Northeast dialect joke

Northeast dialect joke one:

Bears are called black blind people in Northeast China. This thing cats in winter, called hibernation. In autumn, the blind man picks wild fruits and grapes on the mountain. If you don't eat it, pat it on your palm, and the pulp and juice are absorbed by the forefoot. In winter, it found a hole in the tree and began to sleep. When you are hungry, stick out your front palm and lick it. Like a lollipop. Otherwise, how could bear's paw be a big dish at the Manchu banquet? It smells good. You can smell the fruit. You eat bear's paw, bear's paw is worthless. You will learn a lot if you don't listen to my brother 13. Learn slowly until your stomach is full of oil.

Bear bile is also a good thing. Can be used as medicine to improve eyesight and clear heat. Wild bears are rare in recent two years. What's that in the three northeastern provinces? Beat roe deer and fish? Ah. There is plenty on that black blind mountain. I get paid as soon as I hit it. But ordinary hunters dare not mess around. This guy is old and fierce. If caught, it will die. You can't get away. If you jump into the river, it will drown. If you hide in a tree, it will climb up. Black blind people don't eat dead things. You must play dead. This guy is bad. He's sitting on you. Think about its universal grid, which has caught up with small tanks. Sitting on you doesn't blister. As soon as you scream, it licks you first, and its tongue is full of barbs. If you don't press the mace twice, the tongue will lose face.

So bears are not easy to beat, but there is an old hunter who has a set of methods to beat bears. As long as you go up the mountain, you will never come down empty-handed. Of course, there was no animal protection law in those days, and it was not illegal to beat bears.

There is a young man who envies me very much. You said from the bottom of your heart that I can't beat bears, so I'll learn two tricks from this old master. So I bought a few bottles of good wine to visit the old hunter's house. When he entered the room, he knelt down and said, Grandpa, please teach me.

The old man didn't teach at first, as the saying goes: teach the apprentice and starve the master. Later, I couldn't help the boy's pleading every day, and my heart softened. Tell the young man: Son, if you want to find a bear, you must find a hole first. The bigger the hole, the smaller the hole, and the bear can't hide. After finding the hole, I threw a few stones into it, which annoyed the bear inside. You can hear the beep inside and then stand in front of the hole with a gun. At this time, blind black people will definitely come forward and jump out. You can aim at the white hair on his chest with one shot, and you can't run away.

The young man was so happy that he knelt down and kowtowed to the old man. Everyone agreed that I would go up the mountain to hunt bears now. If I succeed this time, I will be the first to honor your old man. The old man is also very happy and says you go. The young man turned and left.

A few days later, the old man waited for the young man to come, but the right young man didn't come. From the bottom of my heart, this young man is ridiculous. Like that, you have to tell me that you can't kill a bear. It's disrespectful. No, I have to go to his house and bury him. When I arrived at the young man's house, I saw the young man lying in bed, bandaged and cast. I quickly asked: What's wrong with you, young man?

The young man said, oh, forget it, it's a bear fight.

The old man said, how did this happen? Didn't you play like I taught you?

The young man said, just like you taught me.

The old man said, no, I haven't missed it for years. What's going on here? Tell me about it.

The young man said, well, uncle, I went up the mountain that day, picked the biggest cave, threw a stone into it, heard a blare inside, and quickly stood in front of the cave with a gun.

The old man asked, did the bear come out?

The young man said that the bear didn't come out and came out to take the train.

Northeast dialect joke 2:

The child asked: What is courage? Dad: Bluff!

The child asked: What is tenderness? Dad: Bitch!

The child asked: What is honesty? Dad: Bear!

The child asked: What is positive? Dad: Show off in an ostentatious manner!

The child asked: What is shame? Dad: Give it a try!

Child:? Why don't I understand this?

Dad:? Two? .

The child asked: What is recklessness? Dad: Come on!

The child asked: What is powerful? Dad: Bang!

The child asked: What is weakness? Dad: Noodles!

The child asked: What is thrift? Dad: Dig!

The child asked: What is waste? Dad: Do it!

The child asked: What is slander? Dad: bury it!

