This person is like a rainbow (1)

People are like rainbows, and you only know them when you meet them. This is an old Weibo post by Han Han, the father-in-law of the nation. I remember that I was just a sophomore in college, and when I happened to see this sentence, I immediately thought of you, and a wonderful feeling overflowed in my heart. It turned out that the pounding of my heart sounded like the sound of flowers blooming in spring, so I smiled unconsciously. I think I already like you. Your surname is Fang, which is a double entendre.

Our acquaintance was ordinary. At that time, the Alumni Association recruited a new group of student assistants, and you were one of them. In fact, except for the two alumni reunions and a group dinner we hosted together, we didn't have much contact at work, but our personal contacts became increasingly familiar. I'm a scumbag in mathematics, and I'm really worried about the linear algebra exam that's coming up in the midterm, but this is a piece of cake for you. You didn't offer this course at that time, but you promised to tutor me. We made an appointment to go to self-study together. You taught yourself to teach me questions, and when I got irritated by studying, you played popstar with me. After leaving the study room, we kept walking along the school road. From walking side by side at the beginning, we now walked backwards facing each other. The dim street lights stretched our shadows into long, long shadows. On the road, we talked about endless topics, and the ambiguous atmosphere lingered in the cool autumn breeze.

Once we talked about my rejection of a sibling relationship. After returning to the dormitory, I received a text message from you: If there was a person who was younger than you but not more immature than you, would you also reject it? This should be considered a hint from you. Later, such hints came one after another. I posted a message saying that the appearance of the world depends on the way you stare at it. You reply below. My world is so small, and you are just right. You like me, and I happen to like you too, which is great. November 23rd is your birthday. You invited me to a party with your classmates. I refused. You were a little disappointed. After you and your friends have finished eating, I will hand over a hand-made cake to your hands, with a freehand rainbow pattern and chocolate sauce written on the bottom of the clouds - This person is like a rainbow, you will know it when you meet.

The next day, you invited me to go to Sichuan University. It was already evening when I came back. I felt very tired and sleepy in the car, so I naturally leaned on your shoulder. Although you didn't say anything, I could clearly feel that your whole body was tense. In fact, I couldn't sleep peacefully, and I was uneasy all the way. On the way back from watching a movie in the evening, you finally opened the skylight and spoke frankly. To be honest, it was a super bad confession and incoherent, but I couldn't refuse it. I remember the movie that day was Director Ang Lee’s masterpiece Life of Pi. That day, we were together.

We have been together for more than two years and have had many wonderful memories, which no matter how cruel reality can take away.

November 25, 2012. It was very tacky that you wanted to write an exchange diary, so you registered an account for Wu Zhi, and the password was the abbreviation of both of our names. Because every time you update, you will get a little red flower, we call it a little red flower. There are many sweet things recorded in it. You said: I will actively change and fight for you, and then give you a strong shoulder to lean on, through the long days to come, and give you plain but solid happiness. You said: I am moving forward, waiting for the season with you. Regardless of whether the road ahead bifurcates. You are indispensable to me, so I think you are irreplaceable. You said: It turns out that longing really grows like waterweed. It turns out that breathing can really be soaked in lingering fragrance, revealing a rich and intoxicating fragrance. It turns out that I care so much about your smile. Miss you, miss you, love you. You said: I once told you that I wanted to have a love without breaking up. I am serious, this is my belief in love. Likewise, now there is also belief in gogo. I love you deeply and for a long time.

November 27, 2012. I am your first girlfriend. When I heard about your relationship, you must have been questioned by your friends, not to mention that you announced your happiness to the world in such a high profile. Your roommate Wang Chen is a straight-forward Northeastern native. He directly said that he wanted to treat us to dinner. In fact, he just wanted you to take me out to have a look. On the way back, we looked at each other without saying anything. We were almost downstairs in the dormitory, and you asked me if I was cold.

Without waiting for my answer, you held my hand, just as naturally as I leaned on your shoulder, and I could clearly hear my own heartbeat.

December 11, 2012. It was night, we had finished dinner and were going to study together, but we walked to the bench outside the teaching building and sat down. As we chatted, the sky gradually darkened unknowingly, and I could feel your burning eyes in the darkness. My face felt as hot as if it was on fire. Then you kissed me and told me you loved me. I responded awkwardly to your affection. This was our first kiss, my face was red and my heartbeat was trembling slightly.

