Little jokes new

The person riding the white horse may not always be a prince, but may also be Tang Monk

You are a handsome guy, and your whole family is handsome

What is your mother’s surname?

Fuck you, don’t say bad words...

Q: Do you think my avatar looks awesome?

Answer: Like!

If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if the people are humble, they will be invincible!

The following joke is the funniest, hahahaha... Wait a minute, let me laugh first. .I can't breathe...Hahahaha...It's so funny...Haha...Why don't you laugh...Haha...Come on!

Rat: I am in love with bats now. From now on, the children will live in the air and will not be afraid of you cats. The cat sneered, pointed at the owl on the tree and said: Did you see, she is already pregnant with my child!

Zhu Bajie was making out with Chang'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly picked up the nail rake and chased him out. After a while, he came back and said: Damn it, Yang Liwei ...

There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. When they were walking on the street, the weather was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down... ...

The cold drink shop sells a new product: "Heartache Feeling" for 20 yuan a cup. I bought one out of curiosity, and it really made me feel heartache: it's just a cup of boiled water!

Little White Rabbit is here While walking in the forest, I encountered a big bad wolf coming towards me. He came up and gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat." The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you can beat her up, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Damn, I told you not to wear a hat."

The story of two mental patients

It is said that two mental patients finally escaped from the mental hospital.

But after leaving the door, you have to climb over 100 walls to reach the highway.

They climbed 60 walls together, and one of them, who was mentally ill, asked the other: "Brother, are you tired?"

The other replied that he was not tired.

He said it was not tiring, so let’s continue reading.

When they climbed to the 99th wall, one psychopath asked another psychopath: "Brother, are you tired?"

The other replied: "I'm tired! Let's go back!"

So they turned back again...

Chu Yangxiang: I failed the arithmetic test today.

Dad: Why?

Chu Yangxiang: The teacher asked me what 2x3 equals, and I said 6.

Dad: That’s right!

Chu Yangxiang: The teacher asked me again what 3x2 equals.

Dad: What the hell is the difference!

Chu Yangxiang: I said the same thing.

It is said that a little boy hurried to the police station and said to the police: No, no, no, my father and his neighbor are fighting! Go quickly! Otherwise, no one would die! The police asked: When did it start? "It's been almost half an hour." "Then why didn't you come and report earlier?" "My father had the upper hand just now, but now I think he is going to suffer"!

Bali: I seem to have fallen in love with a dog...

Xiaoxian: What? Male dog?

Bali: Of course it’s a bitch! Do you think I'm a pervert?

Abi and Adi went to a bar to get drunk. There were only two female customers inside. Abi, the leader, suddenly jumped out and whispered to Adi

"Let's go!" I didn’t expect that my wife and mistress are both in there.” Adi looked over and his expression changed greatly: “Weird! My wife and mistress are also in there.”

There used to be two We live on both sides of the river. Both of us have bad ears, but we are very polite. One morning, the man from the west of the river saw the man from the east of the river going out with a sickle, and shouted to the other side: "Hey!" I said, are you going to mow the grass? The one on the east side of the river saw the one on the west side of the river shouting at him, and knew that he was concerned about what he was going to do, so he shouted: Ah, no, I am going to cut the grass

! The man on the west side of the river saw the man on the other side shouting at him, and knowing that the other man had answered him, he said politely: Oh, really? I thought you were going to mow the grass!

An American hacker threatened to hack a Chinese website, but as soon as he opened the webpage, he was infected by four or five viruses...

A girl is so ugly that she can never get married. I hope Being trafficked. One day, her dream came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her home. The woman was determined not to get out of the car, and the kidnapper leader gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said: Damn it, let’s go! I don’t want the car anymore! !

1. Question: While...while...

Children: He was taking off his clothes and putting on his pants at the same time.

Teacher’s comment: Should he take it off? Or should he wear it?

2. Topic: Among them

Children: One of my left feet is injured.

Teacher’s comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: Continuously

Children: After get off work, my father came home one after another.

Teacher’s comment: How many fathers do you have?

4. Topic: Sad

Children: There is a ditch in front of my house. It’s sad.

Teacher’s comment: The teacher is even sadder

5. Topic: And again

Children: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher’s comment: Is your mother a Transformer?

6. Topic: Look

Children: What are you looking at! Haven’t you seen it?

Teacher’s comment: Don’t be too arrogant

7. Topic: Prosperity

Children write: Confession of Prosperity.

Teacher’s comment: Don’t watch too many TV series!

8. Topic: Delicious

Children wrote: Tasty as hell.

Teacher: .........

9. Topic: Innocence

The child wrote: It’s so hot today.

Teacher’s comment: You are so naive

10. Topic: Sure enough

The child said: Yesterday I ate fruit .Then drink cold water

Teacher’s comment: They are phrases and cannot be separated

11. Question: First...and then... Example: Eat first, Take a shower again.

Children: Goodbye, sir!

Teacher’s comment: ..................

12. Topic: What's more

Children: A train passed by, what's more, what's more, what's more

Teacher's comment: I'll just die

It's unbearable for the administrator. 10 names

1 “I don’t know”

Reporter: “Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it.”

Administrator: “Who. ”

Informant: “I don’t know you”

Administrator: “——Get out——”

2 “That’s me”

Informant: "Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, let me report it."

