Invite people to dinner in classical Chinese.

1. The classical Chinese jokes are all on my side, and the students are all seated. It's so depressing that students don't come. "

The joke is probably like this: A private school teacher teaches The Analects of Confucius, and' Melancholy is literature' is misunderstood as' Everyone is equal to me'. Later, a new teacher in a private school pronounced "gloomy literature and art" correctly, and the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and would not come to school. At that time, people ridiculed the poem and said,' Everyone is equal to me, and all students sit. I am depressed that the students are not coming. "

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One day, it was a sunny day, and Yu Yu and You gathered in a humble room. The fate is short and the wind is cold. Yu Youren sighed, "Alas, it's bad luck. The dragon is trapped in shallow water, and the clouds hide the young pine." Who is wrong if the major is not hot? It is too late! "

Yu Youren also sighed and said, "It's my life to be a great teacher, and the bones and muscles of the Chinese Department are miserable. Nothing is too much! "

His friend shook his head and said, "The misery of China people can be attributed to the injustice of five continents. The absurdity of chemistry often lies in remoteness and the incomprehension of ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my bones and muscles is not what you know. "

The other person keeps silent, and I care about his endless life. Some people are twice as strong as me. He smiled and said, "My brother's career can be described as fiery, and my wife and children can be described as hungry, right?"

My brother was angry when he was beige, and his mouth was full of surprise. "Your career can make a living, but my career is hopeless. Why is it hot? "

The other three people explored it and were silent for a long time before answering: "invertebrate linguistics!" "

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One night, I was wandering on the platform of a voracious society, and I couldn't help staring at a woman with long hair.

After a while, the woman suddenly approached.

Stop and look at me. Yu Daoan, "I'm not very handsome"! But see my eyes wide open and my mouth twitching.

Sigh "Am I too ugly"?

But see the bigger Iraq's eyes, the more Zhang Yue opens her mouth. I'm afraid I've always been a real gentleman and never offended anyone.

For her, let alone forever.

Acquaintances? I tried to turn around, but suddenly I heard Iraq shout. . . . . . Ah. . Strange. ! ! "。 she

Rub your nose and drift away.

I'm already sweating.

2. Seek classical Chinese paragraphs and short paragraphs. A scholar in the original text will be seventy years old and suddenly have a son.

Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.

The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."

Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."

Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.

The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, so he quickly called the servant to add rice to him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.

My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.

He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I hide this big lie? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and urination. "Afraid of the examinee's original text, the scholar is afraid of the New Year's exam. When he heard that the horse was dismounted from the platform, he panicked and ran to the platform to meet the bearers and complained.

3. The more translators, the better the plaque. A man boasted that he could get into Imperial High School and said, "I dream at night, and someone plays drum music to give me a plaque."

His friend said, "I also dreamed that someone gave you a plaque with four words written on it: outrageous." I'm afraid someone grew up in a rich family and spent money to buy a five-product official, but they don't know the sufferings of the people.

One winter, he went out to inspect. I saw a beggar standing shivering in the cold wind.

He felt very strange and asked his entourage, "Why is this person always moving?" The waiter said, "It's cold and my clothes are thin. I'm shivering." The man was even more surprised and said, "Isn't it cold to shake?" A rich man bought a barrel of wine and put a seal on the lid. His servant drilled a hole in the bottom of the barrel and stole wine every day. The rich man was surprised to find that the seal was complete, but the amount of wine was getting less and less every day. It is suggested that he check the bottom of the bucket to see if there are any defects. The rich man replied, "You are a fool, but there is not enough wine above and there is no wine below.".

A man was invited to dinner. When the host poured wine, he only poured half a cup at a time. The man said to his master, "You have a saw at home. Please lend it to me." The host asked, "What's the use of borrowing it?" The guest pointed to the cup and said, "Since the top half of this cup can't hold wine, it should be sawed off. What's the use of keeping it? " Two friends who have invested in brewing together are going to brew together. A said to B, "You give food and I'll give water." B said, "I can pay for the meal. After drinking it, how can I divide the profits?" A said, "I will never let you suffer." After drinking, I just want water, and the rest is yours. "

Zhang Youyu, who guessed the riddle of Wumen, aroused the curiosity of gifted scholars. Every day, there are intruders who pretend to be riddles and stick them on the door: "If you hit it, you can enter." Mystery cloud: "old but not old, small but not small;" Don't be embarrassed, okay. "

There is nothing in it; Wang Gubai shoots a cloud: "The squire is 80 years old when he meets King Wen; Gan Luo twelve as prime minister, small not small; It is shameful to swallow it alone after closing the door; Open the door for everyone to eat, okay? " Zhang laughed.