December 24, 2012. When we were together for a month, it happened to be Christmas Eve. You gave me a pair of gloves, and like magic, apples and emperor tangerines appeared from the schoolbag. We set off the Kongming Lantern together, but the wind direction was wrong, so we hung it precariously on a clump of bamboo by the lake. Seeing that the dry bamboo leaves were already sprouting sparks, we quickly held the bamboo pole and shook it, and then we put the ill-fated Kongming Lantern away. Successfully released. Flying together is also our vow to hold hands for the rest of our lives.

Our shadows are everywhere on campus.

I like to lean on you and look up at the sky through the gaps in the leaves, so that the world seems to be turned upside down. One day, under the banyan tree outside the teaching building, I saw a large hornet's nest hanging on the tree. Later, that The place is called a hornet's nest by us. There is also the grass outside the library, because there are many crabapple flowers in spring, so we call it crabapple flower. There is a neat row of sweet-scented osmanthus trees on the edge of Shiquan Square, which we call sweet-scented osmanthus trees. In fact, these names are all for me to have an accurate meeting place when I am waiting for you or when you are waiting for me.

You are a person who regards learning as your life. In addition to eating in class, we spend part of our spare time studying together. Especially during the winter exam months, we would get up very early to get a seat in the library, and then stay there all day. I said, it feels like I have an extra deskmate. You said, it turns out that I am your deskmate. Then, deskmate became our nickname for each other. Today, long after we broke up, whenever I close my eyes and think of you, the shouts of my deskmate, deskmate, deskmate, linger in my ears. Every day when I wake up and open my eyes, I have to uncover the scars and accept the fact that you are gone again, as if my heart has been hollowed out. The last time you called me my deskmate was when you graduated and left school. I called you but you didn’t answer, but I received a text message from you: Deskmate, I’m leaving. Be sure to take good care of yourself. Anyway, thank you for being in my life these two years, those memories will always be there. I held my cell phone and cried for an unknown amount of time outside the study room on the fifth floor of the Erxue Building where you struggled.

Watching movies is the best choice for us to date. In the more than two years we have been together, we have watched many movies together. The Bourne Supremacy 3, Life of Pi, Lost in Thailand, Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons, Beijing Meets Seattle, To Youth, Star Trek, Little Times, Anti-Drug, No Man's Land, Ender's Game, Beijing Love Story, Daytime Fireworks, Private Customization, Witness by Everyone, Escape from Life, I Want to Be Good with You, You at the Same Desk, Master of Hypnosis, The Amazing Spider-Man, Return, Master of Breakup, Endless Reunion, Embroidered Spring Knife, Love in the Heart, That Year in a Hurry, The Fast and the Furious, Little Love Is Better, Cinderella, The Avengers, Oh My God, Armageddon, Jurassic World. On the way back to school after watching the movie, when it was still early, we would walk and chat. Sometimes it was too late, so we would rush all the way back to the dormitory.

After watching "Youth", I was very sad. Chen Xiaozheng in it is so similar to you. He is diligent, motivated, and selfish. He can sacrifice his love for his dreams. You both love yourself more than love. Weiwei said, I have imagined many futures with you, but I am not in your future blueprint. Perhaps from that night on, I felt that I would also encounter the fate of being abandoned in the future, so I had more emotions outside of the plot. On the way back, I sat on the back seat of your bicycle and kept crying, snot and tears wiping your back. On the half-anniversary not long after, you gave me a novel dedicated to youth. The title page said, I am not Chen Xiaozheng, because you are in my blueprint for the future.

At that time, in addition to being moved, I also thought that with this firm promise, our relationship would have a talisman that would never be afraid of anything.

After watching No Man’s Land, on the way back, we discussed the plot, and ended up quarreling over differences of opinion.

When I watched "Return", I was caught off guard. Lu Yanshi and Feng Wanyu agreed to meet at the train station. Lu Yanshi's identity was exposed, and they were still far apart. Feng Wanyu shouted loudly to Yan Shi, "Quick!" run. I have always been sentimental, and when faced with such a tear-jerking scene, I was already bursting into tears. You silently handed over the tissue. I looked sideways for a moment and found that you were crying too. I was surprised and drove away my own sadness. That was the first time I saw you cry.

