Humorous words describing defecation

1. A joke about shit/A pigeon flew across the sky and dropped a pile of shit, which landed right on dad's clothes.

Dad: Come on, son, get a piece of paper!

Son: Ah, flying so high, how can I wipe it?

Dad:! ! !

One day, three brothers went shopping together and saw something on the ground in front of them. Three people thought: it looks like shit. So the boss went over and took a closer look. "It looks like shit!" "The second child went over and smelled it." It really looks like shit! "The third child walked over and took a sip and said," Ha, it's really shit! "Then the three brothers laughed in unison:" Ha ha ha ha, it's a good thing we didn't step on it! ! ! ! "

Two doctoral students were walking together one day and saw a pile of shit.

A said to B: If you dare to eat, I will give you 5000 yuan. B thought it was a good deal, so he ate it without hesitation. A was surprised, but he couldn't go back on his word and reluctantly gave B 5000 dollars.

On the way, A was unhappy because he lost $5,000, and B was sick because he had just eaten a pile of dog shit. After a while, they saw a pile of shit again. B thought there was hope for revenge, so he said to A, If you can eat the dog, I will give you back the $5,000 you just lost to me. A I'm glad to hear that. After all, it's $5,000! So "A" eats shit, too.

The two men returned to the college unhappily and told their tutor about their experiences on the road. It's really amazing that the tutors praised on the spot. In addition to this moment, it also created a GDP of 1 billion dollars for our motherland.

Two people fainted.

1. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

2. The lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his excrement was thicker than that of the bear, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion excrement is better than bear excrement!

Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

2. Who sent me some nonsense jokes? 1. Go out with your girlfriend in the middle of the night. On the way, my girlfriend suddenly wanted to take a tuba and didn't want to be on the side of the road. So I cleverly found some waste paper, and then went to the small room of the bank ATM to block the camera, and laid paper on the ground for my girlfriend to solve ... After that, I wrapped the paper, took it in my hand and prepared to take it away, and walked out of the ATM room.

2. The girlfriend sends a text message to her boyfriend: "Husband, what are you doing? Are you dreaming? Pass me the dream! Are you laughing? Give me a smile! Are you crying? Texting your tears makes me sad together! " After a while, my boyfriend texted back: "I'm defecating."

3. Three rabbits shit. The first one is only long. The second one is just spherical. The third one is actually triangular. The third rabbit asked, and it replied, it was pinched by hand. (disgusting ...)

The men's and women's toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who?" . The boy next door replied with a deep and powerful voice: "Lei Feng."

5. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish octopus's hands and feet? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down. (Shit ...)

3. Ask a joke about "shit". Xiaohong said, "poop."

"What else?" "Bullshit." "What else?" "Is there anything else? .

.. ah! Hello, rogue! "(blushing)" Where did you think? I mean, you can also break the stool! "One night, a soldier got up and took a shit at night, and there was no light in our toilet. He had to go to the toilet in the dark. When he was halfway through the solution, he found someone touching his * * *, which scared him to run to the security sergeant without wearing pants and shouted, "An Guan! An Guan! Someone touched me in the toilet! "An Guan: Is there such a thing? ! Don't tell anyone, I'll take care of it. Go back to sleep first! " The next day, the security officer told the monitor about it. The monitor was afraid of affecting the morale of the troops and decided to catch ghosts together next time. After a week, there was nothing haunted.

One night, the second soldier went to the toilet again. When he squatted down, he felt someone touch him. This time, he shouted even louder. All the monitor got up to flush the toilet, some with sticks and some with brooms. There are seven or eight people around the door of the urinal, and the door is full of lights. Everyone wants to see what's inside. Just then, one monitor opened the door and the other monitors looked in. All the squad leaders were dumbfounded, stunned for about three or four seconds, only to hear the squad leader say, "XXX is happy!" ! What the hell * * *! It's all shit! ! ! 3. One day, Zhang, a company employee, suddenly had a stomachache and wanted to relieve himself, but he thought it was too boring to go to the toilet alone, so he asked his colleague Xiao Li to go with him. Xiao Li didn't want to leave, so Xiao Zhang sent a QQ to Xiao Ali and wrote: Brew, it's all shit.

Squatting for a while every day can keep you healthy. Xiao Li also wrote a poem: Although I have nothing to ask for, I am willing to go with you.

