Buddhists and goblins joke

It's simple. There is not a word of truth in the mouth of the Buddha, and even a punctuation mark can't be believed. Everyone says family members should not talk nonsense. However, as a monk and a master of Buddhism, Tathagata is full of lies.

0 1, the lie that I bet with the Monkey King at the beginning: the Monkey King made a scene in the Heavenly Palace. When the Buddha came to surrender, he opened his mouth first, and then tricked the Monkey King into gambling with him. When betting, it was clearly stated that the Monkey King won, so that the Jade Emperor would move to the Western Heaven and the Monkey King would be the Lord of the Heavenly Palace. The Monkey King lost, let him be called a demon.

However, after the defeat of the Monkey King, he was directly pressed by the Tathagata Buddha under Wuzhishan Mountain for 500 years, and was forced to embark on the road of learning from the scriptures and becoming a monk. Even if the Monkey King wins, the Tathagata Buddha can't be the Lord of the Jade Emperor at all. After all, the Jade Emperor is the Lord of the Three Realms. Tathagata Buddha is only a subordinate of the jade emperor, and he can't command the jade emperor at all.

02. A lie to judge the good and evil of four continents: Tathagata:? I thought that there are four continents, all beings are good and evil, and the parties are different. Those who win China in the East are respectful and calm; People who live in the northern giant state are good at killing, but they are forced by their livelihood and have no intention to practice more; I am a Xiniuhezhou, neither greedy nor killing. I nourish my spirit and hide my spirit. Although there is no truth, everyone will live a long life. And those who support the southern part of the mainland lust for pleasure and kill more. The so-called fierce speech field is an evil sea. I have three true scriptures today that can persuade people to do good. ? What he means is that it is best to win Shenzhou in the east, Hezhou in the west and Julu in the north, but Nanshanbu is a purgatory on earth. In order to show my Buddha's mercy, I decided to send someone to spend it here.

But is it really what he said? No, no. The location of Datang in the East is Nanshanbu. When Tang Priest walked to the border of Datang, he met General Tiger Silent. However, after Tang Priest and his disciples stepped into Niuhezhou, they met endless monsters. The local people lead a miserable life in hot water. Most of them are looking forward to accumulating virtues and doing good deeds. They can go to Datang in the East in the afterlife.

The Buddha's evaluation of the four continents is estimated to be the other way around, which is closer to the truth.

03. The lie of Oriental Scripture: Tathagata:? I have three true scriptures today that can persuade people to do good. I have a "law" hidden, which is about the sky; "Shang" is called implicit; After hiding, I'm a ghost. There are thirty-five books, with the volume of 15 144, which are the doors to the truth and goodness. ? When preaching the scriptures, he said that he would use the three Tibetan scriptures to persuade people to do good. However, when the Tang Priest arrived in the Western Heaven, the Tathagata Buddha only gave 5048 volumes, and the Sanzang Sutra shrank? True sutra collection? And this Tibetan scripture was exchanged for a Zijin alms bowl given by the royal government.

With this Zijin alms bowl as a voucher, the Tathagata can ask Datang for more money, and more importantly, Buddhism can establish its own sect in Datang aboveboard and compete for Taoist territory. It can be seen that the Buddhist scriptures are fake, and the real purpose is to seize territory.

04. Lies when catching Qingniujing: Qingniujing's name is Tong Wang. He is the old man's mount, holding a magic weapon, King Kong Zhuo, which made the Monkey King suffer greatly, and the helper invited by the Monkey King was of no help. The Monkey King didn't have a golden hoop, so he had to turn to the Tathagata for help. I didn't expect the Tathagata Buddha not only didn't come out in person, but even didn't tell me all the details of the Qingniu Sutra. He was afraid that demons would come to Lingshan to make trouble, so he sent Lohan to take Jindansha to subdue the demons. For example, cinnabar can trap the essence of Qingniu, make him unable to move, and let the Monkey King beat him.

In fact, cinnabar has no effect on the essence of green cattle. This piece of cinnabar is more likely to be a property dedicated to Qingniujing and a compromise to the owner of Qingniujing. After paying the toll, Taishang Laojun came forward to recover Qingniujing.