After Where Are We Going, Dad?, we started watching variety shows together every Saturday, and we watched Running Brothers from Where Are We Going, Dad? Every time you buffer it in advance, and then we watch it together and laugh together. Sometimes I have watched it secretly by myself, and I will lie to you and say that I haven’t watched it yet, and then watch it again with you, and the laughs are still as funny.

I bought a hyacinth when I was a sophomore. Since I bought it on November 11th, I named it Yiyi. But none of them were opened until the winter vacation. My home was too far away and it was inconvenient to carry it with me, so I entrusted it to you. Later, the flowers bloomed one by one, just as we missed each other at that time, you took photos and sent them to me.

Sometimes we also go out to play. Every time before you go out, you will carefully check the route and prepare a strategy. You say you are risk-averse and everything must be foolproof.

We went to Longquan to see the peach blossoms with your class’s spring outing. During the lunch break, other students played cards at the farmhouse. We brought dustproof mats, found a peach tree, and laid out mats under the tree. Had a pleasant nap. When I woke up, the surroundings were already colorful and prosperous.

We rode to Poly Park to fly a kite. After trying for a long time, we could not get the small kite into the sky, but we were already so tired that we lay down on the grass and did not want to move. You pretend to control the remaining spool, point to the tallest kite in the sky seriously and say, look, how high our kite flies.

During the Qingming Festival, we went to Qingcheng Mountain. There was a heavy rain on the way, and I finally found a place to stay and settled down. My pants, shoes and socks were all wet. Knowing that I didn't bring extra socks, you let me lie on the bed to rest, and asked the boss to borrow a hair dryer, and carefully dried my socks. The scene of you squatting down and blowing my socks seriously has always been my most touching memory.

When we went to the Panda Base, the student ticket price was only 29 yuan. There were not many tourists that day and we saw a lot of pandas. There was a particularly fat one that went to the pool to drink water, but ended up rolling into the pool and taking a bath. There were also a few smaller ones that ate bamboo and then climbed into the trees to sleep. They couldn't be too cute.

We went to Guosetian Perfume Paradise and played all the items. We played the scariest montage maelstrom twice. You said my scream was too scary. In the wave pool, I drank a lot of water.

You have also gone shopping with me several times, and I am particularly keen to help you choose clothes. After we got together, I picked out almost all your clothes for you, so watching you become more and more handsome makes me feel a special sense of accomplishment.

Originally I had planned to go on a graduation trip, so I saved up all my scholarship money. I had been planning and dreaming about it for a long time. I want to go to the beach, I want to go to Yunnan, you want to go to Jiuzhaigou. Who would have thought that our relationship would end before the graduation trip? Later, the trip to Jiuzhaigou can be regarded as a small graduation trip and a breakup trip. The beautiful fairy tale world of Jiuzhaigou, the wonderland on earth, makes you feel like you are swimming in a painting. You borrowed Minister Gao's camera and took many photos along the way. If we could put all the unpleasantness behind us, it would be a hasty, helpless, and satisfactory end to our relationship of more than two years. We saw a lot of scenery together, but in the end we still had to go our separate ways.

People who make you feel cold must have made you warm, people who make you resentful must have made you happy, and people who make you cry must have moved you.

They say that memories beautify people, and this is true. After we broke up, I thought of you countless times, but more and more I thought of the good things you did to me in the past, while all the bad things you did were blurred by the memory.

I still remember, the second day we were together, we were studying together, I fell asleep on the table, and you took off your coat and put it on me; still remember, every month You will write a little red flower on the 24th; I still remember that you taught yourself the basics of line generation to make up for me; I still remember that I was upset about writing Cui Song's manuscript, and you asked me to go to bed and stayed up all night to finish the manuscript. I’ve finished writing; I still remember that you insisted on taking me to eat Haagen-Dazs, just because of that slogan; I still remember the surprises you prepared for me, Zhang Xiaobox, honey grapefruit tea, happy shadow dance, and lilies; I still remember that you accompanied me to a whole semester of Japanese classes, and I learned through my eyes and ears that my aunt built the railway, Oh Yasmi, and Gombard; I still remember that you carefully helped me dry my socks; I still remember that you had an internship in metalworking The cute peach made for me, with gogo engraved on it, has always been a treasure to me. I still remember the day you came back from your production internship early during the summer vacation. I was studying for the postgraduate entrance examination at school alone. It was too lonely. I called you. You let me I went to the balcony and looked down, only to see you below; I still remember that we often made appointments to go to the bathhouse together, and every time you would finish washing first and wait for me outside. Sometimes your hair would be completely dry by the time I came out; I still remember that you helped me buy my aunt's towel once, but I finally bought the wrong one despite all the instructions; I still remember that your mobile phone password is 9244, which means I love gogo; I still remember...

