Tell me a joke. ..

Harry Potter's hilarious slip of the tongue

1. Harry misses the first grade: I remember Professor Snape scolding him: "I'll slap you out!" "Harry wanted to laugh but didn't dare.

In the second grade, Dumbledore asked his classmates to evaluate himself.

Harry just said, "Reach for the rice",

Neville, the same seat, replied, "Clothes open your mouth."

Everybody laughs! ! !

3. The third grade defense against the dark arts teacher's name is Remus Lubang.

Once in class, Harry asked him a question. He wanted to call the professor. After thinking for 0.005438+0 seconds, he thought of Mr. Lu Ping. As a result, he opened his mouth: Lao Lu!

The whole class laughed. Harry is so cold!

Harry fell ill in the flying class of grade four. After everyone lined up, Harry wanted to ask Mrs. Hodge for leave, and it turned into a penny muggle note. Before Harry could react, he said, "I'll be leaving now."

After that, everyone burst into laughter. Some people said "taking bribes", "too corrupt" and "not enough"

Mrs. Hodge is also very happy. Harry has been the talk of the week. . .

In the fifth grade, I criticized some boys who like watching porn at Dumbledore's opening ceremony: "I'm not proud, but ashamed" and laughed a lot.

6. On the Quidditch playground, Wood said: The men stood on my left, the women stood on my right, and the others stayed where they were ... but he didn't move.

7. One day, it was raining heavily outside. Snape came into the classroom with rain on his face. He didn't know what he was looking for before the lecture. After searching for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row, "Where's my paper-wiped face?

9. Malfoy was making trouble below, and Professor McGonagall said, "Climb up the wall! !

10. In a muggle research class, the professor talked about mathematical geometry in muggle life, and he liked to devote himself wholeheartedly to it ... "My base radius is 20cm, and my height is 50cm, so I ..." Hermione said below, "What a fool ..."

1 1. Professor McGonagall: "Don't make any noise when you speak!"

12. At Hogwarts, you must wear school uniforms, but there are always some people who don't wear school uniforms or just wear pants or clothes. Before breakfast, President Dumbledore will say loudly in the auditorium: "Some students don't wear clothes, some students don't wear pants, and some simply don't wear clothes and pants!" " "

13. At a literary evening, the host Ron came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the Xinjiang song and dance performed by Zhang Qiu from China, and hold your head up! Creepy! ! !

14 In a magical biological protection class, Malfoy made trouble below again, and Hagrid finally couldn't help it, only to hear him shout: If the tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm dead!

15. Hermione was very nervous when she participated in the school recitation competition for the first time. Harry and Ron encouraged her for a long time, but her palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn.

Hermione gritted her teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and students, the topic I recited is: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..."

16. Neville was particularly envious when he saw the students assigned by Professor McGonagall reading their compositions aloud. He always hoped that Meg would let herself read it. The opportunity has finally come. "Neville, read your composition to everyone!"

Neville suddenly stood up: "My Professor McGonagall". Professor McGonagall, how much I look like your mother ... "

17. When Zhang Qiu grew up, he returned to his motherland as a host. Once, Zhang Qiu held a banquet. He calmly stepped forward and said affectionately, "Friends, have you seen the Yellow River? Do you know it is our mother river ~ ~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, she said," Let's listen to the song of the Yangtze River ". ......

18. once Harry returned to the muggle world, he went to McDonald's to buy sweet barrels, and finally it was his turn. Harry couldn't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say loudly to Harry;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

19. Harry met a girl who had been longing for it for a long time, Zhang Qiu. She was coming out of the bathhouse and trying to make friends. He held back for a long time and said, "Are there many men taking a bath?"

20. Once, Ron quarreled with Seymour, his roommate. Seymour said that he could not beat Ron and called him "You are my grandfather's son!"

The whole dormitory 1 second is silent and then laughs wildly!

2 1. Once on the road, Harry mistook someone and slapped him severely. The man turned around and tried to eat Harry. When Harry was nervous, he said, Never mind, he mistook me for someone else. ...

Hermione was particularly nervous on the day of her driving test. Embarrassed, the examiner asked her to park her car where there was a fire hydrant on the side of the road. Hermione said nervously, "Report the fire hydrant. There is an examiner on the roadside. No parking!" " "

23. After Zhang Qiu returned to his hometown in China, he held a party with his friends in the evening. Everyone played a game, that is, learning advertising words on TV. At this time, Zhang Qiu said softly, "Hair disappears without a trace, and dandruff is more prominent"! ! ! ! !

24. One day, Harry called Penny to say that his period was coming. Obviously it is at home, as soon as Harry opens his mouth, he asks, "menstruation, where are you?" Penny on the other end of the phone was shocked. Answer: "I am in the office!" " "

25. Malfoy and Harry quarreled, and he quickly said, "Are you kidding?" Do you think I grew up eating bread? "Since then, Harry has always wanted to know what he grew up eating.

26. On one occasion, Ron talked about his grandfather and said, "When my grandfather was 6 years old, I died! ! "

27. Once, Zhang Qiu and two friends went to a restaurant to eat noodles. All three of them want to eat chaos Everyone is called Qiuzhangdian. Zhang Qiu loudly said to the proprietress: We three big bastards!

28. Neville and Dean had an argument, and for a while they were at a disadvantage. In desperation, they got up and shouted, "You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!" "

35. one day at dinner ... Harry said, "pizza, why hasn't my lady come yet?" Hurry up! "

Professor McGonagall wants to check the hygiene of the dormitory.

Harry's dormitory manager shouted in the morning, "Quick, empty the window and turn off the garbage!" " ! ! !