05. When the Monkey King was true and false, he lied that there were four monkeys in the mixed world: Tathagata:? The first one is Ling Ming boulder, who knows the changes, weather, location and stars. The second is the red horse monkey, who knows yin and yang, knows people, is good at going in and out, and avoids death and prolongs life. The third is the armless ape, taking the sun and the moon, shrinking the mountain of money, distinguishing the blame, and being silent. The fourth is Liu Er's macaque, who is good at listening and understanding. According to Tathagata, the Monkey King is Ling Ming boulder. Unfortunately, his change was not a gift, but what Bodhi taught him. As for the right time, the right place and the right people, changing stars has nothing to do with the Monkey King. There are two monkeys in Huaguoshan, namely the red horse monkey and the arm ape. Both of them are adult monkeys, but they were beaten by Yang Jian's men, and there is no great skill at all. If Liu Er's macaque really knows everything before and after, why did he pretend to be the Monkey King? Isn't this suicide? Why does he bother himself?

In fact, it has long been said in the original work that Liu Er's macaque is the Monkey King's second heart. As early as when he was studying in the Monkey King, the Monkey King said? There is no Liu Er here, only one disciple? , here is the tip? Liu er? It doesn't exist. He is the Monkey King's second heart. He was possessed by a demon in the Monkey King. Therefore, the weapons, postures and skills of this Liu Er macaque are the same as those of the Monkey King himself, even the hoop on his head is the same. The reason why people can't tell the truth from the falsehood is that both the Monkey King are true, but one of them is the demon of the yogi.

06. It is a lie to say that the identity of the Three Demons of the Lion Camel Bell is a lie, and so is the surrender of Dapeng Essence: the Monkey King went through a lot of torture when he met the Three Demons of the Lion Camel Bell, and finally went to Lingshan with tears in his eyes to complain to the Buddha. The Monkey King said to Buddha. Tathagata! I heard that the demon had something to do with you. ? Tathagata Buddha denied:? This sly monkey! What kind of devil has something to do with me? ? The Monkey King asked? If I'm not related to you, how can I know you? ?

Then the Tathagata Buddha explained that I recognized the goblins with my discerning eyes. However, he turned to tell Arnold Ye Jia's kung fu, and changed his mind to say that Dapeng Jing San Guai had something to do with himself. It is estimated that the Monkey King was speechless and vomited thousands of times in his heart, but he had a tight hoop on his head and could only be teased simply. Tathagata, if you compare this theory, you are still the nephew of the demon. ?

After Ye Jia called the Bodhisattva, the Tathagata lied again. Seven days in the mountains, a thousand years on earth. I don't know how many lives were hurt in that carriage. Come with me. Take him away. ?

Just press? 7 days in the mountains, on the earth 1000? Come on, it's all outrageous lies, right? One day in the sky, one year on earth? The speed of time in this Lingshan can't be so much faster than that of the sky. It takes a total of 14 years for Tang Priest to master and apprentice. You wait in Lingshan, you don't have time for a cigarette, and the Tang Priest comes. How can you see sincerity?

Moreover, if the Tathagata really cared about the creatures in the world, he would have done something long ago. All the people in the lion camel country were eaten by his uncle, and the peacock ate more than forty miles in one breath and respected him as the Buddha's mother. These scenes are all bragging and excuses.

Finally, what did the Tathagata say when he persuaded Dapeng Jing to surrender? I am in charge of four continents, and countless beings look forward to it. I'll teach him to do good deeds by sacrificing your mouth first. ? In fact, the Tathagata Buddha only cares about Xi Niu and Hezhou, but he can't care about the rest. He invited the Tang Priest to learn Buddhist scriptures from the West, just to develop Buddhism to Nanzhan Buzhou. For example, this lie is just to coax Dapeng into Buddhism so that he can achieve great success in the future.

Summary: The Tathagata Buddha's lies may be far more than these, and the author has buried many hidden lines. Of course, these are novel plots, mainly satirizing some high-sounding hypocrites, which have nothing to do with reality. Please don't sit in the right position.