A funny joke

Do you remember any jokes that made people laugh? The pain of life always hangs over us, but we should also face life with a smile. No big deal. Let me share some funny jokes with you, hoping to make you relax for a while.

The jokes that make people laugh are 1 1, and I read my husband's palm. I found my husband's lifeline is very long, and then look at mine. Lifeline is short. So, I looked at my husband affectionately and said, I may only live to be in my fifties! I hope my husband can say something touching to respond to himself. Who knows, my husband paused and said, then don't pay the old-age insurance, anyway, you can't get it!

In class, the teacher assigned a composition to the students. The topic is: What is laziness? In the evening, the teacher corrects the composition under the lamp. When he opened Xiaoming's composition book, he found that the first page was blank, and then the second page was blank. Only on the third page did he see a line: this is called laziness!

I don't know why, but I just like to see my niece crying. Once I made her cry three times in a row, and my niece wiped her tears and said, "Remember that I will get revenge after ten years." Me: "Hey, can you beat me in ten years?" Niece: "I won't hit you, I'll hit your child." In an instant, my sister replied, "You can't avenge this. If your aunt can't get married, how can you have children! "

When I first arrived in the city, I almost ran into a BMW by bike. The man in the car rolled down the window and shouted at me, "Do you know what kind of car I am, BMW! If it is damaged, can you afford it? " Say that finish and left. Looking at his taillight, I secretly vowed: "I will work hard, be as good as him and speak fluent Mandarin!" " "

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdained to say: "I am starving and covet beauty! Pathetic! " Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake."

6. At breakfast, I met my former neighbor, Aunt Li. Aunt Li asked me if I was not married, and I said no. Aunt Li also said that you are not married at your age. What's the matter with you? Endure my small temper: Aunt, I heard that your daughter divorced again, three times in four years. Is there a problem? Angry Aunt Li left before breakfast was served.

7. When I came home from work, I found that the elevator was broken, so I had to climb the stairs, but I lived on 18 floor! Climbing to 15 floor is half dead. Suddenly, I saw the elevator open again. Although there are still three floors, I decided to take the elevator. When I went in, I found that I was going down to the first floor. At this time, an elevator worker stood at the door and said that the elevator was broken and needed to be repaired. Now it is out of service.

This man has had a crush on a beautiful woman for a long time. Valentine's day is coming, and he finally can't help but confess. But the beauty refused the man and sarcastically said, "I really don't want a flower inserted in cow dung!" " "The man was silent for a while and said," Actually, you are pretty. Don't feel inferior. "

9. It is said that when a daughter finds a boyfriend, her parents will have their own hard-earned cabbages, and they will be sad if they are arched by pigs. But I can say that since my brother found a girlfriend, he has never come back to live at home. Every day his mother-in-law cooks food, and he is happy. Mother looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and said that this cabbage did not arch, and the pig that had been raised for nearly 30 years was lost.

10, the wife said to her husband with concern: "Husband, you have been talking in your sleep recently. Why don't I accompany you to the hospital for a physical examination? " The husband replied in a panic: "No, if the doctor cured me of this problem, then I would have no right to speak at home!" " " .

1 1. A friend in Lu Yu was covered with scars. Me: "What's the matter?" Friend: "I went to my birthday and was beaten." Me: "Didn't you give a birthday present?" Friend: "No, the birthday girl chats with him while eating longevity noodles." Me: "This family is so unreasonable. What did you say? " Friend: "This kind of noodles is called dried noodles in our hometown ...".

A passage that makes people laugh. 1. Wife: Honey, where have you been? Husband: I am downstairs. Wife: What are you doing downstairs without going to bed at six in the morning? Husband: You didn't know there was an earthquake just now. I picked up my mobile phone and passbook and ran down without wearing pants. I didn't call you when I saw you sleeping so soundly. The wife snapped a few big mouths.

Second, go to dinner with a few friends every time. When preparing to order, the waiter said, "The minimum consumption here is 2000 yuan!" A friend asked, "How much is a plate of home-cooked tofu?" "12 yuan." "Ok, that's it, 200 sets!" Waiter, after going out for a while, the hotel manager came in and said with a smile, "Whatever you want!"

A man and a woman confessed in the park. Everyone is watching. The man said: I love you! The woman also replied: I love you too! A man with glasses shouted: Say your name and everyone will testify for you! Hearing this, the man blushed and said, I love TanJing forever! Then, the glasses man said: Senior three, I am the dean.

Fourth, not only female drivers but also male drivers. The young man who was retrograde for 2 kilometers on the expressway said: At that time, the navigation told me to change lanes ..... This is very meaningful.

A buddy sleepwalked in the middle of the night and woke up the whole dormitory. When he got up and turned on the light, he kept walking back and forth in the dormitory under the quilt. Everyone looked at each other, afraid to wake up directly for fear of sudden death. Then, another buddy sneaked up behind him and pulled off the quilt. "I thought he went back to sleep as soon as he felt cold." Then, the sleepwalker turned beautifully and shouted, "Brother, why did you take my cassock!" "

6. It's a little hard to exercise with my boyfriend these days, and my voice is hoarse. When I accompanied him to see his parents, two old people praised me for my beauty and gave me a big red envelope. I can't hide my excitement. I was about to say thank you when my boyfriend immediately shut me up and made me smile all the time. Later, when I asked my boyfriend why, he kept his mouth shut: Your appearance has shocked the world, so why talk about it again? ...

Seven, after dinner, a person stroll in the park. Suddenly, two gangsters came from behind and stared at me with bedroom eyes: "Girl, is it so beautiful?" Is the bridge of the nose elevated? Toot and lip? "I shook my head gently." Two brothers, I just changed my head! " "The two of them are gone!

When I was in college, one of my roommates was Manchu. In her words, if before, she was Gege. Several failed relationships, and several roommates analyzed the reasons. I said: inappropriate. No entry. Everyone laughed, and I almost got killed.

Nine, some time ago, the physical examination of the unit showed that a colleague's fat blood vessels were not obvious. The doctor gave several injections and didn't draw blood. He said helplessly, "Comrade, you are really ~ well, you are really strong." Colleagues are very honest, "doctor, I am not strong, I am fat."

Ten, just got married soon! I went back to my dad's house for dinner at noon today, and my cell phone rang halfway. "Hey, kid! Have you eaten? I am your father! " I got angry when I heard it: "grandson! You idiot, who are you kidding? My dad eats right in front of me! Find something to smoke in broad daylight! " Then throw the phone on the sofa and continue to eat. After a while, my dad suddenly looked up and said, "Could it be your father-in-law ..."