Always have negative thoughts? Get rid of it with the "ABCDE" method!

Have you ever noticed that around us, some people are always positive and optimistic, whether they are studying, working, or in life, and seem to have nothing to worry about? Others are better on the contrary, He always thinks about the worst in everything, looks gloomy and is negative and pessimistic, as if bad luck always happens to him.

I used to think that this might be caused by personality differences, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

However, in "The Psychology of Success—Discovering the Meaning of Work and Life," author Dennis Waitley tells us that psychological research has found that no matter how positive or negative your current thoughts are, You can become a more positive thinker and sum up a set of effective "ABCDE" methods to help you get rid of negative thoughts.

01 Two kinds of thinking bring two completely different results

Positive and optimistic people always focus on those favorable factors, tend to expect the best results, and have the confidence to move towards Work towards your own goals and overcome obstacles.

As shown above, positive thinking allows you to experience positive feelings and gives you the motivation to take positive actions. When an optimistic person encounters the same setback, he will think that the current failure is temporary. Every failure has its reasons, which are not their own fault. They may be the consequences of environment, luck or other man-made reasons. This kind of person will not be defeated by failure. When faced with a harsh environment, they will see it as a challenge and work harder to overcome it.

Negative and pessimistic people, on the other hand, always focus on those shortcomings and problems, always tend to anticipate the worst possible results, and are afraid to take risks, make changes, and express their true selves. A pessimistic person believes that bad things are all his fault and that this incident will ruin everything for him and last for a long time.

Negative and pessimistic people easily give up and fall into a vicious cycle. Negative attitudes lead to negative behaviors, negative behaviors lead to negative consequences, and negative consequences lead to negative attitudes. …

For example, if you think that you are introverted and not sociable, so others don’t like you, then you are likely not to take the initiative to interact with others, and even intentionally avoid and decline many social activities, resulting in People lack understanding of you, it is difficult for them to see your advantages, and it is difficult for them to develop friendship with you, and you will feel more and more unpopular with everyone.

The research of Martin Salingerman, the founder of positive psychology, also proves this point. He said:

02 Irrational beliefs in our minds

Each of us has more or less basic concepts and assumptions in our minds that interfere with our thinking. These distorted and self-destructive assumptions are called irrational beliefs.

It's easy to identify them because the rules are rigid and absolute, containing words like "always, never, completely, must, have to."

For example,

I must succeed in this driving license test and cannot fail;

I must marry myself this year;

If I'm not beautiful enough, he will definitely not like me;

I can't live without her;

I have to maintain my grace at all times and not lose my temper, otherwise everyone will think that I am He is an uneducated person;

If he loves me, he will definitely change for me;

If I get divorced, I will be a failure and I will not be happy in the future...

These beliefs are irrational because they have no basis in fact and are based on thinking about what we think should be, not what is.

In order to avoid making such mistakes and make our thinking more rational, we need to learn to use these expressions: "I want...", "It would be better if...", "I Rather..." etc.

03 The "ABCDE" method to get rid of negative thoughts

Psychologist Ellis discovered the "ABC" model, that is, an inciting event inspires people to form irrational beliefs. The combination of led to negative results:

·A - activating event (activating event)

·B - belief (belief)

·C ——Consequence

For example, you and your best friend made an appointment to run together at 7 a.m. on the weekend, but she did not show up (this is the stimulating event A). You think it is completely unfair for her to let you go. (This is belief B), and then you think that she must not take this matter to heart, and she does not value the relationship between you and her. When you see her, you must scold her and never do activities with her again. (This is result C).

The ABCDE method is a way to deal with negative thinking by refuting irrational beliefs. It changes your beliefs by adding two additional steps, D and E, to the ABC model.

D stands for dispute. We must be vigilant against negative thinking and actively refute it when we find them appearing.

E stands for exchange, replacing or exchanging the negative result with a new positive result.

Following the above example, you can try to change the way of thinking as follows:

Refutation: She has never forgotten the things she made before. Maybe she didn’t come today. You have something urgent to deal with, and you don't even bother to call me to tell me. Or, it's possible that she worked overtime too late last night, overslept today, and didn't set the alarm clock.

Exchange: It’s not a big deal if she doesn’t come. I’ll give her a call after I finish running. If I need help with anything, today is my day off and I just have time. Or from now on, the weekend activity time will be around ten o'clock, so that girl can sleep in.

In this way, by changing your thinking mode, you will find that you are not as angry as before, nor will you be impulsive, and your relationship with your best friend will not be damaged as a result.

For another example, many people have seen this joke, which says that if you feel that you are about to collapse because of your baby, you must control the ancient power in your body and move forward steadily to stabilize the family relationship. After coaxing, kissing, and hugging each other, I thought silently:

Have you noticed that this is a successful application of the ABCDE method? The words you recited silently refuted the thoughts that almost drove you crazy - "This child is so stupid that he will definitely not be able to get into a good school if he continues like this." "He never listens to me at school. It’s impossible to listen to the teacher”… and then calm down and think about the education method that the child can accept.

By analogy, for other things, you can also use the ABCDE method to change your negative thoughts and slowly develop optimistic and positive thinking habits.

Long-term research by the famous psychologist Martin Selingerman, who discovered and proposed the phenomena of "learned helplessness" and "learned optimism", shows that:

Since positivity There are so many benefits to optimism, so try applying the ABCDE method to make yourself more positive and optimistic.