Although shit doesn't come out, it can pull the large intestine. Xiao Zhang was very happy and went on to write: true brother, I am grateful.

Don't feel that shit stinks, which shows high righteousness. Xiao Li immediately replied a poem: there is so much nonsense, don't be wordy, get up quickly and finish playing.

Xiao Zhang still has a little work at hand, so while doing it quickly, he replied: shit makes people anxious, and I can't help it. Hold my fart again ~ ~ ~ ~ "poof ~ ~" is coming. 4. My friend's house has finished shitting and there is no paper; Finished, there is paper, but there is no water; After pulling, there is paper and water, but it can't be washed; After pulling, there was paper and water, and it washed down, but it fucking floated up again ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 5. Sample! You won't be happy to die. Because of the hot weather, you took a cigarette to the toilet (large size). As soon as you squat down, your stomach will crash. You are so proud ... suddenly you found that you didn't bring toilet paper, and you didn't even bring your favorite newspaper to the bathroom ... and because it was too hot, you only wore NK and your coat to the bathroom. That's called a sweat, cold ... ! ! Fortunately, God gave me a thinking brain.

So a helpless and unprecedented idea was born: I will teach you how to survive! How to wipe pp with cigarette butts: first, put out the cigarette butts (otherwise it will burn pp drops ...), then carefully pull out the cotton sliver from the filter (a little yellow ...) and carefully divide it into three parts. Then grab one end of the first torn tampon with your fingertips, carefully wipe off the larger residual poop particles on pp with the other end, and then repeat this action with the other two pieces (be careful and gentle to avoid getting the poop on your hands ............. ……) p.s GM may feel a little stinging in this process (after all, GM has never smoked ...) Finally, use yellow paper with cigarette butts wrapped around the filter tip (with an expansion area of 2. GM surface area, don't say you still have it, don't let you die ugly) stick it on your index finger for the last touch.

Okay, it's almost clean. You can go back and get the paper and wipe it again (if the technology is not in place or you are not at ease). 6. Pig blood cake Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them.

One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.

(Answering in Taiwanese) Mei: "Grandma, why is your pig blood cake so fragrant?" Grandma: "The materials are very precious. They can only be sold for a few days a month." Beauty: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? Grandma: "alas, mine has been used for decades, but now it's old and gone."

Now it's my daughter's turn. "Beauty:" * & percent sign @ @ 7. Hell A man died and went to hell. The child led him to choose his cell.

In the first room, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water. They were all raw. A won't go in even if he is dead.

The second room was not much better. The people in it were separated by the head and feet bitten by wild animals, but A refused. When they came to the third room, a group of people were drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspit. A thought it was acceptable and went in.

After a while, the kid came in and announced, "Please resume your handstand posture after tea time." 8. The swimming pool asked a friend of mine for help. He said, "Let's go! Please go swimming! " I said, "No!" He said, "Why?" I said, "The water is so dirty that they all pee in it." He said, "Then we'll pee in it!" I said, "No", and then he went by himself. After playing for less than half an hour, he called me and said, "Give me that 300 yuan. I was caught peeing. I said, "How did I get caught?" "He said," People pee in the water and I pee on the platform. " The next day, I had no face to sneak in again. Call me again after not playing for half an hour. He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again. I said, "How did I catch it again?" He said, "Forget it, I peed in the water, and I was fined 300 yesterday. On the third day, I went again. Call me again after not playing for half an hour. I said, "Give me that 300 yuan. I got caught peeing again. I said, "How did I catch it again?" He said, "Forget it, I caught a cold yesterday, and I took a shit when I peed.

4. Asking for jokes is to explain different words by telling various situations encountered in defecation in the toilet. For example, when defecating, people who sing quietly are elegant and quiet, and some are very depressed, but people who sing loudly when defecating are the cutest and expressive, but they are not confident in themselves. People who always bow their heads to observe the state of defecation are bored and timid, but they are very self-aware. When defecating, they constantly spit smoke rings and pay attention to the taste of life. Moreover, self-confident and mature people are smart and keen when defecating, and tend to be introverted when defecating. People who listen to walkman are extroverted and active, but they are often simple and stupid.

When taking a shit, people who read or write some toilet literature are enthusiastic, sensitive and full of fantasies, but they always have nosebleeds at critical moments, are limited in their movements and are keen on online dating. When taking a shit, people who close their eyes and think about things are shrewd, but they are a little funny.

