English articles about animals

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Wonderful topic: a nice English name

Jokes about animals

A cat suspected of multiple personality disorders;

As an experienced veterinary psychologist, I have treated many cats suffering from various diseases, including feline artificial disorder (F.F.D), Siamese schizophrenia, Pan-Angora anxiety syndrome (G.A.A.S), hysterical hairballs, catnip dependence, critical personality disorder, and, of course, MPD (usually called cat separation disorder, many types).

My small success is the product of strict application of multi-stage empathic individual generation work (M.E.O.W). It has high requirements for therapists and patients, but if there is enough motivation and understanding, this is the only hope.

In the first stage of treatment, it is necessary to repeatedly apply the external empathy anxiety exercise (F.E.E.D.M.E) until a stable period of at least one month is established. In the next stage, the challenge of fragmentation begins, and it needs to explain the reconciliation of the transferred terrain entities kindly by observing the xenophobic strategy (L.I.T.T.E.R.B.O.X), in which fragmentation itself is toxic to cats. The last stage produces a single and complete personality through active and unified re-integration and reinforcement (P.U.R.R). Although this stage can last for more than two years, it must be carried out accurately and with strong pertinence. A comprehensive interpretation of M.E.O.W therapy can be found in my new book, Analytical Theory of Cats & Characteristics: Evaluation and Technology (F.A.T.C.A.T).

Maggie is telling her friend Grace how she gets her son up in the morning. "I just opened his door and threw the cat into his bed. He sleeps with his dog. "

Kilkenny once had two cats.

Everyone thinks there is an extra cat;

So they quarreled and got together.

They dig and bite.

Until except for their nails

Their tails are pointed,

There is nothing but two cats.

Can cats see in the dark?

Yes, but they have trouble holding flashlights!

Do you call a cat that swallows a duck a cat?

A duck full of fat.

Peter: Have you ever seen catfish?

Paul: Yes, I do.

Peter: How does it hold the fishing rod?

A black and white cat passed by my road this morning, and I have been unlucky ever since.

Customer: Do you sell cat meat?

Butcher: Yes, as long as one person is with them.

A man's dog died. He took the dog before burying it.

Take the dog to the vet to see if the dog is really dead.

The vet said, put him on the table here.

He opened a door, and a cat walked around the dog and then went back inside.

The box and the vet closed the door.

The vet said, yes, your dog died, and that would cost 200 dollars.

$200, the man said, don't you think it's a bit much?

Just to tell me that my dog is dead?

The vet said, "well, here's my $40 fee, 160 cat scan."

What do you call a cat traveling by train?

a computer

What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?

She is wearing gloves.

The U.S. Army tried to explain this problem:? Why did the chicken cross the road?

TRADOC: The purpose is to familiarize chickens with the procedures of crossing the road. ? Crossing the road can only be done between sunset and sunrise. A single chicken must have visibility of at least three miles and a safety observer.

Special forces command:? Chicks cross at a 90-degree angle to avoid long exposure to communication lines. ? In order to achieve the greatest surprise, chickens should use NVGs (night vision goggles) for this operation at night, preferably near the road bend in the valley.

Personnel Command (PERSCOM):? Because of the needs of the army, chickens were involuntarily redistributed to the other side of the road. This will be a three-year control trip, and we promise to give the chicken a good task later. ? Every chicken will be asked to cross the road once in its career, which will not affect its future promotion opportunities.

Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA): No matter what you see on CNN, I can neither confirm nor deny any poultry crossing the border. ? Is there a problem? See SSO.

Army foreign technology center: This event requires confirmation; We need to repeat this process with different chicken breeds, road types and weather conditions to confirm whether this will really happen within the parameters specified for chickens, and the small possibility that they may cross the highway designated by some people as "roads"

Fort Laker:? Chicken should record this as a GCC sortie only if it passes the road inspection. ? Only on Monday, Thursday or full moon, Crossing will update the 60-day Crossing Currency of Chicken. ? Coach chickens can update their money at any time. They observed another chicken crossing the road.

Force headquarters? The purpose is not important. ? What is important is that this chicken has been under OPC (Operational Control) of USCINCTRANS (Commander-in-Chief of the US Army, Transportation Command) and has not cut into the war zone on the other side of the road. ? Without chewing, this chicken can cross the road seamlessly with near-perfect real-time visibility on the road.

Theater air control center (TACC):? We need time to cross the road and time for chickens to cross the road again.

Command post: What chicken?

Tower:? Chickens were instructed not to go near the road. This road intrusion was reported in the dangerous chicken crossing the road report (HCRCR). ? Please emphasize again that the chicken is required to read back all hold short instructions.

