Urgent, urgent! ! drama script

Narration: It is said that Tang Monk, under the imperial decree of Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty, went on a business trip to the West to obtain Buddhist scriptures. The following is what happened to the four masters and disciples of Tang Seng on the road.

The four masters and apprentices walked on the road and sang together: "When the sun comes out, I climb up the slope. When I climb to the top of the mountain, I want to sing."

At this time, Sun Wukong, who was walking in the front, said : "Hey! Master, there is a pavilion in front of us. Let's go and have a rest!"

Tang Monk: "Okay!"

So the master and the disciple walked to the pavilion and sat down. .

Sun Wukong looked around and said: "Master, the scenery here is picturesque, why don't I take a picture of you!"

Tang Monk: "Okay!" Snap your fingers.

So Zhu Bajie ran to Tang Monk, handed him a pack of cigarettes, and said, "Master, this is your Marlboro."

Monk Sha took out his lighter and bent down to light it for Tang Monk. .

Tang Seng took a deep breath, exhaled the smoke, and said, "Let me pose a pose first."

Tang Seng made a very self-righteous gesture, and just when he was about to ask Sun Wukong to take a photo, Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha were found standing behind him to steal the camera.

Tang Monk was furious and cursed: "You two, get out of here, look at your ugly appearance, it will pollute the camera."

Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha stepped aside knowingly.

Sun Wukong took several photos of Tang Monk.

After taking the photo, Sun Wukong ran to Tang Monk and said, "Master, are you hungry? I'll buy you some food. Do you want to eat KFC or fried dough sticks?"

Tang Seng: "Of course it's KFC. What does a monk eat if he doesn't eat meat? Go quickly!"

Sun Wukong: "Yes!" After that, he left.

Monk Sha ran over and said, "Master, are you thirsty? What kind of wine do you want to drink?"

Tang Monk: "No need to ask, just like usual , drink Remy Martin. Go and buy it!"

Monk Sha: "Yes, I'll go now." Then leave.

Tang Seng: "Bajie, come here, can't you be more active in your work? Go and buy me a copy of the Global Times."

Zhu Bajie: "Okay, then The money to buy the newspaper..."

Tang Seng: "Asshole, of course you have to pay for it yourself! You are not willing to pay this little money for Master, be careful I will deduct your salary!"

Zhu Bajie: "Okay, okay, I'll buy it right away."

After Zhu Bajie left, Tang Seng took out a copy of "Playboy" from his arms and read it with relish.

When the camera turned, Zhu Bajie bought a newspaper and walked back. As he walked, he said: "I think I was the Marshal of Tianpeng back then, because when I was seduced by Chang'e, she happened to be seen by her lover, the Jade Emperor, and I was killed. Demoted to the mortal world and reborn as a pig, now he falls into the hands of Tang Seng, and is treated so badly by this smelly monk every day!"

Zhu Bajie ran to Tang Seng and said, "Master, I am. I bought you the "Global Times" published by Tian Tian."

Tang Seng: "Huh? You even bought the newspaper published by Tian Tian. What a good pig!" Report.

Tang Seng: "Hey! There is a financial crisis in the West, which may trigger riots. Then wouldn't it be life-threatening for us to go to the West to learn scriptures? I said Bajie, I think we should buy a few books in the nearby bookstore Just send the pirated scriptures back."

Zhu Bajie: "No, Master. The quality of the pirated scriptures is too poor to get through."

< p>Tang's Monk: "This pirate is really wicked. It would be better not to pirate. As a result, we have to risk our lives to go to the West to get the true scriptures." After that, he continued to read the newspaper.

The camera turned and a dirty monster appeared on the mountain road.

Monster: "It's getting harder and harder to be a monster now. There are so many guns everywhere. When I yell for robbery, people shoot at me. And I eat all my money, drink all my money, and go whoring." It’s all gone, I don’t have money to buy a gun, so I can only fight with other people’s guns with my fists. It’s really difficult and dangerous.”

