If you have social phobia, how should you change it?

I used to think that I was a silent and serious person who couldn't laugh. It was not until I went to college that I was surprised to find how low my smile was.

Why do I have such a deep misunderstanding about myself?

I remembered ...

During military training, every day after the training, everyone will immediately relax and talk and laugh when they hear the "turn right and March". Only I keep a straight face and follow the instructions mechanically.

The leader boy stared at me intently. I frowned and expressed my doubts with my eyes: What's the matter? What did I do wrong?

He still stared at me and said nothing.

I was covered in hair when he saw me. Don't look away. He came up to me and kept staring at me. I looked down, and he squatted down and looked up at me, and continued to stare.

It was not until I surrendered with a wry smile that he said, Yes, smile, why are you so serious? You have rested.

I know he saw my nervousness and anxiety.

From then on, I learned to laugh.

. . . . . .

Later, during my first internship, all my colleagues in the office unanimously suspected that my joke was negative.

Do you think I really learned to blend in with the crowd and be cheerful?

No, like every time before, I was afraid to say anything at first.

It was a male colleague who started my joke. Before he came, I was on thin ice in the company like an invisible man.

Since he plays all kinds of careless jokes every day, the funny attribute in my heart can no longer be sealed.

Every time I laugh loudly in the office, I am the last one to stop, even many times.

From then on, no matter how hard I tried, it was useless. The magical laughter that made me hold my breath became the most unique scenery in the office. The colleague standing opposite could not see it, but knew it was me.

So after being surprised by my completely different personality changes, everyone began to encourage me to be with him, saying that I liked him and that if I met someone who could make me laugh, I would marry.

. . . . . .

Actually, I know very well that I don't like him. I have no feelings for him. I just love to laugh.

He didn't change me. It's always been like this in his bones.

In a different environment, I will still be beaten back to my original shape and return to the invisible state.

After a long time, you may or may not relax in an increasingly familiar environment and relationship.

It depends on the friendliness and enthusiasm of my colleagues and leaders.

therefore ...

I am taciturn because I am not sociable, have no friends, don't know who to talk to, and often worry that saying the wrong thing will make people angry.

A serious face is because of nervousness, stiff body, out of control expression, and you can't squeeze a smile with all your strength.

Rigid and boring because of fear of irreparable consequences caused by careless mistakes, fear of maverick being excluded, and can only strictly abide by the rules and dare not slack off.

I smoothed all the edges and corners, thinking that I could blend into the crowd safely, but I unconsciously became more heterogeneous.

So, why on earth am I so eccentric and unsociable? Am I born withdrawn and inarticulate? Is it really normal to be so nervous?

At the worst time, going to school and going to work every day is like being tortured and very desperate. When I hear someone calling my name suddenly, I will be shocked and my heart will tremble.

For a long time (off and on, several times, including junior high school and high school and after graduating from college), my neck was too stiff to move at all. It creaks when you turn around, as if it will break at any time.

It takes a long time to recover slowly after going home.

When I am with others, I am very nervous every time, and it is difficult to walk and eat. All the movements become unnatural, the legs are particularly heavy, and every time I chew, I am very tired.

So I hate to associate with people very much. I thought I had always been a negative and world-weary person.

Later, I learned that this is called social fear.

I seem to be scared all the time.

Why am I always afraid? What am I afraid of?

Looking back, I finally found the clues of the past from the complicated and lengthy, scattered and vague memories.

Blood relatives are moody, grumpy, arrogant and indifferent, which makes fear and helplessness run through my whole growth process.

Close friends are alienated and betrayed again and again for unknown reasons, which makes me afraid to develop any form of feelings with others.

Students or passers-by suddenly turned their faces several times without warning, which also made me deeply puzzled and more and more afraid to speak.

Even until I went to college, people didn't stop bullying me.

He will stand by my bed at eleven o'clock in the morning and chew apples, which will keep me awake. I invited him to another room for dinner, but he refused.

He said that this is his home, and he can eat wherever he wants and whenever he wants.

I had no choice but to call my dad, and every time he ran away without waiting for me to speak.

So he doesn't know that he shouldn't? He obviously knows better than anyone.

Doesn't my dad know that he bullies me? He saw everything clearly.

When I grew up, I talked about related topics countless times after graduation. I complained bitterly about his selfishness and the trouble he caused me. My father pretended not to hear me and didn't answer me a word.

Every time my dad introduces him to a blind date, he says that he is good-natured and reasonable, and there must be a good girl willing to marry him, I can't help laughing.

And when I mentioned those old things, my dad always asked me with a blank face. He doesn't remember.

Or you can just say that he wasn't there when it happened and didn't see it. Listen to me. He still has his reasons. Let me not always find fault with others.