Administrator: "Okay, who is it."

Informant: "It's me."

Administrator: “Very good, I’ll grant you permission, ban!”

Informant: “—Help—”

3 “Please wait. ”

Informant: “Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it”

Administrator: “Report it again, who?”

Informant: "Please wait."

Administrator: "Okay, hurry up."

One minute later

Admin: "Who is it?"

Informant: "Please wait."

Administrator: "Wait for you."

4 "It's not me."

Informant: "Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, let me report it."

Administrator: "Who is it?"

Informant: "It's not me."

Administrator: "Who is that?"

Informer: "It's not me."

Administrator: "You're talking nonsense, that's not who you are." Huh?”

Informant: “Really, it’s not me.”

Administrator: “Fuck you.”

5 “Hehe. Hee"

Informant: "Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it. ”

Administrator: “Report again, please tell me who it is.” "

Informant: "Hee hee hee. "

Administrator: "Who is it? "

Informant: "Hee hee hee. ”

Administrator: “Here, please call the mental hospital.” ”

6“I am your father. ”

Reporter: “Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it.” "

Administrator: "Who! ? "

Informant: "I am your father. "

Administrator: "I am your grandfather. "

7 "I lied to you"

Reporter: "Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it. "

Administrator: "Send your name. "

Informant: "I lied to you. ”

Administrator: “I’m full and have nothing to do. Let’s go home and drink milk.” "

8"I am dead"

Informer: "Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it.

”

Administrator: “Boy, I’ve been toyed with for a whole day. If you dare to report a false case, I’ll kill you.” Tell me who it is! "

Informant: "I am dead. "

Administrator: "You - why are you causing trouble if you are dead? Come to me again if you are alive. "

9" Administrator. ”

Reporter: “Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it.” "

Administrator: "Say! ! ! "

Reporter: "Administrator. "

Administrator: "Do I need to use a plug-in? Destroy you! ”

10 “I won’t tell you even if you kill me.” ”

Reporter: “Administrator, someone is using a plug-in, I will report it.” "

Administrator: "Say it quickly! ! ! ! ! ”

Informant: “I won’t say anything even if you beat him to death.” "

Administrator: "You - you are full and have nothing to do, get out! ”

A group of animals crossed the river. When they reached the middle of the river, the boat started to take in water. Some of them had to go into the water.

The smart monkey came up with an idea and asked everyone to tell a joke. If the joke cannot make everyone laugh, the person who told it will be thrown into the water. The result is that the cat will tell it first, then the monkey. p>

The cat tried his best to tell a joke, but everyone laughed except the pig. The animals had no choice but to throw the cat into the water.

The monkey’s joke was even worse. It made people laugh, but the pig still didn't laugh, and the monkey had to feed the fish.

The chicken was afraid, and even the smart monkey couldn't escape. The pig laughed at this time, and the animals asked: "The chicken hasn't said it yet, why are you laughing?"

The pig said: The cat's joke is really funny.

2. Said: "You are a pig. You said: "I am a pig." "So from now on, I will call you "the weird pig"! Finally one day, you couldn't bear it and shouted in front of everyone: "I'm not the weird pig!"

The ugly man held ninety-nine flowers. Roses for my beautiful female colleague,

Marry me!

Female: Forget it!

Male: Please tell me what is wrong with me and I will change it.

Female: What do you like about me? I will change it.

One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid boy? Huh? Dad said: Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?

Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today. Thief B: No, you will know in the newspaper tomorrow. .

The higher you stand, the farther you pee

Mom: Everything goes up, water bills, electricity bills, gas bills, air pollution bills. Son: There are always some things that go down! Mom: What does my humorous and smart son say? Son: Look at my report card

Mouse: I am in love with a bat now. From now on, the children will live in the air and are not afraid of you cats anymore. The cat sneered. He shouted, pointing to the owl on the tree and said: Did you see, she is already pregnant with my child?

I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will be polite; if they offend me again, , I will give you a shot; if someone offends me, I will eradicate it.

2. I allow you to enter my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in it.

3. It’s easy to hide from the bright, but hard to guard against the dark.

4. Even if God doesn’t entrust me with a big task, it will still tax my mind and my muscles.

5. Hold on to the child. Only then did I know that I was ugly, and my face was filled with tears. If I don’t leave, I will leave.

6. The red beans don’t grow in the South, but they grow on my face.

7. I firmly believe it! , there will be a man who came to this world just to be tortured by me.

8. Journey to the West tells us: All monsters with a backing are taken away, and all monsters without a backing are taken away.

9. Tell me what you are unhappy about to make everyone happy.

10. I like you so much that you will die if you like me. .

My mother asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. My mother said: I can have a boyfriend. I said: I really don’t have a boyfriend~~~

A mental patient ran away from the hospital. He came out and kidnapped a young man with a real gun. He asked the young man: "1 1=?" The young man thought for a moment and said nervously: "...2" and ended up killing the young man. Why, you ask? Oh, he said to the young man before killing him, "You know too much..."

Two colleagues got drunk after drinking. One of them dragged his tongue and said: "Everything I see now is double-layered."

The other quickly took out a ten-dollar note from his pocket and said: "This is what I pay you back." Twenty dollars."

Who came up with it? ,good! I want to punch his lungs

Reply to post: Sorry to say