The monster took a few more steps.

Monster: "Hey! The monk in front of me actually wore his hair parted. Damn, the world is going downhill.

Wait, looking at him like that, he looks like Tang Monk? ! I heard that if you eat his meat, you can live forever. If my wife eats some of it, she will become very beautiful, and I will never have to go out to whore. "

So the monster quietly walked behind Tang Seng and Zhu Bajie.

Tang Seng: "Yeah! It stinks! Bajie, did you take off your shoes? "

Zhu Bajie: "No, Master. The smell seemed to be coming from behind. "

The master and the disciple turned around and saw a monster.

Monster: "This handsome monk, are you Tang Monk? "

When Tang Seng heard the monster praising him, he happily said: "I am the most handsome Tang Seng in the world." Dare I ask who this demon brother is from? "

Monster: "Hmph, I am the master of the Zhazi Cave in the Garbage Mountain. Tang Seng, do you know how hard it has been for me to wait for you? If you are obedient, follow me obediently. Don't resist needlessly. You must know that I am very strong. "(

When Zhu Bajie heard this, his legs became weak, and he hid behind Tang Monk and said, "Master, I am in urgent need of urination. I will go to relieve myself first, and you will hold it first."

After hearing this, Tang Seng grabbed Zhu Bajie's hand and said, "Brother, we are good brothers and we are loyal. Don't leave me alone."

Zhu Bajie: "Master, my loyalty to you is overwhelming. The river is endless, but I'm really in a hurry! My big one is coming too, I can't bear it anymore!" After that, he shook off Tang Seng's hand and ran away.

< p> Tang Seng: "Asshole! It belongs to your grandfather! It seems that I can only rely on myself. Monster, I am the free fighting champion of White Horse Temple. Do you dare to fight me?"

Monster: "As long as you don't I dare to fight you." After that, Tang Monk fell to the ground.

Tang Seng: "Oh! It's just my fault that I refused to study hard and bought a fake diploma to make up for it, which made me really lose my temper."

Monster: "Haha! Come with me obediently. !" After that, the monster took Tang Seng away.

As soon as the camera turned, Zhu Bajie ran back and said, "Fortunately, I am smart and can run fast. If I had lost my life for this smelly monk, I would have lost my life." It's too bad. Wait, Brother Monkey and Junior Brother Sha will come back later. How can I make a good deal when I know that Master has been captured?"

Zhu Bajie thought while spinning, "Hey! This piece of shit is just right, I'll use it for makeup." After saying that, Zhu Bajie grabbed the piece of shit and wiped it on his face.

Sun Wukong and Monk Sha came back together, and Zhu Bajie ran up and pretended to be beaten. How miserable?

No! A very smelly monster came here just now. It not only has bad breath and smelly feet, but it also has body odor. I really can’t beat it. Let him take Master away."

Sun Wukong: "What? Master was taken away by monsters? He still owes us six months of salary, let's go and save him." Master, if Master is eaten by a monster, our six months of work will be in vain."

Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha: "Okay!"

The camera turns to the monster's cave. , Tang Monk was tied to a pillar, while the monster and the little demon were sharpening the knife.

The monster sang: "Since I had you, life has been full of miracles. I will live forever, stay young, and my wife will be beautiful." Like Chang'e."

Tang Seng: "Oh! I owe my apprentices six months' wages, and I treat them like cattle and horses. They will definitely not come to save me.

It seems that I have no choice but to save myself. I will use my sharp tongue to influence these monsters."

Tang Seng said to the little monster: "Brother, you don't have to do this to sharpen your sword. Come on, let’s talk! I am proficient in eating, drinking, prostitution and gambling, and my skills in deception and abduction will be great. You will benefit a lot from chatting with me, Demon Brother, you need to be humane to be a demon. The more humane you are. If there are too many, you are no longer a monster, but a shemale. "

Little Demon: "Shut up! Your grandpa’s grandpa! "

Tang Seng: "Wow! Brother Yao, your phrase 'your grandfather's grandfather' is really remarkable, and it's even more profound than my phrase 'your grandfather's'. ”

The monster said to the little monster: “Little monster, although we are dirty all over our bodies, our intestines and stomach are still very clean. We cannot eat unclean things.”