A man was ordered to deliver an urgent document, and the boss specially gave him a fast horse. Isn't it faster? But he just ran after the horse.

Passers-by asked him, "Since it's so urgent, why not ride a horse?" He said, "Isn't it faster to walk with six feet than with four feet?" Willing to die, there was an emperor who loved playing the piano, but he played it so badly that the civil servants and queens in the Qing Dynasty could not stand his piano sound. The emperor searched the whole court, but he couldn't find a bosom friend.

He ordered a condemned man to be released from prison. The emperor promised: "As long as you say I play the piano well, I can save you from death."

Unexpectedly, the emperor had just played half the piano when the death row shouted, "Please don't play, I am willing to die!" " "Pick up the straw rope someone committed theft and was locked up by the government. Someone asked him, "What big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person is unlucky and walks against the board.

I happened to see a straw rope in the street yesterday. I thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up

"The questioner asked," Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope? " I only heard the prisoner continue to say, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!" "Salt bean family is very stingy when they are wealthy businessmen.

He put the pickled beans in a bottle and put a few in each meal with chopsticks. He was having dinner that day. Suddenly, someone told him, "Your son is eating big fish and meat in a restaurant!" " Hearing this, the rich merchant scolded, "Who have I worked so hard to save?" Then pour a handful of salt beans from the bottle, put them all in your mouth, chew and say, "I lost, too!" " "Like father, like son, there was a man who was arrogant and never let others.

One day, he was walking in the street, and a man came and didn't make way for him. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face.

After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, "Why are you still standing here? Everyone in the family is waiting for you to buy food and cook!" " ""I can't go, this man won't make way for me! " "That you go to buy rice, I stand here to show you, who finally give way to who! "Baldy words A scholar met a monk. The scholar thought of the monk's ugliness and asked him, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "This is the Passover.

A newly married couple didn't understand complicated holiday etiquette, so the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw the blacksmith hitting her with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she wouldn't say.

Finally, the husband got angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, "Since you know all about it, why did you send me?" Monks should use blood to repel mosquitoes.

When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked, "Why do you want to feed mosquitoes?" The monk said, "They ate and ate, so they should fight."

The story of a scholar-a scholar took an extremely good student to catch the exam. I lost my hat on the way.

The extreme boy said: The hat fell (the first one). The scholar said quickly, not landing, but the ground.

Extremely help the scholar pick up the hat, fasten it firmly on the scholar's head, and then say: I won't touch the ground again this time. A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy.

One day, a man went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I've been holding it.

Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts.

So I'm proud. Go home and tell the old woman about her experience.

Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights! Once upon a time, there was a scholar named "Xipo" who often praised Su Shi. During the drought, the satrap set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write poems to remember this grand occasion.

The scholar wrote a poem saying: "The satrap prays for rain, and all the people are grateful for virtue. Last night I pushed the window to see the moon. "

The satrap was furious and sent Yunyang. His uncle gave it to him.

Farewell, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: "See Yunyang, and see my uncle as if he were my mother." People cry together, three lines. "

To match, officials like his poems, take his wife as the topic and ask him to recite them. The scholar said, "Ring Ding Dong, madam, come out of the back hall.

Three-inch golden lotus, horizontal. "Officer, make its self-mockery.

Scholars are.

4. Treat guests to dinner with jokes that make them angry by saying the wrong thing.

In the old years, someone held a banquet at home to entertain those who had helped him, and one invited four guests. It's almost noon, and one person hasn't arrived. So he said to himself, "Why hasn't the right person come yet?" One of the guests listened and thought, "I shouldn't have come before the one who should have come?" So I got up and left. The man regretted his mistake and said, "I shouldn't leave again." Another guest thought, "I shouldn't leave." It seems that I should have left long ago! " , also leave. The host was very sorry to see that he had angered the guests by his careless words. His wife also complained that he couldn't speak, so she argued, "I'm not talking about them." The last guest listened and thought, "Not them! That's just me! " Then he sighed and left.

