I beg you to make a stand-up comedy funny! ! ! It must be short! !

Quit drinking

Walking east and west on the North and South Streets, people bitten dogs on the cross streets.

Picked up the dogs to chop bricks, but the bricks bit their hands.

There was an old man who was only nineteen years old. He was drinking lotus root and wine.

I had never seen such a thing since I was a child. He was pulling a train with a tricycle.

Hey! Do you listen to this? !

Today, I will tell you about a stand-up comedy, in which there is such an outrageous person.

When did this happen? This happened during the Qing Dynasty. There is such a rich man, he has a huge fortune, and he is one of the top people in Beijing. This old man has two sons. The eldest son is very calm and capable no matter what he does. Where is this second child? He is an okay person, but he has a small problem, and he likes to drink wine. How good is he? He hung a wine gourd over the bed. When he woke up at night, he would open the gourd and take a few sips. He would not go to the toilet properly. He placed a wine jar at the door of the toilet, and he would have to take a few sips after using the toilet! ! !

Just like this, he drank every day, got drunk every day, and drank every day.

Finally one day, the old man died. He was seriously ill and was about to die. He called his two sons to him, made arrangements for the funeral, and left the eldest son alone. He said to the eldest son: "I am going to die. My biggest wish before my death is for your brother to stop drinking. Even though our family is Even if you have a lot of money, you can’t afford this!” The boss nodded in agreement. The old man died after saying this. The two sons finished taking care of the old man's funeral affairs, and the eldest son began to help his brother quit drinking. Someone told the boss that the second brother was a drunkard! ! ! I had to ask an old mage to perform exorcisms, and the boss believed me. He told me that this was a case of indiscriminate medical treatment due to an emergency. I spent a lot of money to hire a group of magicians, but I didn't expect that these people were like a gang of two masters. They spent all day reciting the "Grape Sutra" at home. That person asked what the "Grape Sutra" is? In fact, this is what the liar said: "If you eat grapes, you won't spit out the grape skins; if you don't eat the grapes, you will spit out the grape skins"! ! ! (Chanting) In fact, they themselves don’t even know what they are talking about! ! !

Just like that, the exorcism failed, so I asked the boss to kick those people out. Some people also said that the second child has been infected by alcohol bugs and needs to be exposed to the alcohol bugs. It’s the dog days of summer, comrades, just hang a living person up with a rope to dry in the sun. Can you bear it? Regardless of whether you can endure it or not, the boss is really cruel. The result still didn't work. It's over again.

Otherwise, the boss was smart. He asked someone to find a large ocean tank. This person asked what a large ocean tank was? The large water tank was a large water tank that could only be moved by five or six strong men in the early years. Why are you looking for such a big water tank? Don't be anxious, just listen to me slowly! ! ! The boss made this big vat and filled it with a vat full of old wine. After filling it, he threw the second son in. He also got a big grinding millstone to cover the mouth, and then put a seal on it. It read: "My brother only sealed the seal to stop drinking. He deserves to be drunk to death after sealing the wine vat." After this was done, he left. This made the second brother very happy. He could finally have a big drink. He drank inside and sang: "It doesn't matter if I'm drunk to death. I'm buried by the wine shop. I smell it." The fragrance of this Daqu makes me feel as happy as a god!" ! ! (Singing), you hear this word is not bad. But the second son's wife can't sit still at home. If she drinks the boss to death, will she survive? ! ! He ran to the water tank that night, knocked on the water tank, and said, "Master, are you okay?" When the second child heard that his wife had arrived, he was very happy and said, "Hey, there is no need to break the seal, if you are still married, bring me a pickle"! ! !

When his wife heard this, hey! ! ! Why are you still drinking?