"

"Hey, you! "The monster said to Tang Monk, "Go and empty your stomach quickly, lest we eat it up." "

Tang Seng: "I...I really can't pull it out!" "

The monsters and little demons sang: "If you throw it into the pile, you can't make a roar, and if you can't throw it again, you can dig it with your hands!" "("Song of a Hero")

Tang Seng: "You...you have really eliminated your demonic nature! "

When the camera turned, Sun Wukong and the other three were walking on the road, singing: "I often think that you, now, are always beside me. "("Smiley Face")

Zhu Bajie: "Brother Monkey, this cave is extremely smelly, it must be here. Go in quickly and save Master! "

Monk Sha: "Yes! Brother Monkey, go quickly, we will cover you outside. ”

Sun Wukong: “I’ll beat you!” It was me taking the lead again. "

Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha sang together: "Brother Monkey, go forward boldly, go forward, and don't look back! ”

Sun Wukong: “Okay, okay, I’ve convinced you.” "

Sun Wukong walked to the entrance of the cave and sang: "Look over here, look over, look over, monster in the cave." "

The monster heard Sun Wukong's voice and walked out of the cave, singing as he walked: "One wave has not subsided, and another wave is coming. Who is provoking? "

The monster walked out of the cave and took a look: "I'll censor you! It turned out to be a smelly monkey. "

Sun Wukong: "You monster, you have no moral integrity. I am Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, the Monkey King who won the Monkey Beauty Contest in Water Curtain Cave of Huaguo Mountain! How about it, my name is like thunder! "

Monster: "Never heard of it. ”

Sun Wukong: “I’ll beat you!” You monster is so uneducated, you don’t even recognize me. "

Monster: "Stop talking nonsense, and if you want to fight, fight." Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms! "

Sun Wukong: "Tathagata Palm! "

When the monster was fighting Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha took the opportunity to run into the cave to save the master.

Tang Monk was rescued. When the monster saw it, he said: "Asshole! It turns out that I fell into the trap and was deceived even though my IQ was as high as 28. What a bastard. It seemed that I had to make a quick decision. Stinky monkey, look, Chang'e is running naked in the sky! "

When Sun Wukong heard this, he raised his head and looked up to the sky. The monster took the opportunity to hit Sun Wukong with a palm, and Sun Wukong fell to the ground unconscious.

The monster faced Tang Monk and others and said, "Hey, you know the truth. Just go back to the cave. "

Zhu Bajie: "Master, what should I do? Even Brother Monkey is no match for it, and I need to pee again. "

Tang Seng: "This monkey is so damn useless. It seems that I have to take action personally. Wu Jing, bring me my phone. "

Monk Sha handed over his mobile phone, and Tang Seng dialed a number.

Tang Seng said numbly: "Hello, is this Sister Guanyin? I am Sanzang~~I am now entangled by a very smelly monster. Come and help me. What? You have to go take a sauna, no time! Well~~you are so bad! If something happens to me, who will accompany you at night? oh! You have to teach me a spell! Okay, okay, I remember. Goodbye, kiss. "

Tang Monk faced the monster and said: "Guliwala bangchacha, I am your mother, Ding! "

The monster was under a spell and was immobilized.

Tang Seng patted the phone and said, "Technology is based on monsters. Nokia mobile phones are awesome! "

Monk Sha: "Master, what should Brother Monkey do? "

Tang Seng: "This monkey looks good but is useless, and it really dies as soon as it comes. Bajie, the old way. "

Zhu Bajie ran to Sun Wukong, pointed his butt at Sun Wukong's head, and farted.

Sun Wukong: "I'll cuff him!" It stinks! "After saying that, he bounced up from the ground.

