Are there any jokes that make people have a stomachache? (/kloc-above 0/0)

There was a drunk staggering down the street with blisters all over his ears. One of his friends met him and asked him what had happened.

"Damn, my wife put the hot iron next to the phone. As soon as the bell rang, I used the iron as the receiver. "

"What happened to the other side?"

The drunken man's eyes were wide open. "It's burning here. Don't you want to change sides?"

deal with

The husband came home drunk, crept into the bathroom, found some adhesive plaster, put it on the wound left by his drunken trouble in front of the mirror, and then crept to bed.

The next morning, he was awakened by his wife. The wife shouted, "You said you wouldn't drink any more, but you broke your word and got drunk again yesterday. Look, how many plasters have been put on the mirror in the bathroom? ! "

I'm not from here.

Pedro is an alcoholic. Once, he traveled to a strange city and came out of the hotel at night, drunk and staggered. Just as he was standing in the middle of the road, there came another drunkard opposite, obviously drinking more than Peide. He seemed to see something strange in the sky and asked Pei De, "I'm sorry! Is it the moon or the sun? Peide raised his head, then shook his head and said, "I'm sorry! I don't know. I'm not from here either. "

Got on the wrong bus again.

A man was drunk, got on the wrong bus twice and got on the right bus the third time. I met a priest in the car. The priest saw that the man was drunk and drew a cross disapprovingly on his chest, saying, "wasting wine and color, my child, is the road to hell!" " ""What, am I on the wrong bus again? "

familiar

Two drunks are walking on the road. One of them saw a mirror on the side of the road, so he went to pick it up and said to the mirror, "What's the matter?" This man looks familiar! ! "His companion came over and said," let me see! ..... Idiot, how can you not know me? "

Drunk people recognize their families.

The policeman sent a drunk to the door and said to him, "Is this really your home?"

"Open the door for me, and I'll prove it to you right away!" The police opened the door and took him in.

"Did you see that piano? That's mine. Did you see that TV? That is mine, too. " They went up to the second floor again.

"This is my bedroom, have you seen that bed? The woman sleeping in that bed is my wife. Did you see the person who slept with her? "

The policeman said doubtfully, "How come?"

"That's me."

Drive too fast

A driver will drive home after drinking. He saw the car speeding by again and again in the mirror and thought, no, the car is driving too fast! So he's going to slow down. However, the car in the mirror is getting faster and faster. No, slow down, he thought. So I'm going to slow down.

At this moment, I saw a policeman knocking on the glass of his car. No way, he thought. He must have driven too fast and was seen by the police. So he opened the car door and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention just now. I was driving too fast again." I saw the policeman angrily pulling him out of the car: "You know you can't park in the driveway! A fine of 50! "