Ask for a few short humorous jokes, who has them?

Since Israel opened to the outside world, all countries have flooded into Israel ... Israel: Wow! A lot of people ~ Ismail: Yes, I saw many gods of war and popes ... Ismail: What are they doing here? Ismail: Come to the meeting. Ischia: What meeting will be held? Yi Yi: They came to discuss how we should face the challenges after joining the WTO. Iska: ...

4 1 Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one. A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day." Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years." A song: "Father's Day is in ten years." Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades." Song: "In a few decades ..." Aba: "Tomb-Sweeping Day."

42. Super composition for girls in the fifth grade of primary school. Title-Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote in Thirty Years Later: "Today's weather is good. I take my children to Da 'an Forest Park to play. We drive the Rolls Royce my husband bought me, with a big diamond ring on our fingers and a gold chain around our necks, which he just gave me last month. I took my lovely children for a walk in the park, and people everywhere envied me. Suddenly, a smelly, muddy and homeless old lady rushed out of the road. I looked at it carefully ... oh, my god! She turned out to be my fifth-grade Chinese teacher! "

A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests. The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure! This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news? The doctor said shyly, I find you very cute. ...

In the summer of 48, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: "Oh, little rabbit, do you know how good the neck is?" Do you know how sweet the top leaves are? ..... Do you know that drinking cold in summer means that the neck feels cold water flowing slowly through the neck? ..... oh. "

The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to throw up?"

The giraffe and the monkey got married. A year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I don't want to jump up and down like this anymore! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

Late at night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with long hair. Bush got a fright and said:

"How dare you break into the White House at night!"

Bin Laden dumped his chest-high beard, smiled coldly and said:

"Soft, so confident!"

15. If the hat is dirty, turn it over and put on the crown and Dai Li (under the dirty crown).

2 1. How to keep ducks from flying away? Give it a wing.

22. How to make the sparrow quiet? Press it (to silence the bird)

23. What kind of snake has many mouths? Collision (snake)

24. What juice tastes the worst? rack one's brains

25. Why don't men go out? Because when you go out, you become a layman.

26. Why is seven bigger than eight? Because eight is lower than seven.

27. What kind of snake has the strongest vitality? A three-inch golden tongue (snake)

28. Why is the iceberg just the tip of the iceberg? The other corner was broken by the Titanic.

29. How much does this star weigh? 8 grams (Starbucks Star 8 grams)

30. What medicine is not poisonous? Chinese yam

3 1. Who is the most difficult person to associate with? Lily, because every (lily) is hard.

2: I used to have schizophrenia, and now we have recovered.

An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes."

So ... hang up.

4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became a red bean; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

7: Three women died in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel St. Peter said, "In heaven, we have only one rule here-never step on a duck." After confirming that the three girls understand, enter heaven. There are ducks everywhere in heaven, and there are so many ducks that you can hardly step on them. Although they tried to avoid it, the first woman accidentally stepped on one. At this time, the angel St. Peter immediately came to her with an ugly man that a woman had never seen before and told her that the punishment for stepping on a duck was to be tied to the ugly man forever.

The next day, another woman accidentally stepped on a duck. Then St. Peter came to her with another extremely disgusting man, just like the woman before. St Peter associated the second woman with the ugly man he brought.

The third one has found this cruel result. She doesn't want to be tied to an ugly and disgusting man forever. So she is very, very careful about her steps. She lived for months without stepping on any ducks. But one day, St. Peter came to her with a super handsome guy he had never seen before. This man is not only tall and strong, but also has beautiful long eyelashes. St Peter locked them together and left without saying anything to the woman. The woman asked the man tied to her, "I want to know why I can be tied to you forever?" I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

8: A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

15: Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

2 1: This diver's movements are very difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month.

30: Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

3 1: She gave me a kiss when we broke up, and it felt as real as People's Daily. ...

34. College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in the air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

37: The ants went to the desert. Why didn't he leave footprints on the beach, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

40: One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」

4 1: An orangutan walked through the forest and accidentally collected the feces of a gibbon.

The kind orangutan cleaned up the ape's feces.

After a while, they fell in love, and people asked you how you got together.

The orangutan replied, "It's ape dung (fate)!"

There was a fat man,

Jumping from a tall building,

It turned out to be ...

Fat man.

There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, when he was crossing the street, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" " Since then, it has become a cucumber. ...

47: The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Make the lunch box blue.

50: There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pluck their hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

The teacher asked Xiao Amin a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi.

56: An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?"

The camel said,' Stay away from death, I won't talk to anything with a penis on my face!

57: How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

58: Xiaoming: What's the temperature today?

Xiaohua: 3 degrees below zero!

Xiaoming: No wonder it's so cold.

59: A little boy came home from school and peeped out from the window. A woman lying in bed rubbed her chest and shouted, I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!

6 1: It is said that there is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things.

But he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, looking for sunglasses with dirty hands and feet. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror before I found out: Oh, I'm a panda.

