Funny jokes to make girls happy

Classic love story 3. A fat girl is like the moon in the Mid-Autumn Festival, sensual; my sister is as thin as a waxing moon, as skinny as wood; her calves are as thin as crane legs, sexy; and her thighs as thick as elephant legs are a sense of security. Women never lack beauty, but they lack self-confidence. Girls, please move forward boldly!

Classic love story 4. Love is fake, real estate is real; ability is fake, relationships are real; relying on your father is fake, relying on Michel Platini is real; anything may be fake, but money cannot be fake of. As for whether you believe it or not, I believe it anyway!

Classic love story 5. The process of changing love partners: After changing to a beautiful woman, I found that my appearance was not suitable; after changing to a rich girl, I found that the consumption was not worth it; after changing to a daughter of an official, I found that my identity was not worthy; after changing to a girl, I found that my posture was wrong; After changing into a lady, I found that I felt wrong; after changing into a prodigal girl, I found that the color of the hat was wrong. There is no perfect love in the world. Being more romantic is more realistic! I wish you happiness in love.

6. Ren Lei’s Quotes: Young and energetic, not working hard, the boss is Foxconn; do things in a low profile, do things in a high profile. Mom always emphasizes; your so-called love does not really slap you! Maybe, but not necessarily.

7. One day, a reporter walked into the longevity village for an interview, hoping to get the health secrets of the longevity village. As soon as he stepped into Changshou Village, he saw a glorious, living and immortal elder still working in the fields. Then he asked the old man: "What is the secret of longevity in Changshou Village?" At this moment, the old man looked embarrassed and hesitantly replied: "Actually, it's nothing. We live long because we want to save money for future generations and reduce their worries; help They earn tickets, buy houses and cars, marry and have children!”

8. Social comments: 1. A shares are dying, H shares are a thing of the past. The most popular one now is P shares. 2. What is the difference between taking a train and going directly to reincarnation? 3. One aircraft carrier is enough, be careful with two aircraft carriers rear-ending each other. 4. Some bridges and buildings are actually desktop shortcuts to heaven. 5. You can’t eat beef in beef noodles, just like you can’t eat your wife in an old woman’s cake.

9. After returning from studying for Buddhist scriptures, the four masters and disciples established their careers and began to think about their respective marriages. So they went on a blind date together and met a beautiful woman. As a result, Zhu Bajie was selected. I don’t understand, this woman said: You don’t know much about romance. Sha Monk was puzzled. The woman said: "You have too much beard, so you kissed and stabbed people." Sun Wukong was even more confused. The woman waved her hand and said: "You are too fickle!" Everyone asked: "Why is Zhu Bajie okay?" The woman said: "Because Zhu Bajie understands women's hearts best, so it is safe and reliable to take him out!"

10. You stand on the street with a happy face, so happy that you are so crazy that you are intoxicated. When someone asks you what's wrong, you burst into tears of excitement and mutter to yourself, I'm going to be lucky, I finally stepped on dog poop.

11. You said you bought a lottery ticket, but you didn’t win five million. When looking for a partner, you haven’t met a god yet; go ahead and work overtime. Let me teach you a good way to change your luck. Keep secrets. It's not okay to tell others, that's just like stepping on shit.

12. That day, I was going to the zoo to see the orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement very politely, but you suddenly turned around and shouted at me: "Didn't you see that I was right in front of you? You have to go to the zoo to see it."

13. Who has broken my heart and shattered my dreams? And you. Who has made my eyes wither with tears? And you. Who said I won’t regret my blood and sweat? You, RMB, please allow me to hurt and love you.

14. Beer belly? It doesn't matter, it shows a big belly; big legs? It doesn't matter, don't be afraid of the wind; butterfly sleeves? It doesn't matter, chubby ones are cuter. Hot summer day? Great, if the otaku and fujoshi move, they will get moldy if they don’t move.

15. Sunny days, beautiful scenery, beautiful weather, and fun; red flowers, green grass and willows blow in the wind; the breeze blows, birds chirp, and kites fly high; spring turns to summer Come, I'll take you to eat grass!

16. I want to kiss the sea. There is a tsunami. I want to kiss the earth, the earthquake happened; I want to kiss the sky, it is radioactive; I want to kiss the steamed buns, dye them; I want to kiss you, you become so beautiful. Have fun, haha!

