Any other jokes?

Letter from boyfriend to girlfriend (hilarious! )

I got a scholarship before I met you, and I made up the exam after I met you. Before you know me, you make up the exam, and after you know me, you get a scholarship.

Second, I endure the shame of making others laugh and wash your clothes.

Three apples, one for you, two apples, and I'll give you the big one.

Four, eat a fish, I let you eat big body, I eat fish head.

You are so ugly, I call you beautiful. I am so handsome, you call me ugly.

6. Go out to spend money, and you can only eat carrots when you come back. Of course, you can also eat shark fin yourself if you save money.

In my Me Before You, I have never had a girlfriend. Before you met me, you had two boyfriends (a high school and a junior high school). )

Eight, when you are angry, I let you be a punching bag. When I am angry, I take it out on myself.

You can kiss me anytime. If you allow me, I want to kiss you.

You often hit me, but I never hit you.

Once you asked me what would happen to me if you fell in love with another man. I said I would kill that man. Let me ask you, what will happen if I fall in love with another woman? You said you were going to castrate me.

I bought you clothes from 200 yuan, but I only lied to you, 50 yuan. You bought me a 30-yuan watch and tricked me into asking for 300 yuan.

Thirteen, I washed your socks n times and never lost one for you. When I was sick, you only washed two pairs of socks for me, and one person lost one pair.

14. I broke your earphone. I bought a new one to compensate you. You lost my bike without even saying you were sorry.

Fifteen, once I get sick, I lose two pounds. Once I get sick, you will gain two pounds instead (you come to the dormitory with me and eat all my snacks).

I don't think you are short, but you think I am tall.

Seventeen, you come to my house, I sleep on the sofa, I go to your house, or I sleep on the sofa.

My mother is so good to you, and your mother is not good to me at all.

Nineteen, that time I went to an open-air concert, you rode on my head and watched it with relish. I was pinned down by you, crying in the crowd.

Twenty, my dog was born, and I will give you the most beautiful one. But you gave me your dying goldfish, which forced me to give them up for two days.

On one occasion, I was eating in Tsinghua canteen, and two girls were sitting opposite me. I heard one of them say to the other, "I'm not full yet. I want to eat some more." The other said,' What do you want? I want to buy it. "The girl in front said," is the kind of fan-shaped acute angle cake. Please help me buy two more. "

I thought to myself: Tsinghua girls are really different. We usually just call that kind of cake triangle cake.

Pinter, such a woman is afraid to marry. After marriage, she invited LG to dinner: hey, come here with that irregular polyhedron!

(2)

I was waiting in line to buy eight watermelons, and I heard the master say to the PPMM in front with an operator expression, "How much do you want?"

Operator MM said, "Just that piece 1/2."

Master fu thought for a moment, "is it half? What do you mean by half? "

(3)

Professor Tsinghua spoke better. He once went to the school hospital to see his eyes. A few days ago, he heard a teacher describe the symptoms to the doctor. . . . . . Hmm. . . . . . That is, an object and its image cannot overlap. . . "

We looked at each other for a long time, and the doctor and aunt suddenly realized, "You mean there is a double image?"

. . . . . . Worship for a long time

(4)

My parents are both doctors, and my uncles and aunts are all doctors.

Once, an aunt went to buy vegetables and said to Fu, the butcher, "Master, have a pork loin."

The master was confused and ignored her.

Next to this, a man said, "I want this kidney."

As a result, the meat stall was robbed of the only pork loin left.

Aunt is depressed.

(5)

It's my first time to eat Longxu Noodles in the canteen. I've only seen others eat delicious food before. I don't know its name, so I told my master:

"Master, that kind of noodles are relatively thin in diameter, probably not more than 2 mm, and then put two half-cooked eggs in the soup. . . "

I was just about to say "green leafy food"

The master said, "punch in!"

But when I saw it, it was 1.5 dollars. I don't think Longxu Noodles should be so cheap, so I repeated, "Master, which one do I want? . . . . . "

"Come on, Longxu Noodles, I get it!"

(6)

The following is a conversation between a man and a doctor when we donated blood, which may be old, hehe.

Doctor: Please bend your arm, classmate.

Classmate: What is the bending angle?

Watch porn, thanks to boys. For a time, all the boys in my class looked at me strangely and laughed when they saw me. I was puzzled, so I asked my roommate to be my best friend. Her boyfriend is in our class. The result surprised me. It turns out that the heroine of a pornographic film looks exactly like me! I borrowed it angrily, and I skipped class for two days in exchange for a cold sweat. Then for two whole days, I didn't dare to step out of the dormitory. An accident, who provoked who! Hate pornography

The best translation!

1. Who and who are the two of us?

Who's with who?

How are you? How old are you?

Why you? Why are you always there?

You don't care about me, I don't care about you.

You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

You have seed, I will give you some color to see see, brothers! Let's go together

You have seed, I will give you some color to see see, brothers, together!

Hello everyone! If you have something to say, say it! If you have nothing to say, go home! !

If you have something to fight, you will retreat.

6. You, me, you and me

You too

7. Stop! !

Don't move.

Knowing is knowing, and not knowing is not knowing.

Knowing is knowing, and not knowing is not knowing. ...

9. Hand cousin

Cousin of the same age (or cousin)

Dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, and mouse's son can make holes! !

Dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, and mouse's son digs a hole in the ground.

1 1. fly in the ointment

A flaw/defect in a perfect thing

One car comes and one car goes, two cars Pumbaa, people are dead.

Description of car accident scene

13. Be elated

be as happy as a lark

Walk through an error-free past

Pass by and don't miss it.

Xiaoming: Sorry!

Foreigner: I'm sorry too!

Xiaoming: Sorry for three people!

Foreigner: Why do you apologize?

Xiao Ming: I'm sorry!

16. If you want money, I don't have it; If you want to live, I have one!

Do you want money? This is fatal.

17. My name is Li Laoda. I am 25 years old this year.

My name is Li Laoda, and I'm 25 years old.

You have two skills.

You have two skills.

Go to hell.

How far is it, how far is it! ! ! !

20. Give you face, you are shameless, you lose face, I turn my face.

Give you face, you are shameless, you lose face, I turn my face.