Collect humorous jokes!

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

Employee: Boss, I want to take a day off today.

Boss: Do you want to take a day off?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: What else do you want from the company? There are 365 days and 52 weeks in a year. You have two days off every week, *** 104 days, and you have 26 1 day left to go to work, right?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: You get off work every day 16 hours. If you subtract 174 days, there are still 87 days, right?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: You spend at least 30 minutes surfing the Internet every day, which adds up to 23 days a year, leaving 64 days, right?

Employees: ..........

Boss: There are 64 days left; You spend 1 hour, 46 days, 18 days at lunch every day, right?

Employees:

Boss: Usually you take two sick days a year, so your working hours are only 16 days.

Employee: speechless

Boss: The company is closed for five holidays every year. You only work 1 1 day.

Employees: ..............

Boss: Every year, the company generously gives you 10 days holiday, so you will work 1 day.

Employees:

Boss: Do you want to take a day off?

Employee: I was wrong.

Three little pigs, who is pig A, where is pig B and what is pig C? One day, pig a and

Pig is at the door, and pig C is on the roof. A wolf found them and wanted to eat them, so he rushed to pig A. ...

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig A: Yes!

Wolf: What?

Pig A: What's on the roof?

Wolf: I mean what's your name?

Pig A: Who's my name and what's on the roof?

The wolf asked pig B again.

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig B: Who am I? (Pointing to pig A)

Wolf: You know what?

Pig B: Hmm.

Wolf: Who is it?

Pig B: Yes.

Wolf: What?

Pig B: What's on the roof?

Wolf: Where?

Pig B: Where am I?

Wolf: Who?

Pig B: Who is it? (pointing to pig head a again)

Wolf: How should I know?

Pig B: Who are you looking for?

Wolf: What?

Pig B: On the roof.

Wolf: Where?

Pig B: It's me.

Wolf: Who?

Pig B: I'm not who, but who.

Wolf: Good heavens!

Pig A Pig B: "My God" is our father.

Wolf: What, it's your father?

Pig B: No.

The wolf couldn't stand it any longer and sighed, "Why?"

Pig ABC: Do you know our grandfather?

Wolf: What?

Pig A: No, why our grandfather.

Wolf: Why?

Pig A: Yes!

Wolf: What's this?

Pig A: No, it's why.

Wolf: Who?

Pig A: Who am I?

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig A: Yes, who am I?

Wolf: What?

Pig AB: On the roof.

...

The teacher was surprised to see a colleague doodling on the toilet wall and asked, "why did you do such a thing?" 」

Colleague: "Oh, no, I'm correcting my classmates' typos. 」

On this day, as usual, the teacher shouted to the noisy class: "Don't-make noise-stop it!" ! ! ! Everybody be quiet.

No one in the class noticed him ... The teacher tossed his head and left angrily. Prepare to complain to the principal.

When the headmaster and teacher came back to the classroom angrily, they were about to start cursing, but to their surprise, they found the classroom very quiet.

Sit quietly ... "What's the matter? ! How did everyone become so excellent? The teacher secretly rejoiced and couldn't believe it! ! )

"What's the matter?" (The audience was silent) "Come on! Monitor, you say! The monitor stood up shyly.

He lowered his head and mumbled, "Old ... teacher, you say ... if one day you walk into the classroom and find the whole class quiet.

Words ... You will die for us! ! ! ! 』

A foreigner with poor Mandarin was talking to a boss, who said, "I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Just a moment, please wait a moment. "The foreigner asked his subordinates," What does convenience mean? "The subordinate said," yes. "

Go to WC, boss. " The boss came back conveniently and said, "sorry, I have it for the time being." "

I have something to do. I have to go first. Let's have dinner together next time it's convenient. "Hearing this, the foreigner horse.

In class, he became serious and said, "I never eat at my convenience!" " " .

A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The peddler was very angry and said seriously, Elder Sister, forget it if you give counterfeit money. At least it was printed. Your money is actually painted!

Even if you take ten thousand steps back, you can forget the painting. You can draw ten pieces or five pieces, right? You also draw a set of seven!

Let's say seven dollars. Seven dollars. Let's not talk about it. At least paint in color, even with a pencil ~! ? Forget it, I can't stand it ~! Black and white is black and white! You can't draw with toilet paper! It feels terrible. ? Even the toilet paper, I recognize it!