17. How are you doing lately? Are your friends busy? Let's go our separate ways, visit less often on weekdays, and think more about it in our free time. Don't forget old friends. Get together occasionally and friendship will last forever.

Why don't you pay the bill!

18. Don’t worry about food, just keep your head down; don’t worry about your job, I have taken care of it for you; don’t worry about marriage, love depends on your eyes; don’t worry about buying a house, there will be someone at home to repair it; don’t worry , you are born to brag, because you are a big stupid cow!

9. I can’t stop thinking about you. The feel of your skin is enchanting. No one can stop my surging desire. I must return to your side and sing again - my beloved Mahjong happiness!

20. Thinking of your enthusiasm, looking at your expectation, kissing your cow face, burning your desire, loving your glow, pulling you away! You make me love and hate you, I love eating chili!

21. Be romantic, don’t go crazy; don’t sweat, don’t sweat; be cool, don’t wear pants; be successful in one step, don’t be greedy. Haha, I wish you crazy cow tears: one step to your belly, and you won’t wear pants after listening!

22.Are you busy? Please answer my questions: I suffer from insomnia all the time and wake up every 16 hours; I don’t want to go to work seven days a week; and the thought of harassing you makes me laugh. Reply quickly, I have only eaten three meals today and I am hungry!

23. If heaven did not give birth to Zhongni, eternity would be like a long night; if heaven did not give birth to Mengde, the Three Kingdoms would become two countries; if the sky did not give birth to this mountain, there would be no laughter in China; if you are not born, you cannot be careless.

hilarious jokes to make girls happy.

24. Oil prices soared. It used to be a can of Coke, but now it's at least a can of Wong Lo Kat. When the traffic jam is good, you can see beautiful women, but every time you are stuck in traffic jam, you can only see pure men. The windows are full of exhaust fumes. Are you worried? I have a bad temper! But what is gratifying is that because of your company, whenever I encounter a traffic jam, I always "traffic jam does not block my mind." Thanks! My great car pillow!

25. Request for inspiration from friends: Idiot is a 23-year-old undergraduate (3 years ago), only a few points behind; working in a Sino-foreign joint venture (cleaning toilets); owning a house (shared with friends); owning a car (Volkswagen *** Enjoy); Conditions for choosing a spouse: Anyone can see the text message, regardless of gender.

26. I was very nervous the first time. He kept letting me relax slightly before thrusting into me. There was blood and the pain was so painful that I couldn't scream. Only then did I understand...that blood donation was like this!

27. One day, a teacher asked in a philosophy class: "What is the difference between Wen and Ming?" A philosopher replied: "Of course there is a difference. Name someone: You can call me "Mingzi" ", but you can't call me "mosquito".

28. Zhou Lang's clever plan is to make the world safe and all friends are one; don't laugh at the farmer's wine, life is picturesque; I don't know how many people in the world are like me Happy. Love music early in the morning, life is full of fun; Whose daughter on the Qiantang River wins all the flowers? What a beautiful poem, are you already intoxicated in your thoughts? Please string the initials together. , my friend. This is my weekend wish: "Hurry up and pay back the money this weekend! ”

29. The freshman girl is a cherry, good-looking but not delicious! The sophomore girl is an apple, good-looking and delicious! The third girl is a strawberry, delicious! The fourth girl is a tomato, you I thought you were still a fruit! Don't come here for information

30. A burglar quietly opened the door and sneaked into the house. The husband said that there was a thief, but the thief said nothing! Not noticing, the car owner turned around and went out, saying: "Go slowly, please close the door!" ”

31. A girl who thought she was gorgeous had a car accident. She was lying in the hospital and looked in the mirror and sighed: “Beauties have been so unlucky since ancient times.” Clinically speaking, “Don’t worry, you will survive.” 100 years old. ”

32. He is about to graduate from college and the school has a lot of recruitment. A certain gentleman has never received an award in school, but his application is always rejected. In desperation, he wrote in the personal award column: During school, I won the Master Kong "One More Bottle" award many times.

