A joke that can be changed into classical Chinese

1. Adapted from funny ancient prose Riding a princess in the world of mortals and laughing, litchi came running to me.

Ghosts knock at the door in the middle of the night, and passers-by want to die.

If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, they will say that I have gone to America.

Mochow has no bosom friend in the future, and the sea is full of flowers.

Be an outstanding person when you live, and love when you die.

I advise you to drink one more glass of wine. There is no one on the road.

Peacock flies southeast, I'll chase it.

Go out and laugh, (come back depressed)

The conference semifinals dared not go south to herd horses, so they had to go north to resist Japan.

Clear water produces hibiscus, game-writing protocol washes silver gun.

The desert is lonely and straight, and it bends when the wind blows.

Pick some and don't forget to add the best to us.

2. Rewrite China's ancient poem Wolf. There are 300 funny words. A butcher came home from selling meat. It was getting late, and suddenly a wolf rushed in and looked at the meat in the bag, as if he were greedy. It followed the butcher for several miles. The butcher is afraid, take a knife to scare him, and he will take a step back; When the butcher goes forward, he follows. The butcher thought that the wolf wanted meat, so it was better to hang the meat on the tree for the time being and pick it up the next morning. So he hooked the meat, stood on tiptoe and hung it on the tree, and then showed the empty bear to the wolf, and the wolf stopped. When the butcher went back to get the meat at dawn, he saw a big thing hanging on the tree in the distance, which looked like a person hanging on the tree. He was frightened and looked at it hesitantly. It turned out to be a dead wolf. Looking up carefully, I saw the wolf biting the meat, but the hook hooked its upper jaw, just like a fish taking the bait. At that time, the wolf skin was very expensive, worth more than a dozen gold, so the butcher had some money. People say that climbing trees is for fish, but this wolf climbs trees for disaster. This is really funny!

Rewrite into vernacular:

Bad luck today. I didn't catch any rabbits. It's already evening, my eldest brother and I are wandering on the roadside, growling with hunger, holding a glimmer of fantasy and hope, waiting for the arrival of prey.

Suddenly, a butcher appeared at a fork in the road in the distance, burly and carrying a burden. Our eyes suddenly lit up. It's getting late and there are few people. Why don't we hurry? So my eldest brother and I followed the butcher.

There are some bones left in the butcher's burden. He may have found us, so he quickly threw a bone out. I stopped to chew the bone first, and the eldest brother continued to chew. Alas! We have been hungry all day. How can these bones solve our hunger? When the butcher threw the second bone, my eldest brother stopped to chew the bone and I followed. We agreed that we must not let this fat sheep go tonight!

Ok, the bones are finished, and the brothers continue to follow him, ready to wait for an opportunity to start! The butcher was sweating with fear. As for us, we are even more proud, planning how to subdue him at one stroke. Who would have thought that after the butcher arrived at a wheat field in the field, he suddenly ran to a pile of firewood like a mountain, put down his burden and picked up a butcher knife at us.

Eldest brother said, can't make a move, he is armed, we should guard against. The butcher stared at us, and we really dared not jump forward, so we stared at him. However, this is not the way. Big brother came up with a good idea. It made me pretend to sleep in front of the butcher and let the butcher relax his guard. He pretended to leave, but in fact he wanted to sneak up from behind the firewood pile.

The plan was made, and the eldest brother went straight away. As for me, I crouched in front of him like a dog, slightly closed my eyes, looked carefree and pretended to be sleeping. Suddenly I felt that my head was cut by something sharp, and then I was stabbed several times. Alas, I lost my life before I could fight back. Really die unsatisfied!

(When I arrived in the underworld, I was about to talk to Yan when my eldest brother came. I caught up with him and asked where it came from. Eldest brother said that half of his body and head had been drilled into the firewood pile, and he almost got it, but the butcher cut off his leg from behind and killed him mercilessly. Alas! Death is more unfair than me! I didn't expect my two wolves to be so cunning that they all died at the hands of a human in the blink of an eye. What a joke! )

3. Humorous The art of people laughing in short stories in classical Chinese is mainly expressed through humor.

The essence of humor is funny, ridiculous and meaningful. Humor is the crystallization of human wisdom and an advanced emotional activity and aesthetic activity. Any plain and mediocre value orientation and stereotyped way of thinking have nothing to do with humor.

In real life, we can often see that the arguments between the two sides are fierce, tense and deadlocked, often because one or two humorous words from a third party can make both sides laugh, put down their words and make up. In lifeless and monotonous situations, people will laugh and laugh because of someone's humor, break this silence, activate people's tired and numb nerves, and thus create a vivid, healthy and interesting atmosphere.