Life If only it was like the first time we met.

We have experienced so much together, and separation does not happen overnight. So when did they start to drift apart? Maybe, it started when your tears of feeling sorry for me turned into tears of hating me; maybe, it started when your earnest concern turned into impatient words; maybe, it started when your doting eyes became more and more indifferent; Maybe, it starts from the fact that you think other girls or your next boyfriend will be better; maybe, it starts from you prefer to be alone; maybe, it starts from you becoming more and more silent in front of me; maybe, it starts from you no longer update Xiaohong It started with flowers; maybe, it started when you no longer wanted to take pictures together; maybe, it started when you stopped @me in your status...

We have experienced three New Year's Eve together, and our emotional changes can also be traced from this. Get a glimpse of the clues. In 2012-2013, we went out to live for the first time that day. I bought a lot of food and watched the New Year's Eve concert, hugged each other and fell asleep. Nothing happened, but I was successfully brainwashed by "Fahai, you don't understand love". 2013-2014, that day was not very harmonious. We were at first quarreling over whether you wanted to skip a Maoist class, and then we were unhappy because we didn't buy an earlier school bus ticket and didn't get a seat in the restaurant. It was obvious that you weren't very happy that whole night. Later, they finally had a quarrel on the overpass, but later they both took a step back and reconciled. 2014-2015, this time it was even worse. I had a fight on the way out of the library in the afternoon. All the grievances I had held in my heart during your postgraduate entrance examination burst out. I told you to break up, but you remained unmoved. That night, you cooked instant noodles by yourself at Xiangcheng Academy, and Fatty and I went out and got drunk, and called you in a daze, crying. You came to pick me up anyway and brought me to your place. The first time I got drunk, I vomited until about four o'clock in the middle of the night, and my head felt like it was going to explode. You patiently came to wipe my face and feed me water. I felt you were so close and yet so far away.

You once said that our love exists to make others believe in love. I also thought that I was lucky, that I met the best you in the best years, that fulfilled all my fantasies about love, and everything was just right. But how can I believe in love again now? Obviously you were the first to approach me at the beginning, but it was me who was reluctant to say goodbye in the end.

I also had hesitations and concerns, but in the end I chose to risk my life. Regarding the beginning, I was worried about the age gap between siblings, and worried that I would later find out that you were not the right person. But I convinced myself that young love should of course be fearless, simple and pure. Even if the person who stays with you in the end is not me, at least you have not missed the person who makes your heart beat. The worst case scenario is that we break up after graduation and forget each other in the world.

Then, I chose to be with you. Regarding getting back together, I broke up during the summer vacation of my sophomore year. I was entangled in love and hate for the entire summer vacation, which is unforgettable. After you disappeared from the world and ignored me for more than 40 days, you sent me a text message saying that you wanted to see me. I was ecstatic, but I was worried that even if we agreed to reconcile, our relationship would never be as good as before. I was worried that you would repeat your old tricks in the future, and I would make the same mistakes again. But I convinced myself that what I have been thinking about all day and night is your change of heart. Even if you abandon me again in the future, I am willing to admit that I am unlucky. Then, I chose to drink poison to quench my thirst. It’s about having no reservations. After the reconciliation, I kept reminding myself that the lost love must be cherished. I don’t know whether it’s because our intimacy with you has reached this point, or because I want to take the relationship further with you, or because I feel that you will at least have more sense of responsibility for me after getting me, or because I have determined that you are the most important person in my life. The one you love should naturally entrust your most precious innocence to you. Shortly after that reconciliation, I gave you my whole heart and gave you the most cherished thing in a girl's life.