33. The teacher asked the students to write a proposal for tuition fees and grades, and they wrote for a lifetime: Tuition fees must be paid with Alipay, and payment will be made after class. ,

35. The matchmaker takes the girl on a blind date and looks at the handsome guy from a distance. Is this okay? Is he willing? He fell in love with you at first sight. After getting married, I saw a one-eyed man. , asked the matchmaker angrily. I said he was attracted to you!

36. The woman was ugly and immoral. Once she went on a blind date and it took a long time for the hero to arrive. , the woman was furious: a fat man, an ugly man! The male protagonist was also angry: At least I have been losing weight. Have you ever been beautiful?

37. A woman came out of the bathtub and suddenly found a man. The window cleaner saw her.

He was so frightened that he collapsed and stared at the man blankly. "What's wrong with you, madam? Have you never seen a window cleaner?"

38. One day after school, a boy followed me all the way and pestered me. When he got home, his brother saw the man still standing not far from the door, so he volunteered to blow him away. When the younger brother goes out, he shouts: I have no taste, I have a crush on my sister!

39. Miss Jones, who was late, asked her neighbor: Excuse me, what song is playing on the stage now? Neighbors said: Beethoven's Ninth Symphony! Jones: I really shouldn't be late. I missed eight tracks.

40. Someone goes to the hospital for medical treatment. The doctor asked him to lie down for examination, pressed his belly, and asked: How do you feel? The patient hesitated and said, someone pressed my belly.

41. The daughter pesters her father to tell a story, but the father cannot ask: Do you want to hear the long story or the short story? My daughter said it was very long. Dad said: Once upon a time there was a mosquito buzzing. The daughter said, I wanted to hear the short one, but the father said that he was beaten to death.

42. Aliens want to measure the IQ of people on earth before attacking the earth. Then he asked a beggar: "How did you move the earth?" The beggar didn't know, so he lay down. Look at the aliens. I fled in disgrace.

43. Men turn bad at the age of thirty, embrace their peers, and sing "Confused Love"; they have already learned the July Rhapsody bad, and surround the next generation shouting "Belated Love"; fifty men update Miserable, hugging the third generation and singing "Same Love". Let's not be bad friends!

44. Life is prosperous and you are free and easy; have a good date, hold hands and fall in love, and have fun. Waving goodbye, hope is planted in spring, flowers are welcomed in summer, and harvest is harvested in autumn and winter. My career is going well, and I am farsighted. I often play in trees, so be careful about falling!

45. Both drunk men had blisters on their ears. Friend: What's wrong? Hell, my wife put the hot iron next to the phone and I used the iron as the receiver. What about the other side? The drunk man stared: It hurts here, why don't you switch sides?

46. I have had great luck recently and won a lottery ticket. I am going to give you some, exactly 40 million. Peace, happiness, health, happiness. I have helped you deposit the money into the "Jixing Zhaogao" bank. The password is 1314. You can take it anytime!

47. Yesterday, I found out that I was fat, and I made up my mind to lose weight. The instructor said you should wear wider clothes so you don't pull the strings. If I have baggy clothes, why should I lose weight? Do you think he is sick?

48. You are a bee and I am a flower. I want you to surround me. You are the grass and I am the wind, I will make you turn around. You are the blackboard and I am the eraser. If you don't go well, I'll scratch you. The moon is for you, find a ladder and pick it off yourself!

49. The sky is gray, the wilderness is empty, there is no car or house, the poverty is pitiful, and it is embarrassing to be drunk; the building is high, the people are busy, and it is very unpleasant to work overtime often. Wages never go up. There is no hope in a rich life, and you don’t know when it will change. May your salary increase and your pockets be bulging!

50. I am the one who has been pursuing you, and I am the one who has been thinking about you. When I first met you, your charm conquered me. You are the most worthy pursuit in my life, and only you can save my life, you know? RMB.

51. When the crab saw the rabbit on the beach, he laughed at it and said: You are drunk, your eyes are red. The rabbit yelled: "You are just drunk. Your mouth is full of foam. What kind of vomit do you have? You are walking sideways!"

52. A gentleman texted his mother: Child three I can’t finish my meal, I don’t know how it tastes, so I send money quickly. His mother sent money and asked why. Hui: "A Western meal, a hot pot, a birthday banquet, a table full of wine and food, but not a grain of rice. I don't know how good the food is."

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