About all kinds of funny jokes.

I believe you must have seen many funny jokes, among which there are many kinds. I wonder what else you remember. The following are all kinds of funny jokes I have compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

All kinds of funny jokes

1. A couple just got married. The husband was sent abroad by the company. A year later, the husband went home. After taking a bath that night, the couple fell asleep with snoring. Someone knocked at the door at midnight. The husband jumped up from his sleep and exclaimed, "No! Your husband is back! " The wife murmured, "Impossible, he is out of town."

The girl is sitting on the stool. When she got up, a person saw the girl's skirt stuffed in her ass and reached out and pulled it out. The girl was furious and slapped the man. The man said indignantly, "Count me in." Then reach out and shove the skirt back up the girl's ass.

A girl pretended to be innocent and asked, "Where did you say the child was born?" Another girl disdained: "Shit, it's not easy. You can come out from wherever you go in! "

When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that we boys wouldn't listen, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss and said inexplicably, "I miss you!" " "There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "you smelly rascal!" " "Illegal!

A thief sneaked into a heavily guarded place in the middle of the night. After trying to open the vault, he found it was full of jelly. The tired and hungry thief ate all the jelly in a rage and left. The headline of the local newspaper the next day was: "Shocked! Sperm bank was stolen crazily.

The furthest distance in the world is: we go out together, you buy four generations of apples, and I buy four bags of apples.

7. A man happened to meet Xifeng. After a long hesitation, he asked in a low voice, "May I take a photo with you?" Xifeng shouted, "No, I won't sleep with you!" All eyes were on the two men, and the man replied awkwardly. After a while, Xifeng came over and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm studying psychology recently, just to test people's reactions in embarrassing situations." The man shouted, "Thirty dollars? Too expensive! "

8. Two friends haven't seen each other for a long time, and they have dinner together for jiaozi. A San suddenly asked Han Di, "Do you know what gender jiaozi is?" Emperor Han looked puzzled: "After eating jiaozi for so many years, is jiaozi still divided into men and women?" Ah San laughed and said, "What a fool! It's a man. Jiaozi has a foreskin. "

9. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" "

10. The butterfly said to the bee, "You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. " The bee said, "Hum! Still talking about me, you have two long antennas on your head, why don't you send me a text message? "

1 1. A parrot was taught to say, "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

12. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was frightened and said, "How dare you break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, "It's so confident to be soft!" " "

13. The parturient is about to give birth, and relatives and friends are anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. The nurse finally carried the baby out and everyone swarmed. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this problem. He couldn't wait to reach into his swaddling clothes and grope for it, then shouted happily, "It's a boy! It's a boy! " "What boy?" The nurse scolded angrily, "Let go of my finger!"

14. Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now I will test you and use an idiom to describe the teacher's happiness. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

15. The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and still so poor."

16. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Just stole a few cabbages. Is it worth shelling?"

17. A hen laid a huge egg and a reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The cock rolled up his sleeves. I won't comment on this matter at present, until I catch the ostrich!

18. A man swallowed an artificial eye by mistake and finally got stuck in the anus and could not take it out. He went to the hospital. The doctor fainted on the spot after seeing it, and after waking up, he said, I have looked at my ass all my life, but I didn't expect it to look at me at last &; hellip& amphellip

19. Henan Wa asked Henan Ma: "How to make sentences?" Henan mother: "A, this B child is from C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF does not wear, GG is still exposed! " Haha & hellip& amphellip

When a person always farts in the office, his colleagues can't help but say, "Can you keep quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Colleagues asked, "What for?" Answer: "I set it to vibrate."

2 1. I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" "cold" and "cold, I'll cover you?" The girl blushed and whispered "Yes", then the boy got up&; Hellip& amphellip covers the drip bottle with his hand.

22. When I was a child, I always bullied my sister because of my age. One night, my father came to tuck us in and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting in the dark watching me sleep! "Why don't you sleep?" Dad asked. My sister quickly said, "Shh! Keep your voice down and hit her when she falls asleep! "

23. I have a classmate who is a disciple and feels a little possessed. School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair. So I went directly to consult with the principal. The headmaster paused and said, "Where are you from?" My classmate said affectionately, "I was sent by God to save you." Client:&; hellip； & amphellip

24. This man is hard of hearing as soon as he gets old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, one morning my grandfather was going fishing and met the old man next door as soon as he went out. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. " Then the old man said, "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I'm petrified & hellip& amphellip

25. Take my wife for a checkup in the morning. After blood drawing: Nurse: "Come and get the checklist on the 32nd." Wife: "1 month 32 or February 30." Me (weak): "February 1st" Nurse (Khan): "Yes! Yes! Yes! "

26. I flew a few days ago and found a beautiful woman sitting next to me after boarding the plane. According to the principle of chatting up, I blurted out, "Where did you get off?"

27. I cooked porridge with an electric cooker in the dormitory last night. Suddenly my roommate rushed into the dormitory and said, "No, the hospital leaders led a team to check the illegal electrical appliances in the dormitory." It's next door. What should I do with the cooker? " In desperation, I hid the pot directly under the bed. When the teacher came, he said, "Well, I can still trust Xiao Lei, so I won't look at your locker." I was secretly glad, but the teacher went on to say, "See if you use an electric blanket." As a result, I was recorded

28. The cat pounced on someone and found a new girlfriend. He wants to go to his girlfriend's house. Knowing that he often swears, his girlfriend repeatedly warned him not to talk nonsense, and some people readily agreed. After the meeting, someone responded freely without saying anything, and his girlfriend's parents were very satisfied. After dinner, in the cold winter, my girlfriend's parents insisted on sending each other to the side of the road. Some people are very touched and their brains are hot. He blurted out, "Uncle, don't see me off. Go back quickly. Look at that!"

