Jokes to relieve panic English

1, Lao Wang went upstairs and broke his leg. After putting on the plaster, the doctor was told not to climb the stairs until the plaster was removed. A month later, the doctor removed the cast and said that he was recovering well. Lao Wang said, "Oh, great. Can I take the stairs now? " The doctor said, "OK, but you should be careful." "What a relief," sighed Lao Wang. "It's really troublesome to climb up and down the sewer outside every day these days!" 2, the teacher's amazing quotation: 1, saying that you have no perseverance, but you still have it, that is, insist on talking in class for a long time. I don't even have a draft. It's pathetic. If I can't afford it, I'll borrow money from the opposite bank. 3, still noisy, don't save your strength, and then go to the canteen to grab food. 4. Take out the papers handed out last time. Under normal circumstances, you shouldn't do this. I have great confidence in your laziness. You don't feel like a dormitory when you sleep in the classroom, do you? 6. Why are you all asleep? At least one person should stand guard! 7. Does the wholesaler have to go to the toilet together? Don't be so obvious 8. I want to sleep in class, sleep and eat, and eat and read. Alas, I'm worried about you! 9. The volume of your class during the day is much lower than that of your self-study last night, which is extremely abnormal. If this happens to wild animals, it means a big natural disaster is coming. 10, don't turn your pen, turn your head. 1 1. Some students in the back row always sit there thinking with melancholy expressions and doing nothing. On their faces, I saw Fan Zhongyan's elegant demeanor-worrying about the world first, admire! A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "4. On the bus, two brothers are chatting. A man asked, "Is Big S Asa in S.H.E?" The other man replied, "huh? ! Dude, you're a Martian. The big S is Selina in Twins, the one who has just been banned. Wang Xiaofei is still affectionate and upright. People have just been burned and engaged ... "5. An old man went to buy tomatoes and chose three. The stall owner weighed it and said, "One and a half kilos, three dollars and seven cents." Grandpa said, "just make a soup, you don't need so much." "After that, I took off the biggest tomato. The stall owner quickly glanced at the scale again. " Two pounds, three dollars. "Just when I couldn't see the past and wanted to remind my uncle to pay attention to the scale of the vendor, he calmly took out 70 cents, picked up the big tomato that had just been taken away and turned away.

6. Two children talk: A says: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes. 7. That's the smell. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " 8. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?