It seems that I have made a bet with myself. I bet that you are worthy of my trust for the rest of my life. Therefore, in order to ensure that I can win, I break through the bottom line bit by bit and lower my attitude bit by bit. As the silly saying goes, when I fall in love with you, I become very low, as low as the dust, and still try to bloom a flower. You lost your temper at me for no reason, I said to myself, it doesn't matter, he is just under too much pressure to take the postgraduate entrance examination, I should be more tolerant and tolerant; you no longer spend time and energy on me, I said to myself, he is too busy, etc. It will be fine after he has passed the exam; you are careless in life and care about one thing and the other. I said to myself, doesn’t loving someone mean that you should give without expecting anything in return? Of course, I should worry more about him in life. Seeing you desperately working hard for your dream, sitting in the study room for more than ten hours every day, I feel very sorry for you, so I always want to do something within my ability to help you share the burden. However, I can only sit quietly next to you for a while, I can only help you find some relevant information, I can only help you write a confession when you skip class, and I can only help you when your car is lost. Sometimes I help you buy a second-hand bicycle and when the flatbed breaks, I help you replace the flatbed to save you time for review. I can only help you copy lab reports, and I can only silently buy you a cushion, a pillow, and give you fruit. I can only cheer you up when you want to give up, I can only try not to disturb you as much as possible, and I can only try my best to talk a lot and tell jokes that I have heard during meals to cover up the differences between us. Silence and embarrassment, in exchange for your long-lost tenderness and smile, I can only wish to be by your side to take care of you 24 hours a day when you are sick and hospitalized. At that time, I stubbornly believed that it was the postgraduate entrance examination that occupied your time, your energy, and your attention. I also stubbornly believe that you can see what I have done, you will be moved, and you will remember it. You also told me that as long as you finish the exam, everything will be fine. I am asking you very stupidly, the male-to-female ratio in Xicai is exactly the opposite of that in our school. Do you think you will change your mind and forget about my poor wife? You always answer how so. I am a naive fool. Maybe you have never seriously spun any lies, but I am easily willing to be deceived.

I have envisioned our future countless times.

I have imagined that when you go to graduate school, you will come to see me or I will go to your school to find you on weekends; I have imagined learning cooking skills, cooking a large table of your favorite dishes, and making soup for you; I imagined that you would take me to meet my parents. I would definitely prepare gifts long in advance and behave well when I get to your house. I imagined that we would have a small home. It doesn’t need to be big, but I would decorate it very warmly. The walls Our photos are hung all over the place, and the balcony is filled with flowers and plants. I imagined that we would travel around the world and take a group photo with the same posture every time we went to the place. I imagined that you would propose to me, and if you confess your love, it would definitely be better than... Perfect once; I have imagined our wedding photos. Putting on the wedding dress, you will say that I am the most beautiful bride; I have imagined that our wedding will invite Teacher Liu to be the witness, and he will definitely not expect that we will achieve success; I have imagined We have written many, many little red flowers. When I get old and retire, I will sort them out and publish them into a book. I will use my pension to print them at my own expense. There is only one book in the world, and the copyright belongs to you and me. I imagine There will be many children calling me aunt in the past, and it makes me extremely distressed to give them red envelopes during the Chinese New Year. I have imagined giving birth to a smart and cute little dawn for you, and we will guess that he will call me daddy before he speaks. It’s better to call mom first.

It turns out that I thought too much! Just the day after you came back from the re-examination, you resolutely said that we were really not suitable to be together. I performed the old cliché scene of crying, making trouble, and hanging myself again. I didn't act for you to win your sympathy. When I realized that you really no longer love me, I was really despairing. Just die. During those days, dark clouds were always shrouded above the head, the knot that could not be untied during the day, and the night slowly dragged on, as if only the end of life could end this endless pain, until the sudden car accident completely scared away this idea. . After the car accident, the first person I thought of was you. After unlocking the phone with trembling hands, the first thing I dialed was your familiar number. Later, you hugged me and said do you know that I was worried about you. I almost thought you would give us a chance to start over, but you only said you would stay with me. Falling out of love, car accidents, looking for a job, writing papers...the blows are like disasters. In any case, thank you for accompanying me through the most difficult days. Otherwise, it is difficult for me to imagine how difficult it would be for me to move forward.

June 15, 2015, was the day we agreed not to contact each other again. I moved out of school and you came to see me off that day. A quick glance, no time to say goodbye properly, no time to brew up emotions and cry. Later, I went back to school to attend the graduation ceremony and met you and Minister Gao at the school gate. That was the last time we met. We didn't even say hello. Even if we meet again in the future, we will still be strangers. I really can't put aside our grudges with a smile and return to the position of friends. Lovers are the most helpless relationship in the world. They are closer than relatives and strangers than strangers.