You have to trim the edges with scissors anyway. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. ? Well, I don't want to say burr either.

But you can also tear a rectangle! This triangle is unreasonable!

There is a new student in a class.

One day, the teacher asked him: How old are you?

Student: Excuse me, is the teacher asking where I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want to know my age last year or this year?

Teacher: nonsense, it must be this year's pull.

Student: Oh, do you want me to tell you now or after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want me to speak loudly or quietly?

Teacher: Shit, are you going to say it or not? Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I ask?

Student: Oh, I can't answer that?

Teacher: Sweat to death ...

"Come on, come on, classmates, our topic today is to repeat antonyms. The teacher said, you pick it up, ok!

Teacher: It's a beautiful day today.

Student: The weather will be terrible tomorrow.

Teacher: I ate fish head yesterday.

Student: You ate the glans penis today.

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I was wrong.

Student: I'm right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I am a genius.

Teacher: You stand up.

Student: Let me sit down for you.

Teacher: The teacher told you to stand up. Did you hear that?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, and I heard him!

Teacher: Do you dare not listen to your teacher?

Student: I dare not listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know I haven't said anything now.

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: That teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: Are you no big or small?

Student: I am young and old.

Teacher: You are too young to learn well.

Student: You can't learn well when you are old.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop it.

Student: I will continue for you.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you. Can you stop?

Student: I'm not afraid of you. Go ahead, okay?

Teacher: This is the end of antonym practice.

Student: The synonym practice begins now.

Teacher: Are you finished?

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are ill-bred.

Student: I am educated.

Teacher: Do you look like an educated person?

Student: Don't I look like an uneducated person?

Teacher: I am very depressed.

Student: Happy.

Teacher: I am very angry with you.

Student: You will be angry with me.

Teacher: Can you stop talking?

Student: May I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I won't take this class. I'll go.

Student: I will stop. I have to take this course. I'll do it.

Today, I was watching a DVD, and my mother came in with another book and said, tell me what these words mean.

Mom: What does this "I don't know" mean?

I said, "I don't know."

Mom: I sent you to college for several years. How come you don't know anything !

I said: no! I don't know! !

Mom: Still mouth shut! ! ! ! (a beating)

Mom: You're telling me this. What does "I know" mean, mean? You should know. Tell me about it.

I said, "I know."

Mom: Tell me if you know.

I said, "I know."

Mom: Are you finding fault? You just cleaned up a little, didn't you?

I said: I know!

Mom: I know you haven't said it yet! ! Don't pretend to understand if you don't understand.

Mom: Be careful. You spent so much money to send you to college, and now you can't do anything. You can put on airs in front of my mother for a while. Ask you the last one, you can explain it to me. If you can't tell me I'm cleaning you up, you can translate something for me: "I know but I don't want to tell you."

I fainted, picked up a pillow and hit it on my head for more than 30 times, hit my head against the wall for more than 40 times, slapped my mouth with my hands for more than 50 times, and kicked the corner of the table for more than 60 times. When I was bloody, I asked my mother: Are you satisfied now?

So her old man came to ask me again: "Son, what do you mean, I am anonymous, don't fool me?" "

Me: "I'm bored, so leave me alone."

Mom: "looking for a beating, talking to your mother like this" (so I was beaten)

Mom asked again, "I didn't hear anything. Repeat. What do you mean? "

I said, "I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again. "

Mother said it again: I didn't hear anything, repeat it.

"I didn't catch that. Say it again. "

The result was tied.

Mom asked again, "What do you think?"

I said, "What did you say?" (beaten again)

Mother asked again, "What do you mean by looking it up in the dictionary?"

I said, "Look it up in the dictionary."

"Look it up in the dictionary. I asked what you were doing." (beaten)

Mother asked again, "you'd better ask some physical conditions." How do you translate it? "

I said, "You'd better ask someone else."

"You are my son, I ask others why, looking for a fight."

"ah! God help me! "

"Play with your mother, and God won't save you! (beaten)

I ask you again: "Use your brain and think about it. What does that mean?" "

I said, "Use your head and think again."

"Son of a bitch, don't you dare hit me" and then do it.

I quickly said, "It means that only mothers are good in the world."

"Well, that's more like it. I'll make you something to eat later and ask you tomorrow. "