When Sun Wukong saw that the monster was motionless, he pounced on it and wanted to kill it.

Tang Monk: "Wait a minute! Wukong, don't kill it. We should give the delinquent youth a chance to reform.

”

Sun Wukong: “Master, your idea is good, but if you let it follow us, aren’t we going to provide it with free food and drink?” "

Tang Seng: "You are really ignorant of the monkey head. Think, if we sell it, we will have money to go to Changsha Window of the World." ”

Sun Wukong and the three of them shouted in unison: “Okay?” ! Master is wise! "

Tang Seng: "It's getting late, let's get on the road!" "

So the four masters and apprentices escorted the monster and sang as they walked: "You are holding the cigarette, and I am holding the wine, eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, how happy I am on the road..."

They Going further and further, finally disappearing into the sunset.

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Zhu Chang called:

Mei answered: Hello! This is the student union office. You are welcome to call the student union’s service hotline. We will serve you. Please press "9" for the latest news, "1" for the role of the Student Union, "2" for the Propaganda Department, "3" for the Culture and Entertainment Department, "4" for the External Relations Department, and "5" for the Organization Department. Please press "6" for the work department, "7" for the chairman's department, and "0" for psychological inquiries. If someone is injured or sick, please call "120" directly.

Zhu: Hello. , I am a freshman. I just came today and am not familiar with the school environment. If I want to join the student union, where should I go for the interview?

Mei: 1316

Zhu :1316?

Mei: What’s next?

Zhu: The mobile phone number has eleven digits.

Mei: This is not a mobile phone number. , is the classroom code.

Where is 1316?

Mei: Next to 1317

Where is 1317? p>

Mei: Next to 1316

Zhu: Can you be more specific?

Mei: It’s in classroom No. 16 on the third floor of a teaching building

Zhu: So, where is the first teaching building?

Mei: Next to the second teaching building

Zhu: I asked you if there is something wrong with your head. Just talk. Can you be more serious?

Mei: This is humor, do you understand?

Zhu: Can you be less humorous? I'm in a hurry

Mei: If If you have an urgent need to pee, just deal with it first. I didn’t deny it to you.

Zhu: That’s not what I meant. I’m in a hurry right now.

Mei: You’re in a hurry, not me. Time

Zhu: How can you talk like this

Mei: If I don’t say this, how can I say it? Is it possible that I have to help you rush for time

Zhu: You,,,,,,

Mei: You’re not angry, are you? You threw the phone away, stupid. I suggest you press the “0” key to check.

Zhu: Why did you press the "0" button?

Mei: It's crazy because you reacted too late.

Zhu: Hey...

(Zhu goes to the student union office in person)

Mei: Welcome to the election for the new cadres of the student union.

Zhu: Hello, I am a freshman. My name is Zhu Chang.

Mei: Pig intestines?

Zhu: You misunderstood. Zhu is the immortal.

Mei (shakes hands): Hello! My name is Mei Liangxin.

Zhu: No conscience?

Mei: Don’t get me wrong. Mei is...

Zhu: I know. Plum is the syphilitic plum of the flower willow and the plum blossom of the plum blossom. Liang is the beam of Liang Shanbo. New is new in the new year.

Zhu: What’s going on inside?

Mei: It’s an interview for cadres. Are you interested? There is a work department, entertainment department, organization department...

Zhu: I know. There is the work department, the entertainment department, the organization department, the secretarial department, the external relations department, the chairman's department, the singing department, the dance department, the drama department...

Mei: Stop. The singing department, dance department, and drama department belong to the art troupe. Not from the student union. The Student Union has the Work Department, the Entertainment Department, the Organization Department, the Propaganda Department, the Societies Department, the Secretary Department, the Liaison Department, the Chairman Department, and the Girls Department.

Zhu: Girls’ club? Where is the girls' section? I'm going for an interview!

Mei: The girls’ club is all for girls. Not recruiting boys.

Zhu: Just treat me as a girl.