The child asked: What is shame? Dad: the price has dropped!

Child:? I understand everything this time! ?

Dad:? Pretend? .

Small fragments of northeast dialect

Children in the northeast play ga when they are young.

Jumping around, fanning pia a few times and climbing fences, boys never cry and don't like the way girls pee all day, so they pee especially when they grow up.

The front teeth got stuck when the children in Northeast China were young, and Braun got stuck when he covered the road teeth. When they get home, their parents always ask, "What do you have? Shining every day! " !

When children in the northeast were young, thieves scoured for the sun and returned to their small homes every night, with ghosts painted on their faces. Parents always say, "I've been running around all day, and I'm buried looking at your face!" "

When children in Northeast China were young, they didn't attend classes, chattered, teased each other and yelled at Joe, which really excited the teacher. They say: if you don't attend class every day, you can't keep up with the heat (Ye, read four times)!

Children in the northeast like to make noise in class when they are young, until the head of a chicken is broken. The person next to him was annoyed and said, you two are looking for a haircut! Children in the northeast should be buttering up to each other. When they see it, they always want their donkeys to kick him.

Northeast boys always like to be crazy with northeast girls. Northeast girls always stare at each other first, then yell loudly, and then embarrass themselves, right? Northeast girls can't be provoked. If she is provoked, she will blow up the temple.

Northeast boys always talk about Northeast girls in groups. They can deceive people every day, and as demanding as they are, they have no time to stop!

Northeast boys don't like talking to Northeast girls when they have nothing to do, but when they sell nerds, they have to listen to angry Northeast girls reading seedlings, which hurts their brains!

If the northeast guy is embarrassed to say which northeast girl is not here one day, the northeast girl is quite direct: I don't want to be absent if you make false estimates, whine and moan every day. After that, my face turned red.

Northeastern girls always kiss Northeastern boys suddenly. That guy in the northeast is full of beauty in his heart, but he says, Ga ha ha, his mouth is watering all over my face!

Northeast girls can be careless, their mouths are ringing, their breath is falling everywhere, and they don't stink themselves. Northeast boys always walk away quietly at this moment.

In winter nights, people in the northeast like to sit on the kang. What do they support? What a brain!

Northeast men have nothing to do and like to cook a few small cups. When they got home, the daughter-in-law in Northeast China scolded them when she saw her heartache: Look at you, how kind you are and how much you have done. You are so confused all day, drink if you want, tiger!

Northeast men are bloody, urine samples, delicate and passionate about thieves. Seeing that arrogance, people will always say: we don't have your B-style play at all!

Classic northeast dialect jokes

Xiangnujia

There was a young man, sleek (handsome) and a good man. One thing is that he loves swearing and talks like a child. He either cursed someone on purpose or accidentally took it out when he spoke. I met an object, and I was annoyed with him. I told him, hey, the Spring Festival is coming. You should visit my house. My parents haven't met you yet.

You listen to this young man, and he mutters (curses), so go to JB. What is the consideration? Your parents are not like mine.

The girl said, whether to go or not, you should pay attention to what you say. You are always cursing, my parents should not agree with us.

The young man said that I would try to change and talk as little as possible.

On the 28th of the twelfth lunar month, the girl took the young man home. At first, the young man performed well. In a short time, the future old woman cooked the meal and everyone went to the table for dinner. The old lady fried four dishes and made a soup. The young man stood up at once and said politely, Oh, aunt, please have a rest and don't be busy. Four dishes are enough for Niu B and the whole J8 soup.

As soon as the old man heard his face clap his hands, he put it down and said, be polite, young man. The young man was also at a loss. Q: What part of my TM speech was uncivilized?

The old man and the old lady were unhappy at that time, so they dropped their chopsticks on the table and turned back to the house. The young man can't stay at his girl's house any longer. He must go back. The girl was a little anxious, so she called her parents and said she was leaving. The old man and the old lady thought that they should at least give their girl a face and come out to see the young man off. It was very cold on the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month, and the young man couldn't bear to see the old man and the old lady shivering with cold. He added politely, go home, don't send your uncle and aunt away, I'll freeze you to death.

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