62: The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death?

No one answered.

The teacher asked again: Does nobody know?

At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

64: One day, A, B and C went out to play together and wandered around the road for a long time.

Later, A said, I am so bored that I really want to play B.

Then C took a look at A and dragged B into the alley to fight.

65: Three rabbits poop.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

66: When will Taiwan Province Province be unified?

When buying instant noodles

67: One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

When Xiaoming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. He picked up the bamboo and tried to hit it.

When the owner of the dog saw Xiao Ming beating the dog, he said unhappily that beating the dog depends on the owner. Haven't you heard of it?

At this moment, Xiao Ming said: Good! I will beat your dog while watching you.

Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

70: How did the ants fall from the Himalayas die?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

80: Why are puppies getting smaller and smaller?

A: Because it goes further and further.

8 1: Once upon a time there was a horse! It ran into the sea.

So, it becomes a "hippocampus"!

Another friend of this horse fell into the river in order to find the horse that fell into the sea. Later, he became a hippo.

The third horse is white. In order to find two missing friends, it came to a city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in a row, leaving several black stripes on its body.

Turns out to be a zebra!

One day, the fourth horse went to a factory to find the companions of the first three horses and was transformed into an "iron horse".

But later, those horses could not escape the fate of being eaten, and all of them were made into "Shaqima". All the horses survived and became a world without horses. ...

Then, a group of people saw the joke and couldn't help saying, "The horse is really cold." .

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone edited it into a class, and we called it "Marseille class"!

82: Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to stay a few more days.

The person in the bank said: Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; the third day ...

Xiaoming: Do I need to return it?

Banker: No, you will become Tinker Bell.

85: A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter was startled and immediately rolled down from his horse, pulling the hounds and running away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him, "You scared me to death. Horses can talk!" "

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot.

87: One day A took a look in a mirror. People here are too familiar.

B said; Is it? Let me see (holding a mirror), me! You don't even know me?

Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat.

one day

The white cat fell into the water.

The black cat saved it.

The white cat said a word to the black cat

Q: What is this sentence?

"meow"

90: A: "Do you know what I did in the Internet cafe last night?"

B: "What are you doing?"

A: "surfing the internet;

B: "..."

9 1: Two flies go to eat.

Brother asked brother: Brother, why do we eat shit every day?

The big one said, don't say such disgusting things when eating! !

92: On the grass boat

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

93: Monkeys should stuff peanuts before eating them.

The administrator explained, someone once fed it peaches.

As a result, the peach pit could not be pulled out, and the monkey was scared. Now, it is necessary to measure it before eating.

94: The hospital set up a 100 channel to prevent patients from escaping, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."

95: Xiaoming: By a stream, four boys, Dabao, Daxiong, Dazhi and Dawei, stripped off their clothes and played with water.

Suddenly someone electrocuted the fish by the stream, and all four boys were electrocuted! Guess an electrical appliance.

Kang: hmm ... I don't know ~

Xiao Ming: The answer is "TV" (electric four chickens)! Hey hey!

Lesson 96: Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have humps?

Father Camel: Because there is no water in the desert, only the hump can store water!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Father camel: Because there is a big sandstorm in the desert, we have to rely on it to stop the sandstorm before we can see it!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Father Camel: Because the desert is full of sand, we can stand firm!

Luo Xiao: Dad, one last question, what are we doing in the zoo?

97: The hen is hatching eggs, and an egg comes out of her ass.

Hen: "What are you doing?"

Egg: "Your fart stinks ..."

98: There is a man whose name is Du Ziteng.

Ask the teacher when you call the roll.

"Where is Du Ziteng?"

The classmate said, "He has a stomachache."

99: My girlfriend asked me to go to her house to watch a movie. When we arrived at her house,

She wrote the word "movie" on the wall with a pen.

The two of us sat on the toilet and watched.

100: One morning, an officer with a reputation for being strict asked the early-shift soldiers, "Are you cold?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Not cold!"

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you shaking?"

10 1: A pig is walking on the road. It came to a crossroads and was killed by a car. Why?

Because pigs don't make sharp turns.

The last thing I want to happen at a barbecue.

1 The meat is cooked with you.

2 charcoal playing cold

3. Clams are autistic

Four barbecue grills are separated.

Fire has no seeds.

6 meat and shelves engage in small groups

7 sausage meat plays gangster with you

8 black tire flat tire

Onion plays dumb with you.

10 corn will play hardball with you.

15, recognized as the funniest joke in the world, is a cold joke.

Five yuan of 1 was kidnapped by criminal gangs. Call the hundred-dollar bill:

"ah! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "

One hundred dollar bills thought for a moment and said:

"Tear it, tear you up and you don't even have five dollars!"

A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.

Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife ..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and I'm greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.

Man: "... cake."

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

Enough! ! Hum! ! ! I found it before ~ ~ (so proud ~ ~ hehe)