay the fine. I will pay in advance. It is feasible.

When I am rich, I will start two companies, one is my boss and the other is my employee. I can fire my boss and fire my employees.

When I have money, I will buy two footbath, one for my left foot and one for my right foot.

When I have money, I will install two air conditioners in my room, both on, one for cooling and one for heating, blowing hot air, cold air and hot air.