Mei: What are you talking about? He is obviously a grown man. That's outrageous

Zhu: I've been playing with girls since I was a child, and I get along well with girls. Just help me (pull and pull)

Mei: Don't hold hands. The audience is watching it, and others will misunderstand that we are gay. The state has national laws, families have family rules, and the student union also has student union rules, which cannot be violated!

Zhu: Which department has the most girls?

Mei: I know very well that generally there are more girls in the entertainment department. Why do you ask this? What does it have to do with girls?

Zhu: It’s a big relationship. It is often said on TV that "men and women work well together, so work is not tiring." As the saying goes, "Behind a successful man, there is always a woman supporting him:. Therefore, having a woman beside you is also motivational!

Mei: Nonsense, pseudoscience. I have been doing this for so long, and no woman has done it as well as me.

Zhu: You are special. According to psychologists, there are two reasons for people like you. . One is phobia of women, and the other is impotence...

Mei: Unreasonable.

Where is the Ministry of Culture and Entertainment?

p>

Mei: You need to be talented in the entertainment department!

Zhu: I'm a dramatist.

Do you know Zhao Benshan? p>

Zhu: I don’t know Zhao Benshan. Is he the Minister of Culture and Entertainment?

Mei: (Haha) You don’t even know Zhao Benshan, but he is the representative of our Chinese sketch industry.

Zhu: Representative of sketches? I’m not a sketch artist, I’m a cross talk artist.

Mei: You should know Niu Qun, right?

: Of course I do. I also know Chicken Flock! There are two hundred chickens in my house!

That’s not what I’m talking about. Niu Qun is a famous crosstalk actor. . You should know Feng Gong, the famous laugher!

Zhu: I have seen him often on TV.

Mei: Can you perform a cross talk on the spot?

Zhu: OK!

Mei: Everyone applauds!

Zhu: But I have to find a partner. Come on!

Mei: I can’t do it!

Just say what I say, everyone. Audience!

Dear friends.

Zhu: I love you to death.

Zhu: My name is Zhu Chang

Mei: My name is Mei Liangxin

Zhu: My father’s name is Zhu Xin

Mei: My father’s name is Zhu Xin. Mei Xingang

Zhu: I am 18 years old

Mei: I am 19 years old

Zhu: I have not committed any illegal or disciplinary behavior

< p>Mei: I didn’t... Why are you answering like a prisoner to the police

Zhu: This is the opening line of the cross talk, I am a freshman

Mei: I am a sophomore

Zhu: My family lives in No. 1001, Seaview Garden Villa Area, Meimeng Town, Wuchuan City, Zhanjiang

Mei: My family lives in Meizhou... How do I introduce myself? This is a cross talk. Not to mention, the entertainment department of the art troupe is singing and dancing.

Zhu: I can sing and dance. I even won an award.

Mei: Then sing two sentence, everyone applauded and encouraged

Zhu: (cough) Sing a folk song (Alang rows a boat to look at his wife...)

Mei: Stop, stop, sing again and scare the audience away. How come Cantonese people sing folk songs?

Zhu: This and that are folk songs. This is our Huangpo accent in Wuchuan, Zhanjiang. The fellow countrymen say it is none

Mei: The Ministry of Culture and Entertainment is not suitable for you , you should think about other departments

Zhu: I haven’t danced yet. I can dance hip-hop and MJ dance, and I can dance the difficult moves in hip-hop: handstand spinning

Mei: Street dance, MJ dance? Wow, this is the dance that we college students most yearn for, come quickly.

MUSIC

Zhu: MJ first, then hip-hop (movements)

Mei: This is a difficult handstand spin. A three-year-old can do it. The entertainment department is not suitable for you. You Join the labor department, besides, you have very good conditions

Zhu: What conditions?

Mei: I just have a thick skin. There is a jump market in our school, and the work department is responsible for selling things there or placing things next to the canteen.

Zhu: There is a month. How much salary?