Army materiel command (AMC):? The recent technological changes, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, pose new challenges to the ability of chickens to cross the road. ? Chickens are also facing great challenges, and the core competitiveness needed to create and develop this new environment. ? STRICOM was asked to use ADA language (virtual) to develop a virtual intensive chicken trainer. ? The expected use of this device may benefit the AAN Army, and it will certainly benefit the AAN Army. AMC's Chicken System Project Office (CSPO) has established a cooperative relationship with customers to help chicken by rethinking its logistics strategy and implementation process. Using the poultry integration model (PIM ), CSPO helps chicken farms adjust their personnel, processes and technologies within the framework of project management to support their overall strategy. ? CSPO convened a variety of road analysts and retired chickens, as well as MITRE consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry, to participate in the two-day conference, so as to utilize their personal knowledge and capital, both implicit and explicit, and enable them to cooperate with each other to achieve the implicit goal of delivering and successfully designing and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the poultry and median process continuum. The meeting was held in a park-like environment, creating an influential environment, which is based on strategy, mission-centered, based on a consistent, clear and unified mission statement, and consistent with chicken's mission, vision and core values. ? This helps to create a comprehensive business integration solution. ? The Chicken System Project Office helps the chicken to continue its mission.

A librarian was working at her desk when she noticed a chicken coming into the library and waiting patiently at the desk. When the chicken saw that it caught the librarian's attention, it shouted, "book, book, book, book!" "

The librarian agreed and put some books in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly caught them and disappeared.

The next day, the librarian was disturbed by the same chicken. He put a pile of books from the previous day on the table and cried again, "Book, book, book!" "

The librarian shook his head, wondering what the chicken was doing with these books, but finally found more books for the chicken. The chicken disappeared.

The next day, the librarian was disturbed by the chicken again. The chicken crowed (looking very angry), "Book, book, book!" " Now, the librarian's curiosity overcame her, so she took a bunch of books for the chicken and followed it when it left the library. She followed it through the parking lot, walked a few blocks along the street, and finally entered a big park. The chicken disappeared into a small forest, followed by the librarian. On the other side of the trees is a small swamp. The chicken stopped at the edge of the swamp. The librarian is really curious now. He hurried over and saw a little frog next to the chicken, checking each book one at a time. The librarian was just within earshot when he heard the frog say, "Read, read, read …"

Chicken or egg first?

Rooster.

A chicken and an egg are lying on the bed.

The chicken is smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on her face, and the egg is frowning and looks a little angry.

The egg muttered to herself, without aiming at anyone, "Well, I think we have answered this question ..."

A chicken walked into a bookstore, went to the counter, looked the salesman in the eye and said, "bah!" " .

The salesman was a little surprised. He grabbed a book from the best seller shelf, put it on the counter and said "book". To the clerk's surprise, the chicken paid for the book and left the shop with it.

The next day, the chicken went back to the bookstore, walked up to the salesman and said, "Bah! buk！” .

The puzzled assistant shrugged his shoulders, took two more books from the shelf, put them on the counter and said "Books". The chicken paid the money again and left the shop with two books.

On the third day, the chicken went into the bookstore again, went to the shop assistant and said, "Bah! buk！ buk！” .

Now, the sales assistant just doesn't know what books the chicken wants, but sales are sales, so he chooses three books for the chicken, puts them on the counter and says "books, books". As expected, the chicken paid the money, took three books and left the shop.

The sales assistant could no longer restrain his curiosity, so he decided to follow the chicken to see what happened. Grabbing a jacket, he quickly closed the shop door and locked it, just in time to see the chicken turn a corner at the end of the road. Running to the corner, he saw the chicken in the distance enter the local park. He ran into the park, crossed the gate and found a chicken farm on the other side of the pond. Through the park, he finally caught up with the chicken near the rush by the pond. The sales assistant is really out of breath now and can't talk to the chicken, so he just watches the chicken give each book, one at a time, to a toad by the water. Whenever the chicken handed a book to Toad, Toad looked at the cover and said, "Give it again, give it again, give it again."

Three people entered the final for a position in the CIA. Candidates are told that they need to bring their wives in at the last stage of the selection process. They were told, "We need to know something about your family life".

No problem, all three men brought their wives the next day. Three wives were arranged in different rooms, and so were the candidates. The CIA interviewer walked into the room with the first candidate:

"Sometimes, CIA agents are asked to do something they think is wrong. We need to make sure that your conscience will not interfere with our goals, and you will be able to complete any task we ask you to do. "

As he spoke, one of the interviewers pulled out a gun. "Go into another room and kill your wife", which was his instruction.

"What, are you crazy?" He responded. "I have two great children, and I love my wife. You can keep your annoying job! " With that, he left with his wife.

The agent approached the second candidate with the same explanation and explanation.

"You must be joking!" He said loudly. "We have been married for 30 years. I am very happy with her. Fuck you and your job! " In this way, he took his wife and stopped thinking about himself.

Finally, the agent approached the last candidate and gave him the same explanation and guidance.

He immediately rushed out of the room with a gun and ran into the room where his wife was. Six shots were fired. After a short silence, the agents heard all kinds of crashes. Finally, the candidate came out of the room, exhausted and covered in blood.

"What happened inside?" Asked the agent.

The candidate replied, "Some idiots put blank ammunition in the gun. I had to strangle that bitch! "

I drove through the countryside, and there were some cows by the roadside. We are all mature adults, so we have all done something like this: I put my head out of the window and shouted, "Cleisthenes!" Just like we thought the cow was thinking, "Hey, there's a cow driving that car! How can he afford it? "

What do you call a cow that has miscarried? No caffeine.

How does the rancher manage his account? On the blender.

What do you call a cow that has miscarried? =

No caffeine.

Niu Jiao without legs. What?

Ground beef.