The funniest joke

One of the funniest jokes:

1, the fish seller shouted at the top of his lungs, "fish, fish." Not to be outdone, a jujube seller nearby immediately shouted, "Shit (jujube), shit (jujube)." "Fish." "Oh,no." "Fish." "Shit." The more fish sellers listen, the more wrong they are. He felt that the jujube seller was deliberately targeting him, so they quarreled.

The director of a township enterprise will visit Kobe, Japan. He doesn't even speak Mandarin, but only speaks dialects at ordinary times. So he sent his subordinates to find translators, and when he came back, he reported that "none of the Japanese translators could understand the factory director's dialect". The factory director said, "Easy. Let's invite another teacher from our town to translate our dialect into Mandarin first. " The subordinate said, "Not yet. Do you have to ask someone to take the Japanese when you arrive in Japan? Mandarin ""translated into Kobe dialect. "

A foreigner with a strong dialect got lost in this city. When he saw a gentle young lady coming, he greeted him and asked, "Rabbit (comrade), give me a kiss (sorry) ..." Before the words were finished, the young lady blushed with anger.

4. A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and said to the waitress, "How much is it to sleep for one night (a bowl of jiaozi)?" Hearing this, the waiter changed his face and screamed, "Rogue!" Hearing this, the southerner said, "It's only sixty cents, which is cheap. Come for one night (bowl). "

5. A brother and sister farmer used a scooter to pull wheat to the market to sell. A southerner came to their brother and sister and asked, "Brother, how much is your little sister?" Big brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead.

6. Niu Laobo is shouting loudly: "The moon cakes are sold, and ten are four dollars." Many people gathered around to buy this "cheap" moon cake, and only when they paid did they know that the moon cake for the elderly was four yuan for ten yuan.

7. The old people in the nursing home held a party on the night of Mid-Autumn Festival. The host, Mrs. Wang, said: "Ladies and gentlemen, the performance is really damn (start). Please be quiet. "

8. A northerner inquired where the "cable car" was in a park in Guangzhou. He searched according to the answer and found the "men's room".

9. On the first morning after a couple got married, the family got up and washed their faces. The bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law, "Mother-in-law, you should die first." After that, the bride said to the groom, "My mother-in-law is dead, will you die?" After a pause, he said, "My mother-in-law and you are dead, and finally I am dead." Hearing this, the mother-in-law was livid and couldn't say a word. The bride said, "Mother-in-law, why are you still alive?"

10, an old lady in Putian sells sugar cane on the roadside. A bus stopped and a foreigner came to the old lady's booth to buy sugar cane. Just after weighing the sugar cane, the car started without paying. The old lady urged, "Come on, give me the money and I'll marry you." Outsiders were so scared that they didn't even take sugar cane, so they quickly got on the bus.

1 1. A country girl came to the supermarket, and the waiter greeted her warmly: "What do you want, miss?" The girl said, "I want your life (noodles), pig grandson (bamboo shoots)."

12, Chunhua met a friend who was shopping with her son. She hurried forward to say hello and praised: "This little wolf boy (boy) is really cute."

13, a rural primary school was having a class, and the teacher came into the classroom: "Stand (sit in) the class." The students said in unison, "It's good to be old and dead!" The teacher said, "Students, it's good to die early!" "

14, two country girls came back from the city. It's getting late. When they saw a truck coming, they waved to it. The driver leaned out and a girl said, "Comrade, can we be your wife (car)?" The driver said angrily, "Who wants you to be my wife?" Another girl quickly said, "It doesn't matter, we are very close." The driver was so angry that he drove away and thought, "Who will go with you?"

15, the village chief said at the villagers' meeting: "Rabbits, shrimps and pickles are too expensive, not pickles, but pig's trotters." Translate his dialect into Mandarin: Comrades and villagers, let's have a meeting now. Don't talk, but pay attention.

Other classic jokes

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16. When my friends and I just moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.

17. The teacher asked Xiao Ming in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

18. Three rabbits shit.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

19. Cows are called sheep.

The sheep asked, who are you?

The cow said:? My cow?

The sheep asked, Shit, who are you?

Bull: Shit, I am a cow.

20. Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a dark shadow passed by and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.

After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

2 1. A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that all the other birds in it were killed by it.

Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage.

The host said, "Not this time."

But on closer inspection, the eagle died, and the parrot said naked, "This grandson is really amazing. If you don't take off your arm, you can't beat Yating. "

22. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. .....

23.？ Have you ever heard the big pig say yes and the little pig say no? Joke: Most people will answer no.

The most interesting joke number two:

1, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

2. Facts have proved that feelings can withstand wind and rain, but they cannot withstand dullness; Friendship can stand the dull, but it can't stand the wind and rain.

3, people have plenty of background, but I only have one back ~ ~.

4, but gold always shines, but when there is gold all over the ground, I don't know which one I am.

If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow, Kaka ~ ~ It's full!

6. I am not a fortune teller in the square. I can't say so much as you like.

7. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!

8. Love is like two people pulling a rubber band. The injured one is always unwilling to let go.

9. When I get rich, I will buy SK-III for my wife. SK-II is a bird!

10. The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

1 1. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to make you end it.

12, sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

13, even if you believe it, there is a lie hidden in the middle.

14, if you give your heart, you will get it, but you may also be completely hurt. Keep your distance, you can protect yourself, but you are doomed to be lonely forever.

15, true good friends are not topics that can't be discussed together, but together, even if they don't talk, they won't feel embarrassed.

16, the other half didn't get 100, only two people got 50 points!

17, indifference, sometimes not heartless, just a tool to escape being hurt!

18. If there is a distance of 1000 steps between us, as long as you finish 1 step, I will finish the remaining 999 steps in your direction.

19, the person who is willing to stay and argue with you at ordinary times is the one who really loves you!

20. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

2 1, the problem that can be solved with money is not a problem, the problem is that I am poor.

22. Spring comes, young trees sprout and the stock market turns green.

23. Only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

24. Don't complain about life all day. Life will never know who you are, let alone listen to your complaints.

25. People who only know justice are bound to be broken; Only a soft-hearted person will eventually be a coward.

26. Ask a colleague: Did you buy PetroChina? Colleague said:? Bah! You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec! ?

27. Faith is not spoken, but made. Glory lies in dullness, and difficulty lies in eternity.

What matters in life is not where you stand, but the direction you face.

29. People who travel all over the brothel are not old. Please use Huiren Shenbao.

30. personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

3 1, give me some sunshine and I will rot.

You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

33. Shake, shake and shake to Naihe Bridge.

34. Come back, I can't fool alone!

35, don't and the earth people general knowledge ~ ~ ~

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

I don't love the people who love me, but the people I love don't love me, so I'm curious why so many people get married.

38. Love is like fast food. It doesn't matter what the taste is, as long as it can meet the physiological needs.

Love is like playing basketball. When you get it, you will not hesitate to throw it out.

Let's get married for a better divorce.

4 1, the word fate is a contradictory individual, fate, points?

42, the tiger is not arrogant to give you hello kitty's face.

43. I saw an aunt burning paper that day, muttering: Don't buy a fund if you receive it ~

44. If a pair of twins (male) and a pair of twins (female) get married, will they have the same children?

45. Are there people who are madly kissing in front of the canteen, study room and teaching building? Can't afford a house! ! !

46. The female classmate who just finished her internship in a Japanese company came back and said with emotion:? No matter how high-end meetings, no matter how high-end people attend, those people are polite to meet you on the stage, but there are always people touching your thighs under the stage! ?

47. My girlfriend and I are separated. Actually, our sex life is quite harmonious, right? I am impotent and she is frigid?

48. Nowadays, the more clothes a girl wears, the more she shows. The less clothes, the less exposed!

49. Girls in People's College of Literature have many inexplicable elements, and their thighs are still exposed; The girls in our institute of technology just wear coats and trousers, and they wrap themselves in two!

50, coax a woman like hanging Q, at least two hours a day, after reaching a certain number of days, can the sun shine?

5 1, if you give a girl a safe environment, she can let you die of nosebleeds!

52. What's the name of my friend's wife? Capable He is so happy ~ and what do I like best? Yishanjin

53.PPMM is a cloud, only the warm right hand lasts forever?

54, you should feel more about women, don't think about your turtle head!

56. Because of you, there are sea monsters in Qingdao! ! !

57. I'm embarrassed to arrest you. How dare you steal?

58. You look infertile!

Are you Peisi Chen's partner, Zhu Shimao's sister, Pig Bajie?

60. I am very happy. I got together again 1.50 yuan, and finally I can surf the Internet again!

6 1, prices are in line with Europe, house prices are in line with the moon, and wages are in line with Africa?

62. Don't talk to me about ideals and quit!

63. Mom said: You'd better not miss two things, the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply. I want to take the last bus to meet someone who loves me.

64. I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

65. Love as if you have never been hurt; Sing as if no one is listening; Dance as if no one is watching; Work as if you were not paid; Live as if today is the end of the world.

66. In this life, are you here to borrow money or pay off debts?

67, men are used to rely on, so be reliable; Women are meant to love, so be cute.

68. Men like obedient women, but when men like a woman, they will listen to her unconsciously.

69. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. Sorry, I'm leaving.

70. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy,

7 1, people who use iphone have one thing in common: I'm sorry to say it's not easy to use.

72. If you have children like Sun Zhongmou, you will find Kim Il Sung, if you find your father.

73. Meng Jiangnv cried down the Great Wall, and the White Snake was covered in water.

74. You are so forgetful!

75. Sometimes the wind blows the skirt. One monk says the wind moves, and another monk says the skirt moves. I say: It's not the wind, it's the skirt, and the color warms the heart!

As a smoker, you must have three conditions: a cigarette, a lighter and shameless charm when smoking! ]

It was dark at night and I suddenly wanted to study, but it was already dawn when I found the candle?

78. The current master's degree is like a grain of rice on the soles of your feet. If you feel sick, you can't eat.

79. I put 10 thousand vows in the machine gun and then shoot you. You're lying in a pool of blood, covered in Cupid bullets!

I struggled to climb the ladder, only to find that I climbed the wrong wall?

8 1, the baby is dead, you come to milk!

82. The current tutor is not called a tutor or a boss, but a research contract worker!

83. Hold a banner against the wind ~ ~ Write two big characters: My hero! !

84. If you are bored, you can play with your nose for a while.

85. The direction against the wind is more suitable for flying. I'm not afraid of 10 thousand people blocking me, but I'm afraid of surrendering myself.

86. Good love makes you see the world through a man, while bad love makes you abandon the world for one person.

87. Are you bored at work? Flip a coin, surf the internet on the front, sleep on the back, work when you stand up, work hard when you stand up, and apply for overtime when you fail. If you throw two pieces, throw them every day!

88. Comrades: Don't speculate in stocks. It's too risky Tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Make sure you don't lose,

89. After all, I can't outrun that BMW, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is bad, it's that my car chain has fallen off and I feel classic ~ ~ ~ ~

A woman bought breakfast with counterfeit money, and the stall owner was annoyed: Sister, even if you give counterfeit money, at least it is printed, your bill is actually painted! To say the least, forget to draw. You can draw a set of ten or five, or you can draw a set of seven! Let's make it seven dollars for seven dollars. At the very least, we have to paint it in color. Actually, we use pencils. Forget it. Black and white is good, but you can't draw it on toilet paper! The feel is too bad. Even toilet paper, cut the edge with scissors. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Ok, I'll put up with burrs, but you can also tear a rectangle. This triangle is too unreasonable.

What about after 89? Who else has seen it? Hey hey? 90. It turns out that when you are lonely, you are your own hand, index finger and toe; It turns out that even breathing hurts when I miss you; It turns out that a person is a lifetime,

9 1, a sphere is also a figure!

92. The wife is a TV, the lover is a mobile phone, watching TV at home and taking a mobile phone when going out; Sell TV in bankruptcy and get rich with mobile phones; Watch TV occasionally and play mobile phone all day; Fixed TV, mobile phone; The channel is free and the mobile phone charges. Men want to watch TV on their mobile phones.

93. Other people's money and wealth are my property.

94. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

95. Shanglian: Jinsha River, Jialing River, Heilongjiang and Jiang Jiang can all vote! Downward: experimental building, teaching building, dormitory building, building can jump!

Horizontal approval: unprecedented

Part 1: Love your country, your family and your sister! Bottom line: fire and theft prevention, brother! Horizontal criticism: freedom of love

96. A wife is like clothes? Fashion has changed a lot, and clothes have become more and more expensive; Men have no good things, but it is the biggest buyer's market for women after all.

97. Older unmarried men and women seem to have missed their stops by bus. Sometimes it's because the seats on the bus are too comfortable to get off; Sometimes it's because I don't know which platform to get off at. What about men and women who never get married? They are bus drivers.

98. Lovers are animals, and loved ones are plants. If you refuse love, animals will leave, of course, because plants will not give birth to feet to escape. 99. With her own house, an unmarried woman seems to be a few years younger out of thin air and has the patience to choose her lover slowly. A man asked a woman for advice: rent a house first, get married and save money before buying a house. W: Then I might as well rent my husband first.