Mei: No salary

Zhu: No salary, who is so stupid to do it in vain

Mei: It will be in vain, the Ministry of Labor will do it for you It provides a very good social practice environment, where you can practice your eloquence, social practice, work and other abilities. You will benefit a lot from being able to enter the work department, and others will not be able to get in.

Zhu: oh! But it still can’t be done without labor. How about the Propaganda Department?

Mei: The Propaganda Department is responsible for producing posters, including drawing comics, calligraphy, typesetting, etc.

Zhu: Draw comics? It’s too childish, just for children

Mei: Even some cartoonists can’t draw children. Don't underestimate it, and not many people can write well.

Zhu: Who said that, my calligraphy is like a dragon and a flying phoenix

Mei: A flying dragon and a flying phoenix, words I can’t do any of them, and my words can’t be any better

Zhu: What does the organization department do?

Mei: Responsible for organizing people to participate in various activities or meetings organized by the student union, which can better train them. Your organizational skills and other abilities

Zhu: I’m too busy at work. I can’t find time to go shopping with my girl. What does the club do?

Mei: Who is the club? It manages various social groups, such as Guitar Association, Drama Association, Love Association, etc. However, the club department has been upgraded to the Federation of Social Clubs and is not under the control of the student union. It has become independent

Zhu: Independent? Taiwan has achieved independence, and now the Ministry of Social Affairs has also become independent. The school has split. Arrest the reactionaries quickly.

Mei: You misunderstood. The Liaison Department is a large organization, divided into finance, culture, organization, publicity and other departments. It is equivalent to a college student union

Zhu: Please make it clear. I thought terrorists had invaded China. The Liaison Department How?

Mei: The External Relations Department is responsible for sponsoring some large-scale activities of the Student Union. It can exercise your eloquence and diplomatic skills. It is a very good department

Zhu: Every time it is completed Do you keep the remaining sponsorship money from the event?

Mei: No. It is kept by the student union as funds for the next activity

Zhu: It is kept by the student union. (whispering) That sounds so nice. Even if I am embezzled, no one will know.

Mei: What are you talking about!

Zhu: It’s okay! What does the Chairman's Department do?

Mei: The chairman’s department has a chairman. Five vice-chairmen. Each vice president is responsible for managing a specific department. The president manages the entire student union. Responsible for formulating the work plan, general commander and general planning of the Student Union.

Zhu: Then I will be the chairman.

Mei: The chairman has been succeeded by my senior brother. No choice.

Zhu: No choice? Where is the teacher? I told the teacher.

Mei: There is no teacher here, the chairman is in charge.

Zhu: Call the chairman out. Let's see what kind of material this turtle son is!

Mei: Why are you swearing? I am the chairman!

Zhu: You are the president of the student union! I am the president of the country (ha).

Mei: Look (card), this is the chairman’s duty card.

Zhu: (gentle) Yeah. What a fuck. It’s true that I am blind and blind. Please forgive me if the statement I just made is offensive!

Mei: Your quality is too low. You are not qualified to interview student union cadres at all. Student union cadres must not only have the ability in this field, but also have good qualities in order to convince the public. Please come back!

Zhu: Give me a chance, I was joking with you just now.

Mei: What a joke! Is the student union a joke on you? Is this a joke? Come on, I still have things to do, don't waste my time!

Zhu: Hey, don’t think that if the tiger doesn’t show off its power, just think that I’m a sick cat and you don’t know how powerful I am. The president of the student union is nothing. Which bird counts. Bah, just a frog-like Taketaro.

Mei: What are you doing, looking for a fight!

Zhu: (whispering) No, it’s okay. I'm talking to myself. Just go about your business.

Mei: Even if I give you the courage, you wouldn’t dare to say anything about me

Zhu: (step away a few steps and look back) I’m just talking about you. Do you think you are the president of the student union? It’s amazing. Damn, you’re not like a bird.

Mei: You deserve a beating, don’t leave (catch up with me)

《《》《《》》<<<<<<<<<<< """""""""

Two scripts, I hope you can find one you are satisfied with~