This article comes from 5 1 paragraph.

5. A joke like Treat (Chinese Unit 3 of People's Education Edition) 1 Pupils' Composition (super funny, with teacher's comments) The pupils' composition (super funny, with teacher's comments) arrived on Monday ... Xiaoying handed in her homework and was immediately called to the penalty station by the teacher at noon, and read "I won't cheat the teacher again" for 500 times.

Why? Why is this teacher so cruel to this fragile pupil? Let's see how her composition is written ... Sunday is today's worship day. Although we went to Ocean Park to play until 1 1 pm yesterday, we got up early today and went to Taiping Mountain next to Ocean Park to pick fruit, because my grandparents live in Taiping Mountain. At the foot of Taiping Mountain, we took off our shoes and began to climb the mountain. It took about 1 minute to reach the top of the mountain.

The air at the top of the mountain is very good. Grandpa took us to his orchard. Wow ... Grandpa's orchard is so big, many fruit trees are planted, including watermelon tree, strawberry tree and pineapple tree ... Because I am too young to climb trees, Grandpa climbed the watermelon tree, picked the biggest watermelon and threw it to Dad, and Dad picked it up with one hand! There are many fruits growing on the ground of the orchard, such as apples, pears, coconuts, etc ... Grandpa picked some coconuts, peeled them with his hands, removed the seeds and gave them to everyone.

Coconut is delicious! I ate more than 20. Cousin also threw a coconut in my face, killing me! After the fruit dinner, we went to the Himalayas next to Taiping Mountain to play. We heard the teacher say that the Himalayas is the highest mountain in the world.

Sure enough, the teacher didn't lie to us. My cousin and I climbed and climbed. It took about 2 minutes to reach the top of the mountain. I'm so sexy. Later, we still felt very hot, so we went to the top of the mountain to soak in hot springs.

What a cold hot spring ~ Himalayas is really a good place. Later my cousin asked me if I had any money. He saw McDonald's near the top of the mountain.

Cousin, you always borrow money from me! When we were still shopping, we heard my mother calling us home in Taiping Mountain, so we had to leave reluctantly. Taiping Mountain and Himalayas are really interesting places, and we will ask our parents to take us to play in the future. Dad said that if I won the first place in this exam, he would take me to Tokyo, Beijing and Nanjing this week. I want to go to Xijing most because my cousin lives in Xijing.

She said that in fact, textbooks are deceptive. There is a mountain in Xijing that is higher than the Himalayas. It takes about 3 minutes to climb it. There is also a big night market and children's playground, as well as a clear stream. I must study hard and let my father take me to these places to play.

Tutor's comment: The content is full of contradictions and exaggerations, which I have never seen since I taught for more than 20 years. Please pay attention next time. This time, the teacher asked to write a 600-word travel note. With the last experience, Xiaoying didn't dare to scribble any more, but actually wrote down the situation that Zhou Yue's father took him to the animal and plant park. On Sunday, this morning, my father took my family to the animal and plant park. Along the way, cicadas kept twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering, twittering. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making, making. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep.

Tutor's comment: Before the content was changed, I used more than 500 words of "zhi", which I have never seen in my teaching for more than 20 years. Please pay attention to the author next time: Beautiful Myth yx 2007-6-8 09:4 1. Answer this speech .........................................................................-2 Reply: Primary school students' composition (super funny, with teacher's comments) 3. The teacher also learned well this time, fearing that the students would scribble, and asked for 600 words of travel notes, but she wanted to put forward her learning experience that day. Xiaoying and her mother climbed the mountain this time and carefully consulted the textbooks. Finally, she found that one thing verified the knowledge of the textbook and wrote it down happily. On Sunday, I went climbing with my mother today. When I get to the top of the mountain, my mother says there will be an echo on the quiet mountain.

I tried to be with my brother.