29. Today, my boss asked me to delete all the CS in Internet cafes. I have been busy all night. Why do you want to delete CS? Actually, the cause is this. The public security bureau made a temporary inspection today. I got wind of it before. For several days in a row, I became a street sweeper, driving all creatures under the age of 18 out of the Internet cafe. So when the police uncles came from afar, my boss and I were not nervous. However, it is a pity. When the police uncles just stepped into the door of the Internet cafe, a group of people playing CS in the Internet cafe shouted excitedly: "The police are coming! The police are coming! The police are in the dog hole! Brothers, let's go! Kill them! " Well, I admit, at that moment, not only the police uncle's face was green, but my boss and I were horribly green.

30. She has a mobile phone and a PHS. One day, she changed a new mobile phone card. A colleague asked her what her new number was. She said she forgot, so she dialed her PHS with her changed mobile phone. While dialing, I continued to chat with my colleagues. After PHS rang, she answered and asked, "Hello? & amphellip& amphellip hello? & amphellip& amphellip, you talk, don't talk, I hang up! " All the colleagues present were stunned. Then she hung up and said, "psycho, don't talk on the phone."

3 1. A brother went to the toilet and entered the ladies' room by mistake. After going in, he found that there was no urinal, which was wrong. Fortunately, there is no one in the toilet. He walked out casually. When I was opening the door, I met a MM coming in. MM faced him face to face, blushed and lowered her head, and turned to drill in the men's room &; hellip& amphellip-

The hunter saw a bird in the sky and missed three shots, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird didn't hit the neutron bomb and patted its chest and said, "Scared to death, scared to death!" " -

33. A man passed by the cemetery at night and thought it was a ghost fire when he saw the fire. Then he threw a brick and the fire moved to another grave. The man still threw another brick, and he heard, "Shit! You can't even shit. You will get two bricks when you smoke. " -

34. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms, gave a hug and stepped forward. The man fell to the ground and cried, "it's the third piece." Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home? " -

35. A novice went to collect usury. He took out the IOU and smiled and said, "It's written clearly in black and white. You owe me1000000! Do you want to default? " People really don't have that much money, and he threatened: "Hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't afford it tomorrow, your house will be just like it. " He took out his lighter and burned the iou. hellip& amphellip-

36. An old farmer is hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Cao, you mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Cao! You shit and wear underpants! " -

37. Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe, or I'll kill you!" " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! I won't say anything if you ruin me! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "People who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing."

39. Ge You invited a friend to dinner and went to the toilet on the way. His trousers were wet when he came back. Friend: "Why are your pants wet?" Ge You: "It's been like this since I became famous." Friend: "Often?" Ge You: "Yes! It is often the person next to him who urinates suddenly turns around and shouts:&; Lsquo yo! Isn't this Ge You? ! & amprsquo”-

40. A woman selling eggs was walking on the road at night when suddenly a man jumped out and tried to behave badly. The woman bravely resisted, and the man finally succeeded. As soon as it was over, the woman got up and patted the dust on her body: "What a big deal! I didn't say that before I thought I was robbing eggs! "

A selection of various funny jokes

1. A man went shopping and urinated in a corner. The old lady looked at it and said, "If you urinate anywhere, you will be fined five yuan." The man said, "Who said I peed? Can't I take it out and have a look? "

2. Just when I was screening resumes, I saw the resume of a graduate student &; Mdash& ampmdash Award-winning experience: I won Master Kong's "One more bottle" award many times during my school days.

In history class, the teacher asked Xiaoming, "Do you know how the Japanese laugh at us?" Xiao Ming: "Hehehehehehehehehehehehe &; hellip& amphellip”

Nietzsche went to an interview and the interviewer asked, "What's your name?" "Nietzsche." "Guess you are grandma! Next! "

5. When crossing the street, I met a red light, and my friend wanted to go forward. I stopped him: "light, wait for light!" " My friend turned to me with disdain and said, "Only you have Intel!"

6. A brother chases his girlfriend. Every morning, he has a pack of heart-shaped biscuits and a bottle of milk. Perseverance, finally got what I wanted. One morning, he went to see his girlfriend with a heart-shaped biscuit. His girlfriend asked, "Where did you buy this biscuit? I went to many supermarkets, but I just couldn't buy this shape. " He proudly said, "Of course I can't find it. I chewed it up&; hellip& amphellip”

7. Uncle came to visit, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." . Mother growled at once, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. What zoo are you going to? "

8. When I was in college, a teacher asked me to fill out a very important form, and declared that each person had one, and I couldn't alter it without the rest. A buddy came up to fill it out, only to find that the gender column was filled with the national "Han nationality". Because he said it would not be altered, he thought about it and added a word "zi" after "Han".

9. Several little boys scraped together a dozen dollars to buy toys, but they didn't know what to buy. One of the suggestions: "Go and buy sanitary napkins!" People don't understand, why? The boy said, "I don't know, but it is said on TV that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball games and skate, carefree and happy."

10. Yesterday, my friends and I went to buy a mobile phone. My friend is there to discuss the cheaper price with the boss. We talked for about half an hour, and the price was 1500. As a result, my friend said, "I don't want to buy it, just look." The boss's expression at that time &; hellip& amphellip

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