My mother destroyed me.

My mother is an extremely conceited and selfish person throughout her life. You are conceited in the first half of your life and selfish in the second half of your life. The word mother has no warmth to me. He never gave me strength when I encountered setbacks in life. On the contrary, he is the only person who makes me feel uncomfortable when I think of him. It was she who pushed me step by step into the abyss, leaving me beyond redemption.

People outside praise her for being capable, gentle and kind to others. When we got home, our sisters looked completely different. Every day when I get up early in the morning, I start shouting the slogan "I am the sky, you are the earth". If a look struck her, she would be punished by kneeling down and being beaten. One time, we were playing cards together and I said: "You are so cruel, you won't let me win even once." After hearing this, her face changed drastically, she threw the cards on the table and walked out. After a while, her father walked in and she Following him, weeping. My father walked up to me, slapped me in the face, and asked me what I did wrong. I didn't react for a moment, and he said: "No matter how wrong your mother is, you should never say that your mother is cruel. She has taught you to be filial and filial since you were young. Why didn't you remember it in your heart?" I was unwilling to accept it, so I said something back: " That was just a joke, how could it be considered unfilial? ""You bastard, you are still talking back, you don't know how to repent if I don't let you kneel for a day," my father scolded. I knelt down facing the wall. While crying, I accepted their education in turn. Such scenes and such unreasonable troubles are common. I never saw them quarreling, but they always looked down upon us and used all kinds of corporal punishment and scolding. What I have heard most since I was a child is that if you don’t teach well now, you will become a white-eyed wolf when you grow up. Even if we marry into someone else’s family, we will still care about our life and death. No matter what the occasion is or how many people are around, my mother will not care about your dignity and face when her temper gets angry. She will give you a good beating first to calm down. There was something that impressed me deeply when I was a child, and I still shudder when I think about it. I had a quarrel with my third sister that day, and I went out to play without her except her. My mother favored her the most, so she led her to find me and grabbed me. Then she dragged her hand home. When she got home, she pressed my head against the wall and beat me with a stick as thick as her fist. She didn't stop until she was exhausted. That time I almost fainted from crying in pain, but my father just watched her beating without feeling any distress. After the beating, I was asked to kneel outside the house. People coming and going in the alley were all looking back at me. I lowered my head to prevent them from looking, but I also knew that these people were familiar to me. I didn’t know how many times I had seen such scenes when passing by my house.

I heard Grandma Qi say that after my parents gave birth to my fourth sister, they wanted to have another son. The fifth time they got pregnant, it was a younger brother, but they couldn’t keep it and had an abortion. People say this is life, don't force it. They seemed to have given up their obsession, but in fact they just turned around and spread their grievances on us. In other people’s homes, one person beats the other person and the other person coaxes them. In my family, my father would scold my mother after he spanked her, and my mother would scold my father after she spanked her. It wasn't until my father passed away due to illness in 2012 that my mother's temper became much more tempered. From conceit to selfishness.

Less than a year after my father left, my mother found someone who was also my father’s best friend during his lifetime. After the matter was made public, she symbolically asked for our opinions. Originally, this was her own business, and we couldn't change her whether we agreed or not, so she just wanted to be happy. We sisters never interfered with her. They have been living happily, except that we were not included.

After my father passed away, my grandfather was overly sad and had a car accident while driving too fast while riding a tricycle. He had a craniotomy. From then on, his expression changed drastically. My two sisters, my grandmother, and I had a car accident. I was often hungry for a while, because my grandfather would smash pots and pans at home when he lost his temper. He couldn't cook. After smashing them, he would go to the street to buy them, and he would smash them again. I remember that for a long time, my grandma always used half a pot for cooking and a kettle for cooking. Those days were difficult, but we got through it. At that time, I really couldn't accept the earth-shaking changes in my family, and I had no intention of continuing to study, so I dropped out of school.

After I dropped out of school, my mother took me to her place to work in the same factory as hers. She took my salary card, but I only worked overtime and off work, and never asked about my salary. Because I still have two younger sisters studying, I have to do this.

But I am just an ordinary person. I also have my own dreams and hobbies. I have loved painting since I was a child, and I hope to engage in a career related to painting in the future. After taking classes for two years, my uncle asked me to go to Changsha to study design. He could arrange everything for me. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep for two nights. He happily handed over his resignation letter. My mother made a decision that I couldn't forgive. She knew I was going to Changsha to study design, but she didn't say anything. She only asked me if I had decided. I naively thought she supported me. On the night when I handed in my resignation letter, she said that she had asked my aunt to buy a house in the county. Now she was penniless and all her savings had been spent. She persuaded me to stay and help her study with her sisters. I cried and said I wanted to go, and she made it clear that if I insisted on going, she would only provide for her two younger sisters until they graduate from junior high school. From the bottom of my heart, I don't want to compromise, but I don't want my two younger sisters to come out so early like me. I know my mother's character, she can do what she says. The next day she went to get my resignation letter. I explained to my boss that I made the decision impulsively.

Since then, I no longer have any illusions about her, and I no longer expect her to love us more.

Human nature is like this, what’s wrong with being selfish? What's more, it's just your own children who are being squeezed dry. Who can tell her whether she is right or wrong?

Once, my third sister used her own pocket money to buy a necklace for her mother. It stands to reason that any mother would be pleased to receive a gift from her child and keep it properly. Although she accepted it, she was never seen wearing it. Asked her why, she said it was fake and would be laughed at by others. Then the necklace was placed somewhere and disappeared. There are several other things like this, and there is no need to say them again. For someone who doesn't love you, you can't warm her heart even if you cover yourself up.

Later, when I was getting ready to get married, when we talked about the bride price, my mother asked me if I had seen one of her postal savings cards. I said no, and she said what should I do? She only had one salary card, and she didn't want to transfer money to that card. I asked my mother-in-law to call me first out of good intentions, and then call her after she applied for a postal card. I never thought about this gift, but she yelled at me: "You Don't even think about it, what are you calling me for? What do you want to do? Tell your mother-in-law to call me, otherwise you won't even think about getting married." When I heard this, my mind went blank. All the wages I had paid to her over the years were gone. It's not just the 60,000 yuan gift. Haha, people's hearts.

No one would believe that any mother could treat her child like this. But that's exactly what happened to my mother. Mr. Lu Xun once said: "The meaning of parents' existence is not to give their children a comfortable and wealthy life, but when you think of your parents, your heart will be full of strength and feel warmth. This will give you the courage and ability to overcome difficulties. "I have never experienced such warmth. I only think of my mother when I encounter difficulties in life, as if every cell in my body is telling me that my predicament is caused by my mother. What comes to mind are all the memories of being beaten, scolded and insulted from childhood to adulthood. I often think that it would be fine if we completely stopped seeing and contacting each other. But she and my mother-in-law work together, and they are always involved and entangled. This is what makes me miserable.

I have been working hard and living with hope. But I just can't get rid of the past that suffocates me. It follows me all the time like a shadow. Can you understand how a person who is afraid and anxious about his mother leads a daily life?

If she had given me enough love and security since childhood, if she had not stopped me from learning design, and if she had been a good mother, my life would not have been so difficult and painful. I will not have low self-esteem engraved in my bones. Unexpectedly, the person who ruined my life was my dearest mother.

But I understand

One day I will reconcile with myself and the rest of my life. The future must be in my own hands.

The past is unbearable and I will not look back.

I hope that all people who have had the same experience as me can get rid of the past and regain their lives.