When taking a shit, my mind is blank, and I only focus on people who go out to take a shit. My action ability and diplomatic ability are outstanding, and I hope to get rich or develop in politics. This is just my observation in the men's room. I wonder if there are any like-minded mm who can talk about the situation of women's toilets, so that we can have a more comprehensive understanding of the subtle relationship between defecation and people's personality.

People who sing in a low voice when taking a shit are elegant and quiet, and a little depressed, but people who sing loudly when taking a shit are the cutest and have a strong desire to express themselves, but they are not confident in themselves. In C, people who always look down at the state of defecation are bored and timid, but they are very self-aware, people who keep spitting smoke rings when defecating, people who pay attention to the interest of life, versatile people, confident and mature people, and people who read books and newspapers when defecating. When taking a shit, people who read or write some toilet literature are enthusiastic, sensitive and full of fantasies, but they always have nosebleeds at critical moments, are limited in their movements and are keen on online dating.

When taking a shit, people who close their eyes and think about things are shrewd, but they are a little funny. When taking a shit, my mind is blank, and I only focus on people who go out to take a shit. My action ability and diplomatic ability are outstanding, and I hope to get rich or develop in politics.

This is just my observation in the men's room. I wonder if there are any like-minded mm who can talk about the situation of women's toilets, so that we can have a more comprehensive understanding of the subtle relationship between defecation and people's personality. ◆ Tired: I fell asleep unconsciously during defecation.

It's worth it: I spent fifty cents defecating in the public toilets of tourist attractions. ◆ Save water: shit in the Woods.

◆ wordy: stand up after pulling, stand up and want to pull. Yu Wei: After you came out of the bathroom, no one dared to go in for eight hours.

◆ stutter: pull rabbit shit. ◆ Refreshing: the final decision.

Be careful: break it with a stick before flushing. Stage fright: I always want to shit before the game.

◆ Share: Open the door for defecation. Ecstasy: The feeling of diarrhea after constipation lasts for four days.

◆ dexterity: it can prevent the toilet from splashing in time. ◆ Hard work: The blue veins are exposed, the cheeks are purple, and the whole body is trembling.

◆ Haunted: I feel it is pulled out, and there are traces on the toilet paper, but I can't see anything in the toilet. ◆ Clever: Never occupy a stool after work.

Habit: Be punctual every day, and be sure to defecate. ◆ Wandering: I can't pull it out, but I always feel that there is.

◆ Lucky: the bottom of the toilet left a mark similar to the sudden braking. It's a pity that the pants are over before they are taken off.

Cleanliness: No matter how you wipe it, nothing will be left on the toilet paper. ◆ Show off: Be sure to let everyone visit before flushing.

Ghost: There is shit in the toilet, but no one has been to the bathroom. Courage: Try to fart when you are upset. ◆ Naughty: Draw conch while defecating.

◆ Risk: The first flush, the toilet is full. Will it be flushed for the second time? ◆ Hypocrisy: It seems to be taking a shit, but actually it doesn't even fart. ◆ Vision: Prepare enough rolls of paper and sit on the toilet immediately after eating laxatives.

◆ Anxiety: A family of three has a stomachache, but there is only one bathroom. Stubborn: always floating on the water, no matter how hard you try, you can't wash it off.

Sudden: defecation without any psychological preparation, such as farting, rectal examination, making out with your lover ... Romantic: defecation is impossible without music and coffee. ◆ Frank: You can tell what you ate yesterday from the stool.

◆ ostentation and extravagance: you must fart three times before defecation. ◆ Inferiority: I wiped a whole roll of paper, but I still feel that I didn't clean it. Honesty: whether it's loud fart or dumb fart, I will take the initiative to admit that I am naughty after I let it go. I just want to fart in a crowded place, and then I ran away. I want to fart, but I'm too embarrassed to shit my pants. Put a dumb fart and your face will turn red. Scholar: When I fart, I think of air pollution and environmental protection. I covered my fart with a cough. Selfishness: I farted without words. Others fart loudly and accuse delusion: it is hypocritical to plan to travel around the world by fart; It is economical to put the blame on the dog next to you when farting; It is impolite to save a few farts at once; It is easy-going to fart loudly and then laugh loudly; Who likes to smell is persistent; When you think your fart is very long, it is the best curiosity; You smell it and start investigating the stupidity of people around you; You take off your pants first, and then fart cleanly; Use toilet paper to fart; You're nervous: