What do you think is the most difficult time for yourself?

From birth, it was like being cursed. My father was an alcoholic. My mother only knew how to swallow it. When my father was drunk, he smashed things at home. Then he scolded my mother, me and my brother. Before my brother and me, I couldn't think how many times my mother suffered. My mother was a very honest and kind person, and she was cheerful. Later, she was tortured by my father into a nervous disease, moody and loving. Take it out on me and my brother. But he won't hit me and my brother. My father will hit my brother on the head with a hose with thick arms. You don't have to ask my brother how it is. The hose broke directly. I was six years old and my brother was four years old. My own father. When my brother was six years old, my father got drunk and pretended to be in front of his friends. He picked up my brother's collar and almost strangled him .. She usually only gets beaten by my father. As long as I can remember, my family is a picture of my father throwing plates and bowls and my mother throwing tantrums and swearing. So I am numb. Every time I meet this kind of thing, I just watch it, and I don't feel it, and I don't stop or call anyone. I feel that all this distortion is normal. My father vomited into a garbage dump, dragged my mother's hair against the wall and hit my brother's head with a rope with thick fingers. At that time, I was boarding. When I came home, I saw my younger brother with a sausage mouth, my drunken mother with swollen eyes, and my father lying in bed like a pool of mud. At that time, my grades were particularly good, and I was among the top few in the school. Because of these cold and dirty things at home, I began to rebel, didn't study, didn't want to study, and didn't know why. Every time I thought about the situation at home, I think it's funny. I still don't forget that my dad was lying in bed sickly and made my brother and me change our fate. But he was obviously so timid and refused to face the reality. I sometimes miss him when I was very young. He rode my broken bicycle at home and I held his waist firmly. At that time, my dad was a hero. I don't know when my hero became a bear. Dad always tries every means to be lazy. He can always be a demon with all kinds of nonsense friends. When he farts, he will go home honestly. If he is honest for three days, he will stink again. My mother will be scolded and cried by her father for the money she earned. My mother was embarrassed by herself for me and my brother. In that year, my mother bought a bicycle with the money she sold, and the money she earned back from the place where my mother served. As a result, I came home to see my mother being scolded by my dad and wiping her tears. Sometimes I looked at my dad just like watching a joke, wondering where this kind of person came from. But I never made any comments or interference on my dad's various performances, and I also suffered silently. I was still beaten by my dad when I was 18 years old. My mother said that I was a particularly good and gentle girl when I was a child. She didn't know why my personality became more and more perverse when I grew up. I only now understand. Who is it, guarding a father who is so incompetent and always wants to engage in privileged dictatorship? No one can be normal. I just want to go against him. At that time, I had already quietly saved an account for him in my heart. I remember that once I scrimped and saved my living expenses, bought a pair of gloves for my father and socks for my mother. At that time, I went back to junior high school full of joy and showed it to my parents. I thought at least my parents would smile. I threw away the gift I prepared with my heart. Afterwards, I lost my temper. My mother saw my father's face and gave me a lecture. Oh, this fucking life bridge. At that time, I was in junior high school. One Mid-Autumn Festival, the school was half a day off, so I wanted to go home to spend the holiday with my mother. When I got home, my mother looked black and lost her temper at me. I didn't even see a moon cake at home. I was also scolded. Some of them are from home, and some of them are earned by working scholarships. Unlike other children, they are happy to go home, eat delicious food, dress well and have fun when they have a holiday, and they are held by their parents. I am afraid of holidays because I don't know what to do after a holiday. Home, where do I have a home? Can that thing be called home? Can something so cold call home? After graduating from college, I got my first job with a salary of 45 yuan in the first month. I paid the rent of 25 yuan, leaving 2 yuan, including meals and daily expenses for one month. For one month, Bedford boiled noodles in white water and steamed bread. I twisted my foot on a business trip and my swollen shoes couldn't be put on. When I was most upset, I called my dad and asked him to give me some money. I didn't say anything about my sprain because I didn't. I don't know what it's like to be loved and spoiled since I was a child. It's awkward. As a result, my dad scolded me, saying that you had the face to ask for money from your family when you got a job. I remember that I broke the cottage I bought for 2 yuan at that time. Since then, it's been ten years, and I haven't asked for a penny from my family. Because of my sad family reasons, my feelings have also failed. I dare not become a particularly humble person in my feelings. Never say anything if you can bear it. Everything is considerate of each other. As a result, you are not cherished. Kindness and feelings are ruined. After being hurt by feelings, I can't sleep at night because I can't understand many things. I often face the ceiling and my tears flow out on my own. I committed suicide, but I didn't die. I was stopped by my friends. That time, I told myself that as long as I didn't die, I would live again. I would go online. I didn't cry myself to death. There is a sentence in that article that still stings me. That sentence is that the role of the father determines my daughter's self-esteem. Hehe. I know that my sad result didn't come out of thin air. Everything has a cause and effect. Since then, I have changed. I have become cruel to myself, even more cruel to those who are cruel to me. I quit my job. I started my own business. I have no money, so I started from the lowest stall. I bought 2.5 yuan of noodles. I left 5 cents to warm my pocket and told myself that I was still rich. As a result, the noodles were returned to the boiling pot. I ate them, too. I was kicked out by the urban management, disliked by the bus driver, coldly watched by customers, stolen by thieves, spent fake money by swindlers, denied by friends, and maliciously run by my peers ... During that time, I caught up with what my dad finally did. God couldn't stand it. I will never forget all this. I squatted under the big tree and cried helplessly ... I will never forget that when I first set up a stall, I didn't give myself food without selling goods. I will never forget that I was thirsty for a dollar and a bottle of mineral water. I will never forget that I cried when I smiled at people in front of customers and went back to my place of residence ... I will never forget the darkest day in my life. I will never forget it. Always be a kind person. After suffering so many disasters, you can never give up on yourself, abandon your thoughts, and pursue the light you want with a pure heart. In the past few years, I have counted his many years in front of my dad. He couldn't lift his head. I poked his heart in front of love rat, and he couldn't lift his head. Along the way, I only experienced everything. These experiences are worthy of gratitude. Otherwise, you are just a hooligan played by fate. What we have to do all the time is not to fight against one person, but to fight against fate. As for one person, it is just a summary point on the whole road of life. At that time, it seemed that I was overwhelmed and dying. But as long as I gritted my teeth, I could get through it. If you live, you can sum up your gains and losses. You will know how to take the next road in the future. You will know how to treat the people you meet in your next life. You are a flower, which naturally attracts butterflies. You are dung beetles, and you naturally have a soft spot for donkey dung. If you are strong enough, you will have the skill and confidence to turn your destiny around. Whether you are a nobleman or not, you don't care how much money you have, and you don't go too low, as long as you rely on your own skills. Living what I want is awesome. Now, I raise flowers and plants every day, read books, and work hard to make money in my own career, make like-minded friends, and pay for what I like as long as I can afford it. It doesn't matter what rivers and lakes are.