Therefore, in a sense, humor is a mediator to solve human contradictions, a stimulant to enliven and enrich human life, an elegant spiritual activity and a beautiful behavior. The 68 humorous stories selected here reflect the social life and human feelings in ancient China, especially since the Middle Ages.

These jokes are illusory, real, revealing, critical, beautiful, ironic, ironic, explanatory and colorful, which bring people into an ancient and realistic fascinating world and thus obtain the greatest spiritual and emotional satisfaction. A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside.

Seeing this, the second man stole the meat. Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet.

B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games. When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister.

Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. " Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157

Wang was tongue-tied and embarrassed. On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present.

During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not entering the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')." Immediately mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "means" An "printed a public character as" Lu ",and then matched it with a horse to make a donkey. "

Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the room was full of laughter. -Old title Sui Hou Bai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and calf Hou Bai later became an official of the Tang Dynasty, often with solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you should be punished. "

Then he first made a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup." Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room?" There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. "

Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is the swallow's nest." They burst out laughing.

On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet. During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment.

What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue. Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox.

What is this? "People are competing to guess, some people say it's a roe deer, others say it's a deer, but they all deny it. Let Hou Bai tell the answer.

Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf." -The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong.

Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently. When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears.

Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had. Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. "

Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith. The son of Qing should be named Fu. "

Know the chapter and thank humbly. It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me.

I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'. He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" does not know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems.

One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel. In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song."

After a while, he said, "One more song." Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night.

Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs. Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him.

Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her. Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill.

Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly. He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? "

The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is." Has refused to come up with poetry.

Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood. Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands.

Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times. When I say' hand', I don't mean the first poem. "

Ai zi, listen.

4. Humorous and short classical Chinese, Ji Chang learned to shoot flies and was a good shooter in ancient times. He pulled the bow and the beast fell under the bird.

Disciple Wei Fei learned to shoot flies, but he was more skilled than his teacher. Ji Changzhe learned to shoot at Wei Fei again.

Wei Fei said: "I can't learn it instantly before I can shoot." Ji Changgui, lying under his wife's machine, took the lead with his eyes.

Two years later, although the cone tail fell off, it was not instantaneous. Tell Wei Fei.

Wei Fei said. "Not also, will learn to watch before.

See the big from the small, see the small from the small, and then tell me. "I often hang my hair on lice in Xi 'an, looking at the south.

Between ten days, the sense of immersion is also great; Three years later, it's like a wheel. If you want to see the rest, you can see the hills and mountains.

It is the arc of the swallow's horn, which was shot by Shuo Peng's pole, penetrated the heart of the louse and hung on it. Tell Wei Fei.

Wei Fei danced and said, "You made it!" Translated as follows, for reference only: Gan Fei is an ancient archer. Before the bow was fully opened, the birds and animals fell down.

Disciple Wei Fei learned archery from Gan Fei and surpassed his master. Ji Chang learned archery from Wei Fei again.

Wei Fei said, "You have to learn not to blink before you can talk about archery." Ji Chang returned home, lying on his back under his wife's loom, staring at the shuttle (practicing not blinking).

Two years later, he didn't blink even if he used a cone spike (Jichang's) eyelid. (He told Wei Fei about it), Wei Fei said, "Kung Fu isn't home yet, but you have to learn to look at things-make the small big, make the small obvious, and then tell me."

Ji Chang hung on the window with yak hair tied with lice and came from the south to practice. Ten days later, the lice in Jichang's eyes gradually became bigger; After three years, I feel as big as a wheel.

Looking around, everything is as big as a hill. So he used a bow decorated with the horn of Yan State, and an arrow made in the North Pole shot at the louse, penetrating the center of the louse, but the hair tied to the louse was not broken.

Tell Wei Fei (about it). Wei Fei jumped up happily, patted his chest and said, "You have mastered the skill."

5. Translating China's ancient jokes can't save money —— Laughing Building by Feng Ming Menglong.

A person is extremely stingy, and the stream in Lu Yu is newly rising. He is stingy to cross the river and wade desperately. In the middle reaches, the water washed down and drifted for half a mile. His son searched for a boat on the shore to save him. The boat wants money, and the money goes there. The son only pays five cents, and the price is uncertain for a long time. On his deathbed, the father turned to look after his son and shouted, "My son, my son, five cents to save you, but no money to save you!" "

translate

He is very stingy. Once, when he was on the way, he met a new river rising. Although he could cross the river by boat, he was afraid to pay for the boat, so he waded across the river regardless. Just to the middle of the river, it was washed down by the water and drifted for more than half a mile. His son is on the shore, looking for a boat to save him. The boatman set the sailing price and said that he could only go if he gave a sum of money. His son bargained for him and said that he would only give five points. This bargaining has dragged on for a long time, and there has been no conclusion. At this time, his father was dying. When he was dying, he turned around and shouted to his son:

"My son, my son, you can save it in five minutes and not a penny!"