I asked myself thousands of times why, why I stopped loving when I said I didn’t love, why the feelings that were so hot, strong, and true at the beginning, why did the past drift away like smoke in the wind overnight? Woolen cloth. I regretfully thought, if only I had not sued myself to break up with him that time when I came back from the winter vacation. Maybe you wouldn't be so cruel at all. Or, if only I had not gone to Guangzhou with Sister Tao that time, I would have accompanied you to Xicai for the re-examination, and then I would not have let you go to Chongqing alone, and you would not have had conflicts with me as soon as you came back. Or, even if there was a conflict that time, if I didn't call and text you all the time, you wouldn't bother me so much. Or, if I had not given up taking the postgraduate entrance examination and worked hard to get into the University of Finance and Economics with you, it would have been the most perfect ending. Or, if I had worked harder to be good, confident, beautiful, and forever worthy of you, you wouldn’t have gotten tired of me so quickly and voted down our relationship. Over the past few days, I have thought over and over again the key points that separated us. I really wish I could turn back time and prevent this from happening. However, it is useless to say anything now. All this is just my wishful thinking.

The fate between us has long come to an end. The long and bumpy road that followed was all supported by me alone, I know. Many people ask me what I like about you and why I keep thinking about you. If there really is an answer, it would probably be your sincerity towards me from the beginning, your self-confidence, diligence, and motivation throughout, and of course, I don’t know if it’s because of your beauty in my lover’s eyes. You have your own dreams, and when you are dissatisfied with the status quo, you dare to challenge, break through yourself, and persist to the end. You have clear goals at each stage, from taking the postgraduate entrance examination to working in the central bank now. Contrary to you, I spent four years in college, except for having a relationship that ended in nothing, reading a few casual books, and writing a few press releases that seemed worthless when I was looking for a job. In the end it was a complete failure. Therefore, there are shining points in you that I don’t have. They attract me and make me admire you. In fact, why don't I want to be like you? Even if I don't have the opportunity to fly side by side with you, I will at least be slightly better than my peers. I won't be like now, who has graduated so long and still doesn't know what my future career direction is.

God is inherently unfair. Why are some people good at everything, having everything, and working harder than us? Because it is meant to stand high and see far. Origin determines the height of the starting point, determines the angle of thinking about problems, and affects the attitude towards the future. I came from a small mountain town. I have been timid, timid, and have low self-esteem since I was a child. Dreams are too high and out of reach for me. It was only when I went to college that I began to understand the outside world ignorantly. I didn’t have any guidance from my elders, and no one who had experience to help me plan my life. From the liberal arts and science subjects in high school to the choice of majors when filling out the application form, I was blind and made everything in the dark. For me, the future is just a matter of taking it one step at a time. It was only now that I had graduated from college that I realized that I had taken a path that was not suitable for me. It was not too late to make amends, and it was impossible to continue studying at home and prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination and start all over again. I can only bite the bullet and allow myself to exercise more and learn more in society. And you have already taken solid steps on the road to your dreams. Therefore, the gap between us is not only family conditions, but also the growth environment. So, I finally gave in and admitted that I was a complete failure. I may never be able to catch up with you. The kind of girl you want who can walk side by side with you and have the same topic will be met in your wider world. Sometimes, I think sadly, when you really fall in love with someone regardless of your own health, you should be able to experience the feeling of being eaten away - your heart belongs to you, but you have nowhere to put it. It has been a long road. In the past two years, we have walked this journey together. Looking back, we have been young, sweet and miserable. Next, we all have our own ways to go, and I am willing to withdraw from your world from now on.

This person is like a rainbow, you will know it only when you meet him. When I first expressed my feelings to you with this sentence, I never thought that although the rainbow has unforgettable beauty, it is just a glimpse and fleeting. In this love competition that is full of wounds, the only thing that can make me see clearly is: I have the ability to love myself, and I have the ability to love others. I have nothing but a heart to love you, so what should I use to love you. Also, if I meet a man in the future and find that he doesn’t care about me that much, I will never deceive myself again and lie to myself that he loves me as much as he says he does.

If you fall in love with someone else, please never let me know. I wish you happiness.