Please tell me a joke in "Maxim"! …

Not Green's. Sorry,

A couple had a fight on the street, and the girl slapped her boyfriend hard! In order to save face, the man shouted to the girl: "Slap me again if you can!" The girlfriend slapped him again without hesitation. The man paused and said, "Since you are so obedient, I will spare you."

One day I suddenly discovered that I have an aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, a fifth aunt, but no third aunt. So I asked my dad: Why don’t I have a third aunt? I also thought for a moment: Did my third aunt die when she was young? ?My dad said angrily: Your third aunt is your mother!

I had nothing to do in the office today, playing with a magnet. When the leader looked at it, the leader reached out to get it! As a result, with a "swish", the magnet was attracted to the leader's ring! So embarrassing! ! This noble patient who claims to only eat Sanacue every day actually wears an iron ring. He is really a patient. I told you to pretend!

My father said to my mother: "I finally confirmed that I am actually your long-lost brother!" My mother looked confused and was at a loss for a moment! At this time, the father suddenly pointed at his son and cursed: "How else could such an idiot be born!"

The rich second-generation evil flower was caught by a female traffic policeman while speeding. The female traffic policeman issued a ticket to the evil flower of the rich second generation! The rich second-generation evil flower asked arrogantly: "Do you know who my father is?" The female traffic policeman replied: "You have to ask your mother.

A man asked his friend: "Why do you laugh when you smoke? , isn’t the smoke very fragrant? The friend replied: "No, I just read in a book that smoking a cigarette will shorten your life by 5 seconds, and smiling will increase your longevity by 10 seconds. So every time I smoke, I will smile and earn 5 seconds back in my life." ”

A beautiful female nanny from a rich family accidentally broke a bowl. The female nanny was afraid of being punished for her wages, so she seduced the male owner! The male owner became sexually attracted to her and forgave the female nanny afterwards. Second One day, the female nanny woke up the male master and said with a red face: "Master, I broke another bowl. " So the male host had sex with the female nanny again. On the third day, the female nanny broke another bowl and was about to admit her mistake to the male host. Seeing this, the male host rushed to say: "Sister, I beg you, you broke it in three days Is one okay? "

On the Australian grassland, two cows were discussing the mad cow disease in Europe! The male cow said to the female cow: "I heard that mad cow disease is very scary. I wonder if we have it here? "The cow yelled: "Are you crazy! We are kangaroos! ! ”

In the biology class, the female teacher wanted to test the genetic mutations of her classmates. The female teacher asked: “Both parents do not suffer from genetic diseases, but their children do. Why is this?” "A low and clear reply came from the dark corner of the back row: "Affair! ”

The man shouted: “Waiter, come here!” Waiter: "Hello, what's the matter?" The man asked angrily: "I pay 20 yuan for a bowl of beef noodles, why is there only one piece of beef?" Waiter: "Sir, how many dollars would you like?" The man thought for a moment and said, "It's got to be five or six pieces of beef anyway." . The waiter shouted to the kitchen: "Come out and help this customer cut this piece of beef!" ”

Male employee: “Boss, there are homosexuals in our company.” "Boss: "Ah! Who is it? "Male staff member: "Just give me a hug and I'll tell you. "

The man drove to Xi'an and was stopped by the traffic police. The man asked: "Why did you stop me?" The traffic policeman replied: "You look like Seiya!" The man said: "You still look like a purple dragon!" "Then the man's driver's license was taken away. It turned out that the traffic police said he was "driving in the opposite direction"!

The rich woman was taking her dog for a walk and met a beggar on the road. The rich woman said to the beggar arrogantly: "You care about my dog? Call me dad and I’ll give you one hundred yuan! The beggar said, "What if I bark ten times?" The rich woman happily replied: "Then I will give you one thousand!" "The beggar immediately shouted "Daddy" to the dog ten times, attracting a crowd of spectators. In full view of the crowd, the rich woman had to pay the beggar.

After the beggar took the money, he shouted repeatedly: "Thank you, Mom! Thank you, Mom!!"

When I handed a lottery ticket worth five million to the staff of the lottery center, everyone immediately expressed envy. eyes! I took out the second one, it was still five million, everyone was shocked! When I took out the third one, the air stopped flowing! ...When I was about to take out the fourth book, my wife kicked me awake and said dissatisfiedly: "I was not honest even when I was sleeping. I tore the book into pieces and laughed so loudly!"

The teacher teaching economics was talking about the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary. To make it more vivid, he gave an example: "For example, I took out life insurance, and one day I was unfortunately hit by a car and died. , your teacher’s wife can get the compensation. She is the beneficiary, so who am I?” A classmate replied: “Dead person.”

A classmate received a text message from a scammer, the content of which was: “Dad, I was caught renting a house with my boyfriend. I need money. Please transfer 2,000 yuan to XX’s account. This is someone else’s mobile phone number. If I have anything to do, I’ll tell you when I get out.” After reading this, the classmate replied: “Wait until I find your mother.” Let’s talk again.”