100, I am ugly, but I am gentle? Today's men and women have adapted Zhao Chuan's version together: I am not perfect, but I am true; I am not beautiful, but I am cool; I am not rich, but I am happy; I am not successful, but I am confident; I am not sentimental, but I know how to cherish. 10 1. Birthday is a stage, a test and an opportunity. When in love, men will make more use of this; After marriage, women will take advantage of this.

102, I took a lot of photos when I was a child and showed them to others in the living room; I didn't know that the photo was taken for myself until I was old. The thick lens of life is in front of us, and even writing memoirs is omitted.

103, when I was a child, eating 20 buns at a time was my ideal life, and I was very happy; After my monthly income exceeded 5000, I still feel unhappy. When there is nothing lacking in career, love, family and money, people often lack one thing? Hunger. The desire to keep the bottom line is happy.

104, an unmarried woman lamented: Why are mature men and good men all husbands, and unmarried men have no decency? She was reminded that a wife cultivates a good husband by self-production and self-sale, and no man can learn by himself.

105, men think it's flirting, women think it's affection.

106, many people say that you walk more bridges than you do, eat more salt than you do, and fart a lot today, so the sentence "My fart is weighty."

107, came to the dormitory after reporting to the school and couldn't wait to turn on the computer. As a result, before the school opened the network cable, I thought of solving the historical problem left over from last semester-dirty clothes and socks.

108, if they are driving slowly to that place, she and I are getting farther and farther away from it.

109, there is a one-dollar coin in the flower bed, but the sign next to the flower bed says? Step into the flower bed and pay a fine of three yuan! ? It's really embarrassing.

1 10. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

1 1 1. In order to select the radio programs that listeners like to listen to most this year, the National Radio and Television Bureau conducted a random telephone interview, which lasted for three months and surveyed 10000 families, among which? Please tell me what program you are listening to now. The answer is surprisingly consistent. About 80% of the answers are? Listen to your wife nagging? .

1 12, a man wants to divorce his wife after making money, but the man can't make money and his wife wants to divorce him. 1 13、? Do you still love me ? When a woman kisses a man for the first time, is touched by a man for the first time, sleeps with a man for the first time, and earns the first money for the first time, she will say hello several times. ? Do you still love me ? Men usually ask this sentence several times when they try to kiss each other for the first time, touch each other for the first time, have sex with each other for the first time, and have a low career.

1 14. Women save money to spend it on their husbands in the future, while men save money to spend it on other women in the future. 1 15, the stupidest time for a man is to wear a suit to work for the first time, and the stupidest time for a woman is to wear a suspender skirt for the first time.

1 16, the woman's unit sends 1,000 yuan, and she will tell the man to send 1,000 yuan and her friend to send 500 yuan; When a man sends a thousand dollars, he will tell a woman that he sent 500 dollars and a friend that he sent 1,500 dollars.

1 17, is there a brand in Chengdu? Northwest flavor? Ramen restaurant, students who have never drunk northwest wind can try it.

Wu Tenglan and Master Kong accompany me for the New Year?

1 19, it is said that there is a kind of food that can make people feel refreshed and sweaty! That's right! This is mala Tang!

120, the so-called mortgage is that ZF, developers and banks push the buyers to the ground and expose your skin layer by layer!

12 1, Carrefour pirates! ! !

122. the public security bureau received a report from the masses that there were two big bombs under the overpass. The police and bomb squad went to the scene and found a red bag under the bridge. Experts and police carefully opened the bag, which contained several layers of newspaper parcels. The police took it apart layer by layer and finally found that it was really two big bombs: four twos; A pair of kings! !

123, I tied a tree once in spring and tied many knots in autumn? Ginseng doll!

124, I often mix in the kitchen, can I not cut my hands?

125, eating a ladle is white, which means it is long white, hey! Grow white ~ eat rattan vegetables to grow handsome, hey! Handsome ~

126. Ten years in primary school and twelve years in middle school. I was named the most familiar face in the school. When the new teacher comes, he asks me the inside story of the school?

127, a penny for a penny, porridge is not hungry ~!

128, I am Jesus, his son, Coconut ~!

129, gold that does not want to be deformed is not good steel.

130, sweet-scented osmanthus fragrant summer night, month, like a silver plate; Trees, if dancers; The wind is like a skirt. I, standing in the water room. White teeth and clear waves, frosty snow, brush your teeth.

13 1, I am a mediocre person. I was expecting a pie to fall from the sky and fall into my mouth, but it happened that the discus fell and hit me in the face. Oh, my God! It hurts!

132, neither tall nor short, neither fat nor thin, no three no four, no face, no skin and no heart.

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